May 6, 2013

This post is coming out of drafts, i started writing this just before Christmas holidays last year, and Rollo’s post here about having a Plan for what to do AFTER having secured initial interest reminded me about it so it’s a good starting point. Without further adoo.


Many years ago I had a conversation with the woman who had me in the friendzone.

The conversation led to what women really wanted because obviously what i had offered up until then was not enough. I had heard ‘you’re such great guy‘ too often without any results. Being friendzoned by her was proof positive.

You see feminism taught me how to be tolerant and respectful towards women but it did not teach me that these traits were devoid of attraction. Being nice and showing all your positive traits in the hopes it will be recognized by the very women claiming to be looking for those traits, which is now vilified by femcunts like Marcotte was how I (we) was(were) brought up assuming we would get women to want to have relationships with us. We were told women WANTED to be with men who don’t disrespect them, make them feel like crap, treat them like assholes. We are still told this to this very day. Guess who loses in the short term mating market?

It taught us that treating women as equals and human being was enough.

Now don’t get me wrong.. i get that there is a huge divide between being an asshole and simply being sure of yourself and confident. One takes a little time to become, through experience, patience and time. One is the shortcut way of attracting the emotionally broken and self esteem cripples of the world, women who can only be validated by thugs or have a rescue complex the size of NML Cygni. Problem is, many women don’t give guys a chance to develop the former, so they choose the path of least resistance and join the latter, mainly out of spite or sheer frustration.

If there’s anyone out there who knows exactly what i’m speaking about, it’s Deti and i invite him to repost most of his remarks below. He makes a shit ton of very good comments over at HUS on thread discussing hypergamy. Deti *groks* what most people don’t seem to understand.

You’re just not grokking what men of our generation were taught. Our own mothers either didn’t get it or, more likely, simply lied to us. Frankly I think it was that our own mothers didn’t want to admit the truth to themselves that they did the exact same things they saw the girls doing and that they themselves made some mistakes they regretted.

My mother didn’t lie to me, she just didn’t know any better. Or maybe she wanted me to avoid making the same mistake. After all, my dad was a boxer.. and looking at old pics of my mom, she was a looker in her day so she had SMV to spare. Who knows.. maybe she did lie. I just think becoming a mom destroys any sense of rationality women have and they need to justify to themselves that whatever naughty bad behaviors they did aren’t worth detailing because they want their kids to act, behave and be better than them and live in their ‘idealized’ world. It’s a theory. A shitty one but well, there it is.

So now you have this kid who’s grown up believing in irrational fairy tales of what girls who are made of sugar and spice want and should be like and what they should actually like.. and now dump a whole shit ton of feminist slut hookup culture into the mix. It’s like baking a cake. A diarrhea cake.

That's one sinfully sick cake you don't want to touch..

That’s one sinfully sick cake you don’t want to touch..

If you want to see just how far feminism fucked me over, go reread this post here. It so drilled into my head on how to be so respectful and subservient towards women, to always tiptoe around them and to NEVER be aggressive or sexually honest around them (Game allowed me to break this self perpetuating cycle of catastrophe ). So much so that i am pretty much now incapable of maintaining sexual arousal when a woman asks me to get ‘rough’ with her. It turns me off and makes me go limp. (Thankfully not an issue as my current paramour loves steamy, sensual and enthusiastically passionate sex, not Gorillas in the Mist sex any caveman can do. Monkey sex is not my forte, and i’m fucking proud of that fact)

Now, me and Deti may very well be a generation removed from what’s going on today, but my guess is that with an SMP that appears to be even more fucked up than ever before, the lessons of the past repeat themselves. But now I’m off track.. so back to the convo with my friend.

I asked her what with all my ‘great’ qualities why I was striking out? She said that I just needed to be more confident. I asked her how? She said ‘You just do. Confidence comes from within.’ I immediately balked an told her that wasn’t true. Confidence is not innate, its earned. She argued incessantly that it was something you could mystically conjure up from thin air, like listening to Tony Robbins speeches. This is female privilege, specifically the beauty privilege.  When a beautiful woman tells you this, it’s because she doesn’t know what 50 rejections in a row feels like. Not a fucking clue.

Looking back I can see why she thought like that. She was young hot cute (hence my attraction to her and subsequent years of living in her LJBF orbiting nightmare), never turned down, always able to get a guy. Its easy to be confident when you were born with a silver spoon in you mouth. I wish I could go back in time and have this talk with her now what with me having OD’d on crimson liqui-gel tablets.

It appears most all women want a finished man. A ReadyMadeMan™. (just add water) They don’t want you while your building confidence or lift a finger to help you.. only once you have it. Well it’s nice that everyone wants to drive a Bugatti Veyron EB 16.4 instead of a Ford Pinto, but if you don’t take the time to teach people all about math, science, engineering, physics, aerodynamics.. you know, things needed to bring a million dollar sports car to life, then what you end up with is a road full of these.

