Why Platonic is not possible for me
July 4, 2012[edit: this was my very first post and the reason behind my start in blogging. thought i’d shove it up to the top with some minor edits just to give it some more views.]
I created this saying after I busted my very last LJBFriendzone.
She was single, I was single.
This is all that matters.
See, I can do platonic IF:
- I am not sexually attracted to you in any way
- I am sexually attracted to you but you are in a relationship and i’m single. I value and respect commitment and would not mow another mans lawn (and if i could steal her, i could NEVER trust her hypergamous instincts with investment level commitment)
- I am sexually attracted to you but i am in a relationship and you’re single. If i’m committed to a good girl, you could be a stunning knockout that wants to blow me right here right now, and i wouldn’t even flinch. I’m a man of my word and bond. Your pussy won’t affect that.
- We’re both in a relationship.
So you see platonic is possible BUT only under the right circumstances.
But if you are single… and i am sexually attracted to you, you will know it. And in this world, this life, you only get one shot. I don’t do redo’s. That’s akin to begging.
I don’t care if we’ve been friends for 17 years or 17 minutes. If you are single and i am single, and i am attracted to you, most likely i will ask you out. Asking you out is analogous to saying ‘I want to fuck you’. That is the end goal. I wouldn’t be asking you out if i didn’t want to have sex with you. Sure we can negotiate on the where/when/hoiw.. it’s part of the dance.
So here’s the deal. As soon as i finish saying those words, there are 3 possible continuities that develop.
- You reject me outright with some bullshit like ‘Oh but i only think of you as a friend/brother/emotional tampon’.
- You ponder it, decide to go for it, but along the way you realize it won’t work for whatever reason and call it off.
- We end up in my bed and i give you multiple orgasms and all is right with the world. And the next morning.. we’re still friends! Win/Win!
Two of these things is not like the other.. two of these things just don’t belong.
2 of those continuities have a dead end fate. 1 does not. Can you figure which? I’ll give you a hint. It’s not 1 and 2.
See, platonic is a bastard. It involves the fem-centric point of view of fulfilling ONLY the females emotional interests and needs to the exclusion of the males primary impetus for being with a woman he’s sexually attracted to in DENYING his needs. It defies all logic and requires a very large hamster, the kind that has ravenously gorged on Twinkies for years. Watch how the hamsters go wild in this video as they ponder over it.
Game. Set. Match.
So that is why i created this axiom that i have adopted for myself. It helps me feel better when i ultimately cut someone loose. While i’m not sure if it has any basis in evolutionary psychology, it felt right as i sounded it out so i’ll stick with it. If anyone can actually give me evidence to back up this theory, i’ll give you a hero cookie 🙂
“If you are unfortunate enough to be sexually attractive to me, and you rebuke me, you effectively become dead to me as in my mind you become and evolutionary dead end, as in will not bear my children. Even tho i don’t want kids, my brain recognizes the slight for what it is.. my DNA isn’t good enough for you. So yeah… we can’t be friends either.”
Once you reject me, you’re done. It won’t matter if i get someone new down the road. You’re rejection of me is all the disrespect i need to not consider you worthy of my precious time/energy/resources on something as drawl as friendship. Unless you’re going to help wingman me into the panties of someone just as hot or hotter still. Then we can negotiate it. Tho i’d still like to fuck you in the meantime….
[edit: I personally view platonic/friendzone relationships as WORSE than a cad pumping and dumping a woman. At least there, a woman gets sexual validation. She may feel used afterwards. She may feel broken she couldn’t ‘keep’ her alpha cad. She may rail against all men. She may lose a tiny piece of her soul with every lay she gives away. But she STILL gets to move forward and get another chance to learn of her mistake, to become a real gatekeeper again, to find a real LTR. But she’ll always have the opportunity to touch, feel and enjoy the companionship, however brief, of another human being in an intimate act. She will always get that validation that she is a sexual being in nature.
CONTRAST THAT WITH
a man who is stuck in a friendzone. He has feelings for and desires to express to a woman within touching distance, YET cannot, and is forbidden from doing so. Yet must torture himself in always orbiting her, filling her emotional needs, and expect nothing in return. He will usually be stuck in a vicious cycle of being unable to look for other women because his heart is too strung out on this forbidden fruit, a longing for something more with this ‘perfect’ person in his eyes. And she won’t cut the strings on her own. She’ll use him, utilize him, perhaps even manipulate him or send him signals to give false hope if he gets too close to wandering off in search of another. She’ll take the best of him and return nothing. LJBF with a woman you love is a walking death.
Women who LJBF with men who they KNOW have strong feelings towards them are at best completely ignorant and retarded, at worst they are the scum of the universe purposefully destroying someones life in order to better their own.]
Save your dignity, kill a friendzone and do your part for the environment!
