Where Anger Leads

I hear this quite a lot:

“There is so much anger in the sphere. This anger works against you and just makes you look like a bunch of angry bitter misogynists who hate women.”

I won’t deny there are many angry men in the sphere.

As i mentioned to Tarnished Sophia in my previous post here, a majority of the anger in the sphere comes from men who are freshly introduced into the sphere on what could arguably be the worst day of their life. The day their marriage ends, the day they get frivorced, the day they get cheated on by their soul mate, the day their kids are taken from them, the day they end up going to jail for a false rape, or not being able to keep up with outrageous sums of child support.

And they stay angry for a while, as everything they grew up believing about concepts of love, romance, chivalry, men and women comes crashing to the floor like a porcelain plate.  Much of the anger is justifiable, because it’s men who wake up to the fact they’ve been lied to their whole life and are now faced with the difficult task of having to accept a new reality and discard everything they thought they knew in order to digest and accept the new truths of the sphere.

It would be as if you worked hard for 35 years and investing wisely by handing over your money to Uncle Joe who everyone said was good with moeny, only to suddenly be told by Joe that it was all a lie, he wasn’t investing, he gambled it on coin slots.. all the money was gone, and you had to start again from square one learning about the realities of investing from real investors instead of listening to people who don’t know a thing about investing.

In Obsidian’s post about Ratchet women here, Off The Cuff left a very good remark that encapsulates what i have been blabbing about above:

There are two components of the sphere: getting men to first *understand* reality and get over their preconceived notions of how things should work, and then, processing the implications of it through discussion.

The former drives the latter.

I thought i knew how i was supposed to attract women. Be nice. Have a job. Be their friend and get to know everything about them before opening up your romantic intentions. You don’t want to come off as just being after sex now and add to the stereotype that all men are after is only sex. Yadda Yadda.

Once i swallowed the redpill and read every aspect of the sphere, no amount of me crying in my milk was going to change the reality of the game. Either i accepted how things actually work, or i would repeat failure. I wanted sex. I wanted a relationship. I wanted the comfort of a wonderful woman. That drove me to accept the redpill, dump all my blue pill mentality in the trash and get to the hard work of implementing the change required.

It didn’t happen overnight. There was a lot of anger along the way. A lot of anger to get out of my system. But eventually my keystrokes became less about leaving comments about all women being bitches and more about how my changes were netting positive gains in The Real World.

And this my friends, is why i get a little peeved every time i have to justify the latent anger the simmers just beneath the surface of the sphere. It’s because with the exception of a few keyboard warriors who continually enjoy leaving comments of blaming everything on women and living in their misery (because it’s easier to stay there rather than move forward and accept the new reality).. most men reach a point where they accept the new found reality and get to the hard task of slogging through their pain and anger, getting past those preconceived notions of how things should work, and start to internalize how things ACTUALLY work, and process how they themselves will work to take the best advantage possible within that framework.

From working within reality.

Thank You

(apologies in advance, a lot of rambling and repeating in this post. it’s a poor writing effort but i just wanted to put this out there anyways. i’m too tired to play copy editor tonight. cheers)

I hear it often now, or some variation of it.

I hear it now where i once did not.

I hear it coming from the mouths of women. All women.

It used to only come from Asian women (who seem to naturally retain their femininity and deference, at least towards white men), and the elderly (who grew up in a time of chivalry).. but now it comes from  all women.

Young, old, thin, thick, blonde, brunette, redhead, hot, fugly, liberal, conservative. Maybe even feminists?

Doesn’t matter. They’re all saying it to me when i hold it open.

The door.

Yes folks, i still end up holding doors for ladies. Always have, always will. Le sigh..

So i have to ask “What’s changed?”

Why am i now getting thank you’s left right and center for an action that hasn’t changed one iota. The action of holding a door open for a woman?

One of two things.

1. Either the women have changed in reflection to a society that seems to be further distancing itself from the pollution that is feminism and attempting to regain/retain chivalry because it is scared that feminism has driven men to the brink of abandoning all women
2. Or i have changed, and women are not reacting to the action itself, but in how the action is performed.. and by whom.