This doesn’t seem to follow in reverse. MOST men i know are willing to allow many of their women to not have ‘perfect’ bodies. If we use the old “game is for men what looks are for women” analogy, we can see that men aren’t fucking unreasonable with a woman having a little weight on her (i’m more shallow than most, but then again, i want a female body to match my own). Would we like you to be super fit young and tight? Hell yea. But we make for allowances because we know you can’t spend 3 hours a day in the gym and have other life shit to deal with. We get that. We go into dating with realistic expectations (well, most of us). All you really need is to be good enough looking and in a certain shape to get our dicks to rise.. boom. You’re datable.  Just be smart enough not to put a jelly sandwich in the dvd player, don’t act like a man and avoid the urge to splurge on Multipenis™ (trademark owned by Abbott on HUS). Boom. You’re commitment worthy. Easy peasy.

But us men? We need to be able to turn on our instant douchebag awesomeness game spitting alpha level to a power level over 9000 cranking the mutherfucking dial to 11 and never stop the wild ride just to get noticed. (That’s a fist full of memes.)  But of course, there are those greedy bitches that want their men to have perfect game AND look like Brad Pitt or some supernatural fucktard who sparkles in the sun too and make the money of an oil magnate to take you jetsetting on (and to take half of later when they’re tired of you but want to keep your offspring). It’s all about entertaining a woman by taking her for a journey in her mind.. followed by multiple expensive travel journeys to exotic locales as well…

As usual, i’m getting off track. It happens.

I’m bad at staying on topic…

Back in the day (like 10,000 BC or Little House on the Prairie) women usually always gave men a chance. It was polite and common courtesy for a woman to accept a mans formal declaration of interest (which usually was directed towards her father first so daddy could judge if he was a player or honest man.. and instill fear like only a shotgun on the front porch could do). Even if she had no initial interest in the man, she may have been ignorant to a vast array of great qualities lying just beneath the surface that he either already had, or she could coax out of him with a little feminine persuasion and nurturing. No nuclear rejections, and taking a little time to see into a mans soul rather than make a snap decision. This gave men time to build up confidence by allowing them to interact with patient women. This is where the phrase ‘behind every great man stands a great woman’ came from. And even if everything went badly from a dating perspective, she would part from him graciously thanking him for his time, courtesy and provisions. And he would thank her for her time, allowance and graciousness towards him and be able to walk away with a little more knowledge and no expectation of ‘just being friends’.

But the benefits if it worked were immense. Most relationships were permanent. But others, if they did not work, lasted long enough for men to pick up on how to interact with women without being awkward or shy. In effect, women were building the men up because everyone had a fair shot and got to learn along the way. And the women reaped the rewards. Sure they may have had to endure some really green men, but so did all women at one point, thus when they did find an accomplished man, chances are another woman prepped him and she was rewarded off another woman’s sacrifice (if you want to call it that).  So if a relationship didn’t work out, the next one they ended up in had a very good chance of success due to what was learned prior. The chance of ending up in a relationship was better because they had been given ample time to become ‘un-awkward’.

No broken phones in the good old days.

Today we have more socially awkward men than ever before. Because women hold an unequal and unfair advantage in terms of both attraction and being able to pick up where left off after kicking someone to the curb. Most women couldn’t fucking tell you what outcome dependence or abundance mentality are. Today only the alpha thrives. Today’s awkward men are awkward because none are ever given a chance to develop in an environment around women, and left to ramp up their awkward in solitude. Today men get rejected for the most trivial reasons and its hard to build up confidence when you lose more than you win. Only the most hardened and heartless can get through it with the will to keep going, but usually with the result of treating women like prey rather than people, like cows led to slaughter.

Those without the stomach for it will find safety among their own kind, and have more fun playing World of Warcraft rather and support each other rather than deal with crushing criticisms and brutal denials from women they are attracted to in the SMP because they stutter trying to think of something funny to say on command like a court jester trying to stave off his own execution if the King no longer finds him funny.


Confidence is cumulative. You need to do it over and over again with success. Fake it till you make it is the creedo around these parts of the web. I had an argument with some people at work about confidence. They said you can have it even if you don’t succeed. You proceeding with confidence is all that matters, regardless of the outcome. I called that absurd. What every woman who says men should just be confident fails to realize is that if they’re rejecting men left, right and center then they are part if the problem. Expecting confidence to simply spring up from the ground or thin air is absurd. Here’s why.

