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More Random Musings on Rape Culture Nonsense

August 9, 2013

This will be my final ever post regarding Rape. It contains everything i’ll ever have to say on the matter and can add nothing new after it. Nor is it a topic i want to bring up again due to it’s contentious nature.

I had originally been jotting down notes to write another addendum post to the last one i wrote.

I’ve abandoned any hope of crafting a smooth flowing post of it because it would take too much energy trying to connect the dots and make anything cohesive out of it. So i present it to you in Kibbles and Bits form. Segmented, fractured, in bite size peices for you to digest and absorb as you see fit. Discuss as you desire.

ON OBLIGATION, DUTY or RELATIONSHIP ALTRUISM SEX

Hypothetical scenario.

Your tongue is sore. Your bicep has grown from the frenzied fingering you just administered. You just gave your girl the climax of her life, and it took a HUGE amount  of effort to take her there.

But long before that occurred, you were already tired.You know she wants to have sex as she had intimated earlier she was horny and ‘ogling and objectifying’ you. You could have said “Not tonight”. You could have said “I’m way too tired”. You could have said anything. You could have been an asshole and played the feminist card.. “I’m not an object to be used just to grant you pleasure at a whim” or better yet “You aren’t entitled to sex”.

That would go over well dontcha think?

You chose to grant her a pleasurable night over your own exhaustion because you took her needs into account. Would anyone suggest that because you did it even tho you didn’t FEEL like doing it … all of sudden she raped you? Was you coerced because you understood she would feel dejected, or possibly feel unwanted or undesirable?

Would any rational mind consider that rape or sexual assault took place in this scenario because you felt the ramifications of saying No would harm your relationship more than granting your partner the release they craved?

ON COERCION, SOCIAL DYNAMICS and POWER POSITIONS

Jeremy make and excellent comment that needs to be read over at JudgyBitches post. Read it in full HERE.

Now i want you to read the following scenarios if you will:

  • a man is out playing pool in a bar, a female comes and grabs his ass. sexual assault yes/no
  • a man wakes up to find his wife performing a fellatio on him. rape yes/no?
  • a man has a headache/too sore/too stressed out to even think of sex, but the wife continues to rub up against him, fondle his penis and tell him to relax, he’ll enjoy it once he’s inside her. was he raped?
  •  a man has had a few glasses of wine over dinner with his wife. he’s tired and wants to go to bed. she leans over and kisses him, intimating sex is on the table. going to bed is what he wants. He returns the kiss and has sex with his wife instead, because the alternative is going to bed and having an angry wife who views her husband as unappreciative of her romantic dinner and mood setting. coerced sex yes/no?
  •  a man drinks more than he should and ends up in bed with an old and possibly drug addled prostitute who took advantage of his inebriation and sexual desire by taking his money and having sex with him while he was intoxicated. raped yes/no?
  •  a man relents to having sex with his girlfriend since she is pulling hysterics of saying he finds her unattractive and she feels unattractive. coerced rape? yes/no?
  •  a woman says she feels unloved and abandoned because she hasn’t had sex from her partner in over 2 weeks. she implies she should leave him for another man/ended up with someone else/impugn his manhood if he doesn’t have sex with her. rape? yes/no?

IF AT ANY POINT.. you said to yourself “Yeah, but he’s a man.. he likes sex.” Then what you’re saying is, there are gender differences in our interactions with regards to sex, that men aren’t entitled to the same protections because women choose when sex occurs, not men. That men chase and women choose. Women are gatekeepers. You are saying that there are natural biological differences to how we approach sex.

You’re saying double standards are ok.

If you can’t view any of these situations as rape/sexual assault against men, but would if they were against women, then you are absolutely proving that the way women behave in public are directly related to their chances of being raped/assaulted, thus onus falls on them to be responsible for their own protection. Because hey.. he’s a man.. he likes sex, and you should have known that before you started flaunting and displaying your sexuality to him while in a drunken stupor.

