There’s never was any hope for Humpty Dumpty
December 8, 2012Let me ask you a question.
If a woman is raped.. how long does it take for her to get ‘back on the horse’ as it were? Does she get berated with things like
- you’re really bitter and resentful about it
- you gotta let it go if you want to move forward and find a good man
- you’ll always be alone with that attitude
- you’ll never get a man if you treat him as guilty from the start
- your hate and mistrust will keep you from finding happiness
Does she?
I don’t think so. I think it’s common for everyone to put on their sensitivity cloaks and say yes.. this woman suffered a massive trauma, from which it will take her a very long time to heal and will have difficulty trusting in the gender that she projects as her tormentor The expectation would always be on the man, any man, to be sensitive to her with regards to her mistrust of sexual intimacy and allow her time to regain a trust that was so violently shattered.
It would be stupid to say this woman never wants to feel intimacy with a member of the opposite sex because of the way she responds to external stimuli at this very moment. Just because she recoils at touch now does not mean she never wants to be touched again. She just needs time, therapy and a patient person to be there to help her work through and resolve the matter of regaining trust. Even after all of that it will be an uphill battle.
This expectation only goes in one direction.
There’s a reason why i used rape as an analogy in my incel post. Because the effects of isolation and dehumanization are as traumatic and far reaching.
In a world where every woman wants her ReadyMadeMan™ right out of the box, where he leaves all his baggage at the curb, is absolutely confident, awesome and amazing in every way, 24 hours a day, without any problems of his own to prevent him from taking her on the wild adventure in her mind and life simultaneously thus providing her with the entitlement fantasy she’s yearned for since childhood in becoming either a fairy tale princess or being chosen by a thousand year old Vampire to become his Vampiress (of all the thousands of women he could choose over his lifetime)…
…well there’s no room in there for someone like me now is there.
While i’ve been in LIMBO, it came to me as an epiphany that i will never have a healthy relationship.
EVER.
I’m too damaged and will not be given the opportunity to heal this wound or given time to regain trust. Perhaps it may have been possible when i was still blue pill. Not now.
It came to me when my friend invited me over to a gathering of her relatives. They all talked about me heading to Poland and picking up with a Polish girl to wife up, not fucked up in the head like those crazy ‘North American’ girls, etc.. and in the back of my mind i realized i’m too far gone. I have nothing to offer a non-crazy woman as they described.. because the experiences of the past and the sphere’s teaching to me have dissuaded me from becoming just another cog in the feminine imperative. I’m MGTOW. I’m not going to get married. I’m not going to have kids. And i’m too old. I’d need a minimum of 5 years with someone to get to feel that we were good together and that the relationship was solid and that she followed the Captain/First Officer model. That would make me 42-43 if i met her tomorrow. Sorry, i don’t want to be a dad after 40. And i’m not about to jump into a relationship just to be a dad 6 months later. No. No. NO.
But beyond that.. i can’t even have a ‘normal’ relationship with any woman.. especially here in North America. My defenses are always on high. My finger is always on the trigger. I’m ready to verbally murder a woman with redpill and manosphere knowledge at the very first sign of a woman behaving in even 1 degree of deviation from red pill thought. It’s why i recused myself from debating at Hooking Up Smart. The female imperative is my *trigger* alert.
Why?
I carry too much baggage. Too much has happened to me throughout my bluepill life. 12 years of being alone for being one of those nasty NiceGuys™. A marriage gone to pieces because i ‘did right by my wife’ and lost the attraction.** I’ve been betrayed and violated at every turn. Everything i trusted was used against me. The sphere has opened my eyes to such injustices and inequalities happening every day that are accepted by bluepill society as easily as breathing. You can never go back knowing what you know.
To such blind ignorance of basic human evolution and biology by women (feminists), such a complete lack of understanding how the human species operates at the basic level. Actions/consequences, not just for yourself but how it affects everyone else down the ladder. A super quick example of this is ‘slut shaming’. Feminists tell us this is wrong. So answer me this. Imagine if tomorrow, every woman became a slut for a month. Who wins? Who loses? What happens to our society? And how much closer are we to that concept today with the irresponsible hypersexualization of girls today than we were 45 years ago?
Think on it.
If i had the time and patience to enumerate and itemize the thousand ways that current actions are leading to the downfall of man i’d do so, but a quick scan of any number of sphere blogs will show you that it simply boils down to 2 things.
- women’s choices drive mens counter-reactions
- a lack of accountability and responsibility to that great power
This isn’t about blaming hypergamy or what women find attractive. It’s about following that attraction off a cliff and the consequences everyone else in greater society has to endure with it. It’s about women placing the highest measure of value on men who have no interest in them beyond emptying their nuts into her vagina. They assign this high value to men they choose to have sex with.
I remember having an argument with Susan Walsh about abortion and she always fell back on the ultimate concept that biologically speaking, women’s reproduction via few eggs is deemed valuable whereas a man blowing billions of disposable sperm is not. Biologically women hold all the power! (The power to CHOOSE) And with great power comes great responsibility. Since time began we always placed rules and restrictions on those with power so they would not abuse it.
“Oh but it’s not fair that all the responsibility should be shouldered by the woman, it takes 2 to tango, why is it always the woman’s responsibility to be accountable for what happens after sex?”
Because of biology. Because you get saddled with the kids for 9 months, the great power of your reproductive system gives you the evolved sensibilities to make sure who you mate with will be there for you if pregnancy will ensue. With that great power comes that great responsibility. Abdicating it because feminists tell you you should doesn’t mean you should. The feminist drive for abortions is to use technology to fight biology. To remove more responsibility. But you evil bastards.. you keep your dicks in your pants if you’re not going to take responsibility for your bits of bone and tissue.. err.. kids!
What you see today is a world without those restrictions. And the results are as inevitable as gravity pulling you back down to earth, painfully, from a great height and a sickening thud. And i am the end result.
I apologize if i got sidetracked.. it just went there.
Deti is right. I am the extreme response to the ‘where have all the good men gone’ articles. Women’s choices to flaunt their power, ignoring guys like me who were ready to ‘man up’ and commit and provide… to reward the men who won’t, end up creating people like me. People who really wanted commitment and a real relationship. But only when it counted. That time has passed.
So what does someone like me do at this point?
There is no way i can broach any of this with a woman in the real world. I can’t even talk about it with women i have no interest in, much less someone i’d be romantically interested in. I could never be able to discuss any of this without evoking the hair trigger of that woman taking all this personally. Even mere mention of it on my blog had already drawn criticism of it being ‘unattractive’. Just another one of those sit down, shut up and deal with it silently on your own type of things men have to deal with in silence. Guess that explains the suicide rate.
After having my eyes opened to a horrifying world that is 180 degrees opposite of everything i was taught and held dear, with no sign of change whatsoever, people are still advising the proverbial rape victim to get over it, get back on the horse and get back out there and don’t bring your ‘issues’ with you.
I would feel re-victimized committing to a woman with a high partner count making me relive 12 years that no woman, especially a carousel rider could ever understand. I would feel the need to go out and fuck a number of women equal to ‘match her number. After all it’s only sex right? Those men you fucked meant nothing to you back then right? So these women i’d fuck right now wouldn’t mean anything to me so it shouldn’t matter to you either right? In fact, if you cared, you’d help wingman me into the panties of a number of women equal to the number of men you had so that we could be together knowing we both fully enjoyed and explored all life had to offer and never feel like we missed out on anything right? You understand don’t you!?!?
