LIMBO
November 29, 2012Hey guys n gals, sorry for the lack of posting. I’ve been in a dark place. I think that incel post dredged up a lot of issues i’ve never resolved. It also didn’t help that i had an old friend tell me that she discovered my blog ages ago. Talk about a mind job. I didn’t know i was that famous and now the veil of anonymity really just went *poof* in a very real way.
And i’ve been struggling with a relapse of depression brought on by old blue pill mentality. Par for the course. I’ll explain further below about how i ended up here.
Currently i’m in limbo. I mean really in limbo. So many thoughts running through my head i’m having a tough time parsing anything intelligible. Lots written down but nothing i can piece together. So i thought i’d just put out a ramble.
Firstly, my tone. I realize i come off harsh to a great many people. I throw around the word slut without blinking an eye. I easily jump on the bandwagon talking about land whales and fat shaming because it’s just so easy to get caught up in the moment when everyone else in the sphere enjoys throwing around funny words for obese people. Sometimes i forget there was a time when i was fat. Sometimes i forget some of my best friends are/have been fat. There’s also a story i have in drafts about me basically calling someone out as a slut in real life. Didn’t feel quite as good because it wasn’t a complete stranger in a bar but someone i knew. It gets a little more real then when you can’t count on generalizations but have to tackle their individual choices and evaluate mitigating circumstances.
Having said that..
When i speak harshly, it’s not because i want to inflict pain on anyone. I know each person is an individual, with individual life events that shape them. I mean, look at my own incel post. My life was shaped for me entirely by a neglectful father who failed to teach me proper masculinity, an overprotective mother who smothered me, a dysfunctional family that made me feel like constantly protecting my mother and in effect ALL women, and being young and impressionable right at the height of feminism’s tyrannical grip over society and the education system telling me to put my hand down and let the girls go first. So believe me, I GET IT! You may have been naive. You may have not known what you wanted. You may have been lied to. You may have every reason in the world to become obese or have lived like a slut.
But i can’t write for the individual, i write for a wider audience, specifically the guys who have been affected most by the balance of power in a femcentric world that has always placed the value of women over men, and i don’t have time to deal with people on a 1 on 1 basis. Generalities must be used and shaming language must be applied to show that these are actions and lifestyles i cannot condone for society to follow.. the kind of society i want to live in. If the person can live with it on their own that’s great, but i can’t sit back and say ‘jolly good show, you are an inspiration to the next generation, keep at it!‘. I can’t.
I hate this current society. I want to see it perish in flames. I don’t care if a fucking comet comes along and decides to kiss our planet and bathe us in the warm glow of a billion stars. I want our fake society to end. The one that allows women, the ones who set the rules for the SMP by virtue of the innate men as chasers, women as choosers system, to game the system and exploit it so they can have all the benefits and men carry the burdens. I’ve already written how i believe the current system is set on a path towards the end of our current way of life and i for one welcome it and wish to hasten the process. One giant EMP blast would certainly do the trick and have them begging for patriarchy once the advantage of technological advancement is removed. It’s all that keeps the current society running on ‘borrowed time’.
My friend who found my blog asked me why i care, make it such a personal and vicious fight, why i speak of women poorly in generalities and teach men not to trust women from the onset but to run them through the filter harshly to see if they make it through. She asked me if i ever thought of the innocent women i will be harming. Ones who don’t believe in feminism, or the ones who are too naive to understand. Why am i doing this she asked?
Because i want to inflict as much collateral damage as i can so that the system simply cannot bear to continue operating as it does. I want the process to be so painful so that women make the choice on their own to disavow feminism, speak out against it, to stop being so narcissistic, solipsistic and gynocentric and realize that hey guess what.. if you want your society to continue to grow and prosper.. this 80-20 model won’t work, telling men they’re evil for being men won’t work, teaching men to act like women won’t work, and that the old rules were in place for a reason. Call it Patriarchy, call it common sense.. ignoring the majority of men for the majority of life will BLOW BACK IN YOUR FUCKING FACES and if we don’t get men making life absolutely unbearable for women via alpha pump & dumps and mgtow on marriage strikes.. women will not change the course out of the goodness of their hearts. Tucker Max is my hero. For every girl he blasted he sent a message to every beta. This girl is a whore not worth your time. Why would you love a whore like her who coughed it up for a douchebag like me? You’re going to treat her like your special loving snowflake knowing i laughed in her face, told her she’d come home with me knowing what a dick i am, not looking at her like a human or a person but a walking cum dumpster, jackhammered her cunt and blew my load all over her face and body till she looked like a fucking Krispe Kreme donut. Go ahead, wife that up.
As an aside.. does anyone remember a time when guys had to ask a girls dad for permission to go out with her? Ya neither do i. Tho i bet they knew something back then.. like women can be trusted to make poor choices if we don’t monitor their actions. Welcome to 2012.
I firmly subscribe to the Raz Al Ghul ideal as of this moment. Our society is sick in it’s decadence and it must be allowed to die. To be replaced with something that will restore a natural order to things.
No… as much as i like my friend i will not deviate from my continuing message of avoid marriage, avoid sluts, go your own way, as men choose your own path. If it’s pua pump n dump, more power to you. If it’s mgtow im there with you. Anything in between, knock yourself out. Wanna get married? Go for it. Just don’t say i didn’t warn you.
