Confidence is like “Magic” to Women

November 21, 2013


They don’t really care to know how the illusion is created, they just want to be excited by the trick!

“Fake it till you make it” – Or so the saying goes around these parts. I’ve already written about Confidence once, but i though i’d expand on it and how i believe women ‘experience‘ this thing men exude.

You see,

  • Most people can’t step into the Octagon with a world champion MMA fighter and simply say “I’m confident i can take that motherfucker down!” – You’re face will end up looking like the bloody steak in the meat section of your local supermarket.
  • Most people can’t  walk into a dōjō and simply say “Yo, you and you’re silly little black-belt are going down right here, right now bitch!” – Chances are, a doctor will be putting a cast on you somewhere.
  • Most people can’t  walk onto an military firing range and dare the master marksman “I’ll bet you my house i can hit that target 1.5 kilometers away before you do!” – You’ll be crying while packing your bags and taping up the boxes for the movers.
    soldiers army military sniper 1440x900 wallpaper_www.wallfox_net_81

You simply cannot be a novice and expect to beat masters with years of practice under their belt with simple platitudes of ‘just be more confident’. That’s kind of like throwing a never touched water neophyte into a raging torrent of fast moving water and saying stupid shit like “Just tread water!” or “Move your arms dammit!” or “Don’t breathe while under the water!!!”

Now, you can get lucky once in a while, so fake it till you make it has merit, but the true goal is to become proficient until you can replicate victory over and over successfully, by knowing you have the ability to cash the cheques your ego is writing!

That is where true confidence stems from. Natural confidence comes from external sources of validation and receptivity. It’s no secret that many good looking people exude natural confidence simply because people are more receptive and accepting of them (just ask Ted Bundy), more forgiving of faults or misdeeds by the beautiful people. It’s why we go “Awwwwww” when the cute little dog is taking a shit on the carpet and chewing on your shoes and biting your hand when you put it in the food bowl.. but you squish a creepy spider under your shoe without remorse, even tho it does the environment good by eating the pesky blood sucking mosquitoes! Spiders be creepy yo.


Once again, i’ve gone off track. Naturals are confident because they’re used to society being agreeable with them from the starting gate. Everyone else from average on down has to work for and succeed at things to build on confidence. We all know this is true.


Women’s solipsistic nature does not allow for them to comprehend the male experience of having to work to become attractive. (The lower 80% here, without the dreamy eyes, chissled jaws, full head of hair, etc..)

The work required to educate himself to become good in his field. The work to compete against other men for the top spot in his profession or vocation. The work of lifting and exercising to put muscle on his frame. The work of excelling at extra curricular activities and knowledge of the world to be captivating, exciting and mysterious. The work of finding a fashion sense (and affording it) that  speaks volumes of power without saying a word. And most important of all, working on his game to make sure that he does not disqualify himself despite all the previous work by being perceived as overly ‘beta’.

An average and inexperienced girl never has to worry about the sting of rejection over and over again. Once or twice perhaps, but unless she’s really fat or ugly, she’ll easily be able to pull average to above average men, for sex or relationships. Her choice. A majority of the time she’ll never have to approach, she’ll be the approached. She will not have an understanding of what it’s like to put yourself on the spot, declare intent and be rejected. She’ll never come to know what a penalty ‘not being confident’ is to men.

“The woman is — in the strictest of biological terms — saying: I’m not paying you 50 grand for your chocolate bar…”
“… while the man is saying: I’m not willing to give you 50 cents for that Lexus.”

> on active (not passive) rejection by gender.

Women rarely, IF EVER, overtly announce intent. Rather they use ‘girl game’ and send out passive aggressive signals showing they are interested, but leave enough plausible deniability to avoid the stigma of being unworthy by outright rejection. Only those women who are 100% certain of their desirability are willing to take that risk when they have the desire for a romp with a particular man. And even then they will do it not by words, but by ‘coming onto’ the man, and letting nature work it’s magic. That’s female confidence that’s built into their sexuality.

Only the unfit/masculinized ones make a big stink about it because their FAUX confidence is built on the belief that all their masculine traits make up for their lack of physical beauty. I’m strong, empowered, confident and sexy! Large and in charge! Once you go big, you never go twig! – or at least that’s what they keep telling themselves, even tho they are snarky, bitchy 50 lbs overweight and completely unfeminine. They aren’t confident. They’re repeating a mantra in hopes that one day, they’ll actually believe it themselves. They’re doing their best to ‘Fake it till they make it’. But they never quite do…

I’d also like to point out that while women have no problem telling men that their problem is to ‘just be more confident’ in order to fix their dating problems and call men angry, bitter losers (for not being naturals) when men flip their shit at such a vague and useless suggestion, women seem to have a visceral reaction to hearing the same corrective measure of ‘just be more feminine/behave like a woman’ applied to fixing their problems. The instantaneous cackles of “oh you just can’t handle a strong confident woman” or “and what exactly does a “REAL” girl behave like?” come out of the mouths of these women who can dole out the advice, but too thin skinned to take the reality lesson themselves.