I caught an episode of Family guy today that reminded me of a video project i did for my best friend who was my best man at my wedding. The episode was about Carter and Barbara Pewterschmidt, reliving their memories together in a photo album. Photos of them as teens and young adults. This reminded me about the 10 year wedding anniversary video i made for my best friend. I remember going through over 600 digital photos of them in different places and locales. Fun times, happy moments, different points in life. And so young. That hit me hard. My friend is 3 years younger than me, and he has a lifetime of memories with his wife from when they dated as youngsters, growing together, good times and bad, but fought for each other to be where they are today. I envy them so much, even when i do see them completely exhausted and hear the horror stories of waking up at 6:30am to feed the kids and stuff.
Then i remembered something Dalrock wrote long ago. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. Guess what.. i’ll not be rejoicing fuck’all. Another reason why i simply refuse to pick up anyone with any expectation of marriage. I read all these profiles of 30+ year old women on PoF stating they want to get married. No memories.. no bonds. Ready for your next divorce, step right up.
Women.
I don’t trust in their ability to fight for love over the long haul, especially when shit gets tough. It’s too easy to quit in a disposable society, a selfish ‘all about me’ society. I will always see them visualizing greener grass. I see women as the real commitment-phobes. I see women chasing after the shiny things they can’t have.
So there ya go.. all that shit i just wrote up here ^^^^ is just a fraction of all the garbage i have floating in my soul.
I’m too broken, and there is no prospect of a woman who will stick around to ‘understand’ where i come from and reflect on how they exist within my new reality. There is no woman who will help nurture me through this, to allow me to regain trust. There is no woman who will tolerate it, deal with it, give me any allowances. There is no woman who will give me the time and patience to prove to me NAWALT.
Because women are the choosers and men are the chasers. And women will not choose a broken man. Not unless you hide it from them to find later. They’d probably find that attractive…
And even if there was a unicorn capable of that.. i have nothing to offer. No promise of children or last chance express. No desire to be a beast of burden or utility. No desire to enter into fields of backbreaking labor to provide for a home full of trinkets, junk and endless consumerism and debt spending just to keep up with the ‘jones’s’. No interest in being a Patriarch, a father, a provider. All those went down the drain along with the fish who didn’t need a bicycle.
Seriously. I can just see how a date would go down. Me and some woman sitting on a patio:
Me: So…..
Her: So what do you do for a living.
Me: …money’s all that matters to you you materialistic bitch!?!?!
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ (/’ \) <—- that’s me tossing the table in case you can’t read ascii
So i’ve made the choice to go dark. I’m going to start back out on the path that worked in the past, and cut my craft gaming strippers. This should be orders of magnitude easier than in the past since i know have a much better understanding of game, woman’s nature and a superior physique to my last go at it. Once i’m satisfied with them, i’ll branch out to other non-relationship types to fill my basket with. Perhaps some nice young feminist types who aren’t looking for a relationship or commitment. Now they would be great to go dark triad on. Hopefully they won’t get too attached to me lol. At least with strippers there won’t be any expectations of a budding romance leading to something more. Perhaps i’ll find a way to enjoy giving great orgasms to women i am not in love with. The softness of a woman’s skin clashing with the hardness of her clear plastic heels digging into your back is as powerful a motivator as any.
Better them than ‘good girls’ who pass me over for the douchebag and get jackhammered Tucker Max style. I’ve always said.. women deserve the orgasms they get. They pass on the ones who would worship their bodies, but give themselves over to those who are used to using their bodies as living fleshlights. Preselection.. i’m surprised women never figured it out. If a guy has girls all over him, what do you possibly have to offer to make him change his ways? Stupid. You know what a guy like that says when he bags another vapid woman who thinks she’s somehow special?
We’ll see where the darkness takes me.
So yeah.. i’m broken. I truly required the love of a good woman to fix me. To be supportive, understanding, tolerant and nurturing. To get me to believe again, to get me to trust.
And that ain’t gonna happen in my lifetime.
I freely admit i’m out of options and have run out of hope for attaining anything meaningful in the sense that i wanted it, that bluepill version. The redpill forced me to accept my new reality and deal with it as best i can. Being without hope is dangerous. It will take you to the darkest recesses of your mind and you’ll see yourself being capable of things, horrible things you normally wouldn’t do. You try and look for the silver lining in it all…
On the plus side… i’ll never have to deal with this ever again.
If any of the ladies reading this can offer me an alternative suggestion, im all ears. Until then.. i’ll be trying to take the ladies back to the champagne room.. which is what i call my bedroom.
[**] I just want to make a point here that at this point in time i no longer harbor any resentment, hate or ill will towards my ex wife. I can almost say with 100% certainty, and im tempted to ask her the next time i see her, what her views of feminism are, that she would agree with me it fucked her over, primarily in how it created me to be so incompatible to her. Her daddy issues also made her a prime candidate to be taken into the cult of feminism to have it all. Given what she told me at the end, about needing someone to put her in her place, to be kept in line, telling me i should have been a tiger and not a rabbit.. what she wanted was Patriarchy. Not barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen BS, but most definitely Athol K style Captain/First Officer model. She certainly did not want equality the way feminism demands. Feminism fucked us both up. I own it. I’m pretty sure she would own hers if i articulate it to her.
Let me put it another way. I have an easier time interacting with my exwife now than i do speaking with a certain feminist i deal with regularly who tries to speak for the majority of women even tho she’s admitted to be a minority in the female community. (bisexual) Having said that… adding to my mystification.. my feminist cohort is growing on me slightly. Daily interactions with her, when she is pleasant, kind and understanding (read FEMININE) she’s actually fun to be around. It’s only when she begins to use the language of feminism (creepy/consent/misogyny) and shows an absolute inability to comprehend fun flirty behavior (see this comment here on TPM) it’s like watching a computer reboot after a system crash and return to belching out it’s ‘programming’ as intended. It adds to my disillusion.
Lastly, i have so much written up in drafts, and all of it feels unfinished, unimportant, unneeded. The quality of stuff coming out of the sphere has made me feel like i got nothing to offer except hopelessness and despair. But then again, it’s where i live. 😛
M3 
Might be hopelessness and despair but lot of us live there. Did my time as nice guy incel, and now i have family horrified at my inability to commit to women or “treat them nicely”. Not a lot to be hopeful of, thinking an economic collapse will right things isnt accurate. Feminism is a corneestone of the governing classes in the west and they will see in forced labor camps before they would let the natural order come back. What we have the grim forsight to smile as the world burns.
I know me 10 years ago would be ecstatic to see me with a solid career and rotating stable of girls. I just feel empty inside. Doesnt help the only girl i ever loved got knocked up by a drug head recently. Naturally i was to nice and dependable at the time to be relationship material.
amazing post man….
this is the most real shit I’ve read….
If you ever do end up wanting a relationship/etc., my advice would be to:
1. Find a country where you wouldn’t mind living that also has better (pro-male) laws. The women in that culture will naturally behave more feminine simply for economic and legal reasons, and understanding that may let you overlook questions (job/income, etc.) that can have a different meaning if asked by women in feminized countries.
