Posts Tagged ‘beta’


A Regret I Can Never Atone For

April 11, 2014


It is here in that moment that my Atheism is finally put to the test. Put on trial. I’m staring at the light, directly above the ambulance. Here and now, if there ever was a moment to have a spiritual revelation or reevaluation of religion, this was the time. I was ready to cast my nonbelief aside. I was desperate for it. I wanted to see a hint, a sign, a glimmer.. a glimpse – anything. I really wanted to be wrong in that moment. I was ready to grab onto anything, but i needed to see it. In this, my darkest hour.. i was looking for a miracle and proof that this wasn’t the end. I was looking for hope to atone.

A few hours earlier, April 10, 2008

I look up the staircase and see my bother sitting beside his computer and yell up to him “I’ll be back before 9.. we’ll get in a couple rounds of Hold’m when i get back. You know how much i love taking your funny money!”

Hrah hrah hrah, he snarked. My brother was great at Texas Holdem. I sucked. He knew it and i knew it. I was full of false bravado and not much else. He had been looking forward to this since i had been kept busy during the week working overtime for the struggling company i was working for. The 2008 economic collapse had not yet kicked in.. but i was already a victim of it’s red flags. And friends rarely dropped by to see him, tho i think it was at his request. He didn’t want people to see him as a cancer patient, he wanted people to see him when he was cured and all big bad and sexy.

With my pledge set, i took my fiance’s hand and we left for the dinner party she had booked us for.

As far as dinner parties go, this one wasn’t bad. I knew the hosts as friends, not simply acquaintances of my fiance. That being said, i’m not a fan of dinner parties at all. Call it a vestige of my introversion. I can suffer them with a smile, but i suffer nonetheless. I dull the pain with booze. Suffice it to say, i really didn’t want to be here tonight, i really wanted to be playing poker with my brother. But i had already promised my fiance that we would go do this, even tho it was brought up last minute. You know.. me being a nice guy and all, wanted to make sure i carried a good record of ‘Happy wife, happy life” into the marriage before it started.

We arrived at the destination. I finish parking my car in the school parking lot across the street from my friends place. Just before i get out of the car, my fiance brings up my brother. Specifically the very likely chance or possibility that he might end up either to sick to attend, or even die before the wedding. I simply look down at my feet and acknowledge that reality, tho it’s not something i wanted to dwell. He’d make it.

We enter the place, shoot the shit, chat it up while our host grabbed dinner. We ate. The women talked and me and my friend ended up looking over his computer. He always managed to get virus’s or issues on his laptop and me being the resident geek squad meant every dinner invite always carried the ulterior motive of tech support. A quick download of Malware Bytes later, he was on his way to recovery.

Evening was upon us and i gazed at my watch. “HOLY SHIT” i said in my head.. the time was 8:30. The highway wouldn’t be busy at this time but it was still a good 20 minutes from my mothers. My fiance was actively talking about something or other with my friends wife.

“10 minutes” i said in my head. I sat on the couch and looked at my watch again. “10 minutes and you’ll be off”.

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Garbage In, Garbage Out

November 17, 2013


There is a term in photography relating to the outcome of your final product dependent on the source material you begin with. It originally derived from computer science in relation to data, because computers are dumb and only do what you feed into it. So if you feed it shit, it will output shit.

From the Wiki:

Garbage in, garbage out (GIGO) in the field of computer science or information and communications technology refers to the fact that computers will unquestioningly process unintended, even nonsensical, input data (“garbage in”) and produce undesired, often nonsensical, output (“garbage out”).

The same thing applies to pictures. Photoshop has come a long way from it’s heyday. It can make the ordinary extraordinary. But the same rule applies, the better the quality of the photo going in, the less Photoshop you actually require to make it amazing. And you should never be using Photoshop as a means of constantly trying to save garbage photo’s. Not if your bread and butter is photography!

I saw this photo floating around on Facebook, and it seems that art imitates life is more than an apt way of framing this picture as a snapshot of our current society’s behavior wrt relationships.


With the exception of the reference to negatives, i would say this picture describes the digital age quite well.

The digital age, even in guilty. My Nikon can take thousands of pics, throw away shots. Part of the strategy is to switch to ‘drive’ mode and continuously take pics hoping one of the many turns into gold, but this is usually for action shots where the motion is frantic.

However i like to think the best shots are the ones you plan ahead for, and with the right education in lighting theory, composition and mastery of your equipment you will get the best source material. The greatest photographers will wait patiently for the perfect shot to present itself, waiting hours for just the right lighting from the greatest light source we have.. the sun, and it’s position in the sky.