My friend asked me why i couldn’t just concentrate on myself and leave the world to figure itself out on it’s own. Because i truly don’t give a flying fuck about a society that quite frankly did not care about anything i had to offer to the world when it mattered simply because i couldn’t muster enough ability to be a trained monkey to make a girl laugh 24-7 and tingle her panties off fast enough to try and start a relationship with me in our wonderful ‘hookup’ culture.
And because i don’t want my friends daughter to grow up to write something like this or this.
If only someone had shamed me 17 years ago into taking action.. i wouldn’t be writing this blog.
Rant 1 over.
Secondly, i can’t believe how far the incel post went. It touched so many people. Just wow.
I have received so many comments and emails from it, it boggles the mind. To know so many others went through similar patches.. or still going through even worse patches.. never ending patches. I have no words. First let me say that i have read all the comments. Every last one. I have read all your emails that you have sent me. Every last one. I haven’t answered any of them, many asking me what i would do, what they should do, give them some game advice….
What i feared the most was seeing that post turn me into some kind of prophet or messiah, someone with answers.
I have none. I only have my stories for you to extrapolate from. I can give you the bare basics, tell you to improve yourself, don’t be a doormat and let anyone, much less women walk over you. And for god sakes never get married, EVEN IF YOU WANT TO. You can gladly tell women that you’d love to get married, but will not unless the law becomes equitable and no-fault divorce removed. That puts the onus on them to change the system they want us to buy into.
While i believe in game and tell guys to pick it up, i’m not Roosh. I’m not Rollo. I’m not Heartiste. I’m you. I’m still on my own journey and haven’t figured out yet what i’m doing, much less an authority on telling you what to do. I don’t want to put you on a path of pump and dump if it’s not in you, neither do i want to chastise you if you do. You need to come to terms with what you can live with (much like what is causing me to be stuck in LIMBO) and then act on it.
I have a clearer understanding of women’s nature and how they react but by no means am i suave and debonair. (Not until you get a few drinks in me and then i throw caution to the wind). My game is still evolving. Christ, i’m still trying to get over approach anxiety myself so i’m not really in a position to tell you guys anything! I’m taking tips from Danny for fuck sakes! (hehe. j/k Danny got serious game.. ask HIM for advice) I’m still trying to build up the resolve one might get when standing on the edge of a precipice with the bungee cord wrapped around your feet. At some point you have to take in a deep breath, say “FUCK IT” and jump. I still haven’t jumped. I may try Private Man’s suggestion this weekend as a starting point.
This is why i haven’t answered any of your emails. I can’t give you advise without knowing who you are.
Rant 2 over.
So now we come to my LIMBO.
It goes something like this.
I want a good decent girl and not a party skank slut.
I want to grow old with someone i care about. (still bluepill i know)
I don’t want marriage.I don’t trust marriage. I don’t want kids.
I haven’t prepared for a life of marriage or kids because of my past.
I can’t ask for or expect a good girl to sack her future for me.
I know i’ve limited my pool drastically.
I might only be able to draw from a pool of former or current sluts.
I cannot emotionally connect with a woman i don’t care about.
I cannot give a shit to pleasure a woman beyond self gratification if i do not care about her on an emotional level.
I feel it is not worth the effort to pleasure a women to multiple orgasms if i feel like just another random cock.
I do not feel like trying during sex with a woman who treats sex as just sex.
I need complete trust in a woman to be at my sexual best and give her unending orgasms.
I feel like it’s a chore and i would rather masturbate than reward a SatC slut with good sex.
I derive no pleasure from animalistic, non connected sex.
I know my blue pill life has broken me.
I can’t get what i desire and can’t live with what i can get.
I accept i may run out the clock and die alone.
I feel empty.
I have had fleeting moments of despair and dark thoughts for over a week now.
I hate limbo.
I hate what i’ve lived as a product of my feminized environment.
I hate the pain of the RedPill.
I’m waiting for something to take hold.
I’m waiting to wake up so i can be a young man again.
M3 
You’re not alone, believe me. I’m not going to give you some cheesey pep talk when I know it won’t do any good. Just try to remember that if you win, you’re not the only victor. If you loose, it’s not just your loss.
Our society sucks. But there are others. I’m glad that I have a hobby that I am passionate about. While I’m hunting deer the rest of the world is of little interest to me.
I hope you find something that gives your life meaning so that you too can always have something to look forward too.
“I’m waiting to wake up so i can be a young man again.”
yeah, man I have my own trauma’s…
sometimes you try talking about shit but sometimes it’s just better to drink and not think…
I fucking hate the holiday’s….
after halloween, it’s a bit of a downer, don’t really start feeling good again until march….
thanks for the linkage jerkface. lol.
like i told you before. you’ve begun a journey, it doesn’t matter how long it takes you to get there; just that you get there.
and you will. it was good talking to you. you got the number, call anytime.
and as a final note….you’re feelings are justified. eventually, you will reach a zen like state where the anger, frustration, mistrust fades. you simply assimilate to the reality of the SMP and do what’s in you’re best interest.
you do know my “you’re fourth” analogy with women right? lol.
