Posts Tagged ‘beta’

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A Regret I Can Never Atone For

April 11, 2014

Light

It is here in that moment that my Atheism is finally put to the test. Put on trial. I’m staring at the light, directly above the ambulance. Here and now, if there ever was a moment to have a spiritual revelation or reevaluation of religion, this was the time. I was ready to cast my nonbelief aside. I was desperate for it. I wanted to see a hint, a sign, a glimmer.. a glimpse – anything. I really wanted to be wrong in that moment. I was ready to grab onto anything, but i needed to see it. In this, my darkest hour.. i was looking for a miracle and proof that this wasn’t the end. I was looking for hope to atone.

A few hours earlier, April 10, 2008

I look up the staircase and see my bother sitting beside his computer and yell up to him “I’ll be back before 9.. we’ll get in a couple rounds of Hold’m when i get back. You know how much i love taking your funny money!”

Hrah hrah hrah, he snarked. My brother was great at Texas Holdem. I sucked. He knew it and i knew it. I was full of false bravado and not much else. He had been looking forward to this since i had been kept busy during the week working overtime for the struggling company i was working for. The 2008 economic collapse had not yet kicked in.. but i was already a victim of it’s red flags. And friends rarely dropped by to see him, tho i think it was at his request. He didn’t want people to see him as a cancer patient, he wanted people to see him when he was cured and all big bad and sexy.

With my pledge set, i took my fiance’s hand and we left for the dinner party she had booked us for.

As far as dinner parties go, this one wasn’t bad. I knew the hosts as friends, not simply acquaintances of my fiance. That being said, i’m not a fan of dinner parties at all. Call it a vestige of my introversion. I can suffer them with a smile, but i suffer nonetheless. I dull the pain with booze. Suffice it to say, i really didn’t want to be here tonight, i really wanted to be playing poker with my brother. But i had already promised my fiance that we would go do this, even tho it was brought up last minute. You know.. me being a nice guy and all, wanted to make sure i carried a good record of ‘Happy wife, happy life” into the marriage before it started.

We arrived at the destination. I finish parking my car in the school parking lot across the street from my friends place. Just before i get out of the car, my fiance brings up my brother. Specifically the very likely chance or possibility that he might end up either to sick to attend, or even die before the wedding. I simply look down at my feet and acknowledge that reality, tho it’s not something i wanted to dwell. He’d make it.

We enter the place, shoot the shit, chat it up while our host grabbed dinner. We ate. The women talked and me and my friend ended up looking over his computer. He always managed to get virus’s or issues on his laptop and me being the resident geek squad meant every dinner invite always carried the ulterior motive of tech support. A quick download of Malware Bytes later, he was on his way to recovery.

Evening was upon us and i gazed at my watch. “HOLY SHIT” i said in my head.. the time was 8:30. The highway wouldn’t be busy at this time but it was still a good 20 minutes from my mothers. My fiance was actively talking about something or other with my friends wife.

“10 minutes” i said in my head. I sat on the couch and looked at my watch again. “10 minutes and you’ll be off”.

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Garbage In, Garbage Out

November 17, 2013

Beautiful-Animal-Photography

There is a term in photography relating to the outcome of your final product dependent on the source material you begin with. It originally derived from computer science in relation to data, because computers are dumb and only do what you feed into it. So if you feed it shit, it will output shit.

From the Wiki:

Garbage in, garbage out (GIGO) in the field of computer science or information and communications technology refers to the fact that computers will unquestioningly process unintended, even nonsensical, input data (“garbage in”) and produce undesired, often nonsensical, output (“garbage out”).

The same thing applies to pictures. Photoshop has come a long way from it’s heyday. It can make the ordinary extraordinary. But the same rule applies, the better the quality of the photo going in, the less Photoshop you actually require to make it amazing. And you should never be using Photoshop as a means of constantly trying to save garbage photo’s. Not if your bread and butter is photography!

I saw this photo floating around on Facebook, and it seems that art imitates life is more than an apt way of framing this picture as a snapshot of our current society’s behavior wrt relationships.

media-20131114

With the exception of the reference to negatives, i would say this picture describes the digital age quite well.

The digital age, even in guilty. My Nikon can take thousands of pics, throw away shots. Part of the strategy is to switch to ‘drive’ mode and continuously take pics hoping one of the many turns into gold, but this is usually for action shots where the motion is frantic.

However i like to think the best shots are the ones you plan ahead for, and with the right education in lighting theory, composition and mastery of your equipment you will get the best source material. The greatest photographers will wait patiently for the perfect shot to present itself, waiting hours for just the right lighting from the greatest light source we have.. the sun, and it’s position in the sky.

Garbage in/garbage out is the motto. Start with the best in-camera picture you can take so you end up using the most minimal amount of post processing (Photoshop) as possible.

In this regard, you can consider Photoshop as an analogy for Game. Read the rest of this entry ?

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Thank You

October 25, 2013

Style: "Mad Men" January Jones (Betty Draper) and Don Draper (Jon Hamm)(apologies in advance, a lot of rambling and repeating in this post. it’s a poor writing effort but i just wanted to put this out there anyways. i’m too tired to play copy editor tonight. cheers)

I hear it often now, or some variation of it.

I hear it now where i once did not.

I hear it coming from the mouths of women. All women.

It used to only come from Asian women (who seem to naturally retain their femininity and deference, at least towards white men), and the elderly (who grew up in a time of chivalry).. but now it comes from  all women.

Young, old, thin, thick, blonde, brunette, redhead, hot, fugly, liberal, conservative. Maybe even feminists?

