Online Dating – Toronto PoF EditionJune 4, 2013
Private Man’s post over here reminded me of one such incident i had a while back that was post worthy, but i never got around to. I also had a very insightful chat with a very good woman who i had mischaracterized in one of my posts called TOXIC WATERS. She actually emailed me and asked me to redact her info [And i obliged. Turns out she’s very much a girl like Stingray and just happened to write one silly line i grabbed onto while looking for monsters to kill the night i made that post. She got caught in my net.]
With that behind us.. welcome to Online Dating in Toronto!
Keep in mind:
- This took place a few months ago, before i found my girl
- I was punching well “below” my weight here (explain in a second)
- I bit my tongue and went above and beyond a gentlemanly response.
I had a telephone chat with Danny during and around the Christmas break and was telling him that i was intentionally punching below my weight.. more as an experiment and less as a means of finding someone. I wanted to see the dysfunction of the SMP for myself by actively courting the lesser averages to the dregs of the SMP to see whether they knew their own correct value.
Aside from most women not even responding (thus telling me they are either inundated with emails, simply there for ego validation, extremely skewed in their belief they can hold out for Brad Pitt.. or fake profiles) I did get a few responses that told me everything i needed to know about today’s dating scene, online or otherwise that would guide my future fore into the world of courtship. A world where i would not court based on placating or jumping hoops, but effectively screening these same dregs away with a filter that would make Sir. HEPA proud.
And i consequently did that by writing the most up front, no nonsense, high word count, character limit profile of my life on PoF. One that had women actively soliciting me, more so just to tell me they appreciated a man who knows what he wants even if we weren’t compatible. It also helped me end up where i am today.
But on this one day (which i could accurately say was the majority of my days on PoF and OKC) i ran into women like this one.. who if they responded.. were trouble right from the start.
Perhaps they were burned once too often by alpha’s and pua’s that they were simply reacting instead of thinking? Perhaps.. guess they still have a ways to go before they learn how to build a better filter. This one certainly has much work left ahead of her:
So here i find this girl who has an ‘average‘ body type (which in online dating runs the gamut between the threshold of a cutey with just a small layer of baby fat over the belly and big dimples to the outer limits of swimming with the Manatees). I took a stab at this one who i garnered was below me in terms of SMV since:
- She smokes / I don’t (except on holidays derp)
- She’s getting over the hill / i’m hitting my prime
- She’s average body type / i’m p90x styels
- She’s got high school / i’ve got some business college cred
- She’s 5’1 and i’m towering over her at 5’11 so her average is spread out over a smaller frame, and she gets her requirement of a tall man met as well
In the SMV sweepstakes, i’m blowing this girl out of the water, yet here i am basically scuttling my own Battleship by sinking it in order to meet her (or creating an artificial reef for her to lay waste to school’s of plankton). Objectively speaking this can’t be denied.
YET!!!! While all these pics (the only 3 she had on display) are deceptive and employ MySpace techniques of ‘disappearing’ the majority of the body and take an above the shoulders attitude of selling the package.. I recognize she has a cute smile and 2 of her photos are displaying some charm and femininity. I see long hair, i see a smile. And i see overpriced drinks which indicate someone who enjoys a lavish lifestyle of YOLO and high calorie beverages.. but let’s ignore that for a second. Only focus on the first picture.. and ask yourself “What is wrong with this picture?”
I know i did. And i made the horrible mistake of vocalizing it…
Notice that originally she only had 2 pics up. And she only added a third ‘smiling’ pic, after i had messaged her. Eventually i checked back onto her profile and her ‘mean’ face was gone, replaced by all manner of happy pleasant smiling pics.
Having the temerity to actually ‘advise’ a girl on what it takes to be attractive is a death sentence because knocking the solipsism out of them is just too fucking much of a burden to take. EVEN if and when they come to realize that advise was a worthwhile pursuit, there will be zero forgiveness given to the one who killed their beloved hamster. Having to bury Mr. Whipples in the imaginary backyard of ones mind is a horrible thing to endure.
Yet there is no shortage of women who cannot wait to jump on the vindictive list of ‘NiceGuys’ to slaughter by telling them what they’re doing is wrong.. without even the fucking courtesy of doing what i did and giving advise on how to actually fix ones problem and ACTUALLY BECOME MORE ATTRACTIVE TO THE OPPOSITE SEX IN A MANNER THAT CAN BE EMPIRICALLY MEASURED!