Many of us are where you are at. Take heart you’re not alone in trying to figure it out.
M3?
Wow, what an excellently written and radically honest post! Respect.
It’s good (but also sad) to see so many fellow warriors that share this path of pain and seek a new reality in Red-Pill-Land.
You will overcome limbo and find momentum again. And then: Fcuk the Matrix!
I commented on the Incel post that I related very strongly to what you said. Let me repeat that again. Much of what you say is echoing what I think.
As to the current funk you find yourself in – it has happened to me too. These things are cyclical, or at least have been for me. You’ll be going along fine, and then something from your past will get drudged up and will send you spiralling down once more. You’ll come back out again, and the next time probably won’t be as bad.
And limbo. Im there too. It’s like a stasis where nothing seems to change. I know I want it to change, I know I need it to, yet it doesn’t – it just goes on. All I have are ideas on how to get out. Many are only inklings, and only partially formed. Perhaps too many ideas. Maybe I’ve just gotten too comfortable in just surviving here in limbo, and haven’t been given the proper motivation to claw my way out. Or maybe I just don’t know what I want. I only know that it isn’t this.
As for your views on our civilization…. again, agreed. I feel absolutely no sense of connection to the wider community around me, and the values and culture of this society disgusts me and offends my sense of justice. This society has instilled in me a mental framework that is wholly unrepresentative of the way things actually work and this has directly resulted in a great deal of pain and wasted years of my life. Since my red pill reformation of two years ago I have been tearing down this edifice of lies and working on replacing it with a stronger foundation of truth, but it’s hard going to remove something this persistent. There have been highs and lows during this period, as I alluded to earlier, and each low tells me I haven’t come as far as I may have thought. But I have made progress.
Much of my anger has gone now, and there was a lot of it in the beginning. I’m becoming a lot more calm, a lot more pragmatic, a lot more zen. So my feelings about this civilization (if you can call it that) aren’t driven so much by anger or by a sense of revenge. It’s driven more from a belief that other, younger men should not have to go through what I did. And by a belief that a society which vilifies the men who built it and sacrifice themselves to keep it running is fundamentally unjust, and unjust societies deserve to fall. It’s also driven by the fact that I believe that this society is destined to collapse, and I’ll be damned if ill work to try and preserve this. Batman should never have got in the way of the League 😉
This has already run on longer than I intended it to, but I’ll just add one more thing. You have gone through a crucible and emerged from the other side. You have a strength that most people don’t. Keep that in mind.
Hey man, you said it best yourself in your previous post. Just TAKING the red pill can drive one to (temporary) insanity. Your worldview was shattered. Much of your social conditioning became a fuckin mathematical error, for God’s sake. And the new red pill-induced reality extends to almost all other areas of your life, not only vis-a-vis the feminine imperative. That shit ain’t easy.
It took me two years after my separation and divorce (and losing my kids) to wrap my mind around the new reality. Sure, in the beginning was getting jacked up and really feeling the masculine rage (how sweet it is), a lot of fuckin’ and partyin’, a lot of devil-may-care living like there was no tomorrow, a lot of rage — not just at women, but at everybody and everything. As the new reality coalesced and gelled, a new sense of personal boundaries emerged and now I find myself charting new directions (learning a new trade, trying as best I can to preemptively adapt to how I think this society is going to be in 2, 3 years from now, cutting emotional vampires and so-called friends and family out of my everyday life, and so on). I can’t go back and neither can you.
The struggle of life doesn’t end. Hang in there, man.
Things will pick up mate. You’ve benefitted hundreds of people with your last post alone, keep verbalising your awesome insights. Clearly we need them!!
I’m currently going with the woman of my dreams. Literally. She’s smart, funny, nice, wonderful personality, great to be around, has a great career that she really loves, has money. Age-adjusted, she’s a solid 10 beauty and body-wise. And she’s going with me. Wow. I find it hard to hate the current system when she is around. Thinking about changing my nom de plume to “Lucky”…not sure how this relates except that if, IF you should be so lucky to find a perfect gal for you then it will go far to erasing your past demons.
I’m sure you get a lot of feedback and you don’t need somebody else telling you, but there are a lot of guys in exactly your situation- I, for one, and it’s enough to know that somebody else has had your experience.. it’s enough to keep on going forward.
I’ve been perpetually depressed since taking the red pill, and unlike some of the manosphere bloggers, I have not found peace or happiness. Just an unsettled feeling that what I wanted no longer exists, and I’m not sure what to want anymore. I’ve internalized game and I’m better with women but simultaneously I feel like my interactions with women are getting worse.
I’ve just kinda been following a similar path to yours hoping to eventually find inner peace.
Admission: now that I found your blog, I’m hoping you figure it out soon, I don’t see myself figuring it out.
Is pursuing the life you want to pursue really blue pill? I know in the ‘sphere we’re supposed to be smashing pussy left and right, but I actually enjoy monogamy on a transcendent level. I want to fuck plenty of girls besides my wife on a theoretical level, I just can’t disconnect emotionally as some can, so it’s not an option. It’s a weakness of the manosphere to treat men as monolith.