Doesn’t matter. They’re all saying it to me when i hold it open.

The door.

Yes folks, i still end up holding doors for ladies. Always have, always will. Le sigh..

So i have to ask “What’s changed?”

Why am i now getting thank you’s left right and center for an action that hasn’t changed one iota. The action of holding a door open for a woman?

One of two things.

  1. Either the women have changed in reflection to a society that seems to be further distancing itself from the pollution that is feminism and attempting to regain/retain chivalry because it is scared that feminism has driven men to the brink of abandoning all women
  2. Or i have changed, and women are not reacting to the action itself, but in how the action is performed.. and by whom.

The first may be a plausible scenario, but would still not explain the 100% increase in pleasant responses i have received. Such a percentile change would mean that this sea change has already taken place. We all know that isn’t the case, and the statistical odds of me running into woman after woman like this would be astronomical.

So i must conclude that a majority of it is they are responding to ME as the variable that changed in the equation.

Now.. i’m not saying i’m James fucking Bond, i’m not. I would never classify myself as an ‘alpha’. More like a reformed beta, gone into greater Beta. But those moments when i nail confidence down and am truly feeling it.. you’d be hard pressed to distinguish.

And it kind of makes sense to me now, when i think of who i was back then.. and who i am now. My firm belief is women of all stripes, colors, creeds and ideologies will be receptive to ‘MEN’ who open doors for them if they are attracted enough to them ever so briefly to consider what a possible tryst might be like. Experience tells me that women certainly abhor the idea of being inseminated with unfit and unworthy semen, so they would hiss upon undesirable men who might seek to curry favor by being chivalrous in the hopes of romantic persuasion.

When i was undesirable.. most women would find ways to bend space and time in an effort to avoid acknowledging my gesture.

Today, especially when wearing my tank-tops during the summer, women couldn’t curtsy and say Thank You fast enough, their smiles betraying their thoughts. The second glance they’d shoot me farther away granted me the same feeling as a scientist when his theory pans out correctly.

Simply from the way and manner in which i confidently open a door.

And it is without reservation that all aspects of Game helped me get here. From my initial Dark Triad game which got me out of my nightmare, to learning about Game and attraction, along with Inner Game and fixing the core. Every facet of game helped.

I’ve tracked a lot of my incoming traffic, i like to see who’s talking about me and what i’m adding to the discussion. I have seen my name alot on a lot of forums and so forth. I do recall one person saying that they liked what i wrote but that i still used too much PUA crap in my writing. They don’t like the concept of ‘pretending to be someone you’re not‘ or ‘faking it till you make it‘. What they’re actually saying tho is that they are scared of working on changing themselves for the better and instead should simply be accepted as they are.

(Fat acceptance anyone?)

To each their own, i won’t dictate to any man how they wish to live. I only show my own example from where i started – to where i’ve ended up as an example for others to explore if they so choose. They think that people who peddle game are parasites taking advantage of the vulnerable.

Suffice it to say, you can see i offer no books, courses or any monetary sink holes for people to fall into. While i will agree that there is a group of people who sell the downtrodden unreasonable hopes of landing HB9’s with 3 simple questions that will make her want to fuck you, and the idea that you can turn a love shy, introverted, and socially awkward wallflower into a Mac Daddy over the course of a weekend seminar is selling snake oil at it’s finest.. it doesn’t invalidate the central tenets of Game philosophy, Evo Psych and attraction triggers evolved from our cavemen ancestors. Or as Private Man says – Biology Always Wins.

I think what rubs some of these guys the wrong way (and i will concur) is that alot of the salesmen are duplicitous charlatans who start off from a dubious premise. I’ll use Paul Janka as an example. This guy sells ‘The Attraction Formula’.. and for what it’s worth, i read it. I read it 3 weeks after breaking up with my exwife. I downloaded it from das Pirate Bay so i didn’t contribute to the pool of unfortunate men funding him. The book is almost a collection of core game rules that you could end up figuring out for yourself if you spent enough time bloghopping in the sphere. The reason i pick on Paul is because he starts his sales pitch with a doozy (and i’m paraphrasing because i can’t recall it) that sounds something like this:

Look at me, i’m not the most attractive, or good looking guy out there. I’m Joe Average. But with my system, you can get laid with many different women, one for every day of the week!

  • Full head of hair – check
  • 5 oclock shadow – check
  • masculine jawline – check
  • dark full eyebrows – check
  • alpha features and facial tone – check
  • perfect teeth – check
  • looks great in a suit – check

Yes. Joe Average indeed.

 

I do not see him as having trouble with woman since he has his foot half way through the door and many women will be pleased to be approached by him. It’s his ball to fumble afterwords but he has ‘Game’ built into his face.

I’ll bet most of his students do not. There are some guys who will never be able to pull HB9’s no matter what. Like attracts like and +/- a point or two is the basic operating trend.

So yes, the detractors of game have a point i might concede in that some people who peddle game are really selling false hopes in order to monetize on the misfortunes of the beta to omega class. I’ll grant that.

I’m not one of them. I’m not peddling anything other than a collection of my stories and my transformation (and the odd rant or two about rape/sluts/frivorces/mens rights/mgtow advice/yadayada) nothing more.

So it hurts when people say that learning game is bogus, or it sucks that you have to act or pretend, and they feel like they’d be tired sooner or later having to keep up the facade.

When you fulfill your transformation, there is no facade.. there is only you.

It is not the spoon that bends, only your mind.

I can surely assure them and assuage their feelings that i am neither pretending to be someone else or faking anything. I am not ‘play acting’. I am the very same person who i was 20 years ago, in mind and spirit. The only thing that changed is how i present myself to the world.