(ps. all the above situations i have personally experienced)

From the spearhead

“How was George Zimmerman’s profiling of Trayvon Martin for being born black any more (or less) morally objectionable than profiling all men as rapists for being born male?”

Did i just hear the sound of a million feminist heads go pop?

A QUESTION I WOULD ASK A BIGOT

Karen Smith, the executive director of the Sexual Assault Centre of Edmonton, the organization behind the Don’t Be That Guy campaign, told the CBC the posters and their message are disappointing and inaccurate.

“It just doesn’t happen. Nobody would report sexual assault needlessly because it is a gruelling process to go through,” she told CBC.

QUESTION: If nobody would report sexual assault needlessly, should we advocate for immediate incarceration for anyone accused and skip trials and due process altogether?

 ABOUT STATISTICS, DAMN MINUSCULE STATISTICS

There are many people who claim false rape accusations to be so minimal a statistic that it should be discounted or classified as irrelevant..

“The Rate of False Report – The standard figure passed around by victim advocates suggests a rate of false reports of 8% based on FBI crime statistics from 1997. This is comparable to rates for other crimes.”

8% is minuscule when compared the totality of actual rapes, so say the Jezzabels… Who cares about teh minority of menz who get falsely accused!

TOTAL FEMALE POPULATION OF CANADA

StatsCanada
In 2010, 17.2 million females accounted for 50.4% of the total population

Police-reported sexual assaults continue to decline
In 2009, there were almost 21,000 sexual assaults, 98% of which were classified as level 1, the least serious form of the three levels of sexual assault.
http://www.statcan.gc.ca/pub/85-002-x/2010002/article/11292-eng.htm#a8

statscan1
  • Sexual assault level 1 (s.271): An assault committed in circumstances of a sexual nature such that the sexual integrity of the victim is violated. Level 1 involves minor physical injuries or no injuries to the victim.
  • Sexual assault level 2 (s.272): Sexual assault with a weapon, threats, or causing bodily harm.
  • Aggravated sexual assault (level 3): Sexual assault that results in wounding, maiming, disfiguring or endangering the life of the victim.
Read this to understand why the term sexual assault is so vague and all encompassing, and how it can include or not include ‘forced penatrative rape’.

A majority of these are not RAPE, but minor sexual misconducts such as inappropriate touching, groping, sexual harassment, etc.. but they all fall under the Sexual Assault banner. But let’s humor this for a second. Let’s count ALL 20,931 instances of sexual assault in Canada for 2009 and treat them as FULL COERCED PENETRATIVE RAPE and all MALE against FEMALE.

20,931 / 17.2 million  = 0.0012169186046512% of the female population of Canada was ‘Sexually Assaulted’

I’m sorry.. did you say 2 to 8% of false rape was nothing to get riled up over? Then why do you expect me to care about a problem that doesn’t affect 0.001 % of women in any given year? Comparatively speaking, i shouldn’t care considering sexual assault is so miniscule compared to the occurrences of other crimes. Is it because you want me to care because of the trauma rape causes victims compared the lack of trauma created by other crimes? Then you have to admit that the trauma of being falsely accused and dealing with it’s aftermath is equally deserving of the special status conveyed upon rape victims.

And if you say it’s a bigger problem than stats show because it’s under reported.. then the number for the falsely accused grows in tandem.

PS. I’m not a statistician.. i may be reading some of these stats incorrectly or extrapolating inaccurately. If anyone comes to this conclusion, please let me know in detail and the correct way to reach the number so i can fix it. Thanks.

ON COMMON SENSE

Feminism tells us women should have the right to get smashed and party and not get raped, just like men. That just because she does X and Y doesn’t mean she deserves Z. We all agree, in a perfect world that should be the case. But it’s not a perfect world. And the rights you have are not going to protect you all the time. That’s were common sense and reason come into play.
Think of the movie Training Day. There are places even the Police do not go unless they have S.W.A.T. with them.
The POLICE!!!!
They have guns. They have the law behind them. They have the authority and should be the ones most ready to exercise their right to freedom of movement. Yet they are smart enough to know when to stay out of areas unless they have a heavy presence and capable force behind them. Common sense dictates that the individuals right will be trumped by wrong place/wrong time homey syndrome if they walk in alone.

