Confessions of a Reformed InCel

November 17, 2012

[EDIT: with so much new traffic, i thought i’d give the Sphere some advertising. www.manosphere.com ]


[EDIT 2: For anyone new coming here from The Daily Dot, Reddit, Ask Men or anywhere else. Once you are finished reading this piece (due to the interest since the Elliot Rogers murders) and you get all your feathers ruffled about the ‘feelings’ section, please head over HERE for understanding the proper context lest you get your panties in a bunch. If you assume the language was written as intent rather than contextualizing what would be required to have women stripped of their natural biological advantage of being noticed solely for the fact they are female – then i can’t help you or you comprehension skills. peace the fuck out]


November 17, 2012. enough is enough. i warned y’all it might get depressing. here goes. don’t worry, it ends well. i think.


In honor of my 10,000th view.. i’m going to publish what i consider the hardest post i’ve ever written. But it needs to be written, for i may be an extreme, i know i’m not alone. This isn’t written for the PUA or the Alpha or the Pussy Slayer™. This is written for you, the one without hope..  to know there is hope and you can get better.

Thanks for the hits guys! Snapshot taken 07/09/12 at 2:33 pm after 3 weeks on the interwebz.

[actually no.. i’ve crossed 50k. that’s how long i’ve been holding onto this draft, terrified of letting it go. but i saw a comment today that finally let me pull the trigger.]

It is so Very hard to hit that PUBLISH button.

Writing this post is a source of *shame* for me. It’s been sitting in my drafts for about 2 weeks [edit: 5+ months actually]

But at this point in my life having endured what i have, it does not trouble me putting it out in the sphere. I am sure i am not alone in this and that this post will actually help someone out there. Some of you may relate. Women hopefully may finally understand where my anger and cynicism stems from.

So i’ve decided to unleash it. [about time?]

Firstly, before you continue, please go read THIS POST. [Edit Apr.30,2014: Due to the explosion of traffic from AskMen, I have noticed this post is no longer available, so i will instead invite you to go read THIS POST instead ] No offense to the author, my past wasn’t her fault.. but it struck the usual nerve with me. You need to read posts like this to let the feeling of inequality fill you up.

Welcome back..

When i read it or stories like it, these are the THINGS I FEEL (and yes, i know ‘feelings’ are the domain of a woman)

  • When i hear a woman tell me that she’s gone through a dry spell and not had sex in over X weeks/ months.. i feel like putting my fist through her face.
  • When i hear a woman tell me that she feels ugly or unloved or unwanted because her partner hasn’t touched her in over 6 months, i feel like laughing loudly 3 inches from her face.
  • When i hear a woman tell me that she just picked up a random guy for a night of fun because she was lonely, i feel like i’m glad i don’t own a gun.
  • When i hear a woman tell me that i shouldn’t feel bad about having gone without for so long, after all it’s only just sex, i feel like disfiguring her face with a scalpel.

Nature’s cruel joke and cosmic irony in one. I as a man, biologically driven365 days a year to ejaculate and produce sperm as often as possible, and having the drive and desire to want it every waning moment, who is villified for this natural urge and made to feel ashamed of my sexuality, control it and subdue it to conform to the feminine imperative… have to listen to women, who in their solipsism cannot fathom the ordeal of what i’m about to write about, women who biologically ovulate and desire sex rather infrequently compared to men, talk about, no celebrate their sexuality, their urges and desires.. and lament their short dry spells as if the world were coming to an end. They can never understand what a power differential there is in these urges.

Women can say they love sex just as much as men. I would call BS. Until there is a glut of male prostitutes, male escorts, male rub n tugs for female patrons, a demand for male sex workers and strippers i’ll say nay. Unless they’re all having alpha sex on the side perhaps? Or will touching themselves to 50 shades suffice? At least mommy porn is culturally acceptable. Women DO NOT need sex like men do.. otherwise the sphere would not exist.

Anyways.. back to my pitiful former life.

I have no pictures of myself from a time period stretching from high school to my late 20’s, save for some randoms others might have taken of me. I have no memories or recollections of my time in high school. I have no stories of parties, girlfriends or wild flings. It’s a time period i wiped from my mind, much like PTSD. The only way i can recall it is if i sit down and think really hard about it. I rarely do because i don’t like feeling like shit for the hell of it.

I was that beta/omega/zeta. I let myself get LJBF‘ed on multiple occasions being that ‘nice guy’ that male hating cunt Amanda Marcotte despises. I  played by the rules as handed down to me by the feminine authorities on what women would look for and appreciate in a man. I was asked to believe what they said, not what they did. ‘Just be yourself‘ (your nice beta supplicating self) was the golden code.

So here it is… my Incel Hell.

This is where you will stay for the next 12 years. Enjoy your stay.

<deep breath>

Living by the feminist code earned me 12 years of hell. Let that number sink in.













no, that went by too fast. try it this way.

365 + 365 + 365 + 365 +  365 + 365


365 + 365 + 365 + 365 + 365 + 365

4380 days give or take.

4380 days without being validated as a sexual being.

4380 days without physical human contact or touch.

4380 days of isolation and loneliness.

4380 days of silent suffering and silently screaming at mirrors.

4380 days of crippling ridicule and self confidence destruction by my peers.

4380 days during in what should have been the best years and height of my sexual primacy…

…give or take…


Funny pictures required to maintain levity and lessen the urge to kill.

From the Audacious Amateur Blogger in her post about a Sex Hiatus:

Sex is P and VG but it’s also human and human. Even if it’s just for a night, it lets you feel you’re not alone in the world, you shared a biological imperative with someone, you experienced their pleasure with your own.

She also captures the very essence of my whole diatribe in this little bit in her post about one years worth of life changes.

6. No one has held me, touched me, hugged me in such a long time. Humans need physical contact. I don’t feel human.

Human to Human.
I don’t feel human.

I can only imagine what a productive member of civilization i would be IF i was brought up with masculine values and was sexually sated. Instead i spent my life living out the following tale trying to figure out what my problem was and living as a manic bipolar depressive. Instead here i sit, a MGTOW, never finding enough reason or desire to become productive beyond my own means.

From the age of 18-29 i traveled a road that lead me to believe i wasn’t human, wasn’t worthy of love, wasn’t deserving of companionship and that i would probably be better off dead.

I lost my virginity at late 17 to a girl and our relationship lasted for just over 5 months. When it ended i fell into a deep depression. What i should have been told at that moment was to identify what was it about me that made me lack confidence, to fix it and to head back out into the world. To listen to the guys who were #winning

Instead i followed my feminist programming and female advice off a cliff into hell.

Feminism taught me a lot throughout the 80’s and 90’s. It taught me not to question women’s sexual choices. It taught me to treat them with deference and respect. It taught me not to accost them for sex aggressively, but to treat them as human beings. It taught me that i MUST control my shallow, greedy, dangerous impulses but allow a woman the right to indulge in hers. It taught me to be nice for the sake of being nice and not expecting sex in return. To give all my emotional and platonic ability and not dare ask for intimacy in return.

It taught me everything i needed to be creepy, unattractive and doormat ready.

And it was re-enforced by EVERY woman i talked to.

What i SHOULD have been told is “hit the gym, build some muscle, guys with muscles are hawt” – “get braces now, you’ll smile a lot and we love guys with big smiles” – “go see a dermatologist, we love sexy skin on a man” – “cut off your long hair, you don’t look like a rocker, you look like a hippy. crew cuts are sexy, you’d look good in one” – “learn a skill and become good in it. become confident in it. we love confidence”

What i got instead was a constant drumming of “you’re such a good guy, just wait, someone else is out there for you” – “you don’t have to change a thing, you’re a wonderful person, just keep being yourself” – “you don’t need muscles, only jerks care about having big muscles” – “there’s nothing wrong with you, you just need to be a bit more confident that’s all” – “confidence comes from the inside, not from the outside

Patent fucking lies all of them.

My issue was i always believed i was not handsome, rugged or built well enough to attract initial attention. I had poor self image. All the advice to the contrary, telling me I WAS OK AS I WAS allowed me to abdicate my responsibility to start working on that issue. It led me to believe people should like me for who i am, not what my exterior presents. My first cross to bear. Instead of working to fix my skin deep issues and develop a greater sense of self worth, i continued listening to that advice to find one who would appreciate me for my ‘nice‘ qualities instead. This further perpetuated the vicious circle of being constantly friendzoned or rejected outright by women. Being myself was supposed to work but badboys were winning the day. Instead of reading it properly and abandoning the beta to become the badass, i doubled down and started hating badboys and believed that women were just being misguided but they would eventually turn around and come to love the greater qualities of love, nurturing, compassion and empathy i had massive stockpiles and reserves of. I shoved all my chips to the center of the table all in, and became a HUGE white knight Mangina.