Through my physical appearance, to the better fitting and fashionable clothes, to the grooming (and accepted loss of hair gone cue ball, embracing instead of ashamin’), to fixing my teeth, and learning both what women find attractive (and being able to fit in without much fuss), and knowing what they find unattractive (and knowing when and by how much to taper off the bad beta), and in knowing when not to partake in any drama or fuss (mgtow, knowing my objective real value, treating myself as the prize, no pussy pedestal, easy dismissal of entitled brats/whores).

Game isn’t all smoke and mirrors, fakery, pimp hats and feather boa’s. Those who are internally confident and sure of themselves can use game as a supplement and make it a  part of who they are, and it doesn’t come off as awkward, unnatural or pathetic. And you don’t get internally confident just by repeating pickup lines like a parrot. You can’t fake it for long, if at all. Once you fix the core, it’s not faking.

There’s no fakery when you can carry on a conversation with a women and lace it with sexual tension and innuendo, and hold eye contact throughout, whereas before you wouldn’t be able to say anything sexually charged without blushing and averting her eyes like a sheepish shy omega.

Those who dismiss game, are simply dismissing learning and mastering the ability to have control over ones actions. You can look at game as a means to learn shortcuts to attraction, but without the inner confidence of actually knowing it, you end up looking like a punk who writes cheques his body can’t cash. I look at game more as a means to help you prevent your beta/gamma unattractive traits from coming to the surface and letting ‘the real you’ shine through.

As i go through life now, i don’t think.. i just do. I’m not acting, I am ME. Inner game allowed me to become the best me possible. Game itself taught me how to curb my unattractive traits so that i only present the very best me possible at all times.

When i’m walking down the street with my head held high, walking tall, cock leading me.. i’m not acting. It is what i have become. 5 years ago i was a slouching, foot dragging, shoulders/head in front of cock beta.

When i’m telling a joke, i smile, hold the gaze, laugh and keep my head face to face with my recipient. I do not stutter over my words, mess up punch lines, giggle throughout the joke, snort, or sheepishly look at the floor while in the company of others.

When i’m speaking with people, i’m cognoscente of how i speak, modulating the inflections of my voice, maintaining control, holding my frame and using gestures only when required. I speak like i walk, poised and with purpose. I am thinking about what i am going to say before i say it. What i don’t do is ramble, get stuck on ‘uhhh’s, let my voice enter tonal ranges of a prepubescent teenager, or flail my arms around like an airline ground traffic controller hopped up on speed and coke.

And yes, even something as simple as opening a door. I calculate in advance whether to pick up my pace to make it to the door in time, smoothly and effortlessly, or slow down if i feel i’m too far away. I open the door in one fluid motion and position myself in front of the door with ease, and attain eye contact, and smile. I do not run at a sprint towards the door, i do not make it obvious it was planned, i do not struggle with the door or flail like a flag in the wind. I don’t behave submissively at the door or look at the floor. I don’t park my ass behind the door.

And all this happens now without me consciously even thinking about it. There are moments where i falter or trip, but i recover so much quicker and easier as well.

These changes didn’t happen overnight, and it wasn’t parlor tricks or a wearing eye makeup and pretending to be a pirate.

These were life changes to make me better, while retaining the essence of who i was. I didn’t change, but what i presented to the world did!

Anyone who says that learning Game is basically acting or pretending to be someone you’re not simply hasn’t grasped how to effectively use it, and how to actualize their full potential.

I am still the exact same person i was 20 years ago. I am a geek. I love Transformers. I would play Dungeons and Dragons if i had the time and friends. I love technology. None of that has changed. But you would never imagine the night and day difference between me then and me now if you saw me next to my 20 year old beta shmuck self. And now that it has become a part of me and who i am, (and because i chose well in terms of who i partnered up with) it is not a chore, not a burden, not some terrible fate that i must continue to ‘pretend’ or ‘act’ or ‘behave’ in some manner that i will eventually get tired of or slip up and revert to beta. Having fully embraced being masculine.. it is not a chore, rather it is something i welcome and enjoy being. I stood in the frame and by golly… i kinda fucking like it here!

What has changed is how i present myself. I don’t make Transformers or video games the epicenter of my life like 20 years ago I’m not the bashful non-confident nerd of 15 years ago. I’m not the quiet meek voice of 10 years ago. I’m not the posture of a doormat i was 5 years ago. . everything about who i am now is having put into practice reclaiming my masculinity, and working hard to create real value in myself so my confidence in myself is also real and not just ‘acting’ or a parlor trick.

I simply upped my Game.

 

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RedPill Room Interview – Ask Away

March 27, 2013

Just letting people know that i’ve agreed to do an ask all session with Morpheus over at the Reddit Redpillschool. Date and time as follows:

When Thu Mar 28, 2013 10am – 11am Eastern Time


Now, while i’m still in mind recovery and had a good chat with good egg Danny about the direction i want to take in life and how my blog will follow, you can still feel free to ask whatever it is you cats will ask. I’ve been told to expect some heavy trolling as well so i’m bringing Sting with me. After watching the Hobbit in 3d last night, i might just bring Orcrist and Glamdring too 😉

And below is a timeline of how my life unfolded so you have some understanding of how i became who i was and how my environment shaped who i was and how it sealed my fate until i discovered the redpill and the world of the ‘sphere’. It may answer some of your questions in advance, or create new ones.

Cheers!

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Is it Fair?

January 21, 2013

9279954-Scales_270683c

Don’t shoot me, i’m just the messenger…

So i had a back and forth comment session with my friend Audi (the audacious amateur blogger) and it something occurred to me.