The first may be a plausible scenario, but would still not explain the 100% increase in pleasant responses i have received. Such a percentile change would mean that this sea change has already taken place. We all know that isn’t the case, and the statistical odds of me running into woman after woman like this would be astronomical.

So i must conclude that a majority of it is they are responding to ME as the variable that changed in the equation.

Now.. i’m not saying i’m James fucking Bond, i’m not. I would never classify myself as an ‘alpha’. More like a reformed beta, gone into greater Beta. But those moments when i nail confidence down and am truly feeling it.. you’d be hard pressed to distinguish.

And it kind of makes sense to me now, when i think of who i was back then.. and who i am now. My firm belief is women of all stripes, colors, creeds and ideologies will be receptive to ‘MEN’ who open doors for them if they are attracted enough to them ever so briefly to consider what a possible tryst might be like. Experience tells me that women certainly abhor the idea of being inseminated with unfit and unworthy semen, so they would hiss upon undesirable men who might seek to curry favor by being chivalrous in the hopes of romantic persuasion.

When i was undesirable.. most women would find ways to bend space and time in an effort to avoid acknowledging my gesture.

Today, especially when wearing my tank-tops during the summer, women couldn’t curtsy and say Thank You fast enough, their smiles betraying their thoughts. The second glance they’d shoot me farther away granted me the same feeling as a scientist when his theory pans out correctly.

Simply from the way and manner in which i confidently open a door.

And it is without reservation that all aspects of Game helped me get here. From my initial Dark Triad game which got me out of my nightmare, to learning about Game and attraction, along with Inner Game and fixing the core. Every facet of game helped.

I’ve tracked a lot of my incoming traffic, i like to see who’s talking about me and what i’m adding to the discussion. I have seen my name alot on a lot of forums and so forth. I do recall one person saying that they liked what i wrote but that i still used too much PUA crap in my writing. They don’t like the concept of ‘pretending to be someone you’re not‘ or ‘faking it till you make it‘. What they’re actually saying tho is that they are scared of working on changing themselves for the better and instead should simply be accepted as they are.

(Fat acceptance anyone?)

To each their own, i won’t dictate to any man how they wish to live. I only show my own example from where i started – to where i’ve ended up as an example for others to explore if they so choose. They think that people who peddle game are parasites taking advantage of the vulnerable.

Suffice it to say, you can see i offer no books, courses or any monetary sink holes for people to fall into. While i will agree that there is a group of people who sell the downtrodden unreasonable hopes of landing HB9’s with 3 simple questions that will make her want to fuck you, and the idea that you can turn a love shy, introverted, and socially awkward wallflower into a Mac Daddy over the course of a weekend seminar is selling snake oil at it’s finest.. it doesn’t invalidate the central tenets of Game philosophy, Evo Psych and attraction triggers evolved from our cavemen ancestors. Or as Private Man says – Biology Always Wins.

I think what rubs some of these guys the wrong way (and i will concur) is that alot of the salesmen are duplicitous charlatans who start off from a dubious premise. I’ll use Paul Janka as an example. This guy sells ‘The Attraction Formula’.. and for what it’s worth, i read it. I read it 3 weeks after breaking up with my exwife. I downloaded it from das Pirate Bay so i didn’t contribute to the pool of unfortunate men funding him. The book is almost a collection of core game rules that you could end up figuring out for yourself if you spent enough time bloghopping in the sphere. The reason i pick on Paul is because he starts his sales pitch with a doozy (and i’m paraphrasing because i can’t recall it) that sounds something like this:

Look at me, i’m not the most attractive, or good looking guy out there. I’m Joe Average. But with my system, you can get laid with many different women, one for every day of the week!

• Full head of hair – check
• 5 oclock shadow – check
• masculine jawline – check
• dark full eyebrows – check
• alpha features and facial tone – check
• perfect teeth – check
• looks great in a suit – check

Yes. Joe Average indeed.

 

I do not see him as having trouble with woman since he has his foot half way through the door and many women will be pleased to be approached by him. It’s his ball to fumble afterwords but he has ‘Game’ built into his face.

I’ll bet most of his students do not. There are some guys who will never be able to pull HB9’s no matter what. Like attracts like and +/- a point or two is the basic operating trend.