I got to have the pleasure of defending women from the barbs and negs of my player friends only to watch these same women i defended end up going home to sleep with them. My brain simply could not comprehend what the fuck was going on. What the fuck is wrong with these women? Oh Wait! I’m not allowed to question that.

One of the final straws was me being in stuck in an LJBF with a person whom i had mad loving feelings for. One day i confessed to her how i felt and told her the pain was just too great for me to bear and i needed a YES OR NO answer. She only wanted to be my friend. I said “you are going to lose that friendship… why not take the chance and give it a try?” She said no and ended that friendship rather than try a relationship with a ‘really wonderful and caring guy’. Her words.

2 weeks later she was fucking a player asshole narcissist dick in a NSA relationship. That dick was my former friend who knew how badly i wanted to be with her. He never missed an opportunity to rub it in my face how lovely her back looked. I guess she enjoyed doggy style.

She chose to fuck someone who cared not one bit for her and only used her for her vagina instead of someone who loved her. But it was OK because she was only looking for ‘fun’ and not a relationship.

My world shattered.

You can only go so long getting knocked down before you decide that it might be best to stay down. The litany of thoughts raging through my head were endless.

  • no one will ever love me
  • even the ones who ‘like’ you don’t want you
  • what chance do you have with those who don’t know you
  • no woman wants anything to do with me sexually
  • there must be something horribly wrong with me
  • i must be a hideous grotesque abomination
  • i will never feel the warmth of a woman’s skin
  • no woman will ever yearn or desire me
  • i would never look into a woman’s eyes as she drew me into her
  • i would never caress  a woman’s face
  • never again would i know what a passionate kiss felt like
  • never again would i be validated as a sexual human being
  • i don’t deserve love
  • i don’t deserve to go on, i don’t deserve to live
  • life will go on without me
  • no one will really miss me maybe
  • even if they do, no one cared enough when it mattered
  • how long would i need to run the car in the garage before i pass out
  • turn the key you coward
  • mom will find my body in the garage
  • she will understand, she knows you’ve been suffering
  • i might chicken out, i can’t do it this way
  • where can i get a gun
  • i can’t get one. but a pellet gun looks real..
  • maybe i can stage a bank heist, take hostages, wait for the cops and force them to do it
  • death by cop
  • i hope it doesn’t hurt too much when i die

This isn’t hyperbole. I lived those scenarios out in my mind numerous times. For all intents and purposes i was an evolutionary failure. With so much FAIL, my body began to realize it was not going to fulfill it’s primary biological function of reproduction and had begun to contemplate ways of me to expedite my removal from the gene pool. Death felt like my only answer.

Respect, Love Acceptance, Belonging. Not for me? OK. Russian roulette sounds fun at this point.

I don’t think many females on this planet can contemplate or wrap their head around the gravity of this.

  • I (and most men) cannot just walk into a bar, bat our eyelashes and get sexual validation on a moments notice for a quick ‘pick me up’
  • It’s not just about ‘sex’. (well, for me anyways)

It’s about the connection sex implies. Of being wanted, desired, to be loved both mentally and physically, to be validated, to share, to connect, feel alive, be human. Or maybe i just view sex differently than your average slut if they only view it as ‘just sex‘. Lately i’ve gotten the sense that a majority of men (read Beta/Delta/Omega) place more emotional ties to sex than women (and i’ve read a lot about how men are the more romantic sex).. which is so far removed from the script i grew up hearing that men are primal pigs and women want loving nurturing sex and commitment. But i always have to go back to Badger’s mind blowing comment he made here some time ago:

And women never seem to understand that sexual access is the highest, most direct assignment of value they can give a man – they think they are complimenting men when they tell them “you’re a great guy and you’ll make some woman really lucky someday! Those badboys I sleep with are just short-term flings, I’m not serious about them.”

F that noise. It also puts the lie to the conventional wisdom that sex is REALLY REALLY DEEP and IMPORTANT to women, and they won’t give it away except to a guy they think is a really good match.

Suffice it to say, somehow i held on. But i lost a huge part of my soul in the process and have been forever damaged by it. This isn’t something you ever recover from, you only bury it and keep piling more dirt over it, hoping to level out the massive bump, but it’s always there.


Misogyny. It doesn’t appear out of thin air.

Here’s the kicker.

Everytime… EVERY.MOTHER.FUCKING.TIME i could have taken corrective action, i was lied to. Each time my buddies told me that i had to become an asshole, (their way of saying don’t listen to what a woman wants, do what they go for) i was once again led astray by a woman.

By my mother
By my teachers
By magazine articles
By other girls i asked advice for
By Oprah
By my friendzone crush and object of my desire.
(and yes.. by my marriage counselor)


I can still remember getting mad enough after a while that i started acting like a dick. After all what i was previously doing wasn’t working.. try something new right? And what did the girl i crushed on tell me when she didn’t like my new attitude?


That line reverberated in my head everytime i knew my asshole friend was at her place fucking her like an animal.

Hence all the THINGS I FEEL at the start of this post. It’s visceral. I can’t control it. It’s a part of me now. I can only manage it. But to each and every one of those women who i used in the above THINGS I FEEL section, it is my firm belief that you simply have NO CLUE what loneliness is unless you’ve contemplated what gun metal tastes like as it rubs against your tongue pressing into the roof of your mouth.

If you truly believe that after 2 weeks, 3 months, a year of not having physical relations with the opposite sex is true suffering.. i ask you if you felt your life was in danger. If not.. you’re not suffering enough. If so.. TRY IT FOR 12 YEARS and get back to me.

I as a man, am programmed to want it almost every day, vilified for wanting it, and taught to be shameful of it, and to conform to a certain way of thinking to acquire it.

Women, who desire it mainly during ovulation, control the access of it and demand a resource extraction for it, FREELY cough it up wantonly when the mood strikes, not for ‘mating’ but for fun, to embrace it, explore it, enjoy it and with those more often than not, least worthy of it in terms of commitment or sticking around if pregnancy ensues.

This post makes me angry. It makes me feel a lot of things. Hurt. Shame. A sense of loss. Imprisoned in time. Time i’ll never get back.

It would have been better if i lost 12 years doing hard time in prison. At least i’d have an excuse. At least i’d have some badboy cred. Maybe even a tattoo?

In fact, you could call this my own personal rape. I’m sure women will be up in arms for me calling it that, but what is the criteria for it? I feel shame. I am unable to talk about it with others. I will invariably be blamed for the outcome i suffered because of the way *I* acted. Being beta was ‘wearing a miniskirt’. Acting like a NiceGuy was ‘being overly flirtatious’. Respecting women and pedestalizing them was going up to a guys room at 2am for a late night coffee.

I deserved it for being unattractive. You deserved it for being too attractive. We both got fucked and not in the way we wanted it.

You had no power and had violation inflicted upon you. I had no power or right to feel like a human being inflicted upon me.

You were penetrated against your will. Feminism and woman bent me over and fucked me up the ass while laughing at me.

We both wanted death.

Yet i was a source of ridicule, you are the poster child of Slutwalk.

And so it is.

But you can’t go back, you can only move forward and try and make the best of the time you got left. I do my best to leave it in the past as these feelings will not help me move forward in life, or allow me to be happy. But the bitterness of having been put on that path that scarred me forever by a bunch of lying misguided nonsensical feminine/feminist talking points about men being more in touch with their feelings and women preferring ‘nice‘ qualities over brutish, decisive, dominant behavior.. well i don’t think it will ever fade with time.

I paid a heavy price for believing it.