I’m conflicted.

See, i’ll share a little secret. I like her (shhhhh)

At it’s core lies this problem. She’s worried about spherian mentality about “The Wall” and “The Number” and natural consequences of actions. Part of my latent beta wants to don the suit of plate mail, climb the white horse and protect her as my conditioning under the the rules of GirlWorld commands me to. And another part of me, that itchy burning area of my rectum where the RedPill currently resides is telling me fuck it.. actions have consequences, take it like a man. Derrrrp.

This is a case of going before the judge and pleading that you didn’t know that pissing into the town square water fountain was a crime because there were no warning signs posted.. to which the judge harrumphs “IGNORANCE OF THE LAW IS NO EXCUSE” and slams the gavel down and chucks a hefty leather-bound book at you.

She has/had the same problem i did some 18 years ago… it’s called Naivete.

na·ive

adjective \nä-ˈēv, nī-\

1: marked by unaffected simplicity :artlessingenuous
2a: deficient in worldly wisdom or informed judgment; especially:credulous
b : not previously subjected to experimentation or a particular experimental situation <made the test with naive rats>;

Is it harsh to be judged and convicted for things done when you were simply following what you thought was the properly laid out doctrine to follow? Yes, yes it is. Especially if the rules you followed were crafted by a society that began an experiment to see if human behavior was indeed a social construct through conditioning and behavioral modification instead of something deeper and more innate… primal. And if it were the latter that was found to be the truth, could leeway be given to avoid the consequences of those actions done under sincere misguidance?

It’s something i wrestle with, because as a decent guy and human being, i wouldn’t want to see what i feel is an obvious good but naive kid who simply followed the path that was allowed for by this current society (a society i do wish to see at the bottom of Davey Jones locker btw) having to accept the consequences and punishment of our now evolved and well informed spherian understanding of a woman’s N and the cruelty of The Wall.

Yet one need only read this (which you probably already have) to realize that i myself, and untold countless millions of others have indeed already paid the loftiest price for being naive. The judges are still at it to this very day with the public trials of NiceGuys™ in the street, listening to the mobs yelling for the Jezebel executioner to throw the level and pull the floor out from under the condemned for their naive nature.

Is it fair that one side is made to suffer full consequences while the other gets a reprieve solely due to gender and timing?

Read the rest of this entry ?

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Please give to the PDSA and help rescue an injured animal

January 17, 2013

Some guys take ‘nice‘ overboard and deserve to be shamed… I’m doing my part!

Each donation of your time and resources at the Pumped & Dumped Sluts of America goes towards saving another entitled woman from her poor choices and keeping her afloat long enough to tire of your generosity and look towards entering another ‘game playing’ relationship. Your donation of White Knight chivalry is desperately needed to keep another ‘tired of the games’ woman from finally learning a valuable lesson. Please give generously of your Mangina selves so that the “Good Girls” of dating sites, the ones entitled to relationships, sex and Alpha men can live a somewhat normal (if not dull, agonizing, basic survival) life with your supplicating validating ass until ‘the one’ arrives to replace you.

Every day, more and more young sluts are played for their sexual wares.. left to cry about their 5 minutes of alpha. Only you, with your self sacrificing donation of time, attention, resources and support can keep them from doing the valuable introspection required to break the cycle. How can you look into the eyes of a slut and not be moved to tears? What would you give to shield them from reality and to keep them from learning about the consequences of their hypergamous actions?

Do your part today!

..

..

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auburn234 : looking for someone special

auburn234 i like women whos tired of the games and read

Rescue

Rescue This!

Dog-Rescue-And-Adoption1

Not This!

slut

..

Someone please find this auburn234 guy, tackle him and shove the RedPill up his ass! Part of me thinks he can’t possibly exist and he’s a sphere ‘trap’.

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Do Women Have Any Game?

December 16, 2012
No.. not Al Bundy.

No.. not Al Bundy.

NightSkyRadio asked me this question in my Critics of Game part 1 post:

So, wouldn’t it have been better for the episode hadn’t wasted all that effort trying to shame and discredit guys trying to be more attractive to women, and maybe trying to teach, oh I don’t know, how to notice signs that someone is a serial killer or something?

Interesting question. We know that everyone has ‘instincts’ but most of the time we don’t follow through or we allow ourselves to be deceived openly because we want to be led astray and believe in something else, like that hot guy REALLY is interested in me as a person, in my ideas, my passions and goals and isn’t talking to me just because he wants to fuck me. Guys get that too thinking that smokin’ babe really LIKES me for me and not for my Ferrari Enzo. Strippers and cruel bitches call these guys marks. I guess guys should start calling women ‘prey’ to even it out.

Game teaches men how to be attractive and how to screen against red flags for poor behavior for commitment. Game is a tool and can also be used to chase and take advantage of sluts, but by and large, it’s real purpose is to teach men how to raise their value and to screen out poor women by getting them to qualify to you, to make them WANT to be with you. This facilitates a mans ability to make good choices for long term commitment partners. The ladder theory complements Game.

“Game” is reviled by women. Why? It does what it’s supposed to do and prevents naive beta’s from making the same mistakes over and over again.. allowing very attractive women from abusing them, taking advantage of them, letsjustbefriending them, gold digging them and cash&prizes divorcing them. This is a good thing no? Women are always saying ‘men fall for bitches’. Now we won’t! We’ll just fuck’em when we need to and trade’m up for the better cheaper property once the maintenance fees go up. One will only dare commit to a woman now who proves she isn’t some domineering, empowered, independent “I don’t need no man” bitch and actually adds VALUE to a mans life.