Oh i agree with you 100%. I don’t ascribe to the ‘you are a man only if you’ve gone through 4 ikea beds slamming pussy’ worldview. blue pill is the life i wanted. having said that, my limbo is that i cannot now return to that level of thinking, nor am i prepared to take the steps to attain it because society has penalized me for it long enough with the ability to divorce for unhappy, making marriage an unequal legal nightmare, shitting on traditional path to masculinity as provider and rewarding carousel riders after years of enjoying the ride. My time to be a ‘partiarch’ came and went. I’m fully removed from wanting to marry and have kids. I’m too old, too selfish, and quite frankly having been left alone for too long to my own devices now cannot be cattle prodded into doing my bit for society.
No matter how much i wanted that life, i can’t look forward to being that guy with the house and white picket fence with 2.5 kids an a dog with my lovely wife. When it mattered, no one cared. It doesn’t matter to me anymore. I haven’t prepared for it and have no interest in conning a good woman to abandon her hopes of kids/marriage/tradcon route just to be my monogamous childless wingman. Limbo.
“but I actually enjoy monogamy on a transcendent level”
as do i. i always call it ‘chicken soup for the soul’. the allure of new sex with a new woman is exciting.. but the best, most exquisite sex i ever had was with my wife.
Its blue pill to pursue it blind to human nature and thinking you’ll get what you want simply because you deserve it for doing good deeds. For being a good person without knowing how to be good at being a man. A leader.
If you’re good at being a man, you know and actively work to minimalize the risks involved in marriage today, and you know its what you want…. I’d say its a red pill gamble. An all or nothing bet.
Personally, while the thought appeals to me, I can no longer imagine the unicorn of a woman that would cause me to go through with it.
Aw, sorry to hear you’re not feeling great. Be kind to yourself!
Hang in there. I’ve just passed through a 2-year roller coaster ride of anger since swallowing the Red Pill. But suddenly, I have a better clarity of vision, and am laughing instead of raging. It’s hard to describe. I still feel strongly about the lies and double-standard of the feminine imperative but I’m able to calmly find the humour in it now.
I’m sure you’ll get through this ugly phase and be reborn as a bad-ass butterfly.
PS–Toronto is not an easy city. I find it to be emotionally cold and disconnected. It’s hard to make friends and to connect with people socially. I can’t imagine what the dating scene must be like.
Does anyone know of a way to tell if a virgin likes anal?
How you answer will greatly affect how well I look after my credit score.
It doesn’t matter. It could be your credit score is all assed out, papa.
This is an epic post, M3. I was hanging on every word.
I find myself in a Limbo as well M3.
I was voluntarily celibate after converting to evangelical Christiany as a teenager. I was not popular or good with the ladies prior to that, so I remained and still am a virgin into my late twenties.
About a year ago I took the red pill x2 after I suffering a bit of a nervous break down. My life as an overly zealous evangelical Christian was unsustainable. I cracked under the strain of always trying to do the “right” thing, to make sure I was “Christian” enough, to make sure I was active in my church and a “good” Christian man. Because hey you need to please God, and what women doesn’t want a man who is sincere in his faith, active in his church, etc etc.
At any rate much like you my paradigm and world view have been upended. Much to my dismay I quickly learned that Jesus doesn’t matter. And that I wasted years of my life at church (3-4x a week) when I should’ve been working out, pursuing an MBA, saving that tithe money for myself, etc. 10 years invested in trying to be a good Christian man realizing that I was getting no where, being taken advantage of by the church for my service/money, and left with emotional/psychological/physical needs that I was responsible for fulfilling the entire time – not Jesus or the church.
Of course then there’s the red pill. That being a nice, stable, responsible young man means nothing. That chicks dig masculine men. I was pissed at the bullshit I bought into for so long. I felt deeply betrayed, because I was lied to. Furthermore I spent my youth neglecting the development of my masculinity, the betterment of my own life because I didn’t want to be a “selfish” Christian. Never mind the fact all the leaders and happy Christians were the ones who were selfish, pretty, successful, did not overly commit, had healthy families, etc.
So heres my limbo:
I’m a 28 year old virgin. I have not made losing my virginity a priority because I don’t know that emotionally I can handle it. In other words I want what you want. I don’t want to be a player, I don’t want pump n dumps, I want monogamy. I want a relationship, I want intimacy, companionship, and everything that comes along with that.
However, when I take the time to process all of this, it just doesn’t seem realistic. I’m not interested in a bar star or reformed slut. So where will I find a woman who has restraint? Who understands femininity and masculinity? Who is willing to be feminine? Who has a low partner count? Even if I find her, will I be able to keep her? Clearly everything is stacked against me.
So at this point I’m not sure what to do. While I have not been an incel, I still wrestle and feel a lot of what you wrote. Am I worthy of love? Will I experience love? Will I experience what it’s like to be with someone who desires you? Will I ever experience the warmth of affection and intimacy? Passionate sex with someone I care about who also cares about me?
So yeah I relate perhaps in a different way.
I had a lot to say to you in response to your incel post but knew I would get nothing but grief from other commenters so I did not write a response to you.
I derive no pleasure from animalistic, non connected sex.
This differentiates you from perhaps most of the men in the androsphere.