So yes, the detractors of game have a point i might concede in that some people who peddle game are really selling false hopes in order to monetize on the misfortunes of the beta to omega class. I’ll grant that.

I’m not one of them. I’m not peddling anything other than a collection of my stories and my transformation (and the odd rant or two about rape/sluts/frivorces/mens rights/mgtow advice/yadayada) nothing more.

So it hurts when people say that learning game is bogus, or it sucks that you have to act or pretend, and they feel like they’d be tired sooner or later having to keep up the facade.

When you fulfill your transformation, there is no facade.. there is only you.

It is not the spoon that bends, only your mind.

I can surely assure them and assuage their feelings that i am neither pretending to be someone else or faking anything. I am not ‘play acting’. I am the very same person who i was 20 years ago, in mind and spirit. The only thing that changed is how i present myself to the world.

Through my physical appearance, to the better fitting and fashionable clothes, to the grooming (and accepted loss of hair gone cue ball, embracing instead of ashamin’), to fixing my teeth, and learning both what women find attractive (and being able to fit in without much fuss), and knowing what they find unattractive (and knowing when and by how much to taper off the bad beta), and in knowing when not to partake in any drama or fuss (mgtow, knowing my objective real value, treating myself as the prize, no pussy pedestal, easy dismissal of entitled brats/whores).

Game isn’t all smoke and mirrors, fakery, pimp hats and feather boa’s. Those who are internally confident and sure of themselves can use game as a supplement and make it a  part of who they are, and it doesn’t come off as awkward, unnatural or pathetic. And you don’t get internally confident just by repeating pickup lines like a parrot. You can’t fake it for long, if at all. Once you fix the core, it’s not faking.

There’s no fakery when you can carry on a conversation with a women and lace it with sexual tension and innuendo, and hold eye contact throughout, whereas before you wouldn’t be able to say anything sexually charged without blushing and averting her eyes like a sheepish shy omega.

Those who dismiss game, are simply dismissing learning and mastering the ability to have control over ones actions. You can look at game as a means to learn shortcuts to attraction, but without the inner confidence of actually knowing it, you end up looking like a punk who writes cheques his body can’t cash. I look at game more as a means to help you prevent your beta/gamma unattractive traits from coming to the surface and letting ‘the real you’ shine through.

As i go through life now, i don’t think.. i just do. I’m not acting, I am ME. Inner game allowed me to become the best me possible. Game itself taught me how to curb my unattractive traits so that i only present the very best me possible at all times.

When i’m walking down the street with my head held high, walking tall, cock leading me.. i’m not acting. It is what i have become. 5 years ago i was a slouching, foot dragging, shoulders/head in front of cock beta.

When i’m telling a joke, i smile, hold the gaze, laugh and keep my head face to face with my recipient. I do not stutter over my words, mess up punch lines, giggle throughout the joke, snort, or sheepishly look at the floor while in the company of others.

When i’m speaking with people, i’m cognoscente of how i speak, modulating the inflections of my voice, maintaining control, holding my frame and using gestures only when required. I speak like i walk, poised and with purpose. I am thinking about what i am going to say before i say it. What i don’t do is ramble, get stuck on ‘uhhh’s, let my voice enter tonal ranges of a prepubescent teenager, or flail my arms around like an airline ground traffic controller hopped up on speed and coke.

And yes, even something as simple as opening a door. I calculate in advance whether to pick up my pace to make it to the door in time, smoothly and effortlessly, or slow down if i feel i’m too far away. I open the door in one fluid motion and position myself in front of the door with ease, and attain eye contact, and smile. I do not run at a sprint towards the door, i do not make it obvious it was planned, i do not struggle with the door or flail like a flag in the wind. I don’t behave submissively at the door or look at the floor. I don’t park my ass behind the door.

And all this happens now without me consciously even thinking about it. There are moments where i falter or trip, but i recover so much quicker and easier as well.

These changes didn’t happen overnight, and it wasn’t parlor tricks or a wearing eye makeup and pretending to be a pirate.

These were life changes to make me better, while retaining the essence of who i was. I didn’t change, but what i presented to the world did!