For women, being attractive/feminine is easy to quantify. Look sexy/feminine. Be pleasant/don’t be a bitch. But for men, being masculine/confident is so hopelessly subjective to a great many women because they don’t even know what it is that attracts themselves. The true indicator is if they get wet with a glazed look in their eyes, then you’ll know it!

Women typically feel a mans confidence just springs from a hole in the ground like a fucking Hobbit, they do not know, or wish to know how many times the man in front of them casually uncorked that bottle of wine and poured it out while smiling and looking into her eyes, saying all the right things, creating just the right mood. The ease of which their interaction is taking place, like she’s been with this guy a thousand times over, yet it’s their first meeting. Like destiny, like fate, like they’ve known each other all their lives!

And the feeling of 2 magnets of opposing polarity are connected to the inside of her knees begins to take hold..

In her mind it’s the first time he’s doing it, or at the very least, the first time it actually matters of course, because it’s with her. A woman wants to believe everything that is happening is truly happening without any though plan or preparation.. to fulfill the ‘it just happened’ spontaneity of the fantasy (even when the principle actor is a stalker lol!).

Like seeing a magic trick for the first time.. you don’t sit there examining how the trick will be pulled off, you simply experience the trick and end up with jaw on the floor as your mind stands bewildered at what it just saw. It’s only after you’ve completely experienced the trick that your mind settles down to the hard business of saying “What just happened? How the fuck did that impossible thing just happen before my eyes?”

So too is it with a woman being charmed out of her panties.

She fails to realize that he is so confident in making her feel this way, in creating this mood and moment, this experience of everything happening so smoothly, as if it were just meant to be…

..BECAUSE hes done it enough times to earn the GOLD medal in the Olympics of Seduction.


Her hypergamy demands nothing less.

Nothing ‘just happens’ with a man who’s confident. Why?

  • Because he knows how to anticipate the punch of his MMA opponent by noticing which leg his opponent is putting all his weight on in just a fraction of a second.
  • Because he knows exactly how to focus all his power and concentrate his focus to one specific area to create a devastating blow without leaving him open to attack.
  • Because he knows how to slow his pulse, read the wind, gravity and the Coriolis effect.. and knows to pull the trigger on the exhale.

Things a confident man is not doing:

  • Thinking about whether what he’s about to say is funny, lame or corny.
  • Thinking about whether he’s going to trip over his words.
  • Thinking about saying something wrong.
  • Thinking about whether he should put his hands on her shoulder or gently move her hair behind her ear to see more of her face and whether it’s ‘appropriate’ right now.
  • Thinking about whether she’s signalling interest or is she just friendly like this to everyone
  • Thinking about whether he’s going to end up naked in front of her
  • Thinking about if she will find him attractive
  • Thinking about whether he will get her into bed, or how long he’ll last

A confident guy isn’t thinking about anything negative because he’s experienced it all, knows how to diffuse, knows how to recover, knows how to ad-lib, knows how to roll with the punches, knows how to read and knows how to react.

In other words, it’s ‘just happening’ because he’s trained himself and knows how to make it happen again and again, with frightening consistency. And when you know you can repeat the same event over and over..

..you might say you’re pretty confident you know what you’re doing.

Of that, I am 100% confident.


Whether you land a cad or a dad depends on whether you took the time to look past that confidence, past the tingles, past the fantasy… to see whether he was the perfect picture you thought he was, or simply a throw away shot.


  1. Agreed. They like the take charge guy. Which, of course, is in direct contradiction to the sensitive new age guy, and the, I cry guy guy. They’ll bed the sadist cad and tell the loving lad that he wasn’t something she shoulda had and then go back for more before her tears hit the floor.

    You don’t reason with women. You don’t ask. You ambush. Everything is a game of pursuit. If you ask you’ll get no. If you debate they’ll turn off. You’re supposed to romance them until you find your way in or they slap your hand away. It’s then your choice to hang on for another round of that or go away and find a more appreciative female. Trust me, there are proper women out there who know and trust this routine well enough to work with it. – Angelwanderer

  2. […] M3: […]

  3. So, I take it you’re going to look away during the Mirkwood scenes in “Desolation of Smaug”? 😀

    As a slight tangent to this worthy topic, I’d like to ask this (since I have no experience with this): How do women typically act when they make rejections? Whenever I let a guy down/tell him I’m uninterested, I smile, force myself to give him a hug*, and let him know that I’m very appreciative that he considers me attractive enough to pursue. If he has something “messed up” about himself (dirty hair, holey clothes, looking down at his feet the whole time, etc), I’ll let him know that X behavior is usually a turnoff and how he can fix it when he approaches someone else.