I was at a nightclub celebrating the 30th birthday of my now ex-wife. I was 29. I really hated clubs, the atmosphere, the pretension, the obnoxious ego inflated women, overpriced alcohol, etc.. so i cut out of the party early and grabbed a taxi. I was in such a foul mood for having been there and just feeling miserable. So i told the cabby to go to the strip club i was familiar with. Inside i watched a sweet thin Polish girl dancing so i went to perv row. Since i was so angry at the world inside i must have subdued my NiceGuy™ really well, because i went full Dark Triad on this girl, and i had no clue that that term existed at the time. Finally i took her to the back for a quick dance.  I told her she was beautiful and she blushed. I asked her if she had a boyfriend and she said yes. I don’t know why but then i asked her if she was pissed off at him. I had no real reason to ask, i just did. She quickly opened up and said yes and started explaining why, all the while im touching her in all the right places. So i tell her “why don’t we go back to your place and give him something to really be pissed about”.. i guess my hands were doing the trick because she reached down and felt up my dick and said “im going to tell the DJ im ending early, meet me in the lot in 15 minutes”.

I didn’t even pay for the dance.

That night i discovered something. That 12 years of watching good quality euro porn helps you understand where and how to touch a woman in just the right places. The one thing i was terrified of was how long i’d last, and amazingly enough, not only did i go all night and give her two big OHHH’s… i actually had to fake my orgasm. I could have kept going. I couldn’t explain it, and i didn’t care to. My confidence level shot up to over 9000.

Confidence doesn’t come from inside as i had been lied to over the years. It grows over time through external validations of success. If you repeat the success you become more confident. Fail enough times and the confidence suffers. Just be confident they said, fucking idiots. Nailing this stripper and nailing her like a boss did the trick!

Over the course of the next year i would bang 3 more strippers, [stripper game, i had no fucking idea but looky here – link] getting into a casual with two of them for a time. I even fucked one inside the club.. and let me tell you the bouncer was a scary guy so i was playing with fire but damn what a thrill! I’ll never forget how wide eyed that cute Puerto Rican girl got when i eviscerated her buttugly girlfriend right in front of her when she called me ‘gay or something’ when i refused to go for a dance with her entitled ass. Soon as the ugly was gone, Latina heat dragged me into the VIP. 1 condom. 0 dollars. 1 sweet fuck. Priceless.

The girls of HookingUpSmart raked me over the coals for having such low class as to actually have sex with strippers. [yeah, ladies who are beautiful who take off their clothes for men for money fucking me for free perish the thought] Such a low opinion of me they had, that they debated if i was even worth going out with on a date if they knew i’d been with those strippers. My 12 years of hell were not mitigating enough to allay the stigma. Those dirty low class strippers..

Strippers who treated me as more human than the women i actually loved. Even the crazy one who stabbed her mother.

The knowledge of me banging strippers actually played to my advantage [preselection?] and allowed me to once again hook up with my ex-girlfriend who later became my wife. She seemed to enjoy quizzing me every so often as to how she compared to those ‘Ladies of the Night’ as she called them, always seeking validation that she stacked up and cut the muster. And much sexual satisfaction was to be had for a nice long time. Of course that was until the wife became unhaaapy with my reversion to betatude and showed me the door. That’s when i finally delved into the realm of the internet and discovered about Game, dominance, attraction triggers, evo psych, mra’s, pua’s, the manosphere. All the pretty lies perished, like domino’s falling in unison.

With the knowledge i acquired, the discipline of weight training and building up a body i am proud of and not ashamed of, learning how to be social, burying the beta and believing in my worth i finally am at a point in life where I have changed my views and outlook. I am not ruled by pussy.. i conquer it on my terms or leave it to it’s own useless fate. I’ve adopted an MGTOW lifestyle, do things with myself in mind first and foremost following my own imperative, will only entertain relationships with women who qualify themselves to me by bringing more to the table than pretty looks and a vagina, else they just get a pump n dump. The ability to not blink when i destroyed my final toxic LJBFzone relationship with an emotional vampire who expected all the benefits of relationship without returning what i needed.

5 years ago i’d have be in my room crying over it or worse, apologizing to her for hurting her feelings. Today, i stand tall and say FUCK IT, my own needs and interests come first before anyone else and im ready to move on to find one who desires and deserves all the awesomeness i have to give. I don’t care how angry she got or how any feminist might say i just played nice to get in her pants. I’M THROUGH PLAYING NICE. I’m built, confident, nothing left to prove, cannot be persuaded by the power of pussy, and doing what i like for myself. I don’t fall on my sword for the needs of others. Look to thine own ass first is the creedo.

It was a long and painful fuckless road for me, one i wish i didn’t have to go down. But i don’t get a mulligan, there are no re-do’s, there is no respawn. Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and i’m still here. So i pause, reflect, introspect, identify, analyze and correct where i went wrong in the attempt to never repeat the mistakes, those fucking bluepill mistakes ever again. It’s called LEARNING and PERSONAL GROWTH. Evolution is a painful and messy affair.

But i’m feeling much better now, tho if you insist on bringing up your ‘dry spell’ story around me, just try and ignore the pained face i’m making as i envision you getting caught in a fire that melts your face off like the creepy black hatted dude in Raiders of the Lost Ark and so then you’ll know what a real dry spell is.

You haven’t a fucking clue what a dry spell is.

Some may say this was one long pitiful rant. Meh.. you could be right. But i feel it needed to be told, this tale of misery to triumph. As i see it, my part in this tale is over, my chapter is done. I’m too old to do anything about it now, you can’t go back. All i can do is keep my promise to not expend my valued time, energy or resources propping up a happy, had her fun with alpha’s and now settle with beta bux little old moi. Nope. I’m going lone wolf alpha and enjoying the rest of my life on my terms as i see fit. This isn’t about me anymore.

It’s about the next ‘me’ who’s in highschool or college right now, who’s sitting in his room alone at night wondering why some girl he really likes and treats well is off fucking some dude she just met at the bar. Who’s being ignored because of rampant hypergamy, inflated ego’s and facebook attention whores who vastly overrate their sex rank and will be lining up to get slaughtered by PUA’s and frat boys, only to go to complain to that poor, introverted, incel beta LJBF in training that all men are assholes and how if only she could find someone like him.

I want to break the endless cycle of suffering and teach these kids in high school to tell these evil leeches to go fuck themselves, break the LJBF, WORK OUT, build some mass, educate yourself, IGNORE the bitches and focus on yourself instead of chasing them and inflating their ego’s. You’ll be better off in the long run and well ahead of the game.

And you don’t have to worry about me. I keep at it p90x style, keep my body tight, i keep socializing, i keep looking for that diamond in the rough, i won’t reward entitled bitches with mind blowing orgasms but leave them to their pump and dump fates. I look 10,000 times better than i did before and can Dark Game tight young strippers again if i so choose. I have an open relationship married girl on the side (married ladies seem to love me, why?), i’m throwing innuendo at anything that’s got long legs and a vagina, i have the power to banish anything that flakes or cold shoulders me, i do not yield an inch to the power of pussy, and i’ve discovered a new form of Game that works for what i’m looking for in a woman. I call it Atheist game (soon to be post for my religious friends/readers). Let’s just say, the cute chaste and loyal good looking girl i’m looking for, is easier to spot when you play yourself as the devil and they don’t fail. This is what i want most. Reading the Rawness made me realize i will not heal my soul by going on a pump n dump spree nor make me a better person. No bandaids on fatal wounds.

Moving on Redpill style.



So now you know where my cynicism and rage comes from. Now you know why it’s not a healthy idea for me to ‘man up and marry a slut’. Now you know why i hate feminism and it’s evil ideology. Now you know why i view slutty behavior as i do. Now you know why i intrinsically never believe what women say at face value, i only follow what they do.

Now you know why feminists call me a woman hater and a misogynist. The funny thing is i practiced feminism to the letter, and by treating women as human beings and respecting them as prescribed. I loved women and cared for women. I did all those nice things not simply to get into their pants, but because i was a decent human being, a human male, and someone who *wanted* to get into  a loving relationship with a woman.

And by loving women the way feminism asked, i was nearly destroyed for it.

Misogyny. No child was ever born with it. And here’s an ethical question for you to ponder. Yeah.. no one is ‘entitled’ to pussy, but for all the guys who have trouble mating due to Hypergamy-Gone-Wild™ (or as i call; the new normal).. what should we do with them? Euthanize them?

I’m sure there was more i could write into this, but i have to let it go at this point. And your eyes are probably bleeding, as are mine. I hope this post isn’t going to haunt me. If it keeps one young guy from taking a swan dive off a tall bridge, my work here is done. I just hope i don’t wake up thinking in my best Londo Mollari voice – “Great Maker, what have i done!”