Bitches get used, qualified ladies will be treated accordingly. And beta’s cease being the reviled males you loathe. Win / Win right?

After all, we only hear over and over again how NiceGuys are just evil poor losers who can’t get laid (and deserve to stay celibate) because they’re playing nice. Game keeps them from playing nice.

So why would women be against it?

Further more, what is games equivalent for women? Were not talking about ‘girl game’ in how to pick up men. A pussy, pulse and pleasant demeanor is really all that’s required. [Are you listening you 4chan femcunts?] Girl game is simply being more feminine. The more feminine, the more attention, the more options. Girl game is all about making yourself more attractive (just like men’s game), but it carries none of the ability to screen for red flags.

So what is the female equivalent to GAME?
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LIMBO

November 29, 2012

Hey guys n gals, sorry for the lack of posting. I’ve been in a dark place. I think that incel post dredged up a lot of issues i’ve never resolved. It also didn’t help that i had an old friend tell me that she discovered my blog ages ago. Talk about a mind job. I didn’t know i was that famous and now the veil of anonymity really just went *poof* in a very real way.

And i’ve been struggling with a relapse of depression brought on by old blue pill mentality. Par for the course. I’ll explain further below about how i ended up here.

Currently i’m in limbo. I mean really in limbo. So many thoughts running through my head i’m having a tough time parsing anything intelligible. Lots written down but nothing i can piece together. So i thought i’d just put out a ramble.

Firstly, my tone. I realize i come off harsh to a great many people. I throw around the word slut without blinking an eye. I easily jump on the bandwagon talking about land whales and fat shaming because it’s just so easy to get caught up in the moment when everyone else in the sphere enjoys throwing around funny words for obese people. Sometimes i forget there was a time when i was fat. Sometimes i forget some of my best friends are/have been fat. There’s also a story i have in drafts about me basically calling someone out as a slut in real life. Didn’t feel quite as good because it wasn’t a complete stranger in a bar but someone i knew. It gets a little more real then when you can’t count on generalizations but have to tackle their individual choices and evaluate mitigating circumstances.

Having said that..

When i speak harshly, it’s not because i want to inflict pain on anyone. I know each person is an individual, with individual life events that shape them. I mean, look at my own incel post. My life was shaped for me entirely by a neglectful father who failed to teach me proper masculinity, an overprotective mother who smothered me, a dysfunctional family that made me feel like constantly protecting my mother and in effect ALL women, and being young and impressionable right at the height of feminism’s tyrannical grip over society and the education system telling me to put my hand down and let the girls go first. So believe me, I GET IT! You may have been naive. You may have not known what you wanted. You may have been lied to. You may have every reason in the world to become obese or have lived like a slut.

But i can’t write for the individual, i write for a wider audience, specifically the guys who have been affected most by the balance of power in a femcentric world that has always placed the value of women over men, and i don’t have time to deal with people on a 1 on 1 basis. Generalities must be used and shaming language must be applied to show that these are actions and lifestyles i cannot condone for society to follow.. the kind of society i want to live in. If the person can live with it on their own that’s great, but i can’t sit back and say ‘jolly good show, you are an inspiration to the next generation, keep at it!‘. I can’t.

I hate this current society. I want to see it perish in flames. I don’t care if a fucking comet comes along and decides to kiss our planet and bathe us in the warm glow of a billion stars. I want our fake society to end. The one that allows women, the ones who set the rules for the SMP by virtue of the innate men as chasers, women as choosers system, to game the system and exploit it so they can have all the benefits and men carry the burdens. I’ve already written how i believe the current system is set on a path towards the end of our current way of life and i for one welcome it and wish to hasten the process. One giant EMP blast would certainly do the trick and have them begging for patriarchy once the advantage of technological advancement is removed. It’s all that keeps the current society running on ‘borrowed time’.

My friend who found my blog asked me why i care, make it such a  personal and vicious fight, why i speak of women poorly in generalities and teach men not to trust women from the onset but to run them through the filter harshly to see if they make it through. She asked me if i ever thought of the innocent women i will be harming. Ones who don’t believe in feminism, or the ones who are too naive to understand. Why am i doing this she asked?

Because i want to inflict as much collateral damage as i can so that the system simply cannot bear to continue operating as it does. I want the process to be so painful so that women make the choice on their own to disavow feminism, speak out against it, to stop being so narcissistic, solipsistic and gynocentric and realize that hey guess what.. if you want your society to continue to grow and prosper.. this 80-20 model won’t work, telling men they’re evil for being men won’t work, teaching men to act like women won’t work, and that the old rules were in place for a reason. Call it Patriarchy, call it common sense.. ignoring the majority of men for the majority of life will BLOW BACK IN YOUR FUCKING FACES and if we don’t get men making life absolutely unbearable for women via alpha pump & dumps and mgtow on marriage strikes.. women will not change the course out of the goodness of their hearts. Tucker Max is my hero. For every girl he blasted he sent a message to every beta. This girl is a whore not worth your time. Why would you love a whore like her who coughed it up for a douchebag like me? You’re going to treat her like your special loving snowflake knowing i laughed in her face, told her she’d come home with me knowing what a dick i am, not looking at her like a human or a person but a walking cum dumpster, jackhammered her cunt and blew my load all over her face and body till she looked like a fucking Krispe Kreme donut. Go ahead, wife that up.

As an aside.. does anyone remember a time when guys had to ask a girls dad for permission to go out with her? Ya neither do i. Tho i bet they knew something back then.. like women can be trusted to make poor choices if we don’t monitor their actions. Welcome to 2012.