We have a place similar here in Toronto. We call it Jane & Finch. I have a Canadian passport. I have a Canadian birth certificate. I pay taxes at the local, provincial and federal levels. If i owned a home, i’d be paying municipal property taxes. All this should legally entitle me to view and venture into any area of this country as i see fit, save for secure military installations.

Common sense tells me my rights will mean fuck all if i venture into Jane & Finch during the dead of night. Common sense tells me that if i got drunk, smashed or just wandered through that neighborhood being loud, obnoxious and drawing attention to my white ass, i’d be coming home in much worse shape than i’d like, with an empty wallet. Or maybe i’ll end up in the coroners office.

If i were a feminist I’d probably be saying something like “But other men can walk through there, blazing their rap muzik and swearing and cussing and getting all up in everyone’s shit! I should be able to do that too!”Yes..other black men can. Those who live there can. Those who built up a rep, run with a gang, have street cred. I have none of that. Everyone talks about this area as being ‘bad’. Everyone would call me an idiot for venturing there during the night. Everyone would not hesitate to ‘victim blame’ me by calling me retarded for going there. Even tho i am legally afforded that right, common sense tells me otherwise.

Or maybe we should have a campaign to “Teach blacks not to shoot white kids? I dunno, but i don’t have any strange desire to write “Whitey has a Righty” all over my pasty white chest and start marching in WhiteWalk to berate all those privileged black folks who can meander around at night safely(with their Glocks) and without fear in Jane & Finch.

ON VICTIM BLAMING

Ladies,

If you had a son, and he went to a party, but the party was actually a drug house, and some of his friends were criminals, even tho he didn’t do drugs and only went there to have fun, get drunk and then any of the following happened:

  • he mouthed off or said something offensive to a criminal and got shot
  • he got shot in cross fire when a drug deal goes south
  • he gets shot up in a drive by
  • he gets arrested during a police raid
  • etc..

..as a mother.. would you be lecturing him right now about common sense and the dangers of venturing to a late night party with criminal hooligans who deal in drugs, crime and violence, or would you coddle him about how he’s only a victim and had no role whatsoever to play in what happened to him. He didn’t deserve to end up in the hospital/jail..

If during that read you for one second said, ‘well whats that the moron deserved for going into the hood at 2am with a bunch of drug dealing gansta’s in the first place’.. you’re victim blaming. Fuck you mom.

“One is not supposed to ask what a girl is doing getting herself so drunk that she needs assistance home (in fact, of course, part of the posters’ message is that such questioning is itself quasi-criminal—that encouraging women to take responsibility for their safety is misogynistic).”

frontpagemag.com – Don’t Be That Feminist!

ON DEALING WITH DUE PROCESS

We can’t even have an honest debate about it.

Feminists often say that laws need to be changed to keep the accuser from having to relive the trauma, from having to defend her position, and just have her word taken. No woman would ever lie about rape right Karen Smith, Executive director – Sexual Assault Centre of Edmonton? Well we already know that’s a load of bunk, but that still doesn’t stop them from saying that we need shit like the Dear Colleague letter to reduce the burden of proof standard in needing just an accusation to incarcerate someone, not actual evidence. Soon one day, we might not even need trials.. just lock the fuckers up based solely on the word of a woman.. because women don’t lie! We don’t want them to relive their trauma just because of this little thing called the right to due process and face one’s accusers.

Tell that to these poor fucks.

Thirteen soldiers died in the attack, and a further 32 were injured. One of the survivors, staff sergeant Alonzo Lunsford is expected to testify on Tuesday as one of the first witnesses in the case.
The now-retired service member was shot in the head and body. He played dead briefly, but was shot again in the back when he exited the building.
Quoted in a New York Times article over the weekend, Lunsford said: “I will be cross-examined by the man who shot me.”

“You can imagine all the emotions that are going to be coming up,” he added.”