As for the rest of this post – I hope you continue on this road to further self-awareness and that, in struggling to come to grips with the contradictions which come across almost viscerally in your writing, you take a stand and leave behind the parts of the androsphere that contribute to the total debasement of all human sexuality. Should you do so you will no longer be a card-carrying member of the chummy club, and will be called pejorative names and ridiculed to a certain degree, but you will carve your own way, and will find company eventually.
You have more common sense and better instincts than some androsphere writers twice your age, whether single or married.
I believe you have been given eyes to see for a reason, and I hope your wiser impulses win out. I wish you the best.
Your story is almost identical to mine. We are even the same age.
Remember one thing: Scripture tells us that a good wife is a gift from God.
Another thing to remember is that God does things for men in Scripture in the following order:
1. Man – He prepares the man for his mission.
2. Mission – He gives the man his mission.
3. Mate – He gives the man a mate to help fulfill the mission.
So first things first, work on the Man. And standby for your mission.
Gotta tell you there might be a book in that seminal post, you have a raw style that cuts to the bone and have struck a nerve with many men. As far as I know it’s a topic that hasn’t been covered so the world is yours for the taking.
Concerning your predicament you should thank your lucky stars, the blinkers are off and you don’t live in a car paying off your ex.
“A man is happy so long as he chooses to be happy.”
Don’t let the fuckers win, you can still be an oasis in this shit hole.
I relate – similar situation, only I’m over 40 now, which is scary.
this doesn’t sound like a post from the guy who has “do not fear” as his motto on the top of his blog. Decide what you want, go after it, and don’t let fear or revenge control you. I hear fear all over this post, I recognize it because I’ve been it’s slave before too. Who cares what the future holds, live one day at a time, go after what’s important and figure out how to not be afraid. Sometimes life is too dark to look at the future, only worry about today for today has enough worries of it’s own.
A good wife is a gift from God…
And a good wife is only possible if you’re a Christian Alpha male, which doesn’t look any different than a worldy alpha male. You are confident, succesful, handsome, socially dominant, etc.
I’ve lost all faith in Christianity, scripture, and the church for the simple reason that it’s up to me to make things happen in my life. And if it’s up to me, than what role does Jesus play? All we do is mention God in passing – Oh God provided this for me, or look at what God did. It’s nonsense, God didn’t do any of it, the person did.
Furthermore the church is so backwards and wrong on women and relationships that I can no longer take them seriously on anything. Their claim of primacy is bogus. I’ve learned more about being a man and about the true nature of relationships and women in one year of reading blogs than I ever have of ten years of being an overly zealous Christian. How does that make any damn sense?
Do you not think God brought this information to you for a reason? God works in all kinds of ways and He usually works through people. Isn’t Scripture filled with times where God acted completely contrary to expectation and blessed people as a result? Unlike all your married Christian friends, you know EXACTLY how to handle a wife and you know how full of shit the pastor is when he tells you anything that isn’t Biblical/Red Pill.
You weren’t a Christian before, you were a Churchian. The best thing you can do is to stop going entirely for quite a while. Maybe participate in Bible Studies so that you can inject Red Pill thinking into the lives of those around you and practice being socially dominent. Say some controversial things and don’t back down. The women in your group will respect you more for your unwillingness to supplicate to them. This happened to me years ago (way before my Red Pill), where I took bold, controversial stands on things and argued from strength with everyone that my frame is correct. The result? The two most attractive girls in the group became interested in me. I didn’t even know how the hell that happened at the time, but now I do.
I will not defend the church. They lied to me too. They are to blame for my own circumstance. Scripture tells husbands that they have responsibility and authority over their wives. The church says that you only have responsibility and no authority. The modern church hasn’t even bothered to tell wives that submission and obedience is required. Scripture does. Scripture has the wisdom of the Red Pill. Go back and read all the stories where men interact with women and you will see how Red Pill it truly is. You will be amazed. You will see how Adam, Abraham and others failed giant shit-tests and what results from them. You will see Jesus nuke shit-tests left and right. It was there all along, it’s just that no one explained it to you the right way.
When I played little league, the coach always told me that not even God can help me if I don’t swing the bat. God has given you instructions on how to swing, so it is time for batting practice.
Finally, see the positives of our situation. We have just taken the Red Pill at the beginning of the peak of our SMV. With moderate practice and an extra year or 2, we will be able to find a wife almost 10 years our junior who is still a virgin. Meanwhile, all the guys who married young will have wives who are hitting the Wall and children running around. And since they aren’t Red Pilled, their chances of getting divorced are much higher than ours.
I know i’ve limited my pool drastically.
At least we (meaning you, me, others) know we’ve limited the pool. The ladies seem incapable of understanding how their choices limit their pool.
Another great, well written and brutally honest post. Keep writing. Your style resonates with a wide range of people who are seeing the world for the first time via the Red Pill and we all (both men and women) learn through these types of posts. Take care of yourself and try to accept that you are deserving of a respectful relationship.
I think it’s possible to be free from fear and yet to have a sense of tremendous inertia, ennui, and so on.
Getting stuck in limbo doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re feeling afraid.
Keep writing, M3.
Sorry that you’ve been in a dark place. 😦 You know you can always talk to me about what you’re feeling. No judgments here.
You write the most raw, candid posts of anyone. It takes a lot of courage to admit your feelings like that.