I firmly subscribe to the Raz Al Ghul ideal as of this moment. Our society is sick in it’s decadence and it must be allowed to die. To be replaced with something that will restore a natural order to things.

No… as much as i like my friend i will not deviate from my continuing message of avoid marriage, avoid sluts, go your own way, as men choose your own path. If it’s pua pump n dump, more power to you. If it’s mgtow im there with you. Anything in between, knock yourself out. Wanna get married? Go for it. Just don’t say i didn’t warn you.

My friend asked me why i couldn’t just concentrate on myself and leave the world to figure itself out on it’s own. Because i truly don’t give a flying fuck about a society that quite frankly did not care about anything i had to offer to the world when it mattered simply because i couldn’t muster enough ability to be a trained monkey to make a girl laugh 24-7 and tingle her panties off fast enough to try and start a relationship with me in our wonderful ‘hookup’ culture.

And because i don’t want my friends daughter to grow up to write something like this or this.

If only someone had shamed me 17 years ago into taking action.. i wouldn’t be writing this blog.

Rant 1 over.

Secondly, i can’t believe how far the incel post went. It touched so many people. Just wow.

I have received so many comments and emails from it, it boggles the mind. To know so many others went through similar patches.. or still going through even worse patches.. never ending patches. I have no words. First let me say that i have read all the comments. Every last one. I have read all your emails that you have sent me. Every last one. I haven’t answered any of them, many asking me what i would do, what they should do, give them some game advice….

What i feared the most was seeing that post turn me into some kind of prophet or messiah, someone with answers.

I have none. I only have my stories for you to extrapolate from. I can give you the bare basics, tell you to improve yourself, don’t be a doormat and let anyone, much less women walk over you. And for god sakes never get married, EVEN IF YOU WANT TO. You can gladly tell women that you’d love to get married, but will not unless the law becomes equitable and no-fault divorce removed. That puts the onus on them to change the system they want us to buy into.

While i believe in game and tell guys to pick it up, i’m not Roosh. I’m not Rollo. I’m not Heartiste. I’m you. I’m still on my own journey and haven’t figured out yet what i’m doing, much less an authority on telling you what to do. I don’t want to put you on a path of pump and dump if it’s not in you, neither do i want to chastise you if you do. You need to come to terms with what you can live with (much like what is causing me to be stuck in LIMBO) and then act on it.

I have a clearer understanding of women’s nature and how they react but by no means am i suave and debonair. (Not until you get a few drinks in me and then i throw caution to the wind). My game is still evolving. Christ, i’m still trying to get over approach anxiety myself so i’m not really in a position to tell you guys anything! I’m taking tips from Danny for fuck sakes! (hehe. j/k Danny got serious game.. ask HIM for advice) I’m still trying to build up the resolve one might get when standing on the edge of a precipice with the bungee cord wrapped around your feet. At some point you have to take in a deep breath, say “FUCK IT” and jump. I still haven’t jumped. I may try Private Man’s suggestion this weekend as a starting point.

This is why i haven’t answered any of your emails. I can’t give you advise without knowing who you are.

Rant 2 over.

So now we come to my LIMBO.

It goes something like this.

I want a good decent girl and not a party skank slut.

I want to grow old with someone i care about. (still bluepill i know)

I don’t want marriage.I don’t trust marriage. I don’t want kids.

I haven’t prepared for a life of marriage or kids because of my past.

I can’t ask for or expect a good girl to sack her future for me.

I know i’ve limited my pool drastically.

I might only be able to draw from a pool of former or current sluts.

I cannot emotionally connect with a woman i don’t care about.

I cannot give a shit to pleasure a woman beyond self gratification if i do not care about her on an emotional level.

I feel it is not worth the effort to pleasure a women to multiple orgasms if i feel like just another random cock.

I do not feel like trying during sex with a woman who treats sex as just sex.

I need complete trust in a woman to be at my sexual best and give her unending orgasms.

I feel like it’s a chore and i would rather masturbate than reward a SatC slut with good sex.

I derive no pleasure from animalistic, non connected sex.

I know my blue pill life has broken me.

I can’t get what i desire and can’t live with what i can get.

I accept i may run out the clock and die alone.

I feel empty.

I have had fleeting moments of despair and dark thoughts for over a week now.

I hate limbo.

I hate what i’ve lived as a product of my feminized environment.

I hate the pain of the RedPill.

I’m waiting for something to take hold.

I’m waiting to wake up so i can be a young man again.

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Confessions of a Reformed InCel

November 17, 2012

[UPDATE 4-26-2018]

It’s been almost 4 years since i left this space of the internet. It’s been almost 6 years since i wrote the below post.

A lot changes with time away from the sphere. I’ve lived a normal life, with a great gal in a ‘normal’ family setting, engaging with society, a totally different man that the one 4, 6, 10+ years ago. Had i not taken that journey, a cathartic one no doubt, who knows where i could have ended up. You couldn’t really write a better ending for the journey i took from the mouth of Hell back to normality.

And then Monday happens. April 23, 2018 at 1:24pm. A beautiful, warm sunny day not unlike the kind 9/11 is remembered for.

I want to state this right off the bat for the record. My heart and my sympathies go out to every individual affected by the Van assault mass murder by the person who i will not name. I won’t acknowledge the killer or immortalize him. Not only do i not condone his actions, i condemn them as strongly as i can condemn anything. He is a coward.