These people will be testifying on the stand while looking directly into the eyes of the man who stood there and shot them point blank, attempting to end their lives that day. They will relive everything. And the law does not care, because the law states that Hasan has the right to conduct his own defense. Uncomfortable as it may be, these people WILL stand up and testify against the man, in the very same room, while being asked questions and cross examined by the very man who killed their friends and wounded them with the intent of snuffing them out.

Are women so weak that they cannot perform testimony in a court of law without shields?

MY PROBLEM WITH 1 IN 4 (aside from it being based on COMPLETE BULLSHIT[link] )

This is not FORCED penetrative rape, the one used to scare women/men into thinking about serial rapist in the park or home invader. This encompasses way too many things designed to conflate, so that by disagreeing with the grey areas, you get tarred as a rape apologist. The fact that most rapes/sex assaults are done by people the victim knows belies this scare mongering trope.

Most rapes are not hold down/forced to penetrate. Most fall into that grey area of mistaken consent. And then feminists try to conflate the horror of a violent rape with that of one where a woman was too timid to speak up and assert her agency. Or of a simple misunderstanding. Or of a consensual act later retconned into rape because the booze wore off.

It would be like me saying 100% of men will experience violent physical assault in their life, and include minor things like schoolyard fights or being shoved into a locker, or getting spanked by your parents into the stats. And now if you disagree with my number, i get to call you a misandrist male assault supporter.

Feminists contort and conflate in order to use the stat as a weapon. A self perpetuating weapon. The stat is flawed, based on conflation. They use that stat to perpetuate boogyman idea that women all around are being force penetrative raped against will. Disagree with that fact and you are villainized as a supporter of rapists and rape culture and proof that the statistic is sound. Rinse, repeat.

And of course, GWW addresses this topic with her usual due diligence and rational thought.

And lastly.. ON THE MYTH OF RAPE CULTURE

THIS IS WHAT A BRUTAL RAPE ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE

http://www.mail.com/int/news/europe/2226720-ukraine-rape-draws-outrage-official-impunity.html#.1272-stage-mostviewed1-2

So let’s address this in kind. First and foremost, is that this took place in OLD Europe, not civilized Western society like North America. So one might be able to claim that a rape culture could very well exist there.

EXCEPT IT DOESN’T!

This story shows 2 wonderful dynamics.

1. It shows precisely that RAPE CULTURE does not exist, it actually shows the complete opposite and

2. It shows that it is not men with penis’s that rape.. it’s CRIMINALS.

We must not forget, it is a crime not done by ‘men’ in general.. it is a crime done by people in positions of power. people who abuse it relentlessly because they have power. Would this crime be less horrible if instead of rape it was a police officer killing someone because he secretly worked for the mafia? Or a judge who let a murder go because he’s been bought off by the gangsters? Perhaps being beaten to an inch of your life for pissing off a biker in a tavern in a town that’s run by the hells angels? The fact that makes this story a horror is not just that he raped her, It’s because it’s an injustice for a police officer, someone who’s supposed to protect, uphold the law, is flaunting his power and impunity. He was a criminal, who did criminal things, and who got away with criminal things without the town folk rebelling.

He counted on corruption, he counted on his power, he counted on fear. He assumed he would get away with it, not because of rape culture, not because he was taught he could rape with impunity. He did it because he believed he held enough power to keep the locals scared of him from retaliating.

Which brings me to my point about the rape culture lie.

In a town that knew this officer was a crook and responsible for breaking the law on so many other occasions, what was the ONE ACT that spurred a town to take up arms and go vigilante on his ass before having him detained FINALLY once and for all?

The act of this brutal rape.

It took an act of rape to make the people of that town rise up against a criminal they tolerated for so long.

…How can you be living in rape culture when Rape is the only crime (a crime that seems only capable of being performed when its a brutish man against a waif and fragile woman, not vice versa) that will shock a complacent culture into actually acting in it’s own self interest! They didn’t care to do anything about the criminal UNTIL he committed rape. They were an extortion culture, a slave culture, a lawlessness culture… but they certainly proved beyond a doubt there is NO RAPE CULTURE there. So how can we even accept with a straight face that there is a RAPE CULTURE here in north america?