On a side note.. YOHAMI recently put a post up very similar to what i wrote where he quotes the great DETI. Check it out here!
M3 
Nice article, I defnitely agree, but what about school/college? I’m a bit younger than you and I think it just would be awkward the next few months if I went up to all my class mates and asked them that question.
If you’re stuck in a school/college situation where running into the object of your affection will be a constant i would say check your comfort level vs. your desire. If you’re lovestruck over someone who’s LJBF’d you, you need to end that situation and it’s better for awkwardness rather than a slow orbiting death. At least then you’ll be free to pursue others. All you need is to slay the LJBF once, and then prevent it from happening down the road. If a future woman tries to friendzone you after a failed romantic pursuit just politely say you’ll ‘stay in touch’ but leave it there and only communicate if a situation requires it (shared class, assignment, etc) but do not initiate contact just for the sake of contact. The only women you should be talking to are the single ones, or women who have lots of single friends you can network off of. Having a woman for a friend isn’t an issue PROVIDING she provides some actual benefit towards your long term goal. If she’s up to wingmanning you and helping ease you into the panties of single girls.. now that’s an LJBF you can be proud of. But the type i talk about is the one that abuses you and treats you like a surrogate boyfriend, except you get no sex or intimacy out of it. Big diff between the 2.
Use your best judgement, but for the love of all that is holy.. do not become some bitches emotional tampon out of nobility or chivalry. No woman would fall on her sword for you, don’t do it likewise.
A commenter named “Squared” posted this on the old Solomon Group site (now solomonreborn.wordpress.com). It goes like this:
“If I’m not f**king you now, f**king you soon, or using you to f**k other girls, you’re useless to me.”
It’s crass, I know. But the point is that there’s really not much in it for a man to be a friend to a woman unless:
1. She could be a relationship or partner prospect; or
2. She can social proof you to other girls; or
3. She’s a really cool girl with really great friends who might be relationship or partner prospects.
There is no reason for men and women to get together as friends because most of the things men enjoy doing they can do with guy friends. Guys only want to be around women and deal with the problems and interests of women only for a shot at sexual relationships. And even if you match up perfectly on all interests.. that would probably make things worse since you’d sit there saying ‘We have all these things in common and she STILL won’t sleep with me’.
Women like having guy friends because we’re not catty and having intrasexual hissy fits, and as a way to get an inside line into the minds of men. That’s not enough to warrant the abuse of a guy being LJBF’d. And any insights she gets from a guy she’s LJBF’d likely won’t help her understand the aloof guy she’s fucking any better because he doesn’t think the same way the beta-orbiting LJBF guy thinks.
I’ve said this before elsewhere, but the most educational thing a man who has been LJBFed (or any man, really) can do is to get a look at the (any) girl’s phone. *
Note the five other guys she’s talking to (today).
Only one of them is getting laid. You’ll know which.
Now, try to rationalize your ‘relationship’ with your new BFF.
Bill me.
*based on a true story
Well said. And this line: “Asking you out is analogous to saying ‘I want to fuck you’” apparently has to be repeated to women over and over.
You don’t know how many times I’ve had to scream at my gfs” “HE JUST WANTS TO FUCK YOU. HE DOESN’T THINK YOU’RE FRIENDS!!”
It’s interesting to note that when you wrote essentially the same thing I did, I got vicious hate comments. You didn’t. I wonder if it’s because I’m a woman?
My female readership is probably much lower (virtually nonexistant? lol) compared to your blog so i won’t get lynched for it. You, simply by virtue of you being a woman.. and not re-enforcing the world view of ‘team woman’ leads to the viciousness you describe. It is because you are a woman and not ceding to the tired trope of ‘men can just be friends’ that you are assaulted for it by women(and men) who want to delude themselves into overlaying some grandiose sense of nobility that preserves the female requirement of emotional support to the exclusion of the males need for sexual intimacy.
A lot of people have forgotten their place in the world. Men want to associate with women for ONE reason only.. all other reasons are subservient to the primary. This is not a train of thought many are willing to accept or acknowledge. When men do it, they’re called pigs/dogs/animals for speaking to their true nature. When a woman agrees, as you have, that’s tantamount to treason. Team woman must strike you down with all of it’s hatred.
Welcome to reality Carolina! 😀
“Team Woman” LOL
It was men who attacked me, too, claiming that sex wasn’t a primary motivator for men. But, it is and there’s nothing wrong with that.
See, I think it’s okay that men want to have sex with women. In fact, I think it’s NORMAL.
“it was men who attacked me too”
Do yourself a favor and look up the terms Mangina and White Knight. They are the front line shock troops for ‘team woman’ 🙂
“Mangina” LOL
[…] [LINK] […]
Another take that strikes a similar chord.
http://www.blackdragonblog.com/2014/05/01/when-men-defend-friend-zone-platonic-female-friends/