We all need a refresher in bros before hos.
A brother will sacrifice and understand in a way no woman can. Or would.
M3 is expressing a lot of angst. It isn’t attractive, obviously, but it isn’t meant to be attractive. I think the poison is leaving the wound and we are reading the results.
I think there are many out there who could write like this.
This stage of angst is probably not permanent, but it still needs to run its course.
Hopefully, he will move through it and on to better things.
We hate to admit we have fears because we think they’re a sign of weakness. But fear is a sign of humanity. Only fools are not afraid. You’ve heard it said, “Courage is not the absence of fear, it’s moving ahead in spite of our fears.”
Grief is unavoidable. What you wanted is dead. But you still want it; that does not change. For a time, perhaps a long time, that conflict is louder than anything else in your heart: the conflict between your desire and the indelible awareness of its impossibility. This is grief: that the world is broken, and the good in it has slipped away.
Hi man, If you want to continue using the Prof. title, bring back the university.
I hate that you are in such a dark place. And I completely understand your reasoning.
I prefer having sex with the same woman every day. And, as you said, the sex is better with an emotional connection. That does not make you beta, nor does it make you blue pill. It makes you a man, like most men. What man really enjoys knowing he is sticking his cock in a woman who was probably with another man last night? It’s sickening.
Did you mean what you said about not minding collateral damage? Did you mean what you said about wishing you could hasten the collapse of this joke we call society? If so, I have some advice for you.
Go ahead and find a good girl. A girl with a low notch count. Tell her you want marriage one day. Tell her you want kids. Steal a few years from her life. When it ends, explain to her that it was women, not men, who fucked the game up. 100 years ago, all most men wanted was a wife and kids. We didn’t change, they did.
If you don’t want to go that route, find a girl you can get along with who isn’t a total slut. If she’s been around a bit, but primarily a serial monogamist, have a relationship with her. You will probably be very happy. And as long as you aren’t getting married, how important is notch count, really? If she cheats on you, she cannot get money from you or ruin your life. Same if she leaves you. Without that ring, you hold all the power.
I’m living the advice I’m giving you. I have a great gf who slept around a bit in high school. She’s not a worthless slut. She had really slutty friends who actually gave her shit every day until she lost her virginity. I’ve dealt with her (ex)friends and they are trash. Sometimes a decent chick makes major mistakes, and you could be the force in her life to make her a better person.
If you meet a girl you like and have a connection with, just date her. Be happy, make it work. Who gives a damn if people think you are blue pill or whatever. Just don’t wife her up. Keep the ball in your court. Your happiness is paramount.
I hope I was able to help, if only a little.
If Mentu and Asher don’t want to blog, don’t pester them about it. They have their reasons.
it’s best not to be anything like heartiste/roissy. by his own admission, he doesn’t care about men’s rights or changing the system, and he’s certainly not going to do what it takes to see it change. again, by his own admission, he just wants to find mrs right, so he’s actually still part of the problem.
M3,
It isn’t the destination, it’s the journey.
-Greg
[…] again I have to credit M3 for the well-spring of relevant posts. He definitely comes through with the red pill dosing necessary to address the current shut-eye […]
I may not be able to identify with the cause, exactly, but I can identify with the feelings. The feelings of despair, uncertainty towards the future, frustrations because what you want and what you might get may not be aligned, frustrations because it might not be fair, and there are things you have no control over, time lost or “wasted” being lied to, being naïve, feeling angry because you feel like so many people have led you astray, feeling angry because you let them, because you thought it was right, and now you’re not sure why you feel the way you do, just that you do, and it’s horrible….
We’re living in tumultuous times. Things aren’t easy. And we can point fingers all around but how much would that do?
This was another amazing post, M3.
And I hope I don’t annoy you too much by telling you that I pray for you sometimes and ask Our Father to bless you and grant you peace.
[…] is in Limbo. This and the InCel post really speak to […]
BLUE-PILL ALPHA!
There. I said it.
Just needed to get it out of my system I guess.
I’m never annoyed dear.. as long as you let me sleep through my Sunday mornings in peace and toasty comfort like the heathen i enjoy being! 😀
Great post, it takes courage to be so honest and there are many other guys in Western societies who are in the same situation. I’m lucky that I didn’t marry – 3 months after she pressured me to marry (almost done a degree and with a new business kicking off) she left me just as the workload notched up on the business we started!!
Personally I’m looking to Eastern Europe, SE Asia and perhaps Central & South America to find a woman with some family values, who takes pride in being a feminine woman, a mother and a wife.
Chatting to a lovely 26 yr old Ukraininan woman this morning, she boasted that East European women “make the best wives!” I told her she had given me hope for the day 🙂
Personally, I want to have kids, I love them and I love good, feminine hot women. I’m favoring a prenup / covenant marriage contract bringing back fault based divorce, with a 2 year waiting period on mutual consent grounds. I think that proof of fault should carry a penalty of 50% of fair split of assets, ie 25% if 50% was ah fair spilt.
I’ll also insist (if its legally possible) that if she wants marriage, and my dedication, financial support and sacrifice for her and our family, then I get full custody of all children in the event of a divorce, unless a designated 3rd party believes beyond a shadow of a doubt that I’m unable to care for them, am abusing them etc…
The last condition will be that my house will remain my residence and owned by me, and my offspring, with 5 years to complete any payout for her contributions.