We live in a society where a woman can get shitfaced, end up in a strange man’s car, being so available sexually that she’s egging him on, and then the next morning not remember what happened and call it the equivalent of her enduring anything remotely ending up like this:

In this photo taken from Novosti- N.mk.ua Nikolayev internet newspaper web site on Tuesday, July 2, 2013, Irina Krashkova, a 29-year-old woman from the town of Vradiyevka, Ukraine speaks from a hospital bed. Krashkova says she was driven to the woods, raped and savagely beaten by two local policemen, aided by a driver. One of the policemen and the driver have been detained, but the authorities failure to detain the other alleged perpetrator has led to angry protests and the storming of the police headquarters in Vradiyevka. (AP Photo/ Novosti- N.mk.ua Nikolayev internet newspaper)

In this photo taken from Novosti- N.mk.ua Nikolayev internet newspaper web site on Tuesday, July 2, 2013, Irina Krashkova, a 29-year-old woman from the town of Vradiyevka, Ukraine speaks from a hospital bed. Krashkova says she was driven to the woods, raped and savagely beaten by two local policemen, aided by a driver. One of the policemen and the driver have been detained, but the authorities failure to detain the other alleged perpetrator has led to angry protests and the storming of the police headquarters in Vradiyevka. (AP Photo/ Novosti- N.mk.ua Nikolayev internet newspaper)

On a side note – that’s what an entitled attitude actually looks like. NiceGuys know they aren’t entitled to pussy, so they gripe about it, but they don’t end up raping women. Those who do feel entitled usually DO end up raping women. Only those who are used to getting their way develop a sense of entitlement. those who hold power. Those who aren’t familiar with hearing the word No. Those who actually wield power, authority and dominance. NiceGuys do not have any of that.

This is my problem with 1 in 4. This is my problem with ‘rape culture’. The idea that me saying “Holy fuck the tax man raped me this year” will somehow lead me to accepting the above. And that every sexual assault from a grope all the way to a horrifying brutal forced against your will rape are identical enough to include in a statistic. This is conflation of the worst kind. Treating the minor sexual assaults, the tit grabs, the cat calls, the harassing sexual emails, even the unwarranted kiss.. every one a sexual assault of some form or another and conflating them to make you, the impressionable defender of women, see all those small behaviors in the same light as the image above. As the very thing you need to stop all the evil men from doing day in and day out. Every day, 1 in 4 women will end up like that broken, destroyed shell of a woman in the picture above. That’s what feminists want you to believe. Total bunk.

Actually you know what.. i’m changing my tune. Rape Culture MUST exist. Only it’s not a culture where men openly accept it, endorse it and joke about it as feminists claim. No. Our Rape Culture is a culture where a few maggot feminists convince the culture that there is an epidemic of rape happening in North America, and that you my dear, reading this post.. you’re next! Unless you join feminists and their cause to fight the good fight.
Fuck that noise.
So after all this, you’re either on board with me, or think i’m some rape apologist, rape culture supporting, anti woman bigot that thinks all women should just be raped and that rape jokes are just the shit.Your call, i really don’t care anymore. What i’m tired of is being castigated as a predator because of my gender. I’m tired of seeing my gender as being guilty till proven innocent. I’m tired of seeing women acting like hookup culture retards shitfaced on alcohol and gravitating towards high T inebriated men who would have just as much claim to being raped under the influence. And i’m tired for being cast as a rape apologist for asking questions, demanding women assert agency, stop treating women like irresponsible children and for believing that our system of justice would be perverted putting the burden of proof on the head of the accused to prove innocence.

Even still, i’m going to end off with this olive branch. Since i want to empower women to avoid being raped as much as possible i want all women to learn one simple phrase, a collection of words that will stop any normal decent man in his tracks and stop him from raping you. You are no longer required to lie back and think of England or go through the motions. Assert your agency, if you feel you are about to be raped because of a misunderstanding regarding consent, and the sex you are about to have is not the sex you want, simply sit up, look at your partner and say:

“No”

And if there is any further attempts by the person to continue, use this second foolproof phrase to nail it home:
“Are you intending to RAPE me then?”