  1. Yes Ted, i have seen that PSA with Obama, Biden and Bond. It’s a horrible PSA that not only attacks male sexuality, it also neglects to be terse with women who get drunk with the intention of seeking out sex and putting themselves in those positions. JudgyBitch did a wonderful write up about having enough with the bullshit that is ‘rape culture’. It should be read by all.


  2. What I find truly disconcerting about this post is not your history, your rage, or your bitterness. Actually, I get that, and I understand that we men are conditioned to seek identity in sex and sexuality.
    But after all that struggle, your entire identity is still just about getting laid. You’ve gotten better at getting laid, and have a shiny new tough guy attitude, but it appears that your entire life is still structured around the power of the pussy. When you’re not working on making yourself more attractive to women, you’re working to discourage women you find unattractive, or teaching other men how to land a lass of their own.
    Reverse the gender on all of that and realize you are the male equivilent of the Cosmo demographic.
    I have an answer to your ethical dillema. Stop teaching young men (and women) that getting laid is the most important thing there is. It isn’t, and the obsession with sex as a proxy for accomplishment and self worth is pathological.

  3. Rags to bitches.

    People may disagree but after years of no kind of sexual contact in what should be your sexual prime it’s either adapt or die. You adapted sir and if your story can save even one poor mislead young man out there, the heat you will get for this post will be all worth it.

  4. @ Graeme

    I don’t entirely disagree with you sir. Sex isn’t the most important thing. But the lack of it during the height of your sexual awakening, coupled with the feminine free for all leaves a sort of Occupy Wallstreet sense of injustice. The 1% (or in this case 20% of men) enjoy the bounty of 80% of the women who feast aplenty on the trough of sluttery. It’s especially hard when they think they’re playing by the rules and find out the game was rigged. I’m teaching guys how to recognize and break the cycle, those beta’s and omega’s who read my story and go ‘holy fuck, thats EXACTLY what i’m going through’ and have them take action.. because if they don’t they’ll just continue to be lied to and unsuccessful. Getting pussy ain’t everything for sure. But being denied the chance at meaningful sexual relationships because of lies is a whole different matter.

    You’ve come to this post 2 years after i wrote it. It’s a snapshot in time. I won’t alter it or edit it. It’s up to everyone who read’s it to keep reading into my blog to see the transformative phases and catharsis take hold. Anger is a great catalyst and first step.I didn’t write this as an instruction manual to turn men into PUA’s. I wrote MY story of how I broke free, nothing more. It was only ever meant to wake up the most vulnerable men in our society, those who would be easily manipulated and utilized by women without a second thought, and save them from themselves.

  5. @ ReyTheGreatOne

    I indeed have taken some flack for this and that is precisely why this post and this blog endures. I don’t give a shit if 1% think i’m a hero and 99% think im a villain. This isn’t about percentages or a popularity contest for me. If it helps give some men hope that they too can change and avoid sexless lives.. it’s worth it.

  6. Man do I feel your story. Could almost be mine.
    “Sugar and spice and everything nice…” is a LIE from hell. Damn anybody who judges you harshly for telling OUR story.
    These days I speak only to those women I want to fuck. The rest of the bitches can continue onbtheir way out of my life.
    I’m glad you didn’t commit suicide. No whore is worth dying for.
    Thanks for courageously writing the story of many men (most of whom are in denial or stunningly confused).

  7. I think this is an important post to read after you’ve read mine.. to know there is a progression from Day 1 anger to the person you should eventually want to become.


  8. I’ve never read such a long and riddled with mistakes as text, and that is the reason why you do not fuck and I do. Sincerely, an alpha.

  9. First Rule of Alpha – if you have to announce to others that you are an Alpha.. Chances are you ain’t. Lol. But thanks for playing, do come again.

  10. Dear idiot “Alpha”,

    If women made sexual partner determinations based on grammar abilities, I wouldn’t still be banging my current FwB of 7+ years. Luckily, he’s much better at sex than he is at spelling, and has a great caring personality that makes up for his dismal punctuation skills. Also, picking apart someone’s heartfelt post to complain about their editing is lame, and does nothing to alter the power of the message.


  11. Wow…. that’s all I’ve got…. just… wow.

  12. damn good story man, well not good story, it actually fucking sucks that you went through such bs.
    i’m the same though to a lesser extent.
    i’m 23 and a virgin, about a year or two ago i found the red pill. funny thing is i’ve a few opportunities to have sex with a woman, though i guess the deep inner beta in me refuses to do it unless she’s a babe by my standards or i love her(lolololol). IT’S SO LAUGHABLY RETARDED, how i had a woman literally begging for my attention, when from day 1 i was absolutely indifferent to her, and it was SO FUCKING ANNOYING watching a girl i liked whine about her shitty bf, and me being a perfect hero getting friended. i have my own embarrasing as fuck story that flipped my switch on,nowhere near like yours but we all had one and can relate, and mine gave me that nasty knife to the chest feeling, that feeling didn’t go away for a while, i can feel the scar acting up just thinking about it. like holy fuck what is wrong with women? how can a human being so inhumanly stupid? well now it all makes sense but fuck, it’s just impossible to really wrap your mind around, for anyone with half a functioning brain cell, the sheer blindness of hypergamy.
    anyway mgtow is my poison of choice. teh pron works for me as i don’t know i’m missing so i don’t crave it as much as someone who does and has to go without, we’ll see if i go mad at a strip club like you did(for what it’s worth that’s a great story).
    i hear that guys with alpha traits in the old days were either killed, imprisoned or exiled. society understood that men like that were a plague on civilization, and women weren’t allowed human rights, given they didn’t know what was good for themselves or anyone else for that matter. what a world we live in today….
    the worst thing imo was that feminism turned men against each other, making us vilify and hate each other for shit we didn’t even do. men united are better than men divided, we made civilization through cooperation. i think the manosphere is a sign that we as men are coming together once more as brothers in arms in a hostile world where the only thing you can depend on is the man next to you, and that we’re learning that pussy is not something to earn, it is every man’s birthright, that a woman’s place in life is to service a man.
    stay strong brothers, and remember in your darkest hours, that you are not alone, we are in this together, for a better future.

  13. Dear Sir,
    This is an incredible and heart wrenching experience you survived and the help that some young men will get from this will no doubt take place. Twelve years, damn. The feelings section was very powerful. All of it IS powerful. I am a 37 year old mother of a little boy. I want him to be able to adapt and overcome our deeply flawed culture. I want to keep de programming myself of this odd feminist bullshit programming that I was initially shaped from as well. It has slowly been implemented into our culture over most of my life and I think having a son has helped me see the double standards placed on you fellas as soon as you drop from the womb. This words are going to help some young men. I’m glad the ending was indeed happy and hope you are still doing great. I just wanted to let you know that this writing pulled at my heart and definitely helped educate me. There’s no telling how many people you will have positively affected from this.
    Thank you.

  14. Feminism is not about withholding sex from nice men. It is the right to be treated equally so that women can vote, go to school, drive, work, and earn an independent life. A lot of women in the world are not allow to do this. It has nothing to do with hating men.

  15. […] celibacy,” a term primarily used by men who feel entitled to sex from women. (For example: “When I hear a woman tell me that I shouldn’t feel bad about having gone without for […]

  16. I’m over 30 and I’ve never had sex. I’ve never even had a girlfriend, though I think I could have. I have always been completely oblivious to advances, until much later when I look back. Is it not a dry spell if you’ve never had a drink? It doesn’t really bother me, but the idea that society thinks it should does.

