Remain friends while sexually attracted? The debate continues.August 11, 2012
Firstly read this if you haven’t yet.
I just caught this video over at another blog. In the interest of trying to get as many voices on this as possible I’m putting the video here and hoping you comment on it, since the blogger who put this video up really want’s to know your thoughts. [come on you lurkers, decloak dammit] I’ve decided to put it here rather than reblog her page or send the manosphere there because i don’t want it to look like im sending attack dogs her way. She’s really curious, appears inquisitive and willing to listen. Let’s try to keep a modicum of respect here, but whatever comments you want to direct towards the video itself.. let loose.
Here’s the video:
I find it interesting that she uses actual clips from the video i put up in my platonic post, and seems to entirely be dismissive of the comments made by the men in the video. It appears she seems to just want to wish her vision of the world into existence. I feel a Picard meme coming on.
Here is the original comment I made. I’m hoping others have much more to add than what i’ve put down. Whatever your views, pro or con, i’d love to hear them as i’m sure she would to.
Interesting how far her delusion has taken her.
With regard to the ‘a history of separation’ part of the video at 1:14
A great relevant post to be read before trudging further
at 1:35 she brings up the feminists asking the question ‘why cant we be friends’ (sung while strumming a ukulele).. complete with a failure to understand that the ultimate goal of the ‘friendships’ was still to gain access to sex. It only made the unions and social interactions more palatable, especially as women started taking a greater place in the workforce. This second push she talks about at the 2:00 mark is total contrived nonsense, a projection of what the female narrative would *like* to have happen, and socially engineer. Reminds me of the phrase ‘If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it.’
Unfortunately men’s sexual urges will not cooperate with this unrealistic demand.
At 3:23 in the video she makes the most preposterous claim i’ve ever heard. That *I* was ‘taught’ that wanting to have sex with a woman is part of being a man?
That’s like saying women are taught to have menstrual cramps. It’s just sheer stupid on it’s face. When i was 11, girls contained cooties. When i was 12, i started noticing curves on girls. By 13 i knew i wanted to do the horizontal mambo #5 with them.
Nobody taught me to want to do that. My body knew it naturally.
For the record.. she’s cute despite her obvious feminist bent and sex poz agenda. I’d bang her.
And here’s what she doesn’t get. (text edited out). If i told her i really liked her and wanted to bang her, and she said no, she is casting a judgement on me. I am not worthy enough to access her most precious resource. Yet i can have the pleasure of watching her audition other suitors for the role she deemed me ineffectual for?
Hardly. I have better things to do than let my ego bath in the 9th circle of hell. Her solution? Acknowledge it and move on? Well, maybe easy for her, with a world of possible suitors ready to climb over each other and step all over each other and stab each other in the back just to have the privilege of being one of the 500 guys she’ll have the honor of rejecting this year. Fat chance for the guy being that lucky. If he was alpha enough to not have a problem picking up girls, then trust me, miss sex poz there would be singing a different tune.
No. For a guy to be successful with women, he has to stay away and remove all reminders of past failures, even if they would want to wear the face of ‘friend’. Those are the worst anchors holding you back.
(text edited out)
She took all that in pretty well. She did take exception to the idea of rejecting a man sexually as casting judgement upon him, by saying :
“I’m speaking for myself here when I say that I can respect, admire, and think the world of a man but if the “sex thing” isn’t there (even if it’s the single only thing that isn’t there), I probably won’t want to date him. I’ll politely reject his offer for a date but that doesn’t mean that view him as unworthy in any way. It just means that my body isn’t interested in a physical relationship although he would otherwise make an ideal mate. I’m just saying that is possible.”
No, it means that in evolutionary terms, if he was on a sinking ship, no matter what goody goody feelings you have for him, you’d watch him drown while holding the floatable donut. To steal a line from Bruno Mars, if he was on fire, you’d sit there and watch him burn down in flames. Am i being too harsh? Not really. I’m not saying in real life you wouldn’t try to help, but on evolutionary terms.. you don’t care if his line ceases because you have JUDGED him unfit and unworthy of procreation with you. You can sing all the platitudes that you hope he finds someone nice and that he deserves to end up with someone and will make a great dad and yada yada… but that burden will have to fall to some lesser unfortunate female, since this man is simply too beneath you to carry on the species with. And it’s not up to you to have sex with him to ensure his lineage survives.. so you are going to watch him burn.
That’s what’s missing from this. The honesty to be blunt about it. Because if it was framed in this fashion instead of the standard ‘Awww your such a great guy, let’s just be friends!’.. we all know that women would be losing their emotional tampons left, right and center.
So i decided to do what i do best.. hunker down with some books on psychology, do a little research on male/female interactions through the centuries, study cultural norms and look for patterns in an effort to understand and draw conclusions..
..who am i kidding. I cheated and flipped the script. Same situation, gender roles/goals/imperatives swapped. Easy peasy.
I get that and i appreciate it. Let’s reorganize the genders and the context and dig deeper a bit to flip the script tho.
Because men primarily look for sex and women primarily (evolutionarily speaking) look for commitment to secure resource provisioning for offspring we will flip the script on that base model gender role.
So now imagine you have the hots for a guy, and you know he has the hots for you. You admire him in every way shape and form, and he likewise values you.
Everything is perfect!
The two of you bang a few times, you think everything is great. Then one day you hear him on the phone talking to another woman. You are stunned and enraged! How dare he be talking to another woman on the phone, having dirty talk and making plans to go hook up with her later tonight, hearing him tell her how much he loves her and wants to make love to her.
You confront him and he says ‘Babe, you’re a really cool chick, we click on so many levels.. but you’re just not the type i want to settle down with, but i really like hanging with you and having sex with you.. you understand dontcha?’
Are you going to sit there and suck it up and remain with him and continue to have sex with him while he’s roaming elsewhere looking for future Mrs. Right? Are you going to become part of his harem? He’s not judging you, he just can’t/doesn’t want to commit to you, but everything else is great so why ruin a good thing right?
He’ll politely reject your offer for monogamy but that doesn’t mean he views you as unworthy in any way. It just means that his body isn’t interested in settling into a commited relationship WITH YOU (but he would wife up your best friend) although he would otherwise make an ideal mate. I’m just saying that is possible.
My guess is you would consider it a judgement. Probably along the lines of ‘How dare he say i’m not worth committing to? We have fun together, perfect chemistry, sex is fabulous, i love him, he loves me, i cook for him, support him, encourage him. Yet i’m not good enough to commit to? EFF him, his loss!’
“if you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it” – Beyonce
“if you like it you should sleep with it, or at least give it a blowjob” – M3
So there you have it folks. My take on the age old debate.
What say you? Am i right? Am i off my rocker? Do you have anything to add? How have you/would you react? Is the video accurate or absurd.