Posts Tagged ‘cheating’

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If you take just one piece of advice from me…

November 10, 2012

sorry for the lack of updates folks.. i’ve been uninspired as of late and really felt like a lot of my stuff as of late was ranting. I kinda want to step away from that. I’ve also been re examining a lot of stuff too, introspecting.. and just wondering what my purpose is anymore, given that i really have abandoned the white picket fence and kids. But mostly, it’s been a one two punch.

1. It’s like everything i want to say is always said more eloquently and better by other bloggers, in which case i should just hit the reblog button… and

2. i’ve fucking lost my faith in humanity.

In the last month i have counselled one of my long time friends to abandon his marriage. His wife is on mat leave for their second child and is due to return to work soon. She has no qualms about spending many hours after work at bars leaving him at home with the kids. He suspects she’s on the prowl. He has no evidence but he alluded to ‘cock breath’ coming from her i trust his instincts. She doesn’t seem to care that her actions hurt him nor does it seem like she would care if he were to flip off and head out to a bar by himself either. Their marriage is for all intents and purposes a sham. He lives in dread. Not the dread of separating or divorce, he’s had those lines covered for some time. No he’s living in dread with the beat thought of keeping his yap shut, trying to work things out and having his mind wander and race thinking about what his wife might be doing out there. It hurts him because he’s said on so many levels they work together, and she is his best friend. And i kept telling him he shouldn’t have to be falling on his sword for her and if she can’t treat him with respect he should walk.

He comes from a similar incel situation that i did so i feel his pain. It’s hard to walk away when you know you have no power, you’re not spinning plates, you have no back up, and no prospects of coming up alpha anytime soon. I’m far from ‘alpha’.. but i put in the effort to bulk up, put on a harsher face, take no shit, push back attitude. Sure im not a suave charmer (until you get 4 or 5 drinks into me) but i can spit some game. He resigned himself to beta, he wants the world we used to live in, he wants back into the matrix like Cypher. He want’s blissful ignorance and i can’t say i blame him. He’s not a pump n dump personality and i’ve fed him nothing but western women suck for the last few months. Effectively, i think i boxed him in to a hopeless situation. I dunno. This really sucked.

And then yesterday sealed the deal for me.

I went drinking with another friend.. he’s been married for years. Before i go any further let me tell you.. BOTH of these guys are hard working SOB’s. They provided, they manned up, they are not misogynists. Dude i talked about earlier is fit, rides his bike, highly educated,  makes decent coin, got a house, takes care of his kids, does reno’s to the house, and loves his wife EVEN after all her shit. Dude i’m about to talk about married his wife AFTER what i suspect was an ‘ooops the pill failed’ event… (i can still remember having a coffee with him years ago when he confided in me, and i told him to get a lawyer. he got a priest instead).  So he was having a child with a woman who already had a kid from a prior, and he had one more, so there’s a family of 3 kids now, 2 of which are his blood. He’s busted his hump to provide. Stuck it out at his job and became top dog of the entertainment complex he manages. He worked long hours, traveled massive distances when he first moved to the city of Oshawa, about 45 minutes drive from Toronto. He did this trek for years, and sometimes he did it on his peddle bike when the car was in the shop. He worked hard to provide, loved his kids, even the step daughter.

His wife was always sick, to the point where it prevented her from working. I can’t fault illness and neither can he. But he get fed up with the money fights as she made them spend more than he could make. He’s damned if he spends because then they have no money. Hes damned if he tries to do something himself, like reno’s to his home to save money because then he’s not spending enough time with the kids. And on and on and….

FUCK.

Hearing these things just makes my blood boil.

And it just gets better.

Turns out things have been so bad, their marriage is a sham now too. He described it as they live there together and eat there together and thats about it. Oh, they now live back here having sold their home in Oshawa. He’s been working hard to repair his childhood home for his family.

Except now i learn his wife is now pretty much done and ready to move out west to British Columbia and take the kids with her. The primary reason is because she wants to look at treatments for her illness that they don’t do here. But my friend sees it for what it is, a separation that effectively ends the marriage.

Oh and the kicker.

His stepdaughter is pregnant. She’s 15. And it comes full circle.