Anyone who says that learning Game is basically acting or pretending to be someone you’re not simply hasn’t grasped how to effectively use it, and how to actualize their full potential.

I am still the exact same person i was 20 years ago. I am a geek. I love Transformers. I would play Dungeons and Dragons if i had the time and friends. I love technology. None of that has changed. But you would never imagine the night and day difference between me then and me now if you saw me next to my 20 year old beta shmuck self. And now that it has become a part of me and who i am, (and because i chose well in terms of who i partnered up with) it is not a chore, not a burden, not some terrible fate that i must continue to ‘pretend’ or ‘act’ or ‘behave’ in some manner that i will eventually get tired of or slip up and revert to beta. Having fully embraced being masculine.. it is not a chore, rather it is something i welcome and enjoy being. I stood in the frame and by golly… i kinda fucking like it here!

What has changed is how i present myself. I don’t make Transformers or video games the epicenter of my life like 20 years ago I’m not the bashful non-confident nerd of 15 years ago. I’m not the quiet meek voice of 10 years ago. I’m not the posture of a doormat i was 5 years ago. . everything about who i am now is having put into practice reclaiming my masculinity, and working hard to create real value in myself so my confidence in myself is also real and not just ‘acting’ or a parlor trick.

I simply upped my Game.

 

Let the Free Market Decide – No Subsidies

Toronto. We’re all melting here. I fucking hate heat waves.

The sun is out, it’s sweltering, you head into the convenience store and open the mini freezer to pick out an ice cream bar. Two items catch your eye. They both look identical.

Both sell for $3.99 (damn rippoff if you ask me).

So on the surface we see two delectable items that have the same investment cost, but we drill down a little deeper.

One is sold by Haagendaz, a company well renowned by connoisseurs of the sweet stuff. Known for their rich and creamy goods being of only the finest quality, even if fattening.. it’s the indulgence factor. Just ask Lindy West. We know what we’re getting here by the ingredients. Pure cream, sugar, caramel, chocolate coating and a sprinkle of nuts.

The other is sold by the Acme Biohazard Disposal Company. It comes in a plain plastic wrapper with a biohazard logo on it. It lists as it’s main ingredients seagull shit, diarrhea, aged semen and fever blister pus sprinkled with assorted abscess particles.

Seriously… at what point are you even going to entertain spending your money on a donkey diarrhea bar?

Adaption

Quick post and a test of creating a post from my Google Nexus 7 WordPress app.

Was working the bench press last night with my friend and probably tried to push out one too many reps. Form went south and was arching my back a little too much, cheating to get the last ones up. I knew I was going to pay for it.

This morning I was sore but didn’t think anything of it. I’ve been sore before. So i went of to play some hardcore Olympic level table tennis with the Zen master.. A man twice my age and impossibly full of energy reserves mere mortals don’t have. He’s a terminator.. I’m positive of this.

He’s mentoring a young kid into ping pong, and today he and his father were there to watch the two of us have an epic battle.

2nd game in, my back had other ideas. I felt it, that split second where you know if you finished the motion, you’d be on the ground and need to be carried home. I stopped just short. I wasn’t down for the count but I knew I was fucked. I couldn’t stand tall, I couldn’t run from left to right, I couldn’t put any pressure on my back.

2 games in. Fuck. This would be a huge letdown for the father and son. I looked at Zen master and meekly grimaced, stood up slowly and said I had pulled something, but wasn’t going to use it as an excuse, to hit me with all he had. The kid came to see a war, wasn’t about to give him less.

The first few matches were a joke as I tried to figure a way to counter his shots and go for kill shots of my own. Without my prior range or mobility he was tearing me apart. But with each game I was forced to examine patterns, rely more on spin and accuracy, and most importantly, just get the ball to his side of the table and force him to make an error.

While he kept beating me, they weren’t resounding victories. I kept pace. I stated returning shots to the corners forcing him to bounce from end to end, thus keeping me in the center. I stopped using crazy spins on the serve and lobed them to just barely clear the net, forcing him to lob the returns high into the air giving me the advantage to make him start running left to right or just to smash it back down with a killer backhand which does not require back strength.

