Dating Profile Hall of Shame
Profile Names and Links redacted as per my new policy. This is just for display purposes of actual profiles that existed.
A collection of profiles that have made me lose hope in the battle against female solipsism and entitled attitudes to getting their prince charming while offering nothing of feminine value in return.
Welcome to Online Dating 2.0 HELL!
“Dance like there’s nobody watching”
|About||Non-Smoker with Athletic body type||City||Newmarket Ontario|
|Details||26 year old Woman, 5′ 8″ (173 cm), Non-Religious||Ethnicity||Caucasian Scorpio with Brown hair|
|Intent||***** isn’t seeking a relationship or any kind of commitment.||Education||Masters degree|
I need to meet someone who will introduce me to new things,[your job] adore (or put up with) my wacky moods and keep me in line. [children need to be disciplined] Very important: I am not Interested in your offer to pay me, I make enough money for myself, nor am I going to bed you. Not my type.
|About||Non-Smoker with Average body type||City||Toronto Ontario|
|Details||31 year old Woman, 5′ 4″ (163 cm), Christian – other||Ethnicity||Caucasian Virgo with Mixed Color hair|
|Intent||***** is actively seeking a relationship.||Education||Masters degree|
How do you like me now?
|About||Non-Smoker with undisclosed body type||City||toronto Ontario|
|Details||37 year old Woman, 5′ 5″ (165 cm), Jewish||Ethnicity||Caucasian Gemini with Brown hair|
|Intent||***** is actively seeking a relationship.||Education||Bachelors degree|
I have my head on straight and know what I am looking for. [Took you this long eh] I want a capable man, one that knows how to do things and doesn’t need someone to teach him [i guess at your age that makes sense]. I want someone that is interesting, that won’t bore me. [try the Dos Equis man, tho you will have competition] I love to laugh, please be funny. [i love blowjobs, please enjoy them and swallow] Don’t be douchy and keep it classy. [ooops. too late. shoulda wrote this at the start of your profile]Not looking for intimate encounters or sex with couples, thanks… [sure ya are..]I really just want to meet someone great to spend time with. I didn’t know it would be so difficult. [everyone is dizzy after hitting a wall as hard as you have] I am not looking to rush into anything but if you are commitment-phobic please go to the next profile and don’t waste my time. [who would be commitment phobic towards a 37 year old woman who just decided to come off the carousel]
I like to try new things and sometimes I will surprise you. [are you talking about bedroom antics?]
But truthfully I really am done with the bar scene and just want someone to explore the world with. [37 and you just got done with the bar scene… whew. time to marry this one while the gettins good]Please don’t be shy but if I don’t respond it isn’t personal I just really know what I want. [go ahead loser, man up, take the time to write something meaningful, yet tingly enough, otherwise your time will not merit a response no matter how thoughtful, because im a fabulous 37 year old woman who deserves the best and will only reply to my Prince that i’ve yet to find]?”When you find true love, never let it go or let it be interrupted” [one can only imagine how many times you let it go or interrupt it for greener pastures and carousel riding.]
No. Maybe a walk and a glass of wine would be nice. [always with the wine to loosen up the inhibitions eh]
|About||Non-Smoker with Athletic body type||City||toronto Ontario|
|Details||31 year old Woman, 5′ 5″ (165 cm), Non-Religious||Ethnicity||Hispanic Gemini with Brown hair|
|Intent||***** is looking for a relationship.||Education||Some college|
I’m the perfect girl/woman/best friend. [people who think they’re perfect seldom are, and i dont want to be your best friend.. not until well after we’re fucking] Very passionate about the right people places and things. [who’s passionate about the wrong ones?]
Very romantic, spontaneous and affectionate. Enjoy classical music and fine dining. [spontaneous is code for irresponsible. probable slut. fine dining is code for entitled and debt spending to enjoy the moment. probably financial black hole]
Secretly a fan of old school RNB , Rock, oldies, and French jazz( yes, I like the variety:) [likes variety. confirmed slut lol]
You- Are a confident, loyal, brilliant, sexy man, who enjoys the finer things in life and know how to have a good time and treat his one and only leading lady. You come complete, solid, ready to enjoy and keep a loyal, funny, sexy loving women. [you are everything every woman wants, the James Bond, the David Beckham, you are royalty, you can afford to lavish your partner in a materialistic lifestyle.. and you will choose me over all others to be your leading lady even tho other women throw themselves at you daily. You lucky bastard, you get to commit all of yourself to only me because… wait for it… i .. have.. a… vagina! unlike those other harlots… umm]
I come from a old school mentality and adore a man who can speak his mindand heart, who knows what he wants out of life and gets it. A man who is stable,and fearless who believes he creates all the postive energy around him. A man who can work a room, charm all people but have his eyes only on me. [i come from the old school that says you are the perfect man desired by all, but you must still qualify to me and only have eyes for me, until i tire of you and take you for half of everything because i’m worth it! i am delusional and i love it!]