2. Establish safety. That is to say:
2a. DIversify your income – Make your income not location-dependent (freelance, web-based, etc.).
2b. Diversify your assets – Do not keep significant assets in that country. (Significant = more than you are willing to up and walk away from without kicking yourself)
2c. Diversify your ass – Maintain the mindset that you can and will leave the country if necessary with no great hardship.
2d. Live in that country (or other countries with similar legal and social systems) as long as you are in the relationship. Do not move to a feminized country – the risk of corruption is too great.
The above will give you natural ‘hand’ without ever really needing to assert it outright. If there is ever bad behavior (outrageous demands, pushback, etc.), just leave for a few days without saying anything. Take a breather, do some sightseeing or other activity that you have wanted to do for a while. Go dark. Make her experience and understand what life is without you – create a bit of dread. Then, when you return, don’t say anything about where you went or what you did other than, “I needed some time alone to think.” She’ll get the message, and if she doesn’t, well, at least you know how she feels about the relationship and can take appropriate measures.
You might have baggage (who doesn’t?) but I wouldn’t say you’re broken (and neither should you). Broken implies something that doesn’t function as intended. That you have endured the modern woman and recognize that experience and respond in an expected and appropriate manner means you are running perfectly within design parameters. That doesn’t sound like “broken” to me. You are simply not a machine built for the purpose of marriage much like an airplane makes a lousy submarine. Is the airplane broken because it doesn’t work as a sub? *Blue pill* schnooks OTOH, who respond to modern women with more and more supplicating and white knighting DESPITE those behaviors producing exactly the opposite of the desired outcome from women, are broken.
bitch.
The last few posts are amazing and offer slot to men because they are unlike the rest of the sphere.
At some point you get tired of the Anthony robins/self help/”the secret” message.
Furthermore none of the gamers are willing to explore or admit if there are any negative physical/psychological/emotional consequences to the lifestyle. In essence being a pua/gamer and boning all kinds of chicks is always awesome.
I’m thankful for a man who is willing to have an honest dialogue about all of this, and who is willing to be vulnerable.
I identify and relate with what of much you feel and it is comforting to know that I’m not the only one who is struggling.
At this point I wonder if I’ll ever find a woman who is feminine and worth committing to, and if I do, if I’ll ever be “alpha” enough for her to desire me and want to commit to me. Perhaps I have the hope that it can happen, because I don’t have the baggage and am still young. However I wrestle with the reality that being a hard working, responsible, dependable man who can care for a woman means very little to nothing to most women.
So anyway you have a lot to offer by virtue of being honest and vulnerable. Your voice is one that is missing and is sorely needed as men of all ages/stages of life wrestle with the blue/red pill. We need to hear it all, the struggle, the good, the bad, the hope, the despair. Not just “dude when you become man enough you can pick up all kinds of chicks and sex them like me and its awesome!”
If you’re still expecting a woman to understand you, you haven’t swallowed the whole pill.
You call this hopelessness? Brother, you are the bringer of hope. I look to you for inspiration.
This post is amazing….
Briliant
Honest so fucking raw….
Last night I was on a date with one of these “slores” you mentioned (well it wasn’t a date, moscato at my house) When she started talking about her “cock carousel” past, I could see the pain in her eyes. All the years she wasted chasing after thugs (dogs) and I shit you not she then looked at me and said
“Your my last hope Solo, you are the guy I see myself with, back then I wouldn’t but now I do, I’m ready for this, for you and marriage…..”
I shit you not, and this is my first time meeting her, I gulped my drink down and didn’t say anything but I knew then I had a stage 5 clinger,grenade on my hands. 33 years old, hit the wall no kids and I’m her “savior” 10 years ago I would have put my Capitan-save-a-hoe pants on and gladly “saved” her but now? pfft I truly felt sorry for her and I knew if fucked her fuck with her it may cause a mental breakdown.
Back on topic
Not trying to jack this post but M3 this post is amazing.Last year I was going through a phase like this, I call it “Dark Arts” it seems every year at this time of the year I go through this phase, blame it on my seasonal affective disorder or personality. But I feel like I’ll never be able to be in a helathy relationship either unless its with a woman who challenges me but yet inspires me and has spiritual values. A lot of women are intune with the devil so spirituality is something they lack and materlsiam is something they cherish.
Keep writing mate, your on preaching that real talk!
I’m going to be a little converse – I think you’ve (still) got plenty to offer the right woman. For one you are Articulate and you’ve internalised some very interesting concepts. Most men out there have done neither.
I think you’ve got a few things wrong – if you keep mind and body healthy you can be a good father well into your 40s. I know you say now that you don’t want to have kids, but frankly they are the only thing worth leaving and the only thing that matters.
Kids are the reason the opposite sex exist.
A question on my mind is.. Why are no men here asking – where are the women worth wifing-up ? If that is what you most admire in your friends, why not look for it for yourself ? You’re a lot more of a man than you ever were at 20, you’ve got more to offer a woman than you ever did then.
I honestly think you need to concentrate on yourself and your own state. If that state is ‘no kids, no marriage, meh!’ then you will get nowhere. Our biggest problems stem from our minds – you’re starting to master yourself, so master your negativity. Concentrate on yourself and you will realise that, compared to most, you’re fucking awesome and have a great deal more to contribute.
Even I’ve lashed out a bit and said that most women really deserve to die for their solipsism, but then, we all die anyway.
Despite being cliched, I don’t think my words ring any less true.
M3,
As a fellow Torontonian, I completely understand the market you are dealing with. If you want to find a woman worth marrying, you need to aim younger – age 25 maximum. Try spending some time at one of the universities or colleges. Or maybe join a church. The women there at least pretend to be less slutty.
Fucking strippers sounds like a fun hobby, but it is not too late to settle down if you still want to. Despite societal programming to the contrary, most women like older men. Plus, you are hitting your peak market value right now. Take advantage of it while you still can.
Hi M3,
I am friends with a girl who was sexually abused by her uncle. The expectation is that men be extra sensitive to her with regard to physical intimacy. I believe her, and I think it has damaged her ability to be intimate with men. There is a general need for sensitivity when dealing with people who have suffered a trauma, and rape is traumatizing and dehumanizing.
Turning to involuntary celibacy, I believe you when you say the isolation is dehumanizing and traumatizing. I discovered an online community of involuntary celibates. The site is called “I live in a sexless marriage” and the link follows:
http://www.experienceproject.com/groups/Live-In-A-Sexless-Marriage/332
There are a huge number of stories and forum posts about people in marriages in which their wife or husband has no interest in sexual physical intimacy. Everything you have written about feelings of abandonment, isolation, and dehumanization apply. You may benefit from reading it. The general consensus from that community is that sex is a part of healthy relationships and that denying your partner sex is a form of abuse.
Just found your blog, good stuff here man. Your past souns exactly like man, the emotional vampire BPD. God damn, I can not believe I had the strength to walk away from that. The fact a large number of people on these type of blogs came from bpd relationships is a very interesting fact.
One thing that still scares me though, is had my bpd shown me MORE ATTENTION I might still be caught in her web of lies and pain. It was only because the attention was so sprodaic I was able to leave.
The solution to your (our) misery is growth. Growth comes from change. Change the way you think.