By the end I still only ended up winning about 4 games of 20… And lost our best of nine series ender 5 to 3. But they were all close games, half going into overtime where you need to win by 2 points.

Adapt. It’s what we do when we encounter change. The world is always changing, always evolving, sometimes for good, sometimes for ill. It helps us overcome obstacles and be resilient. Ask a paraplegic or someone wearing a prosthetic limb. It’s what you do when faced with a choice of doing something you don’t want to do to proceed forward or do nothing and be left behind.

The kid wanted an Olympic war, and I couldn’t give it to him by doing what worked in the past, so I had to adapt quickly, learn, experiment, grow. And for it we gave him a great show that will encourage him to continue learning the game under Zen master and put a smile on both dad and sons face.

The alternative was doing nothing and driving home.

To anyone who tells you game is smoke and mirrors, what they’re telling you is to go home. Learn game. Adapt. The goalposts have moved and there’s nothing you can do to change that. Learn how to rid yourself of traits that get you disqualified from playing.

You have a choice. Adapt or quit.

Now if you excuse me.. I need to go hobble off to my bed like the hunchback of Notre Dame now and wait for the Advil 500’s to kick in. Nobody said adapting was painless. Nothing worthwhile ever is.

..
Sent from my tablet. You see a spelling mistake, its the tablets fault.

Is it Fair?

Don’t shoot me, i’m just the messenger…

So i had a back and forth comment session with my friend Audi (the audacious amateur blogger) and it something occurred to me.

I’m conflicted.

See, i’ll share a little secret. I like her (shhhhh)

At it’s core lies this problem. She’s worried about spherian mentality about “The Wall” and “The Number” and natural consequences of actions. Part of my latent beta wants to don the suit of plate mail, climb the white horse and protect her as my conditioning under the the rules of GirlWorld commands me to. And another part of me, that itchy burning area of my rectum where the RedPill currently resides is telling me fuck it.. actions have consequences, take it like a man. Derrrrp.

This is a case of going before the judge and pleading that you didn’t know that pissing into the town square water fountain was a crime because there were no warning signs posted.. to which the judge harrumphs “IGNORANCE OF THE LAW IS NO EXCUSE” and slams the gavel down and chucks a hefty leather-bound book at you.

She has/had the same problem i did some 18 years ago… it’s called Naivete.

na·ive

adjective \nä-ˈēv, nī-\

1: marked by unaffected simplicity :artless, ingenuous

2a: deficient in worldly wisdom or informed judgment; especially:credulous

b : not previously subjected to experimentation or a particular experimental situation <made the test with naive rats>;

Is it harsh to be judged and convicted for things done when you were simply following what you thought was the properly laid out doctrine to follow? Yes, yes it is. Especially if the rules you followed were crafted by a society that began an experiment to see if human behavior was indeed a social construct through conditioning and behavioral modification instead of something deeper and more innate… primal. And if it were the latter that was found to be the truth, could leeway be given to avoid the consequences of those actions done under sincere misguidance?

It’s something i wrestle with, because as a decent guy and human being, i wouldn’t want to see what i feel is an obvious good but naive kid who simply followed the path that was allowed for by this current society (a society i do wish to see at the bottom of Davey Jones locker btw) having to accept the consequences and punishment of our now evolved and well informed spherian understanding of a woman’s N and the cruelty of The Wall.

Yet one need only read this (which you probably already have) to realize that i myself, and untold countless millions of others have indeed already paid the loftiest price for being naive. The judges are still at it to this very day with the public trials of NiceGuys™ in the street, listening to the mobs yelling for the Jezebel executioner to throw the level and pull the floor out from under the condemned for their naive nature.

Is it fair that one side is made to suffer full consequences while the other gets a reprieve solely due to gender and timing?

Fat Acceptance. I didn’t get it.. so why should you?

Funny how it goes.

When i was fat and out of shape.. all the girls didn’t pay any attention to me, nor did they care. It wasn’t acceptable then. (Nor did it matter when i was skinny with no muscles, or when i was too beta.. but those are for another day)

Now that Game has flipped the script, and MGTOW won’t tolerate women who don’t bother to keep a healthy weight or appearance… we have the fad of ‘Fat Acceptance’ springing up like Krispy Kreme outlets in the early 2000’s.

