Posts Tagged ‘dark.triad’

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There’s never was any hope for Humpty Dumpty

December 8, 2012

Let me ask you a question.

If a woman is raped.. how long does it take for her to get ‘back on the horse’ as it were? Does she get berated with things like

  • you’re really bitter and resentful about it
  • you gotta let it go if you want to move forward and find a good man
  • you’ll always be alone with that attitude
  • you’ll never get a man if you treat him as guilty from the start
  • your hate and mistrust will keep you from finding happiness

Does she?

I don’t think so. I think it’s common for everyone to put on their sensitivity cloaks and say yes.. this woman suffered a massive trauma, from which it will take her a very long time to heal and will have difficulty trusting in the gender that she projects as her tormentor  The expectation would always be on the man, any man, to be sensitive to her with regards to her mistrust of sexual intimacy and allow her time to regain a trust that was so violently shattered.

It would be stupid to say this woman never wants to feel intimacy with a member of the opposite sex because of the way she responds to external stimuli at this very moment. Just because she recoils at touch now does not mean she never wants to be touched again. She just needs time, therapy and a patient person to be there to help her work through and resolve the matter of regaining trust. Even after all of that it will be an uphill battle.

This expectation only goes in one direction.

There’s a reason why i used rape as an analogy in my incel post. Because the effects of isolation and dehumanization are as traumatic and far reaching.

In a world where every woman wants her ReadyMadeMan™ right out of the box, where he leaves all his baggage at the curb, is absolutely confident, awesome and amazing in every way, 24 hours a day, without any problems of his own to prevent him from taking her on the wild adventure in her mind and life simultaneously thus providing her with the entitlement fantasy she’s yearned for since childhood in becoming either a fairy tale princess or being chosen by a thousand year old Vampire to become his Vampiress (of all the thousands of women he could choose over his lifetime)…

…well there’s no room in there for someone like me now is there.

While i’ve been in LIMBO, it came to me as an epiphany that i will never have a healthy relationship.

EVER.

I’m too damaged and will not be given the opportunity to heal this wound or given time to regain trust. Perhaps it may have been possible when i was still blue pill. Not now.

It came to me when my friend invited me over to a gathering of her relatives. They all talked about me heading to Poland and picking up with a Polish girl to wife up, not fucked up in the head like those crazy ‘North American’ girls, etc.. and in the back of my mind i realized i’m too far gone. I have nothing to offer a non-crazy woman as they described.. because the experiences of the past and the sphere’s teaching to me have dissuaded me from becoming just another cog in the feminine imperative. I’m MGTOW. I’m not going to get married. I’m not going to have kids. And i’m too old. I’d need a minimum of 5 years with someone to get to feel that we were good together and that the relationship was solid and that she followed the Captain/First Officer model. That would make me 42-43 if i met her tomorrow. Sorry, i don’t want to be a dad after 40. And i’m not about to jump into a relationship just to be a dad 6 months later. No. No. NO.

But beyond that.. i can’t even have a ‘normal’ relationship with any woman.. especially here in North America. My defenses are always on high. My finger is always on the trigger. I’m ready to verbally murder a woman with redpill and manosphere knowledge at the very first sign of a woman behaving in even 1 degree of deviation from red pill thought. It’s why i recused myself from debating at Hooking Up Smart. The female imperative is my *trigger* alert.

Why? Read the rest of this entry ?

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Confessions of a Reformed InCel

November 17, 2012

[EDIT: with so much new traffic, i thought i’d give the Sphere some advertising. www.manosphere.com ]

 

[EDIT 2: For anyone new coming here from The Daily Dot, Reddit, Ask Men or anywhere else. Once you are finished reading this piece (due to the interest since the Elliot Rogers murders) and you get all your feathers ruffled about the ‘feelings’ section, please head over HERE for understanding the proper context lest you get your panties in a bunch. If you assume the language was written as intent rather than contextualizing what would be required to have women stripped of their natural biological advantage of being noticed solely for the fact they are female – then i can’t help you or you comprehension skills. peace the fuck out]

 

November 17, 2012. enough is enough. i warned y’all it might get depressing. here goes. don’t worry, it ends well. i think.