You must question everything you consider to be true. Even what you consider “red pill”. Most of it is a lie.
@Solo haha hilarious!! That is beyond all desperation!!
It’s a shame you feel like this, and there are plenty of women who blame all men for something that a few may have done. And really it’s not a good position to take for either men or women as at the very least it leaves you feeling lonely and can drive away other people. You have a lot going for you – you’re articulate, thoughtful, self aware and (probably) nice. You need to pick better though. Often I see men pick a women simply because they feel sexually attracted to her without making any attempt to find out what she’s like before getting involved, or they overlook/ignore massive red flags that their friends can see. It’s not that the women hides what she’s really like (although sometimes they do), it’s more that men often don’t evaluate them on anything other than the sex until it’s too late. Maybe evaluating women’s personality first before choosing to get involved is the right way to go as those would have a better chance of being successful. It must be awfully tiring getting involved with one awful woman after another, no wonder you end up cynical. You are in your prime really – attractive men your age are very much sought after – you can afford to be choosy. Just don’t use looks as your main/only criterium. And don’t go to bars unless you’re able to spot nice women in them, go other places where you’ll find them. Just as men can spot who the wrong men are and wonder why women pick them, women can spot the bad girls too and wonder why men pick them. Well we know really – it’s the sex. Enlist the help of your female friends if you really can’t tell the difference between the nice women and the red flag ones. Really though it’s very sad to hear men talk like this. I think anyway.
Fi, i appreciate the comment. I just want to bounce this off you.
I have gotten very good at evaluating women now. I know how to pick better and probably see more flags than ever, even ones that don’t exist. That’s not what the issue is or the reason behind the post. I am very choosy. I also know myself all too well and what i desire vs. what i can ‘live with’. I would prefer the former over the latter.
My problem can best be summed up by you answering this question. Would you advocate me screening hard for a good woman, a young redpill woman.. and effectively waste her time and youth with me?
As i said, i’m out of the marriage game. I’m out of the kids game. If i had no ethical center this wouldn’t be an issue. But i can’t bring myself to do that. Even if they were willing to enter into a relationship without either of those endgoals, they still wouldn’t put up with a man dealing with deep unresolved issues. No woman will. It’s not their problem to take on or fix.. unless i bury it deep and play mr. dark brooding mysterious and keep it locked away from them until well after they’re attracted to me. It’s not like i could discuss any of this on a second date amiright? And if they don’t know of my past, any number of things they say could set me off, putting me back at square 1.
It’s that logic loop that’s resigned me to empty my trauma out in a blog, because i dare not speak a peep of it out in real life. With ‘good girls’ firmly out of the picture, and a desire to not remain celibate again.. i kinda have to go down the only path i have available to me. It ain’t the road i wanted to travel, but i got to make the best of this unpaved mess.
This is great advice for every man in our age bracket. Also check out xsplat’s blog for more info on this game plan.
To the above: I’ve never gotten anything but bad advice from women friends – that includes in LTR (her advice ended up Beta-izing me such that the relationship had a shelf life stamped on it from the moment I “made it work”). That is actually one of my new rules: Listen to the advice of female friends, and then laugh at it later, to yourself or guy friends, as you pick it apart and realize how it would very likely just compound the tragedy of your situation. LOL.
I did “my time,” fourteen years with half of them exactly like our esteemed author. Fortunately, there weren’t kids. I’ve done the game deal. The greatest thing about it, due to our culture of failed “quick fixes,” it works – I mean self-help that really works! But, M3, it is ultimately empty. I’ve boned about twenty gals, and end up deleting them from my address book. Still, I am alone and restless. But very far from unhappy.
This is an area that should be further explored: The next level of the red pill. I love women and the companionship, but they are much, much different creatures then men: They don’t love like us, don’t trust like us, seldom can laugh like us, and even with leading them in the alpha/Captain/First Mate way, I’d probably take a bullet for my dog before a woman. This is THE ONLY sphere by which I can otherwise understand faggotry.
The truth of the matter is that women live for small things, which other than competent motherhood, just aren’t worthy of a worthy man. I define a worthy man as someone committed to Truth, Beauty and Virtue, a man who has his head and heart towards a mission or love that is greater than himself. That can be God, his civilization, his greater family, something more than his own well-being. You must aspire to be a hero in some facet, in the classical sense. Otherwise, you’ll die a woman, or a randy lizard skin (present company excepted, of course). Women, in my forty-four years, tragically, just aren’t worth a sliver of a healthy and directed man. Unfortunately, worthy men only make up 1-3% of the population, and you sir, are on the path to being one!
Hopefully some of you have a Christianized background enough to know that for a very devout person like myself to call this knowledge a “Gift from God,” means a whole lot. God doesn’t give gifts to gather dust. Use it! And not just to caulk-up the broken pieces, but to build! There was never a modern time that needed builders more than now.
Hi Baron,
I guess the point of my post is, i don’t want to be married and follow the female imperative, since the tradcon path to masculinity is not ‘enough’ to justify continuing the marriage if she wants to blow it up and legally unprotected through nofault. I already went down that path once, and will never return. The law won’t change soon enough for me to consider it.
And forgive me, but have you seen many 25 year olds today? Faces buried in their stupid social media phones and totally engulfed in a pop culture of idiocracy and shit! Or 3rd wave feminism! Lol. Completely self centered and unawares of anything beyond their fabulously decorated condo’s and watching Say Yes to the Dress on A&E.
The last time i was at church, i was swallowing my pride and allowing myself to get married in one, ever vigilant to the fact i might burst into flames, an atheist under HIS eyes. No, i can’t do the church route.
I think the best i’ll do is find a low partner count FWB while doing volunteer work or something that could blossom into something more down the road. But it won’t be marriage.
You can do both. Have sex with strippers if that’s what you want to do, and at the same time mix with other women and get to know them better, and find one/some you like and get to know them even better and see what you think of them. Meanwhile if you’re having sex elsewhere you can get to know her/them without sex being in the way/confusing things. You’re right you can’t reveal all this stuff straightaway as the only women that would hang around not knowing you would be a bit odd or needy or have their own problems. But if a woman knows you and likes you anyway then she wouldn’t scarper just because you revealed stuff like this. I think you should meet and interact with loads of women in coffee shops, at work, at the gym, through friends, get to know them and see who you like. Get to know the ones you get on with a bit better, see if they like you, share your values, and just let things evolve without pushing any of it. If you meet any that you want to take it further with then do, and tell them as much as you want to when you want to and feel you can trust them. Meanwhile have sex with other women. To me you look very attractive, seem nice, clever and have just been treated badly so your confidence is low and you’d almost rather remove yourself from the game than risk the pain again. I’d say dip your toe in the water by getting to know women without sex in the equation until you feel it’s time to try again. By then you’ll have met a woman you want to try with. People make all sorts of compromises they didn’t think they would for the right person so don’t worry about depriving her of marriage and kids etc, just get to know one or some you like and see what happens. Life can’t be planned and controlled anyway and there are no guarantees with any of it – you just have to get on with it and let it happen. My son spends time with and watches a girl he likes for weeks and gets to know her first and only if he likes her does he bother asking her out. His girlfriends are all great. But so often I see men having sex with women straight away and they end up attached to and totally confused by women who then treat them badly. If they had held back a bit they’d have avoided a whole lot of trouble.