This one simple phrase should make it clear to any man that escalation has gone too far. If his intent was rape, then nothing would end up stopping him, but at least you asserted yourself and can now rightfully claim the status of victim having been acted upon against your will under duress due to threat of force. My guess is that 99.9% of men will stop right there. They may tell you to leave, or unceremoniously tell you to GTFO, or call you a SLUT for leading them on, but one thing you will not be is raped. Another thing you will not is be a voluntary victim and imagining you are being raped. That one line will empower you to get a clear intent to your partner that he has crossed a boundary. This will remove any idea from his mind that you are putting up token resistance or trying to keep your slut shield intact.

“Are you intending to RAPE me then?”
This is all you will ever need to prevent a majority of rape before it ever happens.I should get a fucking medal for that. Better than any stupid poster campaign claiming all men are rapists.
ON A FINAL NOTE TO MEN

Lastly for the guys, if you ever hear your friend talk about, or brag about going through the motions of actually having raped someone.. sit there.. listen to the full story.. prod him for all the juicy details.. and once you have all the proof you require that he did actually rape a woman.. KNOCK THE GUY OUT hard and call the authorities. It’s not enough to just listen and tell him he was wrong or justify his behavior for him. Simply imagine the girl in the story he’s talking about is your sister or a female relative you love. We need to own up to the fact that while a majority of men DO NOT rape.. there is a small subsection of men that do enjoy having sex without consent. These throwback neanderthals do need to be dealt with swiftly and harshly.

REAL RAPISTS deserve to be punished as severely as the law will prescribe.

REAL FALSE RAPE ACCUSERS deserve to be punished in a similar manner, equal to actual rape.

RAPE itself needs to be defined outside of minor sexual harassment. Gray areas need to be excluded from statistics regarding violent assaults on sexual integrity.

Women need to be taught to assert their agency in all cases.

Token resistance has to be addressed collectively.. by WOMEN.

Sexuality and displays of sexuality by women towards men trigger vastly different reactions than displays of sexuality by men towards women for biologically different reasons, including different mating strategies. That must be addressed realistically.

RELATED:

http://freenortherner.wordpress.com/2013/08/09/schroedingers-rapist/

Forgive any formatting errors. WordPress is being a dick.

17 comments

  1. Wow, there’s a lot here. Don’t know if I really care enough about the subject of rape to read it all….

    But per the first link to Jeremy, and this statement: “Rape is the exploitation of unequal power to remove freedom from another for the purposes of extracting that which someone else would be unwilling to give freely.”

    That’s not the definition of rape. That’s the definition of work. Work being something few of us would do for free, yet it can be extracted from us, and we’ll do it (with a smile) for a price, because we need money to live. If our employers need us less than we need them (likely) it’s an inherently unequal power dynamic. Not (necessarily, though of course taken to an extreme in certain context it could be, company store policies come to mind) evil, it just is. WAY too broad a definition.

    Per the examples you’ve encountered, I’d only say the one with the prostitute might qualify as rape (assuming actual incapacitation on your part) the others not (neither for you, nor a woman in that position).


  2. http://aspiringeconomist.com/index.php/2009/09/11/rape-statistics-1-in-4/

    this article was a pretty good read, but the comments are shockingly hostile to the entire point. these people get downright angry when someone questions the belief that 1 in 4 women will be raped. think about that stat for a second (if you haven’t already) and realize, 1 in 4 means you could not leave your home without witnessing a rape every day.

    “There is something really wrong with you. Why are you so suspicious of how many women really are raped? You have deep-seated psychological issues and you need professional help. Get help. Now.”

