Aspire to better than who you are

One more notch on the self improvement checklist, this morning i went into my orthodontist office and i got grilled!

An adventure 20 years in the making, i’m finally doing something that i have so many regrets over not having done a lifetime ago. Straightening out my big book of British Smiles.

In my earlier post on Why You Should Work Out, i lamented that my body image was a great factor in my lack of confidence and self respect. So too can i say about my smile.

Ever since i was 15 when i first noticed shifting, i have learned every which way to conceal the contortions in my mouth. I never smiled, only smirked from one side of my mouth. I’ve never had a bellowing to the sky tilting your head back laugh in public. I always followed peoples eyes to see if they noticed something out of place. I learned how to position my head when speaking to people to always give them the best angle possible to not see anything i didn’t want them to see.

I had the chance to get braces right from the beginning. My mother had the insurance to cover it and told me i should do it.

“But no girl will want to kiss me with braces on.”

The stupidity of that comment and the irony of it have haunted me to this day.

I spent the next 15 years having to endure the same thought in my head, except i wasn’t wearing braces. The comment morphed into no girl will want to kiss/be around/fuck/etc.. with me with wildly crooked teeth.

Yes, we men now face the oppression of objectification as well. This is what women want.

not this

Just for the record, that’s not me in the second pic.

Part of inner game is coming to terms with you can’t go back. There are no redo’s so get it out of your head. Instead of wallowing about what you missed out on, couldn’t do or failed to do, use every bit of time you have available to make what changes you can for the better. Bitter feelings of the past won’t give you the strength to do it. You are entitled to hang onto those feelings to shape your decisions and mold you, but never use those feelings as an excuse to stay stagnant, stuck in place, in time. Because time will only do one thing, what it always has and always will do. Pass you by.

I could have stayed bitterly angry at the world after my marriage failed and holed up in the basement raving to anyone who would listen about how fucked up the world is, that i was the best husband possible, i did everything right, so i will just sit here and wait to die.

But i didn’t

I looked back and reflected on the part i played. I may have done everything right on paper, but my new found knowledge of game and redpill swallowing showed me the beta doormat i was. It’s hard to accept, but it’s even harder to act upon and change your ways for the better. I believe everyone has within them the capacity to change. They simply have to want it bad enough.

So i devoted myself to a lifestyle of learning and self improvement over my remaining years. To die at the top of my game. To be the best damn me possible for myself. I accepted that there are some limitations. I won’t do any major cosmetic surgery to my face, i won’t do plugs, weaves or wigs so i do the Jason Statham look until stem cells come along to take care of my dads awesome hair reduction genes (H/T Dad). But my motto is change what you can change, fuck the rest.

In that time since i made an oath to myself i’ve:

1. started and continued with my p90x workout. the results speak for themselves
2. have learned and trained with a master table tennis player whom i now regularily beat (in his defense he’s twice my age, if he were my age, he’d kick my ass. but he’s happy student has surpassed the teacher)
3. returned to my old hobby of photography and graphic design with the hopes of turning it into a business venture down the road
4. starting this blog to impart my meager contributions to the choir of voices i have studied from
5. quit smoking
6. socialize more and be a hermit less thanks to greater confidence
7. taken stock of and hanging out with only those people in my life who matter the most to me and removed those who made me feel down with their toxicity.
8. slapped on these braces 😀

And i still have the possibility of getting into video production and effects, tho that will require schooling for sure and right now funds are tight. But it’s always there waiting for me.

The important thing for you to take from all of this is that it is never too late to start. Do i wish i started sooner? Hell yeah. But i don’t have a DeLorean DMC–12 with a fusion reactor and some spare plutonium lying around necessary to generate the required 1.21 gigawatts. And i’m sure you don’t have one either. Or do you?

nice try tho

Everyone can find a reason to stop, sit down and die. Everyone can look in the mirror and accept the status quo and say I’m good enough. Everyone has the ability to rationalize why they don’t need to try.

The android known as DATA on the show Star Trek is the inspirational model for me. A robot who wishes to become more human who never stops learning, growing, experimenting and adapting in search of that goal. In the movie Star Trek – NEMESIS he and the Captain have an absolutely wonderful exchange i need to quote in regards to DATA’s twin android named B-4 (appropriate play on the name) who they have just put together on board the ship, and Picard’s clone Shinzon who is trying to destroy humanity. I won’t get into specific plot details, but basically Shinzon lived a life of hardship and wants revenge, and Picard questions himself if he would have ended up becoming like his clone given similar circumstances.

B-4 and Data
Before and After

PICARD: ‘For now we see but through a glass darkly’
DATA: Sir?
PICARD: He said he’s a mirror.
DATA: Of you, sir?
PICARD: Yes.
DATA: I do not agree. Although you share the same genetic structure, the events of your life have created a unique individual.
PICARD: If I had lived his life, is it possible I would have rejected my humanity?
DATA: The B-4 is physically identical to me, although his neural pathways are not as advanced. But even if they were, he would not be me.
PICARD: How can you be sure?
DATA: I aspire, sir, to be better than I am. B-4 does not. Nor does Shinzon.

You have it within yourself to aspire to be something greater than yourself. Don’t settle.

Settling is quitting.

 

++

hopefully in 2+ years time if i’m still around and not been smoked by a bus or something i’ll put up some before & after pics. until then, my lips stay sealed.