I grew up just north of Toronto and understand exactly what it is like in your situation being incel growing up. You speak for a great deal of men when you have these written catharses. Maybe it’s an Ontario/Toronto thing with it being the epicentre of Canadian feminism….
Please don’t stop writing like this.
Any comment that utilizes Jayne Cobb, the hero of Canton… is EPIC!
Yep. I surrender. You commentators have eventually broken me. Not just here but all the manosphere sites. Because I have a vagina I’m just crap. Unlike people with a penis who are more intelligent, morally superior and more emotionally stable. Just better people. It’s constant. Endless repetition of how crap and worthless we are. It’s beginning to depress me and spoil my relationship with the men I do know and like in real life.
BEHOLD!
True empathy.
They said it couldn’t be done…
I find your stories intriguing and edifying. It is indeed hard to put pen to paper or fingers to keyboard, especially on a public bog. Please keep writing.
It’s 2012, almost nobody can have a healthy relationship.
The problems that you talk about, you cannot fix for the whole world; but it is within your power to fix them for yourself. The main instrument at your disposal is personal responsibility. You, and only you, are responsible for improving your life.
The task you face is not hopeless, because even if 90% of 30-something single women are hypergamous carousel riders, that still leaves plenty to choose from.
You are not out of options, not by a long way.
If you are strongly concerned with finding a woman of good character, you have a good chance of finding someone suitable who has been overlooked by men who value only a woman’s appearance.
When I was your age I wasted time in the friendzone of an extremely attractive bisexual radical feminist. Such a person will enjoy fucking with your head, and I suggest you stop seeing the one that you interact with.
In fact it is best to avoid self-described feminists completely, because they are not going to help you achieve what you want. Same for extremists like Taki: his magazine causes brain damage. Sites like Heartiste, Dalrock etc will give you the pure Red Pill, without the extra coating of hatred.
Making bombs did not help Ted Kaczynski find the love of his life. It did not even get him laid.
You are lucky to have taken the Red Pill while you are still young; I was twenty years older than you by the time it reached me.
Well, he did also say that 97-99% of men are not worthy.
I sincerely hope that comments by random anonymous strangers do not spoil your relationship with anyone in real life. Why should they?
The most inconvenient thing about prolonged involuntary celibacy is that it puts a man into an angry and bitter state of mind that makes him less attractive to women. Unlike other forms of trauma, these do not naturally heal with the passage of time.
Your chances of success will improve if you can lose the anger and bitterness. It’s a bit like the old Royal Navy order: “floggings will continue until morale improves.”
You read personal accounts of numerous men have been crushed by your gender and the then you solipsize it and make it all about their stories effect you? I think we may have finally found the extreme to which a woman can apply solipsis to something.
These stories make her sad, so we should stop telling them.
Impressive and gut-wrenching outpouring. More on deck? Wow. Reads like a ton of pain, so I feel compelled to point the way out. Yes, banging meaningless women all the time is NOT the pinnacle of being a man. At the risk of giving unsolicited advice to whoever may read this: taking only half the red pill is to still take half of the blue pill, the tectonic forces on your psyche being as you would imagine.
I realize women are blindly honest about two things: (1) Confidence is sexy, and (2) It’s just sex. To clarify, the whole experience of first awareness to total investment is sex for a woman (or not, fully deniable), an emotional ‘intercourse’ because she assumes too much from empathy. What men call sex is just a way to share what women call sex, from the woman’s perspective. It is the man’s job to lead the woman by the empathy leash. Watch how the Democrats do it.
Do not seek love from a woman. Chemistry not love makes a relationship work. What we men lack is power, sovereignty, and women will not stay with a powerless man. They are canaries in the coal mine. We used to have mens’ clubs because only men can love. True love is platonic in feeling and objective in valuation. A woman is to serve a purpose as a wife and mother of a man who uses his power for family. We lack power for family because of the banking and incentivized anti-family welfare systems.
You don’t need a woman’s kind of love, only her respect. Actual love is ultimately just respect for excellence. Lust is for physical pleasure not relational glue. I don’t say to get married or not, but I would not bank on what Dalrock said, or consider your youth to be qualified to your relationship period. Rejoice in the wife of HER youth. I wonder if there will be a wave of children with older fathers. Who will pass on the cultural values necessary to resist this conquest? to survive? Young men with no perspective, or middle-aged men of analyzed experience? Your broken heart believes the woman’s frame too much I think. With enough gaming practice with women, you will see how emotionally inferior and politically incompetent women always or nearly always are. I studied history to learn the latter. Had to approach with romantic intents over and over to see the former. Women will look at you and believe they are adults and insist they are adults, but look at their actions of consequence. You want to trust your heart to that? The man’s judgment is supposed to be final because the woman doesn’t have any. In a romantic relationship, a woman is a she-child and should be judged as such and superficially treated like an adult. You give a woman her place by respecting her nature of superficial adulthood and poor judgment. I say all this as a philosopher not as a lady’s man. This is my working understanding at the moment. I wish for men’s broken hearts to heal and harden. We have culture to be. If this is too preachy, telling me to shove off and I’ll get the message. You write well, M3. I felt compelled to address the pain.
@dicipres Nailed it. A healthy relationship is an endangered species, by design. I loved your “Sluts Don’t Deserve Love” post. The research was excellent. Now I see that virginity is not so optional in a man’s choice of wife. Five priors might as well be fifty.
fi, your comment here is disturbing and very revealing about who you are whether you intended it to be or not. This is a site where men are trying to work through painful pasts and failed relationships. Some are still mourning relationships they’d hoped would be permanent. Thus, they share their stories.
Yet here you are trying to shame into silence men who in many or most cases did not quit their relationships but whose partner tossed aside the relationship. Still you come.
If this had been a women’s site would you have reacted in a similar manner that you did here? I suspect that you would have nurtured such women venting against those EEEEVILL men, not trying to shame them for it.
Am I right? Your lack of empathy speaks volumes about you. As does your fixation on how these comments affect YOU. No, it’s not about the men who still are working through past relationships. No, it’s about YOU.
A little compassion goes a long way, fi. Do we men deserve no compassion merely because were are men?
Great points Doug.
Look, the big bad menz are spoiling a precious little snowflake’s relationships! It’s always teh menz’s fault! Make them go away!
Hey there! All I thought when I was reading this was “never say never” – I don’t doubt you mean what you wrote… In fact, now I refrain from saying ‘never’ about things, because more than likely life will unfold in ways you could never have predicted. As it generally does! P.S. Also, I do not know where you meet all these crazy women, out of all my girlfriends, I have maybe one who is an asshole to guys and the rest all want to be good girlfriends and go out of their way for their men, which is the norm here… Is it really an American thing you think?
Thanks for the insightful response. There’s a lot in there i need to absorb. I’m still trying to digest all of the redpill. With the help of some of my blogmates im in the process of reformatting the operating system of my mind. It’s one helluva journey to be sure.
The last few posts here (the incel post, LIMBO, and now this one) are important for the manosphere because they give voice to the men who feel them. What is written in these three posts are frustrations and emotions that nearly all young men feel, but were unable to give voice to.