This was one of the most egregious, but to say i didn’t run into scores and multitudes of women like this, or even ones that started off with great conversation but then flipped out like a crazy fucking fruitcake just because i intoned some redpill knowledge that offended their sensibilities…. well, let’s just say i am glad to no longer have to swim in this cesspool of female ego and entitlement.
Rare is it that i have to make an apology, and apologize i did to that one woman who emailed me and instead of throwing the equivalent of the digital sink at me.. simply and politely asked me to redact her profile info, explained in a calm and courteous manner why she wrote what she wrote, and engaged me in non hostile communication over a series of emails in which we better got to learn about one another. We might not see eye to eye or be compatible.. but i certainly learned i can’t always judge a book by it’s cover.
However, after engaging the woman in the pictures in the examples above, i can see that this was one book that belongs in the bargain bin and should be used only for emergency toiletries or kindling during the next ice age.
If you’re still using online dating.. and you’re not just looking for pumps n dumps but rather actually looking for gems in the rough to find partnerships with.. build a better filter, screen like hell, and what you’ll be left with after a lot of hard work is real gold. Let the rest of the shit sift over to the fools.
* i finished this post up tonight because i want to delete the pics off my desktop and all other PoF related shit off my computer. I’m so glad to be off that life sucking hell hole. If you can manage.. interact with people in real life so you can vet them early and honestly. Unless you want to pump n dump of course.
*for you’re viewing pleasure i give you my last and finale PoF profile in it’s entirety.. the barest parts redacted but you will get all you need from it should you choose to follow it’s style. Cheers!
AboveHonesty: Chivalry for Ladies, Equality for the rest
Non-smoker with Athletic body type
36 year old Man, 5′ 11″ (180cm), Non-Religious
Caucasian Virgo with Blonde hair
AboveHonesty is looking for a relationship.
I am Seeking a
Do you drink?
Do you want children?
Do you do drugs?
Do you have a car?
Do you have children?
Over 4 years
I’m just laying it out here to see if anyone of you might actually relate to this. If you were to sit down with me and have a coffee conversation you would discover the following:
– I don’t want children of my own. Ever. I’m not going to be a geriatric dad or someone’s last chance express for a baby. Sorry.
– I don’t believe in marriage. I went through it once and got stabbed in the back. Marriage is an archaic institution that grants zero benefits to men today. Give me 3 reasons why a man should marry. I’ll wait….
– Legally, it’s a minefield to frivolous divorce too.
– I don’t do casual sex. I have been with only one woman since my divorce 2 years ago. I’m choosy. I expect the same of the person i end up with. If you’ve been around the block, we won’t work. Not judging you[ok.. so i streched the truth a bit :P], but i want to be with someone who places a premium on their sexual value.
– If your hero is Samantha from Sex and the City and you’ve been with as many men as she has, please skip over me.
– If you are a single mom, that’s cool. I have no issue being a role model, friend or source of wisdom for your children, but i would never try to be a ‘dad’ to them, they already have one. And i know i will never be #1 in your eyes, that spot belongs to your children. However, if you will constantly make me feel like i’m number 2, i’ll next you before you can blink.
– I don’t care if you are a cashier at a grocery store or highly educated power lawyer. Your earning ability matters not to me. You spending habits do. And so does your credit score and debt load. If you’re carrying any student loan debt, you need to pay that one off on your own. You’ll appreciate your education more that way. If you’re really bad with money, either you submit to my way of doing things financially.. or pass me by.
– I don’t care about your education level. Just prove to me you’re life smart. I’ve run into Ivy league people who can’t figure out how to put gas into a car or understand dashboard lights. I’ve seen 5w light bulbs burn brighter than some with University degrees.
– I hate loud / brash / bratty women who think being strong and empowered means running your mouth like a sailor and bossing people around like you’re a better person than. If your favourite quote is by Marilyn Monroe about not taking you at your worst, please leave me be. If you expect me to accept mediocrity as a norm for mere flashes of whatever ‘your best’ might be, you’d be wrong.