    “I know when I start speaking openly and honestly with women from 20-45 the numbers actually seem far higher than 1 in 4.”

    ultimately, after years of being told by the entire world that rape is the worst crime that can ever be committed by the human race, that it’s worse than murder, and that lying about rape is a virtue that helps everyone rather than a crime that destroys men’s lives… all I can do is disbelieve everything they say. because of that, I can no longer bring myself to care when I hear about it. I cannot be motivated into righteous action against a man accused of the crime.


  3. I only have a little time to comment right now, but I’ll say this:

    Of the list of assault/coercion examples you give near the top of this post…I’d say yes.

    If the roles were reversed, and it was a woman getting her ass grabbed then it would be assault. If it were a man rubbing up against his wife, telling her that “it would feel good once he was in her”, then that is rape. If it’s a woman who is dog tired and absolutely doesn’t want sex, but does it to keep her man from leaving her, that is certainly coercion.

    And, since we all know how much I loathe double standards, I would label them as such for a male victim too. I find it revolting that a man can get thrown out of a bar for grabbing a woman’s tit…but she would never get thrown out for grabbing his junk. I am appalled by the fact that a woman can be forcefully penetrated and have it called rape…but a man can be forced to penetrate and he’s “lucky”. No means no, regardless of the sex of the person saying it.

    Now, here’s a clarification: If your significant other is incredibly horny AND you genuinely feel like being a nice person and sharing sex with them? That’s fine, so long as you are completely willing to do so. I’ve given head to my lover when I had a pounding headache…because it was my choice to do so. I’ve had him decline sex when I was a raging nympho because he had a really stressful day at work. I was a little miffed, but hey…life happens, and it’s not like I can’t take care of myself.

    I guess what I’m saying is that men should not be considered perpetually “ready to go”, and that they can be raped, sexually assaulted, and coerced JUST as much as any woman. But like women, they can decide to be a really nice lover and give pleasure even if they don’t get any in return.


  4. Guess I’ve been assaulted and raped repeatedly, throughout my life and didn’t know it. Victimhood status! And continued victimhood status! A twofer! Booyah!

    How about this: Rape is forced sex. It’s pretty simple. Someone physically overpowers another who doesn’t want to have sex, it is rape. Someone points a gun to their head (or the head of another person) and says they’ll shoot/hurt them or a loved one in some way if they don’t comply it is rape. Person is tied down/incapacitated and therefore is incapable of doing anything other than yielding to sex, and the culprit has no consent, it’s rape. All require the act of force. Person pleads for sex, begs, says they won’t be happy et al…that isn’t force.


  5. welp, there you go. the double standard is now perfectly acceptable when it’s something that a woman decides is good or bad.


  6. aw come on! what man of european descent wouldn’t appreciate the vibrancy and diversity of the Jane/Finch corridor after dark? liberals keep telling me that diversity makes my society better… they wouldn’t lie to me for their own benefit… would they?

    a terrific, detailed, reasoned and researched post. very glad you did this (especially after our exchange regarding the Canadian Women’s Federation commercials featuring the rape whistle and the 1 in every 2 stat horseshit).


  7. killer write up man, thought I’d add some fuel to the fire.


  8. The second quote … NONE of the things on it would be rape, even if a man was doing it to a woman. Jeremy is using the truth (double standards are real and tied up in our biology) to push an untruth (that any those things on the list would be rape/sexual assault if they were done by a man, to a woman).

    “a woman wakes up to find her husband performing a cunnilingus on her. rape yes/no?”

    I’d say no. If you’re THAT close to someone, such things don’t traumatize you, but they weird you out. Theoretically, it sounds like a rape, but once you have a relationship, you realize you wouldn’t put your husband in jail for that one (or care much).

    “a woman has a headache/too sore/too stressed out to even think of sex, but the husband continues to rub up against her, fondle her and tell her to relax, she’ll enjoy it once he’s inside her. was she raped?”

    Apart from how cheesy that seduction line is,.. no. If she lets him have it at this point, it’s not a rape (he didn’t even use force or threats).

    “a woman has had a few glasses of wine over dinner with her husband. she’s tired and wants to go to bed. he leans over and kisses her, intimating sex is on the table. going to bed is what she wants. She returns the kiss and has sex with her husband instead, because the alternative is going to bed and having an angry husband who views his his as unappreciative of his romantic dinner and mood setting. coerced sex yes/no?”