I was great in math when i was in high school  I scored a 92% in grade 12 basic math. Because i wanted to get an OAC, i was required to take grade 12 advanced math. I ended up with a 64%. You know what fucked me up? Logarithms. Try as i might, and as good as i was at all other forms of math, these fucking equations pwnd my ass. Same went for Functions.

To this day i will tell you with absolute certainty… I AM NOT CONFIDENT IN MY ABILITY TO SOLVE FOR F! Put an equation in front of me and i’m toast. You can’t just ‘will’ confidence out of thin air.

If I gave you a pistol and told you to score 10 centre shots at 100 yards, and you never held a gun in your life, how confident would you be in making a perfect score compared to the marksman who trains for years. Now, what if i told you that:

  • You only have 1 chance to train each day, and each time you show up and start shooting, you have to hit the bullseye.
  • If you miss the target, you’re session is done and you leave and can’t come back until tomorrow
  • Oh, and these sessions cost $5 a day.
  • So on your first day you show up, pay the five, step up, unload a round.. boom. You miss the target. Ok, you’re done, leave the premises. Sure, you got 10 rounds left in the clip and one in the chamber.. but your day is done.
  • Go home.

How many times are you willing to repeat this process? If after 3 months and almost $300 later you were still only able to make about 5 out of 467 targets in a row (because the targets start to move, shift and never in the same place the next day)… how confident would you be that you could get through the entire course without instruction, tips, or practice time?

In fact, this point was driven home to me a by random chance of a conversation i had with my female work colleague today[edit:Dec,12.2012 was the day]. A few days earlier we had a conversation regarding confidence and i used the gun analogy on her and another co-worker  Both gave the implausible response that they would be confident heading into it that they could master it (apparently excluding the conditions i set forth) and were unwilling to agree with my assessment. Fast forward to today, and me and female co-worker are talking about driving horror stories she had learning how to drive and how she’s terrified of driving on highways. She told me she’s the type that learns better by reading but sucks at application. (ie. she knows the rules of the road, but driving is intimidating in real life). It was the perfect opening for me to shoot her my patented shit eating smirk and say ‘Why don’t you just drive with *confidence* eh’ 😉… she immediately got it, laughed and said ‘Well played.’

Game. Set. Match.

Men are going to learn about confidence one way or the other eventually. They’ll either develop it naturally due to being gifted with it, will have the support of good women around them to help nurture it, or discover Game on the internet, either by accident or because they were looking for answers to their problems. As a woman, which part of the equation do you want to be? The one who helped build good men up, or soured them to run into the arms of PUA schools to pump and dump your ass down the road?

Point is, if men are chasers and women are choosers, it follows that if women want more confident men, they need to be giving men a chance to build it up. And every time you reject a guy for his shoes, the shape of his nose, something minor he says, the way he chews.. or you just enjoy crushing men on first dates because you hate boys and throw rocks at them.. you’re the problem. Every time you make a snarl face or nuclear rejection, you’re part of the problem.

If you don’t think so.. I’d gladly tell yo to jump out of plane.

Without an instructor or any training.

But don’t worry.

You’ll be fine.


All you need is confidence.


  1. “game is for men what looks are for women”

    there’s the Warren Farrell dichotomy of if women are sex objects, men are success objects…

  2. Diarreah cake? Jeez, M3 I will never be able to eat chocolate cheesecake again. Good column. A little long winded but the effort shows.

  3. I knew this post would have issues but i just had to publish it to get it out of my system. Length was long, and the post really doesn’t help anyone except maybe some good girls will send this post to their bratty friends who bitch about being unable to find good decent guys while being rejection whores.

    At least i don’t have to stare at it in my drafts anymore..

    Glad you enjoyed the cake! 🙂

  4. Never say ‘grok’, M3.

    It’s a toilet paper word.

  5. Being a cripple (mild right sided hemiparalysis Cerebral Palsy) this is all too familiar to me, As my mom tried to shelter me from life’s realities.

  6. I love the firing range analogy.

    I started reading your blog just recently after a couple of the articles really resonated me. I’m really blown back by your level of honesty here, I’m looking forward to reading back through some of your older articles.

  7. Women have been filled with all sorts of ideas that no matter what they do they are perfect.

    So it goes that whatever man they choose must be more than perfect…one slip up and he is gone. Hypergamy on steroids.

    No man is perfect…we aren’t allowed to be human anymore. I’ve often found I need to fail a few times before I start to get it. One could say the seeds of confidence start with some failure.

    I mean even as the game gets tighter I still slip up…not even your most astute bats 1.000.

  8. the friend zone exists because you allow it. DO.NOT. attention women that put you in the FZ. even go so far as to tell them you aren’t interested in being “friends”.

    yer welcome. and thanks for coming back to the posting world.

