Quick story from my past. The year is 2001. I’m in two concurrent friendzones, the two that would define my adolescence. Let’s call the first one J and the second one S. Well, in 2001 S was in a relationship, but J had just suddenly become single.
Being the beta that i was, and stupidly trying to win her heart by showing love, caring, support, emotional availability, time, etc instead of commiting myself to working on myself and making her want to ‘earn’ my love and qualify to me.. well you can see how this song sort of became my anthem for the first half of the new decade. It helped delude me even further that it was MY job as a man to prove my love to her through actions. I embraced this song.
I introduced J to this song, and the album (as i had become familiar with Napster at the time) and began to download tons of songs for her because that’s what NiceGuys like me did. This song became associated with her and I. Everyone with half a functioning brain cell could see the pain and frustration of my situation oozing out of me.
Eventually, years later, on the eve of my engagement to S (whom i eventually broke the friend zone successfully with) J would admit she knew. Not enumerated, just her saying that she was sorry for what she did to me, thus acknowledging she knew she was pulling my heart strings six ways from Sunday.
Since i was getting engaged to my beloved, there was no anger upon hearing that admission. More closure than anything else.
Fast forward a few months and me and S are now purchasing dancing lessons for ‘the big day’ since i couldn’t dance to save my life. Our dance instructor was teaching us the four basic dance types and tempos to each. She said we would have to settle on 2 quickly and choose up to 4 songs to practice with until we finally knew which we would go with. So we had to start brainstorming.
First we thought about the group that unintentionally became a symbol of the trauma we were both enduring just before getting together. Three Days Grace and their album OneX and specifically the song Over and Over, symbolizing how often we spun in circles before we finally found each other as soul-mates (feel free to puke, remember, i was still total blue pill despite having Alpha’s up in other areas)
But none of those songs felt like something that should be played at a wedding celebration. So i figured why not use a song whose lyrics symbolize everything i’m feeling about her right now. I generously offer up the song “Hanging by a Moment” by Lifehouse thinking i just hit the jackpot. To be sure, i was caught a bit off guard by the reaction.
OH FUCKING HELL NO!
I iz perplexed…
But why honey?
That was J’s song. I remember you were playing that constantly around her. I remember how you always talked to me about her (imagine.. me asking another woman for advise.. and getting nowhere might i add). That was your song for her when you loved her. No way that song is going to be used for a celebration of ***OUR*** love!
We eventually settled on Nickleback.. and that may have been what actually doomed us, but i digress.
I want you to understand this very clearly. That song about true pure love… was no longer special enough to my wife because i had shared it with and connected it to my feelings for another woman.
Can anyone tell me the true relevance of this story and why i brought it up? Scroll way down for my answer..
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