Garbage in/garbage out is the motto. Start with the best in-camera picture you can take so you end up using the most minimal amount of post processing (Photoshop) as possible.

In this regard, you can consider Photoshop as an analogy for Game. Read the rest of this entry ?


Thank You

October 25, 2013

Style: "Mad Men" January Jones (Betty Draper) and Don Draper (Jon Hamm)(apologies in advance, a lot of rambling and repeating in this post. it’s a poor writing effort but i just wanted to put this out there anyways. i’m too tired to play copy editor tonight. cheers)

I hear it often now, or some variation of it.

I hear it now where i once did not.

I hear it coming from the mouths of women. All women.

It used to only come from Asian women (who seem to naturally retain their femininity and deference, at least towards white men), and the elderly (who grew up in a time of chivalry).. but now it comes from  all women.

Young, old, thin, thick, blonde, brunette, redhead, hot, fugly, liberal, conservative. Maybe even feminists?

Doesn’t matter. They’re all saying it to me when i hold it open.

The door.

Yes folks, i still end up holding doors for ladies. Always have, always will. Le sigh..

So i have to ask “What’s changed?”

Why am i now getting thank you’s left right and center for an action that hasn’t changed one iota. The action of holding a door open for a woman?

One of two things.

  1. Either the women have changed in reflection to a society that seems to be further distancing itself from the pollution that is feminism and attempting to regain/retain chivalry because it is scared that feminism has driven men to the brink of abandoning all women
  2. Or i have changed, and women are not reacting to the action itself, but in how the action is performed.. and by whom.

The first may be a plausible scenario, but would still not explain the 100% increase in pleasant responses i have received. Such a percentile change would mean that this sea change has already taken place. We all know that isn’t the case, and the statistical odds of me running into woman after woman like this would be astronomical.

So i must conclude that a majority of it is they are responding to ME as the variable that changed in the equation.

Now.. i’m not saying i’m James fucking Bond, i’m not. I would never classify myself as an ‘alpha’. More like a reformed beta, gone into greater Beta. But those moments when i nail confidence down and am truly feeling it.. you’d be hard pressed to distinguish.

And it kind of makes sense to me now, when i think of who i was back then.. and who i am now. My firm belief is women of all stripes, colors, creeds and ideologies will be receptive to ‘MEN’ who open doors for them if they are attracted enough to them ever so briefly to consider what a possible tryst might be like. Experience tells me that women certainly abhor the idea of being inseminated with unfit and unworthy semen, so they would hiss upon undesirable men who might seek to curry favor by being chivalrous in the hopes of romantic persuasion.

When i was undesirable.. most women would find ways to bend space and time in an effort to avoid acknowledging my gesture.

Today, especially when wearing my tank-tops during the summer, women couldn’t curtsy and say Thank You fast enough, their smiles betraying their thoughts. The second glance they’d shoot me farther away granted me the same feeling as a scientist when his theory pans out correctly.

Simply from the way and manner in which i confidently open a door.

And it is without reservation that all aspects of Game helped me get here. From my initial Dark Triad game which got me out of my nightmare, to learning about Game and attraction, along with Inner Game and fixing the core. Every facet of game helped.

I’ve tracked a lot of my incoming traffic, i like to see who’s talking about me and what i’m adding to the discussion. I have seen my name alot on a lot of forums and so forth. I do recall one person saying that they liked what i wrote but that i still used too much PUA crap in my writing. They don’t like the concept of ‘pretending to be someone you’re not‘ or ‘faking it till you make it‘. What they’re actually saying tho is that they are scared of working on changing themselves for the better and instead should simply be accepted as they are.

(Fat acceptance anyone?)

To each their own, i won’t dictate to any man how they wish to live. I only show my own example from where i started – to where i’ve ended up as an example for others to explore if they so choose. They think that people who peddle game are parasites taking advantage of the vulnerable.

Suffice it to say, you can see i offer no books, courses or any monetary sink holes for people to fall into. While i will agree that there is a group of people who sell the downtrodden unreasonable hopes of landing HB9’s with 3 simple questions that will make her want to fuck you, and the idea that you can turn a love shy, introverted, and socially awkward wallflower into a Mac Daddy over the course of a weekend seminar is selling snake oil at it’s finest.. it doesn’t invalidate the central tenets of Game philosophy, Evo Psych and attraction triggers evolved from our cavemen ancestors. Or as Private Man says – Biology Always Wins.

