Archive for the ‘Health&Fitness’ Category

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My wife went off the pill, our marriage died. Science?

June 22, 2012

Apparently there is evidence that suggests your partner may lose the whole ‘till death do us part‘ feeling if she comes off the pill…

A new study has discovered that the Pill alters the way a woman feels about her partner – and researchers are urging women to come off the contraception in the run-up to marriage to ensure their feelings remain the same.

Who knew? My wife caught the rabies around the time she hit 34. A few months after our marriage she went of the pill to plan her cycle. It was a tumultuous time, the whole 2008 economic crash had just taken place, the big banks fucked up the world economy, she lost her job as a direct result of it, and the effects of the bailouts down south were having a direct impact on the company i worked for and it started downsizing and cutting worker pay. I was barely hanging onto my job. This was not the time to try to have kids. Eventually my job tanked as well. She eventually landed a job that paid very well but had a brutal work schedule and i was going through a depression at my lack of work options. I told myself this:

I am NOT going to take the first menial shit job that comes along slaving away in a factory or some other mule-for-hire employment simply to bring home a paycheck so we can squeeze out a kid. Not under these conditions no way no how. It would start us down a path that we would both regret.

Turns out that path was already set upon. My finickiness over my future career (even tho i helped pay off her student debts and helped pay for her continuing education, see Briffault’s Law) and inability to find meaningful work started the ball rolling towards ‘unhaaaaapyland‘. Within 5 months we were in counseling, 2 months later our marriage was in the E.R. flat-lined with a do not resuscitate order in place.

I, ____, take you, ____, to be my lawfully wedded(husband/wife),
to have and to hold, from this day forward,
for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer,
in sickness and in health, until death do us part.

Keeping couples together since 1963

I can only imagine what things might have been had she stayed on the pill? I’ll never know… but damn.

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I don’t want to live on this planet anymore!

June 21, 2012

Can you imagine a man doing any of this?

Nadine Schweigert marries herself: Is self-marriage becoming an international trend?
http://ca.shine.yahoo.com/blogs/shine-on/nadine-schweigert-marries-herself-self-marriage-becoming-international-204650564.html

Woman Marries Herself
http://weeklyworldnews.com/headlines/24040/woman-marries-herself/

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well, almost…

but in his defense, at least he’s marrying a woman (even if it’s digital) because he wants to share his love with a partner. Only a woman can take ‘loving yourself‘ to this kind of frightening solipsistic madness. Enjoy the honeymoon, and the cats.

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Aspire to better than who you are

June 18, 2012

One more notch on the self improvement checklist, this morning i went into my orthodontist office and i got grilled!

An adventure 20 years in the making, i’m finally doing something that i have so many regrets over not having done a lifetime ago. Straightening out my big book of British Smiles.

In my earlier post on Why You Should Work Out, i lamented that my body image was a great factor in my lack of confidence and self respect. So too can i say about my smile.

Ever since i was 15 when i first noticed shifting, i have learned every which way to conceal the contortions in my mouth. I never smiled, only smirked from one side of my mouth. I’ve never had a bellowing to the sky tilting your head back laugh in public. I always followed peoples eyes to see if they noticed something out of place. I learned how to position my head when speaking to people to always give them the best angle possible to not see anything i didn’t want them to see.

I had the chance to get braces right from the beginning. My mother had the insurance to cover it and told me i should do it.

“But no girl will want to kiss me with braces on.”

The stupidity of that comment and the irony of it have haunted me to this day.

I spent the next 15 years having to endure the same thought in my head, except i wasn’t wearing braces. The comment morphed into no girl will want to kiss/be around/fuck/etc.. with me with wildly crooked teeth.

Yes, we men now face the oppression of objectification as well. This is what women want.

not this

Just for the record, that’s not me in the second pic.

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Why you should start working out

June 16, 2012

So you never get any doubts in your head that you are being passed over because you look like a slob.

That’s why i did it. You might agree or disagree but in the end it did the trick.

I got tired of looking at other guys around me, all seemingly fit and muscled up. All things being equal, i was at a disadvantage in the body shape department.

I was 190lbs when i left my former life. A tight belt size 38 waist. I wasn’t morbidly obese, but i did roll over my belt. Even tho i usually dressed well enough to conceal it, i certainly didn’t feel so hot with my shirt off and if i didn’t like it, i knew women wouldn’t lust after it either. I smoked, i was weazy and out of breath, hurt my lower back often, and really lazy.

My body image was my mental handicap. Without changing it, nothing else was going to help.

Shameless plug, but so worth it!

I started on p90x shortly after my marriage kerplunkt. I was determined. I nailed my wedding ring to the wall and made a vow that anytime i felt like quitting, i would look at that fucking ring and draw strength to continue. I was determined to get to Jason Stackhouse levels of Vampire Diaries fame. I’d like to think i’m getting close (those damn abs are elusive). I’m 160lbs, size 32 waist (i almost cried when i got there) clothes fit nice, snug and tight to the body, shadows produce great muscle tone, bumps and divets, i have so much more energy and stamina and strength. And i know i fucking look good to myself. You may differ in opinion but fuck you, mine’s the only one that matters right now.

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