(someone mentioned the quote meant accepting people at their lowest point in life and needing help. If the quote is about empathy and helping in a time of need, yes, that interpretation is sound. Tho i find too many women on PoF use the quote as a shield to justify immature bratty behaviour and requiring me to accept ****y attitudes. Sorry luv, you act like a brat, this Captain makes you walk the plank)
– I adore women who show their soft feminine side. Just be fun and pleasant to be around. Give me a reason to want to be around you.
– Realize i like many, deal with sh*t and ballbusting people throughout the work day, i don’t want to come home to or go out with another major ballbuster who is going to make my life one long miserable sh*t test after hours. If your idea of being attractive is verbal sparring and busting my chops, you seriously need to learn some girl game yo.
– I am a humanist and fight for human rights, not women’s or men’s rights. But if you believe in Patriarchy.. you need help.
– In no way do i harken for the old days of pushing women into the kitchen barefoot and pregnant, but i do abide by the code.. if you wanted to be treated like a lady, respect me as a man. If equality is what you desire, equality is what you will receive. I’ll do the cooking and you can carry all the heavy items up the stairs.
– I am shallow, guilty as charged, i freely admit it. See, I only ask 2 things. That you be in actual *average* shape or better, and that you have a pleasant demeanour. (average =/= a few extra pounds) I don’t require Victoria Secret, but i don’t want pleasantly plump either.
– Physical attraction is a must, i can’t deny my biology. Women require chemistry, Men require physical attraction. Welcome to evolutionary psychology 101.
– if you need help with what is average use this as a starting guide (http://www.cdc.gov/healthyweight/assessing/bmi/adult_bmi/english_bmi_calculator/bmi_calculator.html)
-This is far less shallow than most women because these are factors you can control by.. dun dun dun.. eating properly, moving around and not being a **** 24/7. What IS shallow is to use genetically unchangeable aspects such as height (must be 6’+) or hair color (or baldness). (Only dating tall, dark, handsome classifies as shallow) Shallow is to care how much money he makes, what kind of job he does, what clothes he wears, whether he loves his job, or is awesome 24/7, etc…
– I work out hard, play hard, and continually strive to make myself better. This includes being 50% done with my orthodontics treatment for a perfect smile. Is it wrong that i would want to pair up with someone with a similar self improvement and healthy body ethic?
– I love great conversation that actually matters with regards to real life. I could care less about Jersey Shore type drama and garbage. If you care more about the Kardashians than the politics of the Middle East..
– I am naturally introverted, tho i am quite capable of being very sociable given the right crowd and atmosphere. Having said that, i was never part of the ‘club’ scene and will not be attempting to any time soon.
– I’m not a wild rider or a jet setter. If you’re looking for endless trips to faraway destinations, you’re looking for an oil baron or railroad tycoon. I’m financially well off and didn’t get that way by booking vacations to Vienna 4 times a year because “YOLO”.
To sum it all up, i’m looking for a level headed, non-religious woman who wants a stable, monogamous, loyal and true wing man for life. I scan over every one of your profiles and realize over 90% of you want children so i click away so as not to waste your time or mine. I realize i have drastically reduced my dating pool but so be it. I’m not about to become a twice married, twice divorced and now stuck with children and paying child support man ready to go postal just because society tells me to ‘man up’ and get married and crank out some kids. With a 50%+ divorce rate, you’d have to be a mental deficient to gamble on marriage. I want a relationship with a woman where it’s based on reciprocal needs that are worked for constantly, and not taken for granted or sought out of ‘marital’ obligation. Marriage breeds complacency. And it’s a legal minefield that can ruin a man if you pull an Eat Pray Love so ya, i’ll take a pass on marriage 2.0 thanks.
Send me a note/line/questions if your curiosity has been piqued.
Congratulations you’ve reached the end. If you haven’t put your fist through the monitor yet and have actually found yourself agreeing with this, act now and send me a message with the phrase “your profile was SUPERTAKULAR” and i will send you a hero cookie. At the very least, you know i don’t have the personality of wet cardboard, and i’m word smithy.. so our conversations will always stand on the knife’s edge between eccentric and surreal!
First date would be the simple and standard meet and greet or mini photo shoot where i take pics of you by the -redacted-. If things escalate with real interest, i’ll grab the first round of drinks on the patio when the sun comes out and spring arrives! At the very least, whether things work out or not, you’ll at least end up with some photo’s you can end up using on POF hehe.