    I’ve never been drunk to a bar, but I hear that the women in them are far crueler when rejecting potential suitors. Is this indicative of the majority of women in other situations, or do they use a gentler method when they’re not drunk/drinking? Just wondering if it’s a “woman thing” or an “environment thing”, really.

  4. To me…confidence is doing a bunch of little things the right way each time and persisting each day with those little things. That’s why things don’t just happen…you do it everyday. I’ve seen this specifically in the job I’m doing and the weight room.

    “He who is faithful in a very little thing is faithful also in much; and he who is unrighteous in a very little thing is unrighteous also in much.” Luke 16:10

    “Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan ‘Press On’ has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.”
    -Calvin Coolidge

  5. *I am NOT a touchy-feely person, even with friends/family, so giving a complete stranger a hug is a pretty big step outside of my comfort zone. I just wanted to clarify, so it wouldn’t sound like my forcing myself to hug these guys is because I find them revolting. It’s my personal issue, not anything to do with them.

  6. Good post, M3.

    For a lot of women, losing weight and improving their physical appearance is not going to be something they can do overnight. It’s going to be difficult. It will take months, or even a year or more, of hard work that will require discipline and day-to-day attention. She will need help from others giving her honest, blunt opinions about what looks good and what doesn’t; what colors and clothes she looks good in, what hairstyle she needs, etc. She needs to learn nutrition and exercise. She needs to use makeup and be mindful of her appearance every day.

    Most women are not natural beauties. Most women have a major physical flaw, or something about their bodies that is objectively unattractive. There’s not much that can be done about it other than to accentuate their positives.

    They will have to work at it. And she’s being constantly evaluated. All the time. Every day. Everywhere.

    So it is with men.

    (H/T Badger , from a comment he left at JFG that I’m about to riff off of.) We don’t come from the factory with confidence. The confidence and dominance we have has to be earned; and the older men give it to us only after we prove we deserve it. From our earliest days we have to go out there and prove it. You prove it all day at school to the other guys, that you can both dish it out AND take it. You prove it in the classroom, that you can master the material. You prove it on the court, the field, the rink, the diamond, the track, the gym or the stage. You prove it at college, where you earn the grades and make your friends. You prove it at work: in the office, the courtroom, the hospital, the vehicle, the field, the trading floor, at the power lunch.

    If at any point you cannot prove it, men either come alongside you to help get you to where you can prove it; or you’re thrown to the dogs to fend for yourself.

    And then the girls make you prove it: at the bar or the party; on the date, in the bedroom, with your checkbook.

    Men are constantly being put in positions of competition: They have to prove it all day at school or work; then they have to prove it all night (Thanks, Boss) with their wives or girlfriends.

  7. Feel free to delete this comment.

    …that motherfucker down!” – You’re face will end up…

    …Yo, you and you’re silly little black-belt are going down…

    You’re =/= Your.

    /fingernails off chalkboard

  8. “I’ve never been drunk to a bar, but I hear that the women in them are far crueler when rejecting potential suitors. Is this indicative of the majority of women in other situations, or do they use a gentler method when they’re not drunk/drinking? Just wondering if it’s a “woman thing” or an “environment thing”, really.”

    this is a point that’s difficult to articulate but I’ve been let down gently by very attractive women and very cruelly by plain women. My personal experience contradicts what a feminasty like Marcotte says that “you are just shooting out of your league.”

    also, yup, the bar scene is pretty destructive to the average man’s self confidence.

  9. […] An average and inexperienced girl never has to worry about the sting of rejection over and over agai… […]

  10. Most of the confusion in women on this subject stems from the absolute ignorance most of them have w.r.t. what they actually find attractive in a man. I suspect most of that comes from the fact that many women, while being more attuned to their bodies signals than men are, are not capable of determining quite as well as men what turns them on because of the physics of sex. Further, female ignorance on exactly what turns them on leads them to expect that men are be equally confused as to what turns men on. This is completely false of course, because the dick is a very sensitive sensor when it comes to determining what turns a guy on. The slightest exposure to appropriate stimulus creates an easy-to-recognize response for the individual man, while still being difficult to perceive for most everyone else. In fact, for 95% of men I’m sure it takes nearly active thought control when you’re young to prevent slight stimulus turn into something that’s publicly viewable. I know this because it did for me, and all my young male friends.