See, he TRIED to lay down the law, but step daughter told him that she’d never accept him as her real dad, so he did what he could but expected mom to lay down the law. Mom didn’t. Mom was her best friend, not her mom. Mom comes from a family that breeds irresponsibility like it’s going out of style. There, there is no ‘shaming’ of unwed, teenage mothers. There it’s always ‘oh shes young, she made a mistake, we need to help her out now’. There is a lot of irresponsible behavior on her side of the family that he married into… he knew this going in. But now he’s had enough of it.

He set down the law. He told her to either abort, or move out. Harsh? I don’t think so. He laid it out by saying he told his wife he didn’t want any more kids, and this teen baby would become his defacto kid. What’s a 15 year old know about raising a kid? She’s gonna dump it on mommy and daddy to take care of like an irresponsible brat. And with mommy constantly out of action due to illness, guess who’s gonna get saddled? That’s right.

So, daughter is moving out with scummy boyfriend to explore the worst decision of her life. It’s on her. It’s on mom. It’s on her bio dad. It’s not on my friend. He did everything he could, he’s had enough.

What’s the whole point of this shitstorm im writing?

It’s this..

If you take one, JUST ONE piece of advice from me ever.. it’s this.

DO

NOT

GET

MARRIED

EVER!!!!!!!!!!!

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hopefully ill be back soon.

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On Cheating

October 23, 2012

Super quick post.

Here’s a Shine article called 12 Surprising Facts About Cheating [link]

I’m only going to address a few of these very quickly and let you guys ponder the rest. Let me say that i do not endorse cheating in any way shape or form, it’s for cowards. End it and move on.

Having said that.. let me tackle a few of these 12 points.

Fact #1: Most men are still in love with their wives when they cheat.

Who knew? Doug1 was right when he long made the contention on HUS that when a man seeks out another woman, he can still be in love with the wife/s.o. and is just having sex for the sake of sex (slaking lust), not for emotional bonding, partnership, intimacy or pair bonding of any kind. Women are unable to do so. When a woman cheats, she is firmly DONE with the husband, in her mind, heart and soul. Push casual sex while single aside for a moment, when a woman has sex outside of her committed relationship with a man, that poor shlep will NEVER be number #1 in her eyes ever again. She may even still have some feelings for him, but it is doomed from that moment onward.

My friend who consoled me after my marriage ended told me:

“Men have many rooms in their heart which can be occupied by many women at the same time, but only one gets to live in the penthouse with you. Women only have 1 room in their heart, and if they find someone else to occupy it, your shit is out in the streets and you are never getting back in.

This corroborates all my anecdotal experiences.

Next we have a 3 part answer to one question really..

Fact #7: A wife often knows her husband’s cheating.
Fact #8: A couple will never work it out when the husband is in the midst of an affair.
Fact #9: Affairs can often fix a marriage.

This one should be self evident to anyone who lives in the sphere AND understand that this only applies to ALPHA men. Do you think any of these ‘facts’ would be raised if the man were a beta shmuck? Hell no. If poor lonely Beta getting sex only once a year accidentally found game or actually hit it off enough with someone to have an affair with, none of this would apply. He’d be served divorce papers faster than the Flash. A wife will only know of her husbands cheating (and tolerate it) if he is supremely alpha and she can accept the harem. They will never work it out whilst he is having the affair, but she is the one who will actively try and ‘make it work’. And an affair can ONLY fix a marriage if the man has options to leave and has used the affair as as the ultimate dread “look what i can do” tactic to keep a woman in line.

If he was beta, he’d be reading a notice on the front door with the locks changed to his house and a warrant out for his arrest for ‘abuse’.

Fact #12: The wife’s not to blame if her husband cheats on her.

Very true. As i said i don’t approve of cheating and would rather honesty prevail. Just terminate the relationship and move on. However, this one holds a key phrase in here that reminds me very much of what Dalrock has been musing about often as of late. Here’s the passage:

“Realize this: If your husband is unfaithful, it’s not your fault, no matter what people say. “When a man cheats, he’s making a conscious choice to do it,” says Dr. Brosh. “The idea of being pushed into the arms of another woman is an expression, not a reality.

The next time i read about a poor Christian (or secular) woman being ‘driven’ into the arms of another man for him failing to live up to some romantasized unrealistic and unreachable romcom romance drama flaming heart-throb sweep her off her feet continual courtship dancing former carousel riding saved slut cum wife…

 

… shoot me.