At the height of my depression, at the lowest point in my life being incel, i never considered violence against anyone but myself. Even then i realized that ones actions don’t exist in a bubble, and that every action you apply resonates beyond whatever you’re looking at. But for this individual, he crossed into the dangerous territory where his focus was not to look at others as people who have family and friends and coworkers who will be impacted and grieve. All he saw was a society that isolated him, did not care to help him but instead ridiculed him, and decided that since he lost in the game of life.. he was going to drag as many to the bottom with him before he died. Ultimately he even failed at suicide, which is somewhat ironic.. confirming his failure at everything.

I know somewhere on my blog, there are comments by me, denouncing Elliot Rogers. (I should have made a post, and if i didn’t that would be a glaring oversight on my part). While i have the ultimate empathy for true suffering incels, who have gone without the basic and primal human connection one can have with the opposite sex.. i have NO SYMPATHY whatsoever for those who take that pain and decide to unleash it on others. Those innocent people Elliot shot were not the cause of Elliots incelness. Elliots unwillingness to embrace TRP hard truths were the source of his pain. The people that were run down on Monday in Toronto, so very close to home to me and the ones i love, who could easily have been in his bombsights on any given day, were not the cause of this individuals alleged incelness. An unwillingness to try to become better than he was, was the cause of it.

It was their absolute lack of trying to change to be something better. Or maybe worse, they were just broken and irreparable from the start. I try to believe everyone can be saved.. but who knows anymore. When i watched the video’s of Elliot Roger come out, i sat there horrified. In another life, that *might* have ended up being me had i not course corrected. I wondered if the chance could ever occur, was there something myself.. or anyone much more suited like Rollo, could ever have said to snap him out of his delusional angst? You could see it in his eyes on the videos.. this one is too far gone to help. If you ever wanted to see what ‘entitled to womens bodies’ actually looks like, stare at Elliots face. Most incels don’t feel entitled.. they feel like they’ve been left out of the party everyone else is having. Entitled is crashing the party and ruining it for everyone else.

TRP takes many forms. Early on i decided i wanted to take the ‘become the best you that you can be’ mantra version. I didn’t want to ‘game’ for hookups, i wanted to invest in myself, to truly change who i was so i could confidently command the asking price rather than beg for crumbs. Rollo very recently discussed how many come to TRP and complain they wont be able to carry on ‘the act’. He explained how when he applied it and internalized it, it became part of who he was and second nature, and it was no longer an act, it was just him. That’s the part i tried to emulate.. to take the lessons, and apply them and use them until it no longer felt like i’m pretending to be someone i’m not. But you have to try, and make the time and put in the effort. And you have to have realistic expectations to boot. I will never be Ryan Reynolds or Channing Tatum in looks.. but on the range of unattainable beauty standards, and where i started, i hit a happy medium i was proud of. Can i go further? Sure, but thats my call, not societies.

But you still need to put in the work. Even if you can’t reach the ideal, strive for it. The whole concept of ‘you’re perfect just the way you are’ needs to die. Can you imagine how much Elliot might have thought that about himself? Or the van murderer? If you are unhappy, the only person who can do something about that is YOU. No one else. And telling unhappy people that they’re ok as they are is a recipe for disaster.

I still have complete empathy for the incel community, but i want to hope that the ones who reach the TRP message take the right, and not the wrong lessons from this. Become better, knowledge is power, but apply it properly and dont expect a quick fix! Looking at my ancient story below, you will notice that the happy ending does not occur right away, but years later once the core tenets of TRP are internalized and applied. Shorcuts often lead to more anguish in this regard.

As much as this tragedy has personally disturbed me to the core, i am equally troubled by the way some of the media outlets are handling this. While undoubtedly there are many misogynistic incels (whom you still need to reach out to in order to quell the rage), there are equally harmless ones, confused ones, and angry ones who simply learn for the first time they’ve been playing by the wrong set of books. Were we to actually engage with incels in a real fashion, and first acknowledge that YES, it is debilitating, humiliating and emotionally devastating to the individuals who suffer through it.. we need to actually engage with them without judgement of how and why they got there, and realistically work with them in an honest fashion to help them overcome their problems. Chastising them, yelling at them, mischaracterizing them or applying blanket misogyny labels upon them – WILL NOT – i repeat, will not bring them into the open to educate, treat, rehab or reform them. It will drive them further into darkness where you just might start producing more of these emotionally spent, dead eyed, uncaring, lay waste to the world, reproductive losers in the game of life.. dehumanize everyone surrounding them. They go on to become the next one. Their rationalization is so apparent, i don’t understand why no one can see it.

They spend their entire lives isolated, in pain, wondering what about them is so wrong as to never be desired. It’s not obvious to them, otherwise they’d have done something. Or they’ve been enabled by liars who tell them they’re perfect as they are, to just be themselves. And yet, being themselves only incites ridicule from others, taunting, jeers and derision. Once this isolation hits a peak, they no longer see people around them as people, they see them as abusers. Everyone who is having a good time, smiling, laughing, enjoying life, having lives, having sexual relationships, having romance, sharing emotions.. all in front of the face of the one who is told ‘no, not for you, you can’t play with us’. There are some who are ok with this, accept their lot in life, and stay there. There are other who decide to change themselves so they too can join the game. And finally, there are the Elliots and Toronto van murderer who decide that if they can’t enjoy this life like others can, they’re gonna ruin it for the rest of us. That’s it in a nutshell.

My one wish is that this issue is examined without the polarization we see in todays politics of left and right, where each side screams at the other saying ‘you’re wrong’ and nothing happens except a race to the bottom. You can’t expect people to come to you for help when you’re going to demonize them from the outset. That needs to stop. Incels need help. What that help is and how it reaches them is another discussion altogether. But it’s one that needs to happen to keep shit like this from repeating.