  9. Back eh?
    The cruelest irony is feminism teaches us this race to the bottom, where we try to outdo every guy around us in just how nice and how placating we are to femenists. To show them just HOW MUCH we understand their pain.

    But…the farther down you go, the more pathetic you become to them.

  10. I’m sorry to hear that ARoss. I’ve never contemplated what the story is like from someone with a handicap (for lack of a better term).. perhaps you can share your story? Only if you’re comfortable.

  11. @ earl

    No woman wants to be stuck being the one dealing with a man in the process of becoming one. They view it waste. When every woman follows suit, you get what we have now. Women complaining about where all the men are. Well, they decides to do other things than chase women or perfect themselves for women’s needs. One case of the feminine imperative shooting itself in the foot.

    By avoiding men of lesser status and failing to help socialize them, they create a system where men will reject the imperative en masse. Quite ironic.

    I get nobody wants to be with a work in progress, but that was something all women both shared and benefited from.

    The imperative got too greedy and delved too deep. We see the result.

  12. @ Danny

    Death to friendzones! 🙂

    Good to be back, in better spirits no less.

  13. @ erudite knight

    We call that “mangina disease” 😛

  14. @Erudite Knight

    Yep. Feminism creates the very “nice guys” that feminists love to ridicule and demonize.

  15. This is one of the unintended consequences of feminism.

    Feminists thought that they could encourage women to grow up, work, act, talk, and fuck like men, and men would just keep right on doing what they’ve always done. The men would keep growing up, going to school, getting jobs, and earning money to support a little woman when she was around 30 and ready to settle down.

    What they forgot is that the boys who were going to become those men needed two things: instruction and incentives.

    Instruction in life lessons. You date, you break a heart or two and you get your heart broken. You pump and dump, and you get pumped and dumped. You fall in love, you fall out of love. You get puppy love, you get disillusioned. You figure out pretty much what your SMV is because you can tell from the girls who will talk to you, go out with you, dance with you, and fuck you.

    Incentives: If you work hard, you have about a 90% chance of making it. She wants to find a good husband as much as you want to find a good wife. She wants to love you as much as you want to love her. And if you work at it and try, you’ll probably be OK.

    That all changed.

    Women figured out they didn’t have to marry the guy who worked at the local factory or managed the local supermarket. No, she could get a PR degree, move to Big City, get 3 roomies and a cubicle job, and fuck investment bankers and lawyers and minor league baseball players. She didn’t have to get married at all. No, all she needed was a paycheck and birth control pills and she was all set. No Camry-driving apartment dwelling Eddie Steadyman for her.

    I’m just about ready to make a concession to the PUAs and recommend that the Eddies of the world get a few ONSs under their belts. Why? So they can know they can pull and bed a woman or two before they start offering themselves as LTR material (if that’s what they want to do)

  16. Can you men grow up???

    Mommy did this, my first grade crush didn’t like me…

    I got “friendzoned”.

    WTF? Ever think… You could be friends w a woman? No why? Thats insane

    Are you friends with your wives? Your partners? Who do you feel closest to?

    Damaged men, damaged women.

    Lets be real here. We are all damaged.

    If we could exist without each other… Than we wouldn’t NEED each other to continue the species. We would be self pollinators.

    But we do. We (men and women) need each other and in more than one way.!

    So, confidence…. What 13 yearly old REALLY had it?

    And BTW if you in your heart think you are the cats meow, the bee’s knees, the top gun. Well then you are clinically insane. No one is perfect confidence is knowing your imperfections and accepting them, working on the ones you can change

    Your partner; will never be perfect. You need to accept that, them and alll the imperfections. They are what balance us out.

    We as a species for all intents and purposes could be total carbon copies of one another and …. Robots. Easy sure, interesting. Would you even care?

    Do you care?

  17. M3:

    You know this is going to provoke howls of:

    “What’s that M3 guy saying?! Is that douchebag saying that we girls HAVE to date and screw those icky betas? Is he saying we have to help those guys out? NO. WAY. Look, I feel bad for these guys; I pity them; but I am NOT going to date them or have sex with them.”

    And my response would have to be:

    You are exactly right. You don’t have to have anything to do with these men. So I hope you’re good with marrying a “The Situation” clone and supporting him. I hope you’re OK with him cheating on you. I hope you’re OK with sharing him with other women, and then paying him alimony when you divorce.

    You’ll be pleased to know that there will no longer be men available to change the oil in your car or fix the electricity or repair the plumbing or drive the trucks to bring the tampons to the Wal-Mart. Those men are not available because they’re are all too busy wanking it to porn on government purchased laptops and playing Call of Duty.