  17. So first I am going to start off by saying I am a female. Also, I didn’t read the whole post either. I stopped after the stripper part. So first off, I say good for you for sleeping with strippers and getting over the dry spell. Honestly, in my experience with some strippers I’ve know they say they rarely date or take home a guy from the club. So honestly they had to have liked you in order to do that. I agree that what feminists told you on how to act was somewhat incorrect, but you can respect women without having to be a doormat.
    If you would have asked me I would have told you to be confident, and work out. I think more women respond to confidence over most of the other shit. Then a smaller portion of women weigh looks more heavily. Unfortunately I think most of those women constantly go to parties and bars so they are seen more often and give other women a bad rep.
    Confidence I will always say is the big thing. Women want to feel secure and safe and men that are confident seem to give that feeling.
    Being a doormat though never works. If you become a doormat at the beginning of the relationship you will be one at the end.
    After saying all that, I don’t agree with all your negative opinions of women, but of course as a woman I will say that. Keep in mind as well, I am a lesbian and that is probably why I wouldn’t have given you the “open every door for a woman” feminist speech on how to get women. I agree that shit doesn’t truly work for most women. There are a few that would still respect you if you did that, but they aren’t going to be your normal bar hopping women. When I’ve gone to the bar to meet women I tend to avoid the ones that say they go to the bar or party every weekend. If you just want to get laid, you can pick up that woman. For me though, (especially since I don’t have a sex drive like a man) I go for the ones that say I haven’t been out to the club in months, because I want a relationship.
    I am also going to comment on PUA’s. I actually read the book “The game,” by Neil Strauss. I think oddly their are a lot of good tips for picking up women in that book. I never really thought about any of the tactics until reading that book. The only tactic I don’t think can really work is peacocking. I think it is stupid. But a lot of the other tactics I can see how they would work easily. Now all the other sites that give seminars and stuff I think are probably crap and not all programs would work for all men. I think it is sick how these programs guarantee results and take people’s money.
    Well my rant is done….

  18. This is a joke, right?

  19. Whenever I feel myself slip, I return here to read my unauthorized biography. Thank you for that.

  20. This whole thing is so.. Sad lol, ugly people problems

  21. This story has some disturbing similarities to my own experiences. Of course there are some differences–I’ve never banged a stripper for one–and I also did have a girlfriend who loved me “as I am” for several years. However, that girl made advances to me, not the other way around; any girl I have ever approached romantically has cold shouldered me. The usual tactic is to come up with excuses for why they cannot go out to dinner or w/e else, they had a long day at work, something just came up, already had plans, etc. Follow-up attempts at contact go flatly ignored.
    Fortunately I don’t see women as only things to have sex with, I don’t try to date every woman I talk to, and I have had plenty of platonic female friends to talk to about these things. They have always told me the same things you cite here–they’re just not the right one, someone else will come along who likes you how you are, etc. I agree that these are just comfortable lies that people tell to avoid hurting anyone’s feelings. Since they don’t see every girl who has come along, whereas I have, I know otherwise. It’s not a fluke or some kind of bad luck that every single girl just so happens to not be the right one. I’m 5’4″ and quite skinny even for that height. I know what’s really going on.
    Sometimes it makes me angry, but as a rational being, I cannot fault them too hard. I have no doubt in my mind that if it were the other way around, and men had more access to women, they would behave the same way, “shopping around” and rejecting the more average-looking women, confident in the knowledge that they can get a dime piece eventually. It’s not a gender problem so much as a logical behavior given the set of circumstances which people find themselves in.

  22. This is sad. I don’t know a single woman who goes for jerks. My number one turn off is ‘an alpha’. When I was single I was pursued by men with those traits and I hated it. It’s demeaning, and insulting. I have tons of female friends who feel the same way. All except for 3 of us (one engaged, 2 cohabiting) now married to nice guys who respect us as humans. I think this is really depressing. My husband and I both avoided becoming involved with shallow and disrespectful people. Assuming that all women are the same is a grossly small minded assumption. The club culture is the wrong place to find a decent mate. And to villianize an entire sex based on the people who are found there is unfair. My husband is one of the kindest, most thoughtful and caring guys in the world, and I respect him for those qualities. We are each other’s one and only and it only makes our love life more important and exciting for us. I wish that you had found someone who could appreciate the nice guy appeal.

  23. This is sad. I don’t know a single woman who goes for jerks. My number one turn off is ‘an alpha’. When I was single I was pursued by men with those traits and I hated it. It’s demeaning, and insulting. I have tons of female friends who feel the same way. All except for 3 of us (one engaged, 2 cohabiting) now married to nice guys who respect us as humans. I think this is really depressing. My husband and I both avoided becoming involved with shallow and disrespectful people. Assuming that all women are the same is a grossly small minded assumption. The club culture is the wrong place to find a decent mate. And to villianize an entire sex based on the people who are found there is unfair. My husband is one of the kindest, most thoughtful and caring guys in the world, and I respect him for those qualities. We are each other’s one and only and it only makes our love life more important and exciting for us. I wish that you had found someone who could appreciate the nice guy appeal.

  24. I know. Unlike you, I was almost 40 before I had sex for the first time, and I have never had sex without having to pay for it. I am now 42, and have had sex five times in my life. Well, that’s a lie, I have been naked with a hooker, but very little sex.
    I told myself I would never pay for having sex, but after having waited for so long, I decided it was either that or die as a virgin. But I waited for too long. Because of hairloss, I took finasteride for some years, and it appears to have killed my libido. I was told that lack of libido could be a problem, but it would return as soon as I stopped using it. Lies. When I was in my 20s, just being next to a naked women would have made me ejaculate. Not it can’t feel anything at all. Oral sex or vaginal penetration doesn’t give me anything. Zero, nada. It’s all dead.
    And for those who says that “It sounds like it’s all about getting laid for you”. Fuck off, you have no idea what you are talking about. If you have no water to drink and no air to breath, it’s all about having something to drink or breath for you. The same with sex. If you have it, it’s just a nice moment now and then. If you are male and don’t have access to it, it’s pure torture. Having lost my libido and having nothing to look back on, is so bitter that I sometimes wants to kill everybody around me. I don’t support the actions of those who starts shooting around them in a McDonalds restaurant, but in many ways I can understand them. Their life is a hell, and probably has been for many years, and instead of being understood, helped and accepted, they get ignored, treated with contempt and told not to whine. They just feel everything is so unfair that they wish to share their pain with others so they know what it feels like.
    And females don’t know crap what it feels like, so their advices and comments are not welcome.

  25. Hi Sarah. Before marriage, was your husband wanted by other women, or were you the only woman in his radar? is he currently wanted by other women even though he’s married, or are you the only woman who finds him attractive?

  26. In response to your question, his appearance sh ouldn’t matter, but I’ve actually stopped hanging out with my friend for a while because she would spend so much time comparing my husband to her’s and flirting with him. He also gets tons of attention from the college girls at our gym, he says it’s embarrassing but I think it’s cute. But it really doesn’t matter because I am much more interested in the fact that he is a genuinely good guy and makes insensitive jerks look like children in comparison. Every woman I know prefers a good, nice, mature and sensitive man.

  27. Sarah, you’re hilarious.

    Your husband gets hit on by other women, but you think you’re into him because hes good nice and sensitive. Gimme a break.

  28. Sarah,
    In 1972, after Richard Nixon won a landslide victory, the well-heeled and affluent liberals of the NE were shocked. Paulene Kael, movie critic for The New Yorker, uttered a phrase that would become famous, “I know only one person who voted for Nixon.” So, when every woman “you know” prefers a sensitive man, you do not know every woman. Secondly, as in many issues, look at what people say versus what they do. If women actually behave they way they tell people they behave, there would not be such a ready market for women’s magazines like Cosmo or the enduring popularity of shows like The Bachelor/The Bachelorette.

  29. You should try seeing a therapist if you are feeling so angry towards other people. It’s brave to be honest about your feelings, and it’s admirable to want show solidarity to those who are feeling lost and sad like you. I just hope you get the professional help you need and deserve and post about that experience in the future. If there is an emptiness you are experiencing that is so profound to make you think about harming yourself or other people, sex (another person) can’t fill that void.
    Get help, share that experience.

  30. […] that would conform to the current social dating scene, so I googled it.  One of my favorites is here and is definitely worth a few minutes of your time.  What a supreme hassle it is to create a […]

  31. Many guys in this age group have gone through similar experiences. I have given this ALOT of thought, over recent years and gender dynamics is one of my interests. I believe women subconsciously provide this type of dating advice, partially because it ensures that only men who are masculine and observant enough to find the truth, are given an opportunity to pass on their genes. Men who believe women, without ever waking up to reality, die off without a single opportunity to reproduce.

    Its almost like eugenics, in an evolutionary survival sense. And from evolutionary perspective, as we all know, the only losers are those who do not get to reproduce. I have more sympathy for men in this position, than most, considering I have gone through similar experiences for a long stretch of my youth (mixed in with religious brainwashing making me feel like sex was a sin and an ugly act, which later triggered limp inducing anxieties and the like), but for our civilization as a whole, from purely scientific stance, this is almost a benefit of sorts.