I think what rubs some of these guys the wrong way (and i will concur) is that alot of the salesmen are duplicitous charlatans who start off from a dubious premise. I’ll use Paul Janka as an example. This guy sells ‘The Attraction Formula’.. and for what it’s worth, i read it. I read it 3 weeks after breaking up with my exwife. I downloaded it from das Pirate Bay so i didn’t contribute to the pool of unfortunate men funding him. The book is almost a collection of core game rules that you could end up figuring out for yourself if you spent enough time bloghopping in the sphere. The reason i pick on Paul is because he starts his sales pitch with a doozy (and i’m paraphrasing because i can’t recall it) that sounds something like this:

Look at me, i’m not the most attractive, or good looking guy out there. I’m Joe Average. But with my system, you can get laid with many different women, one for every day of the week!

  • Full head of hair – check
  • 5 oclock shadow – check
  • masculine jawline – check
  • dark full eyebrows – check
  • alpha features and facial tone – check
  • perfect teeth – check
  • looks great in a suit – check

Yes. Joe Average indeed.


I do not see him as having trouble with woman since he has his foot half way through the door and many women will be pleased to be approached by him. It’s his ball to fumble afterwords but he has ‘Game’ built into his face.

I’ll bet most of his students do not. There are some guys who will never be able to pull HB9’s no matter what. Like attracts like and +/- a point or two is the basic operating trend.

So yes, the detractors of game have a point i might concede in that some people who peddle game are really selling false hopes in order to monetize on the misfortunes of the beta to omega class. I’ll grant that.

I’m not one of them. I’m not peddling anything other than a collection of my stories and my transformation (and the odd rant or two about rape/sluts/frivorces/mens rights/mgtow advice/yadayada) nothing more.

So it hurts when people say that learning game is bogus, or it sucks that you have to act or pretend, and they feel like they’d be tired sooner or later having to keep up the facade.

When you fulfill your transformation, there is no facade.. there is only you.

It is not the spoon that bends, only your mind.

I can surely assure them and assuage their feelings that i am neither pretending to be someone else or faking anything. I am not ‘play acting’. I am the very same person who i was 20 years ago, in mind and spirit. The only thing that changed is how i present myself to the world.

Through my physical appearance, to the better fitting and fashionable clothes, to the grooming (and accepted loss of hair gone cue ball, embracing instead of ashamin’), to fixing my teeth, and learning both what women find attractive (and being able to fit in without much fuss), and knowing what they find unattractive (and knowing when and by how much to taper off the bad beta), and in knowing when not to partake in any drama or fuss (mgtow, knowing my objective real value, treating myself as the prize, no pussy pedestal, easy dismissal of entitled brats/whores).

Game isn’t all smoke and mirrors, fakery, pimp hats and feather boa’s. Those who are internally confident and sure of themselves can use game as a supplement and make it a  part of who they are, and it doesn’t come off as awkward, unnatural or pathetic. And you don’t get internally confident just by repeating pickup lines like a parrot. You can’t fake it for long, if at all. Once you fix the core, it’s not faking.

There’s no fakery when you can carry on a conversation with a women and lace it with sexual tension and innuendo, and hold eye contact throughout, whereas before you wouldn’t be able to say anything sexually charged without blushing and averting her eyes like a sheepish shy omega.

Those who dismiss game, are simply dismissing learning and mastering the ability to have control over ones actions. You can look at game as a means to learn shortcuts to attraction, but without the inner confidence of actually knowing it, you end up looking like a punk who writes cheques his body can’t cash. I look at game more as a means to help you prevent your beta/gamma unattractive traits from coming to the surface and letting ‘the real you’ shine through.

As i go through life now, i don’t think.. i just do. I’m not acting, I am ME. Inner game allowed me to become the best me possible. Game itself taught me how to curb my unattractive traits so that i only present the very best me possible at all times.

When i’m walking down the street with my head held high, walking tall, cock leading me.. i’m not acting. It is what i have become. 5 years ago i was a slouching, foot dragging, shoulders/head in front of cock beta.

When i’m telling a joke, i smile, hold the gaze, laugh and keep my head face to face with my recipient. I do not stutter over my words, mess up punch lines, giggle throughout the joke, snort, or sheepishly look at the floor while in the company of others.

When i’m speaking with people, i’m cognoscente of how i speak, modulating the inflections of my voice, maintaining control, holding my frame and using gestures only when required. I speak like i walk, poised and with purpose. I am thinking about what i am going to say before i say it. What i don’t do is ramble, get stuck on ‘uhhh’s, let my voice enter tonal ranges of a prepubescent teenager, or flail my arms around like an airline ground traffic controller hopped up on speed and coke.