    You’ll be happy that the men who you do want to date and screw will also be dating and screwing your sisters, your friends, your co-cubicle workers, your kids’ elementary school teachers, and the lady at the Gap who gave you the dressing room key. And after they’re done dating and screwing you, they’ll throw your clothes at you and tell you to get the fuck out until they call you again. And when they call, you’ll come running for more.

    Don’t be surprised this is the society we have. Don’t be surprised these are the men we have.

    You wanted them. You wanted this. You asked for this.

    You got it.

  18. Audacious:

    What the hell are you talking about?

  19. @ Audi

    You feeling ok? I’m not sure who that was directed towards but damn girl.. sounds like you need a piece of chocolate or something to raise the endorphin level? Something happen? Care to tell your dirty uncle M3?

  20. Hey, c’mon no need to get all “test”-y.

    I love your writings and you have an elegant way of providing insight into the male mind.

    I really have something

    (well 3 things I keep asking myself and want to pose these to you all – one as a “challenge” – but honestly… This is not my home. I am a guest. I can “ask” you play but you may “tell” me to leave.)

    I gotta know

    What is the MALE word for “hamsterbation”?

    Or do you guys claim you don’t ever justify actions you took that made you less appealing to women – EVEN if it was a GOOD thing you don’t feel badly about (only the outcome) like… Being nice and then friendzoned

    Men rationalize. Humans do.

    Bt all you guys over 10 months I’ve … Likely been ass rapes as many hamsters As richard gere during a particularly wild night; chillin w the dalai lama, sippin herbal tibeten tea and gettin taint tickled. t

  21. @ Audi

    Heheh. relax kiddo. Just checking to make sure you’re on your meds. And by meds i mean cocoa.

    You are free to romp in my home. I just have one rule. You do it nude. Now onto your questions.

    I believe someone in the sphere previously called it Rationalization Racoon. Came up with a great analogy as well. Something about guys diving into dumpsters and such telling themselves shit like it was good food or it was free and cheap, when it’s actually garbage. Funny shit. The blog disappeared tho so boo to that.

    Of course men rationalize. Every human does. But we mostly use logic to guide our rationale.. not assuaging feelings, and most often in spite of feelings.

    I couldn’t make out the last line.. it looks like you started slipping into a sugar induced coma there.

  22. Audi’s hamster been snacking on that jelly.

  23. Thank you… Like it… Rationalization raccoon.

    Thank you so much for someone, being that someone, to finally address that!

    Logic… Often we ladies know it, we just ignore it sometimes 🙂

    (I mention two VERY distinct and momentous occasions in the entire history of AAB’s relationship past that I accessed, understood the situation and how “flawed” it was, and said, a loud, I am doing this knowing it’s a bad idea.

    Like that time I… Took a chicken bus alone in bolivia and was dropped in a field, alone, and told (I think – my Spanish es no bueno) to board a truck… Just let life lead me to my destination. Cost risk analysis. Yep, women do it too!!

    (I really need to get a hit of the east coast my sarcasm and snide remarks are out control! NorCal is and incense and “organic papers” – c’mon man really??? Organic rolling papers for your medicinal marijuana joints?? And btw they suck ass and don’t burn so suck it hippies).

    I’m Also I’m a conference call w toronto!!! Sooo apologies if I don’t make 100% sense, split focus, split monitors and a lotta charts.

    You didn’t like my richard here hamster up the ass joke 😦

  24. Jelly? Mine only eats herbs

  25. As the hamster begins to panic, notice how it spins faster and faster…

  26. At least I’m gettin a work our 😉

  27. Btw. You realize. … I haven’t … Like said anything about me or my behavior or my life or etc

    I asked a question and said I would like clarification. I also acknowledged this is M3’s home and he makes the rules.

    Thanks doll for letting me play here.

    Too bad it seems I don’t fit in w the crowd

  28. Exhausted, the hamster will attempt to use guile* in a last-ditch effort to preserve itself.

    Desperately in need of allies, these attempts serve to encourage a sympathetic attitude toward the hamster in the other party.

    *Often vaguely sexual in nature.

  29. You’re always free to play here. Just remember.. it is a male locker room so abandon ye hope all females who enter here.. lol. Or just wear your helmet and shoulder pads and you should be fine.

    I’ve been knocked around quite badly in the MSM comment sections and Jizzabel. My skin thickened. You simply must prepare to fight with logic, not emotions.. but passion is encouraged 😉

  30. Failed attempts at supplication will result in the last resort strategy of ‘Final protective Spin’ (FPS).

    The hamster may attempt to flee.

  31. Really? I’m stuck in a cage that you’ve … Trapped me in (or I walked into the cage, the owner has left the door open…) or you want me to stay. Hang like a piñata you can strike out at, unleash whatever the source of your I instigated anger may be (sexual frustration, unresolved mommy issues… These I base solely on the venue in which you are expressing your almost female like catty remarks), how I drip all over you; sweet candy, all over your red angry unfulfilled face.