Where was the love from my fellow womenfolk when i had a gut? Where was NAAFA?

I’m one of the last people to harp on others for the way they look. My motto is ‘do no harm’. People go through enough crap in their lives.. i don’t need to pile on to it. But i do preach to people to change what they can, fuck the rest. I don’t ask people to get cosmetic surgery to look beautiful. But controlling your weight isn’t rocket science. It’s simple discipline and self control, and a little movement here and there.

Yet.. you are asking me to ACCEPT a very backwards idea.

You are asking me to accept that you simply do not want to put in the effort to get healthy and shed weight. And by effort i don’t mean choosing a low-fat dressing to go on your KFC chicken salad or chewing on ‘flax seed’ bars or having a diet cola with your Big Mac.

You’re asking me to accept that you wish to remain in an unhealthy state that will cost everyone else down the road.

If you want to remain that way and then by all means eat another McDonald’s OREO pie, be my guest. I won’t make fun of you for being obese. I was there once, and ridiculed for it mercilessly (by women i might add) so my humility becomes me.

Yes folks.. that’s not a type-o. OREO baked pies.

But i won’t be attracted to you either. Most other folk wont too. And you can’t expect them to get over that. Attraction goes beyond ‘what’s on the inside’. Initial attraction is SKIN DEEP. Don’t tell me i’m shallow for not wanting to to be intimate with an overweight woman.

And while we’re at it, if you’re not willing to put in the effort required to get healthy then:
[updated list with links]

• do not be incensed if we ask that you pay more for insurance premiums. you will sack our health care reserves quicker than most
• do not be insulted if the airline makes you buy 2 tickets or adds a ‘fat’ surcharge because you are making the plane burn more fuel and removing one extra customer off that flight
• do not be flippant when you are turned down for a job where presentable appearance is required, or productivity is hampered by your inability to move quickly and efficiently
• do not get angry when people give you dirty looks for getting to park in a handicap spot for physically disabled people when you have the means and ability to overcome it. Spinal cord injuries not so much.
• etc.

To round out this post, i just want to link to a comment from over at HUS that the great Obsidian pointed to in regards to hard truths women have been denied because no one will discuss it to them. The lies of feminism telling both boys and girls to ‘be yourself, accept your body, love who you are and someone will love you too’ was immolated by this comment from a female who sees the lies for what they were. You can read the comment here.

Fat doesn’t have to be mocked, there’s no reason to make a persons life harder. But it doesn’t have to be accepted either. I don’t have to make fun of you, but don’t sit there and expect me be attracted to something i can’t get it up for. That’s not a design flaw in me.

Shit like this doesn’t help:

Why you should work out, Part Deux

So here i am sitting in a puddle of my own sweat drinking a cool down drink to recapture some of my fluids i’ve released all over the floor like a drunken slug.

I can’t stop dripping. It’s unsightly.. think of the senator from X-Men, the one who Magneto irradiates and his genes get messed up. Just before he dies he turns into a big body sack of water before he simply pops and drains away.

Just keep pushing play!

That’s me, right now.

The city is in a record heat wave. I picked the worst day in the world to do Plyometrics, or PlyoX as it’s affectionately known as.

“PLYO X…  I HATE IT, BUT I LOVE IT!”
-Tony Horton

Not too long ago i wrote about why you should start working out, at least from my own perspective and life’s experience, yours may differ. But something happened today that i thought i’d share which is another reason to start working out.

At work today, a coworker bought a 4 pack of some delicious looking ‘Drumstick‘ ice cream cones. Strawberry Cheesecake flavor with ‘Extra fudge‘ in the cone. Man it looked sweet, specially on a putrid 35 C degree day. Since i swore off sugar and excess fat this should have been easy.. but even i turned the box over to read it’s (and i use the term loosely) ‘nutritional‘ contents. Even my mind was starting to rationalize letting me eat one.

Per Drumstick
Calories: 210
Fat: 8 grams
Sugar: 23 grams

On the surface, this isn’t the worst possible snack. And considering the heat, and the overall super low volume of junk i consume, i could very well have justified it. Even all my colleagues were egging me on saying one wouldn’t kill me or stop my progress. And they’re right. One won’t.