    Wow, this one is even cheesier with sexes reversed. But this is why men should not merely hint about having sex on the table, or get whiny about lack of sex, instead of using a manlier tool like game.
    But, no matter how beta this scenario is, it isn’t rape. She had the choice of simply saying no, and having him act cold for the next few days.

    ” a woman drinks more than she should and ends up in bed with an old and possibly drug addled guy (sorry, prostitute sounds too wacky, and women don’t fuck old ugly prostitutes) who took advantage of her inebriation and sexual desire by taking her money and having sex with her while she was intoxicated. raped yes/no?”

    No. You’re still responsible for your actions when drunk. This argument would not go well if court, if you get drunk and kill someone. Even if you don’t remember doing all that stuff, or had powerful beer goggles on, you still did it (unless you were drugged against your will). I know alcohol is a very acceptable part of the culture, but it doesn’t change the fact that becoming drunk = losing control of your actions, potentially fatally for you or others.

    “a woman relents to having sex with her boyfriend since he is pulling hysterics of saying she finds him unattractive and he feels unattractive. coerced rape? yes/no?”

    Lol, no. Making a beta male bf feel better about himself in the middle of his betaing is mercy (and shows admirable self-control), not rape. Most women would probably laugh, making it as far from a rape situation as possible.

    “a man says he feels unloved and abandoned because he hasn’t had sex from his partner in over 2 weeks. he implies he should leave her for another woman/ended up with someone else/impugn her womanhood if she doesn’t have sex with him. rape? yes/no?”

    Not rape, but very assholery. Staying is willingly becoming a victim.

    Only the first point can be considered sexual assault (groping someone ass).

    The “double standard” here is NOT that these things are rape, but that they have stronger emotional consequences for the woman. Just like casual sex. It doesn’t make it rape (rape needs force or threats of such, to be rape). But it DOES show that there is a real “double standard”.


  9. Liz,

    I pretty much agree with you here.


  10. “I know when I start speaking openly and honestly with women from 20-45 the numbers actually seem far higher than 1 in 4.”

    “There is something really wrong with you. Why are you so suspicious of how many women really are raped? You have deep-seated psychological issues and you need professional help. Get help. Now.”

    it’s time to stop taking them seriously.


  11. Great post. I’m so tired of all the exaggerations and BS from radfems, regular feminists and the feminist-indoctrinated people who wouldn’t identify as feminists. Yes, the few real rapists need to have the shit beaten out of them but I’m tired of the ginned-up hysteria and false accusations.

    One math note: it should be 0.001 or 0.1%, not 0.001%.


  12. False accusations, hysteria and faux victimhood hurt REAL victims of rape. Same for sexual assault and harassment.


  13. […] with a smattering of sources on rape. Related: Girls commit more dating violence than […]


  14. Very related:


  15. I only just discovered that I was quoted in this post. Apologies for ignoring it.

    @Liz

    But per the first link to Jeremy, and this statement: “Rape is the exploitation of unequal power to remove freedom from another for the purposes of extracting that which someone else would be unwilling to give freely.”

    That’s not the definition of rape. That’s the definition of work. Work being something few of us would do for free

    Ah, what? Liz, work is what you do to survive. If corporations did not exist as employers, we would all be growing/hunting our own food. I stand by my definition there, and entirely disagree with it being construed as a definition of work.

    @Emma

    Those weren’t my words.


  16. @ Jeremy, sorry…I didn’t see this response until now…

    If you have to work to survive, it simply drives the point further home that the employer has life and death over a person. That’s a lot of power. I’m not arguing against work, I’m a good capitalist for the most part…I’m arguing that your definition of rape is so fluid as to be essentially meaningless.


  17. […] is simply very insistent yet harmless, and it’s starting to scare you? I think M3 said it best (https://whoism3.wordpress.com/2013/08/09/more-random-musings-on-rape-culture-nonsense/ […]



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