    (ok, maybe THAT was gettin a lil saucy.. Dont like it? Can’t handle it? Tell me wise raccoon – nice makeup btw, I never could get the smokey eye down – what is wrong with a woman expressing her sexuality in a passive, non actionable way?)

  32. M3,

    Thank you for your voice and the work and the passion you put into it.

    We’re the same age and share generational reference points (I didn’t know Canadians and Americans shared that many cultural touchstones) and similar views. Your niche of the Manosphere, part MGTOW, part PUA, while not ideologically either, doesn’t have the highest profile, but it’s the one that speaks the most to me. And speaks the most for me.

    We are the same age, share cultural touchstones, and have similar views and hopes. As a recent red pill swallower, when I look ahead to calibrate my course, your example is the best fit for me that I’ve seen so far. (Granted, I haven’t surveyed the whole Manosphere.)

    Thank you for being a resource and setting a course that others like you may follow.

  33. The FPS extinction burst over, the hamster scurries away.

    To live.

    To fight.

    To spin, another day.

    (Don’t comment after this one, Audi, it ruins the gag.)

  34. Comment.

  35. Of should I refer to you as Lord Rationalization Racoon.

    Rationalizing the hamster kept tucked away in the valley of a great divide (whew I am overwhelmed with how many metaphors I got goin there!)

    Cheers mate. Tout alors, a bien tot. Beso mi culo

    JB (hamster free since june 26 2012)

  36. This is why we can’t have nice things.

  37. Oh, your thing isn’t nice? I feel badly for the Victontess 😦 she has fight your battles and not even a nice thing to reward her for her efforts

  38. Oh M3… You were one of my like manosphere “Rocky Moments”… Pushing and arguing and getting irate till I just gave in.. Caught the chicken, accepted the situation and I take no offense to strangers slinging slander in response to an inquiry; to you, on your blog.

    Thick skin? Yea, soft heart, of course. I AM a lady after all 🙂

    Ps or is it just me or is viconte’s writing style just ever so slightly effeminate? Not the content of course. More the cadence, the launguageZ all seems very right brain-y to me . But…. what does it matter, how can we know, in these times we hide behind sunglasses and muscle, spray tans and hair dye. We mask our insides w firewalls and alias’s – I am guilty of all these things.

    This day and age

    Glad you found your inner confidence. It means you KNOW and LIKE who YOU are; though id worry if it never waned. Gotta adhere to some bit of humility. Right?

  39. @M3…

    That’s okay if women don’t want to be part of the process. I’ll have Morpheus help me become Neo.

  40. M3-

    did you get the memo? fucktard is MY word. lol.

  41. […] was reading this post by m3 about Confidence when some sentence ressonated with what my thoughts have been […]

  42. Yes yes yes. Hot girls have NO clue what it’s like to have to learn confidence from the ground up. It’s numbers game:

    Say hot to average girls get approached by 5+ guys on a given night out. Multiply by so many days per year going out… say 150. Weekend nights plus one. That is 750 social interactions per year.

    Take your average to good looking guy. Gets aproached on occasion, maybe 1x per month. If he’s not taking initiative, he’s fucked.

    Question M3, have you checked out the Pook’s book?


  43. @ Audi

    I’m glad you caught the chicken, but didn’t choke it.

    You and Vicomte, like an old married couple. Can i expect an invitation? 😛

    You touched on a really important point in the last sentence. “It means you KNOW and LIKE who YOU are”.. and this is an utmost truth. Back in the day, i HATED who i was, and was looking for a woman to validate me so i could stop hating myself. So i would accept any woman just for the hope she could see past what i hated about myself and confirm to me i was mistaken.

    By transforming into a person who while humble and recognizes faults within, was also extremely happy with my own looks and personality, i no longer looked for a woman to fill the void and be my trophy for the sake of assuaging my lack of confidence, thus taking any woman on board no matter how bad for me, i instead got to screen and filter only for a woman who i thought would complement me the best and who was worthy enough to be with me.

    If you are truly confident and happy with yourself and do not required external validation of this from others, you prevent yourself from picking unworthy out of fear and avoid being abused.

  44. @ Eric

    Thanks for swinging by and the good words!

    I think Canadians/Americans share the same historical roots, just different political affiliations (love the queen/dump her tea). Being biggest trading partners and sharing the same land mass doesn’t hurt either.

    I’m glad i don’t have the highest profile.. my inner introvert would not approve. I’m not PUA but i don’ throw them under a bus. I’m more MGTOW and student of Game, heavy focus on Inner game, less about peacocking.