But one can so easily and quickly devolve into two, then four, then a few, and so on. Every slippery slope starts with one, especially when there’s peer pressure involved.

I politely declined and that was the end of it. Then my one colleague who is also working hard to lose weight, who also turned down the drumstick looked at me and said:

Power means walking away, not crawling

Quick post here, just ran my last encounter with the failed FWB through my head and realized what i did and why i’m proud of myself.

.

I did what her previous guy did not.

I walked away on my terms, for my interests and made no compromise.

.

When she first showed signs that she was calling it quits and that their relationship was toast, he ramped up his neediness, he put the texting into overdrive, he would call or drop by often to ‘talk’, to try and convince her they should still be together.

If you have to ‘convince‘ someone to be with you.. no surrender, no retreat…

No one should have to be convinced to want to be with the awesomeness that you are. If you have it all and nothing to prove, and she’s seen it all and still can’t come to the logical conclusion that you’re perfect…

I liked her. I would have loved to continue pursuing a FWB situation with her. Still wanted to treat her to things, take her out alpha style, nurture her girly side beta style, and get her flowers for the hell of it once in a blue moon omega style. But i wasn’t going to beg her or try to convince her that it was in her best interest to do so. Hell, she still hadn’t done enough to qualify to me that she was worth it, but i put the bait out there if she wanted to aspire to become more than who she was and become part of something greater.

She made her choice.

Aspire to better than who you are

One more notch on the self improvement checklist, this morning i went into my orthodontist office and i got grilled!

An adventure 20 years in the making, i’m finally doing something that i have so many regrets over not having done a lifetime ago. Straightening out my big book of British Smiles.

In my earlier post on Why You Should Work Out, i lamented that my body image was a great factor in my lack of confidence and self respect. So too can i say about my smile.

Ever since i was 15 when i first noticed shifting, i have learned every which way to conceal the contortions in my mouth. I never smiled, only smirked from one side of my mouth. I’ve never had a bellowing to the sky tilting your head back laugh in public. I always followed peoples eyes to see if they noticed something out of place. I learned how to position my head when speaking to people to always give them the best angle possible to not see anything i didn’t want them to see.

I had the chance to get braces right from the beginning. My mother had the insurance to cover it and told me i should do it.

“But no girl will want to kiss me with braces on.”

The stupidity of that comment and the irony of it have haunted me to this day.

I spent the next 15 years having to endure the same thought in my head, except i wasn’t wearing braces. The comment morphed into no girl will want to kiss/be around/fuck/etc.. with me with wildly crooked teeth.

Yes, we men now face the oppression of objectification as well. This is what women want.

not this

Just for the record, that’s not me in the second pic.

Why you should start working out

So you never get any doubts in your head that you are being passed over because you look like a slob.

That’s why i did it. You might agree or disagree but in the end it did the trick.

I got tired of looking at other guys around me, all seemingly fit and muscled up. All things being equal, i was at a disadvantage in the body shape department.

I was 190lbs when i left my former life. A tight belt size 38 waist. I wasn’t morbidly obese, but i did roll over my belt. Even tho i usually dressed well enough to conceal it, i certainly didn’t feel so hot with my shirt off and if i didn’t like it, i knew women wouldn’t lust after it either. I smoked, i was weazy and out of breath, hurt my lower back often, and really lazy.

My body image was my mental handicap. Without changing it, nothing else was going to help.

Shameless plug, but so worth it!

I started on p90x shortly after my marriage kerplunkt. I was determined. I nailed my wedding ring to the wall and made a vow that anytime i felt like quitting, i would look at that fucking ring and draw strength to continue. I was determined to get to Jason Stackhouse levels of Vampire Diaries fame. I’d like to think i’m getting close (those damn abs are elusive). I’m 160lbs, size 32 waist (i almost cried when i got there) clothes fit nice, snug and tight to the body, shadows produce great muscle tone, bumps and divets, i have so much more energy and stamina and strength. And i know i fucking look good to myself. You may differ in opinion but fuck you, mine’s the only one that matters right now.