What is often not appreciated at all is that men cannot say things like this in public, in polite conversation, to men they don’t know well, or really anyplace other than in intense individual therapy. You certainly cannot say things like this to any woman, even one’s own mother. Most mothers who hear things like this from their sons are horrified, or offended, or internalize it to make it all about them, which only sends her son deeper inside himself.
Most young men cannot say things like this to their own fathers, mostly because dad is a paycheck who lives across town or across the country. He doesn’t even know his dad. If he is lucky enough to know his dad or live with him, dad is usually a blue piller beta himself who still has not fully dealt with his own feelings about women. “Well, you just can’t figure ’em out. Women are real complicated, son. You just have to do the best you can. And be nice and kind to ’em, and keep your dick in your pants. It’ll just getcha in trouble, ya know.”
To say anything like this in public is to admit to gross weakness, almost to the point of debilitation. And a woman, even a wife, simply cannot be there for a man while he feels negative emotions like anger, despair, depression, fear or frustration. Even if she can bear to listen to him, she simply cannot help him even if she wants to. She is constitutionally incapable of helping him, of bringing him out.
I have been to the cold, dark places M3 is describing, and I know them well. Sometimes the only way out is to sit down in that place, alone, for a while, and feel whatever it is you are feeling. You cannot find a way out until the feelings and emotions are spent, and you have let them in, felt them, and let them pass on out. It isn’t comfortable or pretty or appealing. It isn’t meant to be. It is meant to be cathartic, so you can get them out of your system. It isn’t even meant to be healing. It is exploratory self-surgery, meant to find out where the tumors, injuries and bullet holes are. Only then can the cancers be excised, the bullets surgically dug out, the wounds packed and sewn up. And only the person suffering the wounds can really find out where the tumors and bullets are, and only he can cut them out.
The only people who can go there with you are those who have been there before and have found a way out. You can’t go to blogs run by females expecting them to have answers to help you. She and the female commenters there cannot and will not help you. There are women commenting on M3’s and other blogs. They are standing in the surgical suite observation deck. Though all they can do is watch from a distance, some of them seem to think they should be shouting suggestions and directions to the surgeons and the patient. But this is usually not helpful; unless the direction is to stay there and feel whatever needs to be felt. Your father cannot help you either; unless your dad has been there and has found a way out, he cannot help you. Many dads have gone to the cold dark places and are still there, living as walking wounded.
Right now M3 is in the cold and dark place. He’s doing the surgery he needs to perform. And he’s letting us watch. And hopefully some 14 year old high school freshman or 19 year old college sophomore incel will read these. And he will know he is not alone. And hopefully he will find a red pill man who has gone to the cold dark places alone, done his surgery, and then found a way to walk out.
Arrrgh. I’m ready to pull out my hair. Quit whiiiiiining. There’s no whining in dating. Pull up your big boy panties, get over it and move on. Or are you going with the “troubled sensitive guy dealing with angst is broken and needs a good grrrl to fix him” as an angle to pick up chicks?
I love what you wrote here Deti, as always. Much appreciated. I guess the best way to sum up this post succinctly is.
Men ask for understanding and talk about trauma = not getting laid = more isolation = cycle repeat.
When women do the same, they get support, help, understanding from men. Probably because those men want to get laid.
That’s my best hypothesis.
John:
Like I said above, some men need to do this kind of introspection and feeling before they can walk out and stand on their own two feet.
It’s necessary work, finding the tumors and cancers and wounds and bullets, and then digging them out. This is what “getting over it” and “moving on” looks like sometimes.
And by the way, most of the time the feeling and the emotions and the work is not seen. The old saying goes that “the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation”. It’s not for nothing — it’s about unfulfilled dreams, love found and then lost forever, frustrations and angers which go mostly unfelt, unexperienced and not addressed, which only leads to pain and dysfunction later.
The difference here is that M3 is putting a video camera and a spotlight on himself, as something of a public service.
I don’t date through my blog if that’s what you’re asking… i don’t ‘talk’ about any of this with people in ‘the real world’. i keep it pent up and use this medium as my own therapy. I am definitely working on it, and putting my ‘panties’ on as it were, tho not in any way that will be of any benefit to this society. a hedonist society rarely ends well with no social cohesion.
But thank you for proving my point nonetheless. Any discussion by men about their past trauma’s, shattered dreams and minds awakening from a lifetime of lies is … well.. whiiining.
It’s not a surprise why the suicide rate is so biased towards one side eh.
As one who seriously contemplated suicide one dark and stormy night, I do not mean to make light of your struggles. I DO know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I do know that whining about your past plight is useless. Therapy in wirting about it? Perhaps, but I’d say that dredging up the past and wallowing in the misery is counter-productive.
Instead, I recommend get the hell out there and persue manly things. Go fishing/camping/hiking/hunting/ whatever-ing, do things that make you feel good. Lose the chip on your shoulder towards all wimmenz (only a few have done you wrong). There are some great women out there–I’ve found one–but you have to be on top of your game, not sitting around pitying yourself.
The past is the past, you can’t change it, and you sure as shit don’t want to waste the future because you are allowing yourself to indulge in self-pity. If I made it through, pitiful little ole me, then I know somebody such as yourself who is younger, smarter, stronger, and more handsome absolutely can do it. Unless you keep wallowing in self-pity and allow yourself to be paralyzed by depression. Depression is often due to circumstances. Change your’s. Hell, move to Florida/Vegas. It worked for me!!!
This comment i can appreciate. You are right about what i have to do moving forward.
And i do know there are other readers of mine that relate to what i went through. By putting my story out there, and how i view the world, it validates that men can have feelings that don’t necessarily conform to the hypermasculine ‘must fuck all the whores’ mentality.
It’s a delicate balance. In any case, i can only try moving forward and any positive results i get i can relate back and give those guys that now relate with me more hope than when they started.
Again, thanks for the comment. A move might deft be in order. But first, i got Danny’s homeowrk to do.
Final point. I also wrote it keeping in mind that someday, people i know will come across and read this, people who ran into me when i was deep into the throes of my neurosis to help explain why the man they ran into earlier was the angry guy i was.
Hi Cakes!
I use the word never with all intention of following through. Granted, life can be strange.. but current laws make it unlikely. Unless i met a truly redpill woman through and through. I mean, like a female blogger redpill type, not one who just pays lip service.
It’s not that all women are crazy. It’s that they just have severely unrealistic expectations and overinflated ego’s because this city breeds it. Even ugly girls will give me snarlface if i don’t play up to them as the princess they are. I’m sure things are much more sensible in Belgium. Here’s a fun thing for you to try. Sign up as a man on PlentyofFish and make your location Toronto, Canada. Pic a half decent guy pic. Hell, use mine for amusement. And see if you can strike up a conversation with 1 woman in 20, and how many conversations last more than 3 replies. If you actually get a date.. i’ll send you $10 dollars. Hit on women you think are in my SMV, hell shoot below even. See what happens.
Location location location. Let me put it to you one other way.
99.9% of women here will be incensed and mortified, and tell you to fuck off if you gave them this advice.
Haha… ten dollars, hmmm… nah I think I believe you without going that far! I guess it’s the raging optimistic in me that wants to believe you could meet someone who isn’t completely horrible.
“If any of the ladies reading this can offer me an alternative suggestion, im all ears.”
Sure, I’ll bite. It’ll probably just make for some controversy, but I’ll say to you what I’d say to a brother in your postion.