    Before the medical advancements of the last couple centuries, weak died off before even given an opportunity to reach adulthood. Today, pretty much all survive, but the female herd ensures only the strongest get to pass on their genes. Paternity testing is going to be a hot field for a long while. Thanks for sharing your story and all the interesting comments, even from blind female posters, which only cement the truth, firmly in its place.

  32. Men do not “need” sex.

  33. I don’t understand how you can feel that women are so alien. Everyone is hurting in their own way, this is not a uniquely male experience. It is easier to cast blame than to look at yourself with a critical eye.

  34. I’m glad you shared your story. I just want to point out a few things.
    Men should never ask straight women for advice about dating/fucking other women. We don’t fucking know.
    The advice we give are the same ones we give to other women about dating men. So basically, for 12 years, you’ve actually been receiving tips on how to date a guy.
    “Be yourself””looks don’t matter””being nice and agreeable is what they like” etc doesn’t work for men which is most evident in strippers. Female strippers can get away with being fat, ugly, and stupid. Male strippers HAVE to be in shape, have (or at least seemingly have) a big dick, and confidence. How much of a douche bag they are really doesn’t seem to matter.
    I don’t see a point in being angry at feminists/women for trying to give you advice. It’s like a cat trying to teach a dog how to fetch. You were the one who made this choice to stick around for 12 yrs. Own up to it.
    Yeah it hurts, and (in a whinny voice)”but you don’t understand”. You are right, I don’t understand that pain. Because if I tried something and after a few times, it doesn’t work. I’ll try something different or look for people who actually accomplished what I want. Then ask them for advice. You’ll live a much happier life.

    Check out the Alpha male other Alpha males go to for advice, Toni Robbins. He coaches athletes, presidents and leaders from all over the world, and CEO’s from Fortune 500 companies.

  35. Men do not “need” sex.

    Men don’t need sex like you don’t need clean drinking water. You can survive on drinking your own piss you retarded twat. Enjoy!

    Now be like your namesake and fuckoff.

  36. I just wanted to say: Thank you for writing this.
    This is probably the most recognisable blogpost I have ever read. I was (or am) in almost the exact same situation you were and can identify with almost everything you write.
    For a long time I felt girls were not interested in me and at some point just gave up on the entire thing because it just made things a lot simpler for me. Never expressing myself sexually and at some point just not caring anymore. Then I realised this was the exact thing that made me extremely unhappy. I wanted to fuck girls but was too afraid to do anything about it, what everyone would think if I would suddenly change my attitude.
    Stop seeking validation from people, and completely not caring about what anybody thinks about me has been the most positive changes I have ever made in my life. Doing this has made a lot happier, gained me new friends, even improved my interactions with people at work.
    I’m getting a lot more attention from women, and seeking more attention from women. I’m still not close to where I want to be and I feel I not improve myself a lot more. But reading your post gives me strength to know I can do this and will eventually get to where I want to be.

  37. […] Confessions of a Reformed Incel […]

  38. You are so delusional.
    This niceguy/asshole thing is pure fantasy.
    Getting a girl is just about being hot and not acting like a weirdo.
    That’s why you didn’t get laid for 12 years. It wasn’t feminism/ you being beta/being blue pill. You were just unattractive because you didn’t work out, had bad skin and acted like a manic depressive.
    The girls gave you bad advice?
    What the fuck does a straight girl know about picking up other girls!
    There is no need to hate on women just because they didn’t feel your “pain” of not getting laid for 12 years.
    By that logic we are all pieces of shit because we are not feeling the pain of the prisoners in the North Korean gulags.

  39. […] a smaller group of guys who need more than a sweaty night with bodies conjoined at the genitals. A powerful read on the lack of human touch is M3’s post on being involuntarily celibate (incel) […]

  40. […] So while waiting for server deployments, private eye reports, summaries, bank account statements and so on and so forth and neverendingly on and on, I’ve been entertaining myself on and off all morning reading Confessions of a Reformed InCel.i […]

  41. Hi M3. Hope life is treating you well, it’s been a while since you last posted. Anyway, as you were one of the great guys who took the time to answer my MGTOW Survey, I figured you might be interested to see the first results:


    Keep cool, man.

  42. Thank you for writing this, I dont feel like a bitter, jaded shitbag anymore. You’ve reminded me that it IS okay to be human, and to be a MAN. Im coming up on 4 frustrating years alone, and now I feel like someone screamed the most important message of my life at me. I have every right to fight for what I desire, it’s time to change tactics now. I gotta look the part, and think the part before I feel the part and stay the part. I’m gonna remember this post for a long time, all I have left to say is thank you. I can see the look on the faces of these girls who have ignored me before, once I’m better and recovered, I will enjoy making sure these women only get to look at me, they’ll never have a single iota of satisfaction from me in any aspect, I have new people to meet.

  43. I ignore women, when I choose to. I am hot and they see that. I’m not boasting, I’m just describing. I wasn’t always. My story is yours – my prime of life was spent in unbroken misery. Now, I love breaking their hearts for a change, and ignoring the shit out of them when they look to me, smile at me, and try and talk to me. I see right through it. Sometimes I smile and nod, most times I’ll smirk, and just turn my back. Makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside when I give them a taste of my pain. Now, I’m ugly on the inside and don’t give a fuck. What a waste? maybe. But so was my youth. You asked for it ‘ladies’, well you got it.

  44. I didn’t read the whole thing, I got annoyed half way through by your entitled attitude. 50 percent of the worlds population reject you? Well, maybe it’s YOU, not them! Your looks, your character, your personality… From the way you write you don’t seem like a well-mannered intelligent fella. You’re looking for sex in a loving relationship? Maybe don’t only go for the hot bitches that hang around in clubs (that’s a no-brainer, actually). You’re only looking for casual sex? Realize that and if you don’t find it in the clubs, go ahead and pay for it, but don’t expect to get more than just sex there. Also, being so enraged by the fact that women also go for looks first, is childish. With all that bitching and whining you’re just embarassing yourself. The consideration matches the performance, you won’t get more than you bring to the table. Critically evaluate yourself and then go for a woman that is in your league. Being realistic about your prospects, not having too high expectations and not being a misogynist usually does the trick.

  45. I can totally relate to the story. Parents divorced when I was 7. Absentee father. Raised by my mother and older sister. Taught by my mom to be nice, respectful, and a gentleman when interacting with women (you know where that gets you). Basically how she would have liked to have been treated by men. Constantly fed the “Just be yourself” nonsense by women. With being a skinny guy who lacked self-confidence because of it AND who was a clueless nice guy, I wasn’t much of a ladies man. Heard the “You’re a really nice guy but let’s just be friends” speech way too many times when I was lucky enough to get a date.
    Gave up and quit trying during my 20s. Random date here and there but still a clueless beta nice guy. Basically a misogynist who hated women for being so stupid as to be attracted to the guys who treat them like crap all the while wanting to turn them into the kind of guys they never want in the first place. I was the shoulder to cry on, the guy who heard, “Why can’t I find a guy like you” too many times…never mind the same ones who said that would be out with another jerk-type ahole who treats her like crap.
    Stayed MGTOW. Enjoyed never having to go through the inevitable divorce and enjoyed lack of child support payments.
    Then one day in my early 30s I stumbled upon some information in the PUA/Attraction community. Was it a friend who sent the email to me or was it just one of those things? It was about why nice guys finish last and at to do the change it. I started implementing the ideas and had some success. But I was a dating and relationship newbie. Had no clue about the testing thing women do or how basically it’s Masculinity behavior that attracts ‘em and keeps ‘em.
    Fast forward. 35 y/o and had a short relationship with a drama queen/emotionally needy woman. Are all woman like this? If they are, I’m outta here. Way too complicated. My life is too easy without a woman. Not worth it. Back to my MGTOW ways. Was something missing? Sure, but I weighed that against all the BS and hassles they put me through.
    Fast forward 5 years. My older cousin turns me on to The Red Pill. A light goes off. I examine my past with women. It all makes sense now. I’m working on improving myself in all areas. Lifting heavy, improving my self confidence and building a great life. Does life get better? Yes. Will women change their ways? No. They’ll always be attracted to what they’re attracted to, will squander their beauty years, then dupe some clueless beta into marrying them when they frantically realize they are approaching the wall. Beta will change because he has no idea about her tests or the Red Pill. Inevitable divorce. Now it’s same woman even more bitchy, but lots less beautiful now. It’s no wonder women like her have trouble finding a man especially after more and more of us wake up to their true nature. Why do we prefer younger prettier women? If we are going to be put through their BS and tests, then we’re going to enjoy that beauty. It’s a fair trade off. Why would you put up with the same BS and test from a bitter post-wall woman?