And yes, even something as simple as opening a door. I calculate in advance whether to pick up my pace to make it to the door in time, smoothly and effortlessly, or slow down if i feel i’m too far away. I open the door in one fluid motion and position myself in front of the door with ease, and attain eye contact, and smile. I do not run at a sprint towards the door, i do not make it obvious it was planned, i do not struggle with the door or flail like a flag in the wind. I don’t behave submissively at the door or look at the floor. I don’t park my ass behind the door.

And all this happens now without me consciously even thinking about it. There are moments where i falter or trip, but i recover so much quicker and easier as well.

These changes didn’t happen overnight, and it wasn’t parlor tricks or a wearing eye makeup and pretending to be a pirate.

These were life changes to make me better, while retaining the essence of who i was. I didn’t change, but what i presented to the world did!

Anyone who says that learning Game is basically acting or pretending to be someone you’re not simply hasn’t grasped how to effectively use it, and how to actualize their full potential.

I am still the exact same person i was 20 years ago. I am a geek. I love Transformers. I would play Dungeons and Dragons if i had the time and friends. I love technology. None of that has changed. But you would never imagine the night and day difference between me then and me now if you saw me next to my 20 year old beta shmuck self. And now that it has become a part of me and who i am, (and because i chose well in terms of who i partnered up with) it is not a chore, not a burden, not some terrible fate that i must continue to ‘pretend’ or ‘act’ or ‘behave’ in some manner that i will eventually get tired of or slip up and revert to beta. Having fully embraced being masculine.. it is not a chore, rather it is something i welcome and enjoy being. I stood in the frame and by golly… i kinda fucking like it here!

What has changed is how i present myself. I don’t make Transformers or video games the epicenter of my life like 20 years ago I’m not the bashful non-confident nerd of 15 years ago. I’m not the quiet meek voice of 10 years ago. I’m not the posture of a doormat i was 5 years ago. . everything about who i am now is having put into practice reclaiming my masculinity, and working hard to create real value in myself so my confidence in myself is also real and not just ‘acting’ or a parlor trick.

I simply upped my Game.



RedPill Room Interview – Ask Away

March 27, 2013

Just letting people know that i’ve agreed to do an ask all session with Morpheus over at the Reddit Redpillschool. Date and time as follows:

When Thu Mar 28, 2013 10am – 11am Eastern Time

Now, while i’m still in mind recovery and had a good chat with good egg Danny about the direction i want to take in life and how my blog will follow, you can still feel free to ask whatever it is you cats will ask. I’ve been told to expect some heavy trolling as well so i’m bringing Sting with me. After watching the Hobbit in 3d last night, i might just bring Orcrist and Glamdring too😉

And below is a timeline of how my life unfolded so you have some understanding of how i became who i was and how my environment shaped who i was and how it sealed my fate until i discovered the redpill and the world of the ‘sphere’. It may answer some of your questions in advance, or create new ones.


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Is it Fair?

January 21, 2013


Don’t shoot me, i’m just the messenger…

So i had a back and forth comment session with my friend Audi (the audacious amateur blogger) and it something occurred to me.

I’m conflicted.

See, i’ll share a little secret. I like her (shhhhh)

At it’s core lies this problem. She’s worried about spherian mentality about “The Wall” and “The Number” and natural consequences of actions. Part of my latent beta wants to don the suit of plate mail, climb the white horse and protect her as my conditioning under the the rules of GirlWorld commands me to. And another part of me, that itchy burning area of my rectum where the RedPill currently resides is telling me fuck it.. actions have consequences, take it like a man. Derrrrp.

This is a case of going before the judge and pleading that you didn’t know that pissing into the town square water fountain was a crime because there were no warning signs posted.. to which the judge harrumphs “IGNORANCE OF THE LAW IS NO EXCUSE” and slams the gavel down and chucks a hefty leather-bound book at you.

She has/had the same problem i did some 18 years ago… it’s called Naivete.


adjective \nä-ˈēv, nī-\

1: marked by unaffected simplicity :artlessingenuous
2a: deficient in worldly wisdom or informed judgment; especially:credulous
b : not previously subjected to experimentation or a particular experimental situation <made the test with naive rats>;

Is it harsh to be judged and convicted for things done when you were simply following what you thought was the properly laid out doctrine to follow? Yes, yes it is. Especially if the rules you followed were crafted by a society that began an experiment to see if human behavior was indeed a social construct through conditioning and behavioral modification instead of something deeper and more innate… primal. And if it were the latter that was found to be the truth, could leeway be given to avoid the consequences of those actions done under sincere misguidance?