The issue of monogamy/adultery is a tricky one, I think it should be up for review every 5 years or less, with both spouses having an right to expectation of weekly sex (not compulsory) but as a vital component of marriage and well being. Two months of no sex would be seen as license to get needs met elsewhere for either party.
Allot of evidence indicates that pure monogamy often leads to lackluster sex life after 3 – 7 years, and the Cooldige effect (new blood) will get things going..
My thoughts so far,
– as for the bigger picture and your preparations & pool of women – women in more traditional cultures (2nd & 3rd world?) are more open to older guys – Russian & Ukrainian 25 yr old’s indicate they are open to guys up to 40, as do Thai, Phillipinno etc women, so we have time – traditionally I think it was common for men to only accumulate enough assets to marry and support a family in their late 20s to 40s or even later!
Society & culture wise its tricky stuff – one almost have to have a foot in two boats, make the best of this system, but prepare to bunker down in a close group in a potentially anarchic, totalitarian or apocalyptic future. Obviously ownership and guarding the units of production will be crucial (land, timber, plant & equipment) so old world manhood will be valued again. Localization and local currencies could be seen as preparation for this – globalization is the enemy of having control of your own life in my opinion.
I’m sorry you will not find a chaste beautiful lady who will love you. That creature is extinct if it ever existed, certainly in Canada/U.S. heck the Western world. Go take a trip to Thailand and get some. Screw as many beauties as you can and understand the world you are in. Find out the true price of sex and you’ll never be the same. This defangs the beast. You won’t be a slave to pussy anymore as you’ll know you can get it then a magical thing happens – you won’t care.
I know that you want a good lady and maybe when there was some actual real social control on their behaviors this was possible. Unless you have a time machine the only other cure is more red pill. At the very least knowing you can bang a Thai 9 for the cost of an average meal at Olive Garden will change your perspective. You won’t be desperate anymore and this confidence will get you a better lady long term. Good luck.
[…] like Mr. M3, I’ve got the feeling of a “lost decade.” My situation, my traumas, yeah, I think […]
M3:
I went back and read this again. And I did it because I’m in the same boat you are, and I think I have been for a long time.
The limbo and funk I am in is a result of an enormous sense of loss. The world is not what I was told. Nothing is as I was told. I have discovered that everything, EVERYTHING I thought I knew about women, marriage, childrearing, church, work, politics, economics, daily life, and everything else, was just not true. To the extent it was true, it is no longer, and is changing faster than human beings seem able to keep up with.
M3, the world we thought we knew never existed. We were sent out into a world we weren’t in any way prepared for.
The world as it exists now requires us men to have a touch of arrogant asshole just to keep from getting robbed blind. You have to be cynical just so you know if the girl you’re thinking of getting hitched to isn’t lying through her teeth just because she’s 28, sees The Wall looming in front of her, and needs to lock down a dude before it’s too late. You can’t treat her well all the time because if you do, she’ll lose her attraction for you.
You can’t just relax with your girl; you have to be the exciting/fun/dramafilled boyfriend who courts and dates her constantly. It isn’t enough to be steady and even-keeled; you have to bring the dominance all the time or you’re a pussy. You’re not allowed to have a bad day or to show emotions like anger, fear, or anxiety because if you do, she’ll begin feeling fear herself that you’re just not up to it or can’t handle it, and then her hypergamy will kick into overdrive to find a replacement.
You have to be a ruthless dickhead at work. You have to be the best all the time. Mistakes are not permitted, because if you make one, you can be easily replaced. You’re too expensive. There are guys out there who will work twice as hard as you will for half the money we’re paying you. You’re too nice, you try too hard to get along; and you’re not aggressive enough.
I am scared to fucking death to send a daughter into this SMP. It saddens me I have to tell a daughter that most of the men out there only want to have sex with her; and that if she gives them the chance, they will sex her and toss her aside. It saddens me that most of her friends will go the slut route, either because they want the attention or they succumb to the emotional blackmail or just because everyone else is having sex. It saddens me that if my daughter wants to have sex, if she really, really wants to do it, there’s nothing I can do to stop it. The only thing I can do is let the consequences happen and watch them play out.
I am scared to fucking death to send my son into this SMP. It saddens me that I will advise my son in the strongest terms never to get legally married and never to have children. It saddens me that I will have to tell him to be very defensive and careful about the women he associates with. It saddens me that I will have to tell him that marrying a virgin will be next to impossible. It saddens me that I will have to tell him most of the women he will meet will not be attracted to him and will want nothing to do with him. It saddens me that he will have to be toughened up for brutal rejections. It saddens me that many of the women who will be attracted to him will be so mostly for what they can get out of him and what they can use him for; rather than for genuine affection or for what they can give him.
It saddens me that their standards of living as adults probably will not be as high as the one they lived in as children.
And it’s not going to get better. It’s going to get worse. A lot worse.
And because it is not getting better, because I have learned that my entire worldview was wrong, because I have had to unlearn everything and learn a new way of relating to the world, because this world is increasingly showing itself to be not worth saving or investing in;
I am having an increasingly hard time giving a shit. About anything.