    Glad you can relate and please do check out the rest of the sphere. It’s a huge resource and no one individual blogger can be all things to all people. As Danny would say, it’s a living entity with a full broad spectrum that covers everything with tons of overlap. I’m sure you will find what you’re looking for.

    The red pill may be hard to swallow, but i want to say Welcome.. to the real world! You’re free.

  45. @ Danny

    LOL. I think the carrier pigeon carrying the memo never arrived 😛

    Fucktard is such an awesome word.

  46. @ Keanu

    No i never read Pook. Thank you for sharing this with me. I just glanced over it really quickly and it’s resonating with me immensely. I will have to check it out fully when i get home.

  47. Yea it’s worth it–He has a really interesting socratic writing style. Unlike any manosphere writer I have seen, and he was years ahead of manosphere thought. We all know that some manosphere blogs are guilty of repeating the same truths over and over again, and Pook definitely delves deep into some core concepts and the repercussions. A must read for any serious manospherian.

  48. Lol. Ass fuck is another great one.

  49. I gotta like go back to thinking about how I “read” you then and now. It’s so amazingly different , perhaps even evolved.

    I’m so glad you reached your place, a home inside your own body and mind. I guess my original “freak out” was pretty much cuz I’d read a llllooooottta what sounded like raccoon rationalizing from Deti (who btw, hey! you are pretty awesome too, always making good points backed up with reasoning of substance.) and you and your roads to…. Etc. none of that is relevant now anyhow it’s not what you were but who you are that matters and I’m fucking all gushy inside after reading what you wrote about confidence

    It is so incredibly spot on I can’t NOT believe you don’t get it. You got it booooiiii 🙂

    …. Old married couple? Don’t you know it’s rude to call a woman “of a certain age” old 🙂 ?

    You are kind of a perceptive one aren’t ya? So you are taken and astute, ok obviously NOW I HAVE to have you 😉 jk

    Interesting observation there.

    Date: Thu, 9 May 2013 13:45:39 +0000 To: amateurblogger@live.com

  50. @M3 You never read the Book of Pook !?!


    Dalrock has saved the works of Solomon II too.

    @audacious amateur blogger

    I dont see the male hambsterbating.

    As a man you can actually build up your confidence in your 30s by dating women in their 30s, if you got your stuff halfway together they throw themselves at you.

    I am getting approached….. \O_O/

    At the same time, you can start to see post by women why they cant get second dates, why men dont return their calls and that dating used to be fun and so on….

    So, in the process of building our confidence up, we are grinding down their, well, I would not say hard won, confidence.

    Like it or not, success matters when it comes to confidence and they become increasingly shrill, even though they have 15 years of success under their belts, while some of us not even got our foot in the door when we started out.

    They used to nuke guys who “did not get it”, turns out, all they “got” were that they were young and beautiful.

  51. Just in case anyone needed a reminder of what alpha looks like.

  52. I like the cut of your jib M3.

    Today’s women want Superman not Clark Kent. What they fail to realize is that Clark can become Superman under the right conditions. Modern women have lost their true feminine power to bring Superman out of Clark. It’s not that hard to do.

    God forbid if you show a little awkardness. God forbid you show her that you’re a imperfect human being. Being human is unacceptable, yet they expect/demand you to accept all of their flaws.

    It’s enough to drive you mad. Thank God I have music & art to keep me entertained.

    Much respect to Deti. He’s the Hawkeye of the Manosphere.

  53. I just discovered redpill, M3, and now, Pook. Good Gods, to think this wisdom was available to me back in 2001!!! D:

    SMH, if I had only known… I’m glad I found it now. 😀

  54. Here’s a little bit about me, I’m 25 I live in Acton, it’s not really worth the drive lol. I was the 2nd of 3 children the first however was still born. I was a really active kid despite being a cripple. Had my first girlfriend in kindergarten till around grade 4(used Saved by the Bell as a reference guide during those years) Got my second girlfriend in grade 6 liked her because she had the biggest titties in class though she was my first kiss she wasn’t particularly good looking and I broke up with her due to peer pressure. However once I began highschool I sort of became an introvert and turned to Madden to pass the time. Got my 3rd girlfriend during the last month of highschool as I wanted to lose my virginity and because she was my buddies sister (strange fantasy I use to have) Didn’t end up doing her as she didn’t hold up her end of the bargain Hygienically. Each relationship lasting only 1 month and 3 days. and I came to learn through my younger sister that I had 10 or so other girls after me, But she cockblocked each of them out of revenge because I got more attention in her eyes, from our parents.(my sister was one of the “mean girls” at school) That leaves me where I am today still with my v card and trying to learn how to woo women.