  46. I was in a hurry when I posted this, but I re-read it and wanted to correct my bad grammar and clarify something that could be read the wrong way.
    “It was about why nice guys finish last and what to do to change it. I started implementing the ideas and had some success.”
    “Beta will change because he has no idea about her tests or the Red Pill.” Beta will change as in fail her tests and change who he is, kiss her ass because he’s afraid he might make her mad by not changing, and doesn’t understand that by testing she’s asking him to act manly, have a spine and lead. Since he knows nothing of the red pill and still has his incorrect idealized beliefs about women.
    Think of how much divorce we could eliminate if boys were taught early on the true nature of women and what the red pill means.

  47. How interesting that some of the commentators here believe sex and relationships won’t save a person from anger and suicidal thoughts. As social animals that need touch and validation, how are we expected to feel after years of both social and skin hunger? Once a guy’s been feminized to the point where he expects women to treat him as a doormat or as an assistant for getting them the guys they really want, how would he feel in front of anyone – even other men? Will he have a social life at all, or will he instead be angry, dismal, and most of all lonely?

    It’s good to run across a story of ostracism that ends well. When we can accept that feelings aren’t exclusively the domain of women, and that our years of lonely experience have insight-generating value, who knows, it might get better still.
    ~ Thanks Always Returns

  48. Hi, M3. As always I hope you are doing well in every way. How’s your health, man? Still good? Miss your posts, but with any luck you’re “gone” because you’re happy.

    Anyway, I wanted to drop this line to let you know the second part of my MGTOW survey dissection was up. As you were one of the initial 22 respondents, thought you should be aware. Thanks again for your input!


    Stay safe and sane, my MGTOW friend.

  49. […] Confessions of a Reformed Incel […]

  50. One of the best reads I’ve come across on the web. My case wasn’t nearly as severe as yours, but definitely shades and echoes of the same symphony.

    Women don’t understand it. The rage is only partially sourced from the fact they “passed” on us; it’s more from the blatant hypocrisy and lies they told us that dissuaded us from “leveling up.”

    As you said, if they had just told you, “Lift weights, eat better, dress correctly, find interesting and productive hobbies, and be cockier and more confident in yourself,” it would have been a different story. Instead, they said, “Never change. You’re perfect the way you are.” Just not perfect for them or any other red-blooded woman on the planet.

  51. Hi again, M3.
    Same as my last comment…just letting you know the last part of my MGTOW Survey results are up. ‘Course, I’m still accepting input from other MGTOWs and will do a December update featuring their answers, but you were one of the first. :)

    Funny, even though this last post is about MGTOW views on women/relationships, I didn’t detect anything that could be called blatantly misogynistic…Huh, who woulda thunk it? /sarcasm

    The closest thing is the comment left by Richard, and even that is less “hateful towards all women” and more “a guy who was severely harmed by women, and is still hurting because our society sucks at acknowledging the pain of male abuse survivors”.

    But hey, that’s why we blog about these things, eh?

  52. Here’s the link for easier accessibility:


  53. Eat a fucking gun you worthless piece of shit. Seriously. Sometimes when you feel worthless, it’s because you are. The world would be a much better place without the likes of you in it.

  54. Hahahah.

    Thanks Stuart. My life is swimming right now, i love my life and everything that’s happened since i swallowed the red pill. The transformative powers of red pill thinking makes you irrelevant and this world is MUCH better without the likes of you in it i’m afraid.

    Enjoy the sights on the journey of go fuck yourself. Ta!

  55. M3,

    Geez, what a frickin douche. I can’t believe you still get comments like this, man.

  56. Tarnished, there will always be people like Stuart, that much is certain. All i need to do is enjoy my life as i have been doing and that’s enough to set off his rage meter. Because i don’t think/act/submit under the ‘rules’ he plays by and enforces for the scared victim mentality club.. this is all he’s got in his tool chest. The mark of a slave.

  57. […] you who question if omegas and lower betas would do this, simply lack the understanding of just how brutal the sexual market place is for these […]

  58. To all the commenters who can’t relate to this post and/or suggested M3 shouldn’t have written it and/or claim that his experiences are “wrong” or “worthless”:

    Fuck you.

    You don’t know even the first thing about it.

    You don’t know what you’re talking about.

    Fuck you.

    that is all.

  59. @thedeti

    Hear, hear.

  60. My story is similar. Mine was 9 1/2 years. I get it all. It’s simply a wound that will never heal.

  61. Saved me from killing myself today. Thanks. Dated same woman almost two decades. Always had opportunity for sex, but she avoided me for stupid reasons, using BS excuses to never have a life with me but also never dump me, either. I dont know why I didnt leave after a 1-year period of not seeing her was followed by ANOTHER one, and a third. Three visits in four years back to back. I have a new woman now in a LDR, the “old” one is too stupid to realize she’s been replaced and we fight before I can even tell her. I’d stopped caring about her years ago, but I’d still felt guilt. The more in my relationship that she pulled this feminist shit on me, the worse things became despite the more I’d followed her rules. Apologize for something? Thats a pass to bitch and scream at me non-stop, even if I was apologizing just to end the last fight we were in. “I want someone to treat me right” “Well, start treating ME right” I said. “I would if you wouldnt be such a controlling asshole” CONTROLLING? If I was controlling, we’d have been married and sucking my dick every night, at least not avoiding me for a year at a time, fuck you! What a cunt. I’m happy and thrilled that I’d stopped being the bullshit nice guy and immediately met up with a gorgeous young thing that has her shit together and cant wait to be with me.
    Thanks, man.

  62. what a little bitch.. he goes on and on being soooo huurttt.. and then he says he had sex at “a late 17″ … dude, ive never had sex and iam 26. … big fucking deal, i know what it means to be a man.


  63. ” i know what it means to be a man. ”


  64. “i know what it means to be a man”

    I think you got that one wrong.

  65. Something to keep in mind. Things constantly change. I’ve been there man, really. Maybe not as extreme as your situation but I’ve felt those things too.

    Improving the self is essential in ones life but you can’t constantly look Fter only yourself first, that’s just the opposite extreme of where you were before. Extremes will never satisfy because they never last.

    Aim for the middle friend. Naturally you’ll find it after time once you’ve seen that neither extreme is satisfying. Caring about others is a truly rewarding experience and can I lay be experienced that way by someone who has self actualized.

    Good luck on your journey my friend!

  66. Wow, you just perfectly and I mean “perfectly” described so many of my emotions. I mean: the shit some women say, believing that being a nice guy is the way to go, women and men talking about their “dry spell”, hearing women talk about how they hate players and watching them sleep with those players. Nowaydays I got a girlfriend, but I don’t think the “emotional scars” will ever heal. I love my girlfriend, who I’ve been together with for more than 2 years, yet I still feel depressed and sexually unattractive. I hope that I’ll resist the urge to cheat just to better my self-image. Furthemore I Just wanna say: thanks. Thanks for making me feel understood. Because I don’t think I’ll ever be able to talk to someone about these emotions.

  67. J,
    If you’re here on this page reading this then you know how confusing women are. Logically, being with a nice guy SHOULD be satisfying to them, but it never works that way. They, being fixers by nature, find it a challenge to turn the guys they’re attracted to into the kind of guys they SHOULD want to be with but never want in the first place. And if they succeed in turning the guys they were attracted to into the kind of guys they never want to start out with? They lose all respect for the spineless, supplicating wimps that, if they aren’t already cheating, they soon will be. And the guys they will cheat with? Those will be badboy, jerk-type assholes who treat women like f*ck toys and c*m dumpsters. And maybe they won’t cheat, but they’ve already got an alpha badboy picked out and it’s only a matter of time before the clueless bastard will be dumped.
    Ever wonder why women overwhelmingly initiate divorce? See above scenario. Or, the women “settled down” after too long of a ride on the c*ck carousel all the while being used as a f*ck toy c*m dumpster, and married some clueless beta nice guy. How long after they said “I do” to the clueless nice guy betas that they are wishing they could be back to being treated like a f*ck toy c*m dumpster by some alpha bad boy?