1) By saying that everything men do is a reaction to the things women do you are actualy making yourself a victim. It’s paradoxical but true. Effective people are proactive, not reactive.
2) I think it’s a mistake to give up on having kids just yet. As I’ve said at HUS, the births of my kids bracketed my 40th birthday. Sure, it would have been better to have them younger, but better late than never. I’ve never regretted having them, not even for a minute. DH and I probably tire more easily than younger parents, but we are also somewhat wiser. It evens out.
3) The tone of this post is very reactive and assumes that those who you’re reacting to will care about your reaction to them. IOW, it sound as if you are saying, “Hey look what you feminists have done. Now this is what I’m gonna do.” The sad truth is that none of those people will actually care what you do and the person most affected by your choices will always be you. Do whatever makes you happy and build the best life you can–just don’t believe that your personal choices will impact others all that much or all that directly.
“I’m ready to verbally murder a woman with redpill and manosphere knowledge at the very first sign of a woman behaving in even 1 degree of deviation from red pill thought. It’s why i recused myself from debating at Hooking Up Smart. The female imperative is my *trigger* alert.”
I just read this again. Now, I am not a smart man. But I have just realized this. The main reason a woman reads or comments at HUS is all about securing commitment from an attractive man on her terms. They almost all fall into one of the following categories:
1. She has in the past been unable to secure commitment from an attractive man on her terms.
2. She has commitment from a man, but he is not attractive.
3. She has never been able to secure commitment from an attractive man.
4. She claims that she wants to learn how to secure commitment from an attractive man.
5. She is dating an attractive man who will not offer commitment.
The problem is: The men they think are attractive strongly tend to be the ones who don’t want to commit. And the men most prone to commitment are the ones who they don’t find attractive.
Until that conundrum is addressed, most women will continue spinning their wheels.
yep.
broken? just needs duct tape – but where to apply it?? feminist’s mouths????
i want to know the results of your “homework”.
1. Biology. Men are the chasers. Women are the choosers. This will not change. Men will always react in whatever they can to become the chosen. Learning game or going your own way is proactive when applied to bluepillers and reactive after having your life destroyed believing in bluepill mentality.
2. Having kids is what you do when you’ve had a fulfilling life. My life has been devoid of fulfillment. I am fairly certain that i would come to resent all the burdens and obligations that would be foisted upon me simply because society says i should be having kids. I’ve given having kids more thought than most actual ‘parents’, accidents/abortions, unemployed, teenage and single moms. Further to that end, i would need to find a 23-25 years old red pill woman right now, spend 3-5 years with her in a harmonious relationship building trust to the point where i would be prepared for and agree that having kids would be rewarding. All of that needed to be done… yesterday. I’m sure you were happy with your life when you finally had your kids. I’m not even close and not intending to use them as a flotation device.
3. I don’t care if those whom i’m reacting to care about my reaction to them. I don’t care what feminists do or think or even if they breathe. Where i’m concentrating my efforts is on those outside of feminism’s grip but still following the feminist script. Awaken enough bluepillers into a world of red.. and critical mass will eventually force those in the majority who do not care about me now.. to be forced to deal with the reckoning of epic proportions when all of a sudden they DO CARE because nobody is following their script anymore.
One need only see the comment section of every media outlet that posts another ‘man up’ article man blaming article that more and more men aren’t simply just gonna sit down and shut up. I read the comments as they are more insightful than the shit the article belches out. Seeing the logic of men completely eviscerate some stupid Salon/Slate/CNN article bomoaning why men are peter pans or living in basements and why they dont want to marry brings joy to my heart. If by what i do i help in the cause of breaking feminism earlier than later.. hooo rah!
If you disagree with any of the above, do let me know.
Without assortive mating and teh big bad evil patriarchy guiding boys/girls in the proper course of civilized mating behavior, it will never be addressed. Both of the genders evolved hypergamies get to push against each other like to magnets of the same polarity.
Women’s hypergamy tells them to grab the best possible mate at their sexual peak as evolution demands. But todays society say ‘dont capitalize on it early, you got time, play the field fuck around its all good’.
So when they finally jump off the horses, they find men’s hypergamy (whats fair is fair ladies) now kicks in full steam. Older, smarter, wiser, and more in demand, their biological sexual peak unrestrained now demands for evolutionary reasons that they look for the youngest, most fertile, best mate available to sire a healthy offspring and hearing the lamentations of the spinsters, who cry because their dusty barren wombs are rejected for the infertile, baby defect generators they have become. Evolutionarily unsuitable.
Ladies wanted the best at the height of their power, and missed the boat. Men want the best at the height of their power.. and we aim to capitalize, no shaming language will stop it.
Rinse repeat. Sorry. For a civilized society to continue going on.. civilized mating norms have to be brought back. And that means (oh noes) teh Patriarchy. Daddy’s in households. Daddy’s teaching daughters about men, about being gatekeepers. About screening the boys their daughters hang out with, and making sure they bring them home on time because you’re on the porch waiting with a shotgun in tow. And you’re doing this because women have shown an inability to police themselves properly and make good choice on their own.
Of course.. that is.. only if you want a functioning society. If you want it all to fall apart.. don’t change a fucking thing and let solipsism, narcissism and hedonism rule. As the Joker would say: Let’s introduce a little anarchy shall we!
I agree with you 100% and am exactly in the same place and want to thank you for your blog, so we know we are not alone
Why not find someone who isn’t into having kids? If you ever feel like trying to find someone.
Believe me i’m looking. I just haven’t run into any 25-30 year old’s who haven’t completely ruled out having kids. The ‘nice’ types always say they want a family. So i have to settle for the ‘riders’.
In fact most 35-40 year old’s here still hang onto that hope lol.
You might get a good relationship, or you might not… Same with kids. In a state such as yours (not meant offensively, I know others in a similar state), perhaps you could take your time to become happier and simply live for yourself. It doesn’t mean turning into an bad man who hurts for fun, but you don’t owe the world to get married and have kids, enjoy that. If a good relationship happens, good, If not, well, you already thought it and can’t become disappointed further.
Of course, you shouldn’t lose all hope for getting a good relationship just yet, but it’s bad to feel pressure about getting one, and reminding yourself about the time passing by. I think it will only drive you crazy and put you into a loop of depression. A good relationship might happen, but not now. No pressure, no stress.
That is what *I* would do, since you asked women what ideas they have. What deti says also works in my experience (letting feelings run out until you don’t feel them anymore). Being a little evil for a while might accomplish the task. I pretty much agree you can’t be very good and giving until you’ve had something fulfilling for yourself first.
“There is no woman who will tolerate it, deal with it, give me any allowances. There is no woman who will give me the time and patience to prove to me NAWALT.”
..actually, if you keep talking like that, young Twihard-type women will totally try to prove NAWALT to you, but you aren’t likely to enjoy such “love” from them.
Ah. Well, in my experience (which might not mean much), those who don’t want kids for sure are often not the riders, but the nerds. As you know, smart people who should be having kids, leave that task up to people with lower IQs. Not the type that pretends to be nerds by being overeducated, but real nerds, who might be into something even if they don’t have a degree in it. I don’t have any studies to back it up though.
“If you disagree with any of the above, do let me know.”