I have not enough words of condolence i can give to the innocents who were taken, and the lives of everyone else who will be affected by their loss. This tragedy hit too close to home.

It could have been me. It could have been me in front of that van on any other routine day. It could have been my family, my friends, my coworkers, anyone i love and care about. It is still surreal that this happened at all.

I also shudder to think ‘could it have been me’ inside the van behind the wheel,.. had i not found TRP and changed my life instead of believing the pretty lies of others. Was i ever capable, would enough time in hell for me produce a similar fate? I don’t ever want to know.

I grieve with Toronto for those who were lost, i have to hope it never happens again. Most of all, that will require changing the way we talk about this issue.

[EDIT – Days after Elliot Roger murders: For anyone new coming here from The Daily Dot, Reddit, Ask Men or anywhere else. Once you are finished reading this piece (due to the interest since the Elliot Rogers murders) and you get all your feathers ruffled about the ‘feelings’ section, please head over HERE for understanding the proper context lest you get your panties in a bunch. If you assume the language was written as intent rather than contextualizing what would be required to have women stripped of their natural biological advantage of being noticed solely for the fact they are female – then i can’t help you or you comprehension skills. peace the fuck out]

[ORIGINAL POST BEGINS]

November 17, 2012. enough is enough. i warned y’all it might get depressing. here goes. don’t worry, it ends well. i think.

+++

In honor of my 10,000th view.. i’m going to publish what i consider the hardest post i’ve ever written. But it needs to be written, for i may be an extreme, i know i’m not alone. This isn’t written for the PUA or the Alpha or the Pussy Slayer™. This is written for you, the one without hope..  to know there is hope and you can get better.

Thanks for the hits guys! Snapshot taken 07/09/12 at 2:33 pm after 3 weeks on the interwebz.

[actually no.. i’ve crossed 50k. that’s how long i’ve been holding onto this draft, terrified of letting it go. but i saw a comment today that finally let me pull the trigger.]

It is so Very hard to hit that PUBLISH button.

Writing this post is a source of *shame* for me. It’s been sitting in my drafts for about 2 weeks [edit: 5+ months actually]

But at this point in my life having endured what i have, it does not trouble me putting it out in the sphere. I am sure i am not alone in this and that this post will actually help someone out there. Some of you may relate. Women hopefully may finally understand where my anger and cynicism stems from.

So i’ve decided to unleash it. [about time?]

Firstly, before you continue, please go read THIS POST. [Edit Apr.30,2014: Due to the explosion of traffic from AskMen, I have noticed this post is no longer available, so i will instead invite you to go read THIS POST instead ] No offense to the author, my past wasn’t her fault.. but it struck the usual nerve with me. You need to read posts like this to let the feeling of inequality fill you up.

Welcome back..

When i read it or stories like it, these are the THINGS I FEEL (and yes, i know ‘feelings’ are the domain of a woman)

  • When i hear a woman tell me that she’s gone through a dry spell and not had sex in over X weeks/ months.. i feel like putting my fist through her face.
  • When i hear a woman tell me that she feels ugly or unloved or unwanted because her partner hasn’t touched her in over 6 months, i feel like laughing loudly 3 inches from her face.
  • When i hear a woman tell me that she just picked up a random guy for a night of fun because she was lonely, i feel like i’m glad i don’t own a gun.
  • When i hear a woman tell me that i shouldn’t feel bad about having gone without for so long, after all it’s only just sex, i feel like disfiguring her face with a scalpel.

Nature’s cruel joke and cosmic irony in one. I as a man, biologically driven365 days a year to ejaculate and produce sperm as often as possible, and having the drive and desire to want it every waning moment, who is villified for this natural urge and made to feel ashamed of my sexuality, control it and subdue it to conform to the feminine imperative… have to listen to women, who in their solipsism cannot fathom the ordeal of what i’m about to write about, women who biologically ovulate and desire sex rather infrequently compared to men, talk about, no celebrate their sexuality, their urges and desires.. and lament their short dry spells as if the world were coming to an end. They can never understand what a power differential there is in these urges.

Women can say they love sex just as much as men. I would call BS. Until there is a glut of male prostitutes, male escorts, male rub n tugs for female patrons, a demand for male sex workers and strippers i’ll say nay. Unless they’re all having alpha sex on the side perhaps? Or will touching themselves to 50 shades suffice? At least mommy porn is culturally acceptable. Women DO NOT need sex like men do.. otherwise the sphere would not exist.

Anyways.. back to my pitiful former life.

I have no pictures of myself from a time period stretching from high school to my late 20’s, save for some randoms others might have taken of me. I have no memories or recollections of my time in high school. I have no stories of parties, girlfriends or wild flings. It’s a time period i wiped from my mind, much like PTSD. The only way i can recall it is if i sit down and think really hard about it. I rarely do because i don’t like feeling like shit for the hell of it.

I was that beta/omega/zeta. I let myself get LJBF‘ed on multiple occasions being that ‘nice guy’ that male hating cunt Amanda Marcotte despises. I  played by the rules as handed down to me by the feminine authorities on what women would look for and appreciate in a man. I was asked to believe what they said, not what they did. ‘Just be yourself‘ (your nice beta supplicating self) was the golden code.

So here it is… my Incel Hell.

This is where you will stay for the next 12 years. Enjoy your stay.

<deep breath>

Read the rest of this entry ?

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Ladies – It’s what you do, not what you say.

October 25, 2012

Coworker sent this to me in an instant message. I LOL’d.

There’s a reason meme’s like this thrive.