  55. Btw who is the girl in the mass effect comic? female shepard?

  56. Only once in my life did I ever recover a relationship from the dreaded “friendzone” and I had to be quite the a**hole to pull it off. Fortunately, it was when I was young so could pull it off. I learned after that to treat women as a convenience – in every way. Women don’t want respect – they want to be used and abused. They want to complain about you… It is their medium of exchange.

    These days I am much older – 50 – and still only have sex with women in the 18-25 range. Yes, I am on stage, and yes they are groupies, as well as wanting things from me – that’s fine, I want things from them and get it. Do I “respect them”? Let me ask you, Do I respect a toilet? No, they are a convenience – something that makes my life easier. I am NOT their friend – don’t want to be. I’m an NOT a nice guy – never claimed to be. But I ride them the way they want, and treat them the way they crave. When they ask what they are to me – I tell them, a warm hole to blow a load into, and a mouth to s**k me off. It turns them on and tells them exactly what they bring to the relationship.

    Learning that early saved me from experiencing a lot of stress… And perversely has give women a lot of joy and pleasure by being treated the way they want to be treated, rather than the way they say they want to be treated. And the two are almost 180 degrees apart. So look to what they respond to, rather than the BS you hear… You’ll enjoy life more and get a lot more action…

  57. In mid-April, a woman who I had not spoken to in 10 years contacted me. I knew she in the area, but never contacted her during that time. She friend-zoned me quite a bit, but was very good at hinting that if I waited just a little bit longer, she would let me into her bedroom. During that decade, she went through AA – I did not know she had a problem, must have been one of those high-functioning alcoholics. She got married to a man who was 15 years older than her, who died after two years from cancer.

    Anyway, she suggested I call her and we get together. Our offices are 40 minutes apart, and we live at least an hour’s drive from each other. To gauge her attitude, and save myself time, I mentioned that I live with relatives – due to both family and financial considerations. Don’t let the record-setting Dow Jones fool you, there are still plenty of people hurting in the economy.

    While she did not say anything, I’m sure that killed it for me. A couple of days after our talk, I texted her with some places we can meet. No answer. A few days later, I left a curt voicemail to call me back, which she did. We chatted on the phone again, and said that she was spending her time preparing for some professional exam, so maybe we could get together in June.

    So, a widow, recovering alcoholic, past child-bearing years woman believes she can still string me along. Or that she can do better than me. The thing is, she is still a good-looking women, so she still has an advantage. Why bother wasting time on a guy who has been slapped around by life?

    As for lessons my parents taught me – I was at a disadvantage. My parents spent their best years hurling abuse at each other. Occasionally, my dad would smack my mother around, but I noticed that stopped once my brother and I got to be same size as him. Yeah, they would occasionally smack me around as well – even one time we had company over.

    I was very protective of my kid sister. I’d always put myself in the way if I felt our parents were becoming abusive to her. My reward for this is that we are still very close, despite living thousands of miles from each other.

    Consequently, being protective of women is my default mode. It is a quality that women say they want – too bad I’m skinny with thick glasses and not a whole lot of money.

  58. THIS is a long post? Head over to therawness to see a long post.

    A thought: It is very risky to give too abstract an analogy to a woman, especially when she is somewhat hostile to the conclusion that she knows you will attempt to derive from it.

    Your use of the “drive with confidence” was brilliant, because it engaged the solipsism all women have, and it applied a tiny bit of judgment, which is a fabulous tool. We know it is a powerful tool because women will do anything to prevent us from using it.

    You used what I call “emotional logic” (which sounds like a contradiction in terms, but isn’t).

    You proved your point to her emotions, which will always work better on women.

    I don’t care if a woman has a PhD in math and physics, she will DENY the whole cannon of science if she needed to do so to rationalize her decisions or emotions.

    The Jack Nicholson line about women is still the truest word spoken:
    “I think of a man, then take away reason and accountability”.

  59. I don’t care if a woman has a PhD in math and physics, she will DENY the whole cannon of science if she needed to do so to rationalize her decisions or emotions.

    The Jack Nicholson line about women is still the truest word spoken:
    “I think of a man, then take away reason and accountability”.”


    One summer, I roomed with 3 other people, one of them a woman. She was a slob. Because I like a clean bathroom, I probably cleaned more than my fair share, but one time, I told her it was her turn to clean it. I come home, and she is standing in the tub, wearing sneakers, while she is washing the tile!

    I could not sugar-coat it, “Why are you wearing sneakers in the bath tub?!”

    She looked at me, and asked, “What am I supposed to wear?”

    I stared at her for a few seconds, and it suddenly dawned on her, “I’ll take them off.”

  60. […] it till you make it” – Or so the saying goes around these parts. I’ve already written about Confidence once, but i though i’d expand on it and how i believe women ‘experience‘ this thing […]

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