    So since most women presume equality with men w.r.t. their own individual perception of desire, and they spend very little time attempting to determine what they’re actually attracted to… they’re left with no concept of how easy they have it attracting a man versus a man attracting a woman. The whole world knows what attracts men because men know what attracts men. The whole world has very little idea what attracts your average woman, because women don’t know what attracts women, they barely recognize it when they feel it, ffs. This is literally a situation where ignorance is bliss, which just breeds more ignorance. It easily explains why it’s pointless to try to explain to a woman what men go through trying to attract women, it can’t possibly compare to learning to walk in high heels and put on make-up, because at the very least the path of changing your female appearance is a known industry/technique. Women who doubt me should attempt to imagine a world where make-up, high heels, and sexy clothing may exist in dark corners of the world, but you have no idea how to use them as an 18 year old, no magazines with examples exist to teach you how to use them, no media show examples of women using such items to attract men, etc…

  11. Reblogged this on Seethings..

  12. with women, there is only one winning move.


  13. […] They don’t really care to know how the illusion is created, they just want to be excited by the trick! “Fake it till you make it” – Or so the saying goes around these parts.  […]

  14. @Stoner

    Thanks, I’ve always been curious about that. (Also, I see that my phone changed “dragged” to “drunk” in my original comment. Damn you, phone!)

    But that leaves this question instead: If the “bar scene” is very harmful to guys and their self esteem…why go? Wouldn’t a coffee/tea shop, college class, bookstore, museum, dance club, or even a library be a better place to meet nice women rather than bars full of narcissistic girls prowling for free booze and cheap sex? I’ll admit that I’m utterly naive when it comes to dating, since I’ve never really done it…yet it seems like men are shooting themselves in the foot by frequenting places where they *know* the women aren’t prone to friendliness or compassion for others.

  15. “But that leaves this question instead: If the “bar scene” is very harmful to guys and their self esteem…why go?”

    Great point. I like beer, my fav place to drink is the beach. I’m not against going to a tavern/bar to have a pint. I usually do that quietly before the crowd is there or whatever, not to “pick up chix.” I also find myself in bars for live music.

    There is allot of social pressure to “go out.” I’m sure you experienced that. Last night someone told me to get off my ass and be social cause it was Saturday. I told him I’d rather play videogames and guitar. He said, “Don’t ya get lonely?” I said I’d love to get a dog.

    The last job I was at you got promotions by going drinking with the boss. I couldn’t stand the guy when he was sober and I didn’t like being around him when he drank. He was verbally abusive and would hug people.

    Obviously the answer is “opting out.”

  16. @Stoner

    I don’t much care for beer, unless it’s so dark and thick you might as well be drinking bread, lol. I’m more of a wine person…preferably red, but I can be persuaded to indulge in a white if the meal calls for it. You know, I never considered going to a bar during their “quiet” hours. Perhaps I’ll broaden my experiences and do so. Thanks for the idea.

    Oh, yeah. When I was younger, my parents (mother especially) would try to get me to go shopping, find girl friends, hang at the mall, go to clubs, bars, etc. From what I hear (and see on Facebook) my younger siblings do this enough to make up for me, brother and sisters alike. Sorry, it’s just not for me…too busy, too loud, too materialistic.

    Solitude is addicting, you get so much done PLUS it’s all things you enjoy doing! For example, today I had the day off, and after my chores were done I spent the day exercising, watching the Star Wars triology (the *good* one), cooking, spending time with my guinea pig/parakeets, finished reading the LICD comics I bought at Gencon, and played some DragonAge Origins. Also tried to get a friend to come see Ender’s Game with me, but his wife brought the hammer down on that activity.

    What’s wrong with singlehood, again? 😛

  17. “You know, I never considered going to a bar during their “quiet” hours. Perhaps I’ll broaden my experiences and do so. Thanks for the idea.”

    you could probably try a so-called tavern as they usually serve beer and food…

    I do think that beer tastes better from the keg than from a bottle. Of course drinking at home is much safer. You could be like Dimebag Darrell and get a keg for your living room!


  18. @Stoner

    Lol, I suppose I *could* have that, though I already have a wine fridge built into my entertainment unit (but I don’t keep alcohol in my home, so it’s filled with bottles of San Pelligrino). I’m pretty sure that if I ever convinced myself to get a keg, mine wouldn’t have Coors Lite in it like this dude. 😛

    Having an RV though…I could see having that in common, even if this guy uses his as a man cave/studio. If I had more money, I’d definitely buy a nice RV and live out of that. Traveling the country, seeing the sights before I die, having “cozier” living quarters, do some real camping on the side: Sounds fun. 🙂

  19. “Because hes done it enough times to earn the GOLF medal in the Olympics of Seduction”

    M3, Don’t you mean GOLD medal?

  20. Fat feminists are thin-skinned both figuratively AND literally – after all, when it’s stretched that much, it ain’t thick! 😉

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