It’s something i wrestle with, because as a decent guy and human being, i wouldn’t want to see what i feel is an obvious good but naive kid who simply followed the path that was allowed for by this current society (a society i do wish to see at the bottom of Davey Jones locker btw) having to accept the consequences and punishment of our now evolved and well informed spherian understanding of a woman’s N and the cruelty of The Wall.

Yet one need only read this (which you probably already have) to realize that i myself, and untold countless millions of others have indeed already paid the loftiest price for being naive. The judges are still at it to this very day with the public trials of NiceGuys™ in the street, listening to the mobs yelling for the Jezebel executioner to throw the level and pull the floor out from under the condemned for their naive nature.

Is it fair that one side is made to suffer full consequences while the other gets a reprieve solely due to gender and timing?

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Please give to the PDSA and help rescue an injured animal

January 17, 2013

Some guys take ‘nice‘ overboard and deserve to be shamed… I’m doing my part!

Each donation of your time and resources at the Pumped & Dumped Sluts of America goes towards saving another entitled woman from her poor choices and keeping her afloat long enough to tire of your generosity and look towards entering another ‘game playing’ relationship. Your donation of White Knight chivalry is desperately needed to keep another ‘tired of the games’ woman from finally learning a valuable lesson. Please give generously of your Mangina selves so that the “Good Girls” of dating sites, the ones entitled to relationships, sex and Alpha men can live a somewhat normal (if not dull, agonizing, basic survival) life with your supplicating validating ass until ‘the one’ arrives to replace you.

Every day, more and more young sluts are played for their sexual wares.. left to cry about their 5 minutes of alpha. Only you, with your self sacrificing donation of time, attention, resources and support can keep them from doing the valuable introspection required to break the cycle. How can you look into the eyes of a slut and not be moved to tears? What would you give to shield them from reality and to keep them from learning about the consequences of their hypergamous actions?

Do your part today!




auburn234 : looking for someone special

auburn234 i like women whos tired of the games and read


Rescue This!


Not This!



Someone please find this auburn234 guy, tackle him and shove the RedPill up his ass! Part of me thinks he can’t possibly exist and he’s a sphere ‘trap’.


Do Women Have Any Game?

December 16, 2012
No.. not Al Bundy.

No.. not Al Bundy.

NightSkyRadio asked me this question in my Critics of Game part 1 post:

So, wouldn’t it have been better for the episode hadn’t wasted all that effort trying to shame and discredit guys trying to be more attractive to women, and maybe trying to teach, oh I don’t know, how to notice signs that someone is a serial killer or something?

Interesting question. We know that everyone has ‘instincts’ but most of the time we don’t follow through or we allow ourselves to be deceived openly because we want to be led astray and believe in something else, like that hot guy REALLY is interested in me as a person, in my ideas, my passions and goals and isn’t talking to me just because he wants to fuck me. Guys get that too thinking that smokin’ babe really LIKES me for me and not for my Ferrari Enzo. Strippers and cruel bitches call these guys marks. I guess guys should start calling women ‘prey’ to even it out.

Game teaches men how to be attractive and how to screen against red flags for poor behavior for commitment. Game is a tool and can also be used to chase and take advantage of sluts, but by and large, it’s real purpose is to teach men how to raise their value and to screen out poor women by getting them to qualify to you, to make them WANT to be with you. This facilitates a mans ability to make good choices for long term commitment partners. The ladder theory complements Game.

“Game” is reviled by women. Why? It does what it’s supposed to do and prevents naive beta’s from making the same mistakes over and over again.. allowing very attractive women from abusing them, taking advantage of them, letsjustbefriending them, gold digging them and cash&prizes divorcing them. This is a good thing no? Women are always saying ‘men fall for bitches’. Now we won’t! We’ll just fuck’em when we need to and trade’m up for the better cheaper property once the maintenance fees go up. One will only dare commit to a woman now who proves she isn’t some domineering, empowered, independent “I don’t need no man” bitch and actually adds VALUE to a mans life.

Bitches get used, qualified ladies will be treated accordingly. And beta’s cease being the reviled males you loathe. Win / Win right?

After all, we only hear over and over again how NiceGuys are just evil poor losers who can’t get laid (and deserve to stay celibate) because they’re playing nice. Game keeps them from playing nice.

So why would women be against it?

Further more, what is games equivalent for women? Were not talking about ‘girl game’ in how to pick up men. A pussy, pulse and pleasant demeanor is really all that’s required. [Are you listening you 4chan femcunts?] Girl game is simply being more feminine. The more feminine, the more attention, the more options. Girl game is all about making yourself more attractive (just like men’s game), but it carries none of the ability to screen for red flags.

So what is the female equivalent to GAME?
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