I’m not really interested in engaging you in that sort of dialogue. Your experience is your experience, and your feeling are your feelings. I just left you some advice that I hoped would be helpful in your moving on emotionally.
So many men in the ‘sphere sort of choke on the red pill and have it lodge in the same place in their throats for years on end. They’ll call it a necessary phase, but the years seem to pass without any real progress being made.
Wishing you luck with this–sincerely.
And they tend to be very sure, from the start, that they don’t want kids. No “maybe’s”.
I wasn’t looking to be confrontational, just had to let you know where i stand wrt to said advice.
“Wishing you luck with this–sincerely.”
I appreciate that sentiment.
[…] M3 chooses his path. […]
10 years ago, circumstances shoved the red pill down my throat and a light finally went on that “being nice” doesn’t work – just like M3’s experiencing now. Like M3, I felt a profound anger and rage at having been mislead all those years. The realization that this lie had cost me irreplaceable opportunities and a family life was, shall we say, “profound”. It took me over five years to work through the resulting “mess” before I came out the other side better and stronger for it. This was all before I’d even _heard_ of the manosphere, red pill, etc. which is probably why it took me so long.
M3, at least, has others who’ve BTDT to help him digest that red pill, get re-grounded, figure out what’s up from down, and with luck it won’t take him as long to figure things out and emerge on the other side of all this. He’s got a lot of work ahead of him, it’ll be hard, at times it’ll be confusing as he’s re-sorting his reality, which means it’ll also take time. I’m confident he’ll “get over it”, and with others to cast a light along this path, it’ll only take him a year or two to replace “blue” thoughts, attitudes, and beliefs with “red” ones.
—-
Finally, while the past may be in the past, it needs to be dealt with, made sense of, and put in it’s place, or it will deal with him. That’s part of what M3’s working on right now. Writing things down, getting them out in the open where they can be looked at, examined, and recognize for what they are – is a necessary part of the process.
In the meantime he’ll need encouragement, direction, and sometimes a kick in the pants. What he doesn’t need is shaming language about “whining” and accusations of being a “troubled sensitive guy”. What he’s going through is real, and it needs to be treated as such.
When the time comes that he can look at these writings without strong emotion, put them in a file folder, and quietly slip the folder into the “history” section of his life to be remembered as hard learning events – that’s when he’ll be “over” this. And not before.
One respectful suggestion about where you’re going wrong: you can’t get fulfillment out of other people.
Everyone is ultimately selfish. You’re not going to find someone who is going to fulfill you or give you meaning. Meaning is subjective, it’s something you create for yourself. Looking for it in other people will never work because they can’t help but be obsessed with their own lives and what’s best for them.
Banging strippers is never going to fulfill you just like marrying someone never will. Sex meets a need, it doesn’t have any higher meaning. Think of it like eating a nice steak. A steak can taste great. It can make you feel good. But it’s not the meaning of life. You’ll feel full for a few hours, and then the next day you’re going to want to eat again regardless of how much you enjoyed last night’s steak in that moment.
But marrying someone or finding that one true soulmate won’t give you meaning either. You may be a perfect match for one moment in time. But you’ll inevitable drift apart because people change. You’ll both become different people. People ultimately stay married out of nostalgia or a lack of any better options. I have never met a couple in their fifties or older who I thought had found meaning in each other. Instead, they always look like they just gave up on trying to do anything else.
If you want meaning or fulfillment, look to yourself, not to other people. I’ll bet you get more meaning out of writing this blog than any search for a soulmate you’ve ever done. You have to find something you like doing, that leaves something worthwhile behind that you can look at and say “I did that.” Maybe it’s writing, maybe it’s building something with your hands, maybe something else.
For some guys, sex might provide meaning. It doesn’t sound like it does for you. But don’t feel bad about that or get too wrapped up in it. I love a good steak myself. But the process of making it doesn’t mean much to me. There’s probably a bunch of chefs out there who would disagree. Good for them. As for me, as long as I can eat steak regularly, it’s just something I do in the background to meet my needs. Meaning comes from other things. If you go ten years with a steak dangled in front of you that you’re not allowed to eat, it makes it seem like it’s the only important thing in the world. It’s not, at the end of the day it’s just a steak.
there is only one true solution. I learned it from watching the part in Lawrence of Arabia where T.E. Lawrence extinguishes a match with his bare hand.
The third in a row of great posts, and the third where it feels like you are practically reading my mind.
Im not going to tell you that youre going to find someone for a LTR, that you shouldnt give up on women. As someone who has had pretty much all of the thoughts youve mentioned above, i know i get really tired of hearing that from people. Dont be bitter! There are still good women out there! You just have to keep looking! People like you who complain the most always end up making rhe best husbands/fathers.
Clinging on to that hope kept me in blue pill fantasy romance land. Letting go set me free. I know the people giving you that advice are well intentioned, but i dont think they really “get it”.
As for you being broken… well i think you actually might be better suited to the habitat that youre living in than the vast majority of men…. Youve at least shown the ability to learn from your misakes and adapt to conditions on the ground.
It’s natural for people to think that the “grass is greener on the other side”. What you posted wrt to rape only applies to attractive women.
Ugly women on the other hand, pretty much have no sympathy unless they are blessed with a supportive family environment. Outside of the family/friends circle, no one cares. Women are considered the “gatekeepers” so women who are raped may get outward sympathy, but for the less attractive it’s tinged with “you’re a pretty lousy gatekeeper, what were you wearing, what time was it, how did you look?”
This applies even to ugly women who try, (hair, nails, makeup, exercise). Only the top percentile of good looking women get the royal treatment just as the alpha men get the hot babes.
Feminism festered and grew only because these women (SWPLs mostly) are having their poor choices subsidized elsewhere (whether it be family, connections, government, etc.) People who lack that luxury quickly realize it’s a bunch of crap.
Parasites don’t survive too long without a host, anyway.
Naturally, there’s consequences for “shooting too far out of your league”, but when one’s current circumstances are unsustainable, some people are in a change or die situation. By this I mean, that the changes they will have to make (JUST to sustain themselves and get to a basic level) will be so painful, so grueling, so intense, that many people (rationally) decide that they should earn a reward commensurate to their devotion to achievement.
For that, I don’t blame them. A guy that works is butt off and takes the red-pill SHOULD be with pleasant, pretty hotties.
Intimacy IS important to men, but for women, commitment matters. Ugly women can get sex easily, but they’re the ones who aren’t approached frequently, and they almost never get called back after they do decide to have sex. This even applies to ugly women with decent personalities. They’re just as marginalized as the betas are; except plastic surgery is pricey.
Betas don’t commit to plain janes as much as the general public thinks they do, it’s usually the hotties that get the special stuff. The plain janes in LTRs typically have some other compensatory attributes (personality, devotion, love, cooking skills, sex, etc.) that keeps them in a committed relationship with their man. (This applies to dating, since marriage in the West is a whole different animal given no-fault divorce and anti-man legislation. ).
Feminism got its appeal because of the ugly women that were marginalized. What they didn’t realize is that it’s marginalizing the producers-the beta men that provide the means for feminism to even exist. It’s killing the goose that laid the golden egg-No one wins, and now legislation is trying to fill in the gaps.
Big lose for everyone.
Lots to ponder. Thanks for that perspective!