    Women wonder where all the good guys are, but won’t dare ask a nice guy out. Nope, they need plausible deniability so they never officially asked a guy out. That way they can never officially be rejected. Nice reasoning, huh? Some of the good guys are clueless when it comes to subtle hints and could use an obvious sign of her interest that has no chance whatsoever to be misconstrued.

    Being a nice guy is equivalent to being a fat girl: the opposite sex wants nothing to do with them.

    But, the nice guys don’t lead, don’t take risks, and are afraid of being rejected. But are they mostly the good ones who would treat women the way they want their alpha bad boy jerks to treat them? Yep.

    I was the former clueless beta nice guy scratching my head after getting the “you’re a really nice guy but let’s just be friends” speech for the umpteeth time. But act like an idiot, make a fool of yourself, be a jerk and treat women like crap? You bet. They love it. Carrot on a stick: mostly treat them like crap and dole out just enough nice treatment to keep them coming back for more.

    I kind of figured out that the women who are attracted to the jerks who treat them like crap have low self esteem and unresolved daddy issues. Think about it: the first relationship any girl has with a man is the one she has with her dad. You’ve heard about how a woman will choose a man to marry who is mostly pretty similar to her father? She’s basically looking for a surrogate father figure to replace that fatherly love she knew as a little girl. Ever hear a woman say, “I just want someone to take care of me”? Take care of, as in the way a father takes care of his daughter?

    But congrats on the gf. You are doing something right. It is nice to have someone in your life. Is she a keeper? Does she test you quite a bit? My take on the testing they do ties back in to the disciplinarian aspect of the surrogate father figure. Think about how a bratty teenager acting out is really crying out for discipline. Ever hear a woman say, “I want someone to call me on my bullshit and put me in my place.” So don’t cave in, don’t give the tantrum-throwing child the toy when they act out. Be aware of the tests…they never end and they come out of the blue. You are always being evaluated. Pass one their tests and you get to start from scratch again. Their tests and their memories have yet to
    be introduced apparently.

    I’d like other’s thoughts on the surrogate father figure theory. To me it makes sense and explains a lot of their behavior. And yes ladies, it works the other way too: Guys are looking to replace that unconditional motherly love.

    Your scars will heal…it just takes time. You were lied to. We all were. You can’t change feminine nature when it comes to attraction and the kind of guys they want, and why they’ll tolerate being treated like crap by the exciting alpha jerk-type asshole bad boy. It’s ingrained in their DNA.

    And J, visit the Red Pill on Reddit if you haven’t already.

  68. Brian,

    The “surrogate father” theory is interesting, but it may only be a viable hypothesis in regards to women who’ve not yet fully matured mentally (regardless of their actual, physical age). Most adults should understand that the care given to a child is different than the care one would give to a spouse or partner. For example, you wouldn’t pick out your partner’s clothing for the day or fuss over them if they get a minor injury, since they are adults who can do that for themselves. If you did, it’d likely be seen as patronizing.

    However, given that Maslow’s hierarchy of needs do state that we require our Safety (stability, limits, protection) and our Belongingness (family, affection, love) tiers to be fulfilled before being capable of moving on fully to the next ones, your idea has some merit. The question would be then, if someone had poor self-esteem and cognitive awareness due to an unfulfilled lower tier, shouldn’t they then be able to progress after receiving it in a future relationship? Unless something else is holding them back, this hypothetical man or woman should continue to become more self-actualized, not remain dependent on the person who is acting as a tier surrogate.


  69. I was reading Follow Your Bliss by Joesph Campbell and he mentions the Jungian archetype symbolism burned into the human psyche. While the book was not about female behavior regarding dating, it did make me think about the father figure and approval seeking.

    The surrogate father figure represents the father archetype. To a young girl a father is a provider and a protector, an authoritarian, strong and masculine. While growing up the father takes care of the deeply-rooted fear of abandonment all females have. So let’s say growing up the girl didn’t have a good relationship with her father. She didn’t get his approval, the father wasn’t able to be there when she needed him, and now she still craves the fulfillment of his approval and desires to “fix” that relationship by seeking the approval of a guy she meets who has all the characteristics of the father figure archetype. My guess is the jerk-type asshole represents the challenge of the approval she seeks. If she can tame the jerk and turn him into the nice guy, she can thereby fix the broken daddy relationship.

    This motivation is the only thing that makes sense when I wonder why anyone would consciously seek out an abusive partner. Why would someone actually want to be with another person who uses the carrot-on-a-stick manipulation, whereby the carrot represents the nice treatment she is only allowed to grasp and taste a very miniscule portion every once in a while? Is this the disciplinarian aspect and thereby approval seeking of the father figure? Sure, the jerk is most likey exciting, but he’s also an asshole who treats her like crap, so why would she keep coming back for more and actually seek out another similar guy once that relationship has run its course? Why wouldn’t she override the vagina tingles she gets from the jerk by using logic and reason and actually go for a guy who has good qualities? Oh wait…women…and logic…and reason? I forgot about that. It’s primacy of emotions and feelings that override logic and reason.

    When women “wise up” later in life and settle for a nonjerk, are they truly happy? Does the nonjerk give her those vagina tingles? Does the nonjerk satisfy the requirements of the surrogate father figure? Most likely he does not, is supplicating and fails her tests.
    I believe her tests are again desiring to see a display of masculinity, and that again goes back to the surrogate father figure.
    Failure of her tests = loss of repsect …if the spineless nonjerk ever earned any of hers to begin with.

    So with the father figure theory in mind this would seem to make sense as to why the nice guys don’t do well with women. Nice guys too freely give up their time and are too eager to please. Is the father figure archetype eager to please the daughter? No. Does the daughter have to try to earn the father figure’s approval? Yes. Does she have to earn the nonjerk niceguy’s approval? Nope. So boredom sets in and there’s no challenge for her to earn the father figure’s approval.

    So, even if she has matured and has had different levels of her needs met, does this override the pull of the badboy jerk’s behavior that so many other women fall for? If she has had her needs met and has emotionally matured, what happens when she is presented with two identical twins with bodies of Greek gods differing only in personality? One attractive twin is the outgoing, self-condfident, assertive, life-of-the-party jerktype asshole who treats her like crap, and the other attractive twin is the nice guy, who is a respectful gentleman, attentive to her needs, opens doors for her and is always available to help? Which one do you think she feels that visceral, primal tug for? And why is that? What deep-seated needs of hers does the jerk’s behavior meet?

    I’m no psychologist, nor am I a sociologist, but I’ve been trying to figure out female behavior as it regards the dating game. This father figure theory makes the most sense to me. My last gf was a prime example of this. The father of her two boys was the jerktype asshole who physically abused her. And what type of relationship did she have with her father? They were always butting heads about something.

  70. I’ve tried to help a male friend get to the manosphere to get his relationship knowledge in check with reality… he just won’t do it. I can see a lot of what you said here (I’m so sorry you went through that) in what he describes is his life. How can I help someone who doesn’t want to really be helped – at least, not enough to make changes. I’m not the girl that is telling him what he wants to hear (that he’s enough as is, that he should be liked for who he is etc.), and yet he still won’t do anything.

  71. I understand most of this behavior is biologically hardwired, but surely the more intelligent and aware of our species can self reflect & not make the exact same stupid decisions? Personally I’m smart enough & good looking enough to study up & work some PUA game but that wouldn’t be the real me. I’d just be a fake actor with as much emptiness inside as if I weren’t interacting at all. I’m just hoping there is an intelligent aware girl out there who sees through the mind games & BS of our primal instincts. I would think a modern intelligent person that knows life is basically just a big pointless distraction…would just want to be with a nice attractive person & hang out, get fucked up, etc…drop out of the bullshit of society…but apparently not. yeah I’m getting closer & closer to killing myself. There’s just no point in any of it & it’s all so stupid & miserable except for music & art.

  72. Greg, dont do PUA, but do learn Game and do the self improvement part, and expose yourself to more people and social activities.

    The “real you” is not the real you unless youre fully realized and happy. Chances are you’re just holding to ideas and comfort zones that are not real and therefore do not work.

    “I’m just hoping there is an intelligent aware girl out there who sees through the mind games & BS of our primal instincts”

    Dont do that – first, what you’re saying doesnt mean what you pretend it means, and you’re not able, yourself, to see through the “BS and primal instincts” or you’d be banging an overweight 90 year old instead of dreaming of a quality woman.

    Learn what it means to be a quality man and be it. Girls will come after you, as well as better life opportunities. But get out of the hole first.

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