“M3, the world we thought we knew never existed.”
And we’re not supposed to be angry and disgusted after we find out either.
“isn’t lying through her teeth just because she’s 28, sees The Wall looming in front of her, and needs to lock down a dude before it’s too late.”
this probably pisses me off more than anything. my next posts will go more in depth but at its core, i have valued commitment since day fucking 1. people who fuck and slut around don’t value commitment, especially at the height of their sexual power. when women talk about commitment being important just because they’re about to hit the wall it’s like commitment under duress. it doesn’t have any value. it’s worthless.
“You can’t just relax with your girl; you have to be the exciting/fun/dramafilled boyfriend who courts and dates her constantly.”
I was just thinking in my head how fucked up this is. I see so many profiles online with women saying shit like “entertain me” or “make me laugh and im yours”. What are we.. circus monkeys? Since when did the ability to tell jokes determine whether or not someone is a great mate, much less father material and will stick around if pregnancy happens. And if you do get into a relationship, then you have to be ‘on’ at all times. Slip up one too many times, and depending on your station in life, that guy with 6 figures who drives fast cars and jets off to Milan and Ibiza every month will be waving at you from his jet while your girl is sucking his dick.
“I am scared to fucking death to send a daughter into this SMP. – I am scared to fucking death to send a son into this SMP.”
I feel for you. I am glad life in all it’s infinite wisdom prevented me from and forced me to choose to not have children.
“And it’s not going to get better. It’s going to get worse. A lot worse.”
Enjoy the decline didn’t emerge out of thin air. Ill be poolside exists for a reason. The fall of the west is all but assured when you allow those who can’t think more than one move ahead the power to make decisions.
” because this world is increasingly showing itself to be not worth saving or investing in”
Ernest Hemingway once wrote, “The world is a fine place and worth fighting for.” I think the world is full of beauty and majestic wonders. When left on a natural equilibrium, it all works. The problem is that the monolith of our current feminist cultured society is too big to fight against and it simply has to run it’s course like a fever and burn itself out. The body has to go through pain to kill the infection. The pendulum needs to swing. To you i say the world is worth saving. Our current society not so much.
“I am having an increasingly hard time giving a shit. About anything.”
Unknowingly.. that’s part of the cure. It’s just a shame that you, me, and all other men are stuck at this moment in time to witness mankind deal with the feminist infection. We’d all rather have lived our lives during the ‘healthy’ periods of mankind. Having said that, i’m still glad i wasn’t born during an era where i’d be forced to go to war for a King just because some other King made a pass at his wife.
Before you throw out all of Scripture, consider that the original concept of ‘dominance’ is straight from Gen 3:16, not the manosphere:
To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.”
Any man / woman that doesn’t fulfill their role isn’t acting in accord with Scripture, so it’s no wonder when they have problems. When men and women assume their proper role in a relationship, things work the way they should and both are happier.
Unfortunately, many churches teach a castrated “be nice and loving” mushy form of Christianity, because that’s what the people in the pew want.
your honestly touched me on a very deep level.
My main reason for not wanting to have children is not because I don’t like them. Indeed, because kids are not as jaded as adults, they bring a welcome freshness into one’s life.
My problem is that I cannot teach a child the lessons I have been taught without feeling like a hypocrite. If I had a son, could I really teach him the key to attracting a woman is to earn big bucks, work on superficial issues like attitude, and to not trust a woman? It would be the right way to do things, but I don’t think I have it in me.
If I had a daughter, how could I compete with a society that tells her she can indulge herself with bad boys in her youth, and then settle down with either a tamed alpha, or a high status beta? I’ve had ringside seats to watching women do just that. Some women failed, and found themselves cast aside and ignored as they entered their 30s. But enough women pulled it off to give hope to other women – yes, have NSA sex in college, pursue a useless degree so that you are “educated”, but then never use it once you marry a man to support you.
Given that most women do not want to have sex with me anyway, I will not have to deal with this situation. Yet, when people ask me, “Why not get married and have kids?” – am I supposed to respond with brutal honesty? Nope, that would be rude. So, instead, I answer in general statements, “Oh, I like my privacy. Kids are not my thing.” How do you tell people close to you that you do not have what it takes to meet the absurd expectations of the dating/marriage game?
While a number of posters have taken a whack at Christianity, let me just say that it is not much better in other cultures. Among my circle of Indians living in N. America, the crass materialism is disgusting. Of course, the women will never consider themselves materialists, they believe they are buying good quality. So, that means enormous kitchens used to reheat Thai takeout, luxury SUVs in the driveway, because I am sure it was the kids who asked for a Lexus – and don’t forget the month long vacations to visit family overseas. Such demands effectively cross out most men who do not earn enough – and I fall into such a category. My mother continuously berated my father for not providing the lifestyle she felt she deserved. My father was a bastard in his own way – but I don’t think failing to afford central air conditioning is one of them.
This past weekend, I spent watching some TV, a little basketball, reading a new book while drinking beer in a bar, got my taxes done, and squeezed a couple of shots out myself. Could it have been a better weekend? Sure, but I know plenty of married men with kids who would kill just for 15 minutes of that same weekend.