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In honor of my 10,000th view.. i’m going to publish what i consider the hardest post i’ve ever written. But it needs to be written, for i may be an extreme, i know i’m not alone. This isn’t written for the PUA or the Alpha or the Pussy Slayer™. This is written for you, the one without hope..  to know there is hope and you can get better.

Thanks for the hits guys! Snapshot taken 07/09/12 at 2:33 pm after 3 weeks on the interwebz.

[actually no.. i’ve crossed 50k. that’s how long i’ve been holding onto this draft, terrified of letting it go. but i saw a comment today that finally let me pull the trigger.]

It is so Very hard to hit that PUBLISH button.

Writing this post is a source of *shame* for me. It’s been sitting in my drafts for about 2 weeks [edit: 5+ months actually]

But at this point in my life having endured what i have, it does not trouble me putting it out in the sphere. I am sure i am not alone in this and that this post will actually help someone out there. Some of you may relate. Women hopefully may finally understand where my anger and cynicism stems from.

So i’ve decided to unleash it. [about time?]

Firstly, before you continue, please go read THIS POST. [Edit Apr.30,2014: Due to the explosion of traffic from AskMen, I have noticed this post is no longer available, so i will instead invite you to go read THIS POST instead ] No offense to the author, my past wasn’t her fault.. but it struck the usual nerve with me. You need to read posts like this to let the feeling of inequality fill you up.

Welcome back..

When i read it or stories like it, these are the THINGS I FEEL (and yes, i know ‘feelings’ are the domain of a woman)

  • When i hear a woman tell me that she’s gone through a dry spell and not had sex in over X weeks/ months.. i feel like putting my fist through her face.
  • When i hear a woman tell me that she feels ugly or unloved or unwanted because her partner hasn’t touched her in over 6 months, i feel like laughing loudly 3 inches from her face.
  • When i hear a woman tell me that she just picked up a random guy for a night of fun because she was lonely, i feel like i’m glad i don’t own a gun.
  • When i hear a woman tell me that i shouldn’t feel bad about having gone without for so long, after all it’s only just sex, i feel like disfiguring her face with a scalpel.

Nature’s cruel joke and cosmic irony in one. I as a man, biologically driven365 days a year to ejaculate and produce sperm as often as possible, and having the drive and desire to want it every waning moment, who is villified for this natural urge and made to feel ashamed of my sexuality, control it and subdue it to conform to the feminine imperative… have to listen to women, who in their solipsism cannot fathom the ordeal of what i’m about to write about, women who biologically ovulate and desire sex rather infrequently compared to men, talk about, no celebrate their sexuality, their urges and desires.. and lament their short dry spells as if the world were coming to an end. They can never understand what a power differential there is in these urges.

Women can say they love sex just as much as men. I would call BS. Until there is a glut of male prostitutes, male escorts, male rub n tugs for female patrons, a demand for male sex workers and strippers i’ll say nay. Unless they’re all having alpha sex on the side perhaps? Or will touching themselves to 50 shades suffice? At least mommy porn is culturally acceptable. Women DO NOT need sex like men do.. otherwise the sphere would not exist.

Anyways.. back to my pitiful former life.

I have no pictures of myself from a time period stretching from high school to my late 20’s, save for some randoms others might have taken of me. I have no memories or recollections of my time in high school. I have no stories of parties, girlfriends or wild flings. It’s a time period i wiped from my mind, much like PTSD. The only way i can recall it is if i sit down and think really hard about it. I rarely do because i don’t like feeling like shit for the hell of it.

I was that beta/omega/zeta. I let myself get LJBF‘ed on multiple occasions being that ‘nice guy’ that male hating cunt Amanda Marcotte despises. I  played by the rules as handed down to me by the feminine authorities on what women would look for and appreciate in a man. I was asked to believe what they said, not what they did. ‘Just be yourself‘ (your nice beta supplicating self) was the golden code.

So here it is… my Incel Hell.

This is where you will stay for the next 12 years. Enjoy your stay.

<deep breath>

Read the rest of this entry ?