If you take just one piece of advice from me…November 10, 2012
sorry for the lack of updates folks.. i’ve been uninspired as of late and really felt like a lot of my stuff as of late was ranting. I kinda want to step away from that. I’ve also been re examining a lot of stuff too, introspecting.. and just wondering what my purpose is anymore, given that i really have abandoned the white picket fence and kids. But mostly, it’s been a one two punch.
1. It’s like everything i want to say is always said more eloquently and better by other bloggers, in which case i should just hit the reblog button… and
2. i’ve fucking lost my faith in humanity.
In the last month i have counselled one of my long time friends to abandon his marriage. His wife is on mat leave for their second child and is due to return to work soon. She has no qualms about spending many hours after work at bars leaving him at home with the kids. He suspects she’s on the prowl. He has no evidence but he alluded to ‘cock breath’ coming from her i trust his instincts. She doesn’t seem to care that her actions hurt him nor does it seem like she would care if he were to flip off and head out to a bar by himself either. Their marriage is for all intents and purposes a sham. He lives in dread. Not the dread of separating or divorce, he’s had those lines covered for some time. No he’s living in dread with the beat thought of keeping his yap shut, trying to work things out and having his mind wander and race thinking about what his wife might be doing out there. It hurts him because he’s said on so many levels they work together, and she is his best friend. And i kept telling him he shouldn’t have to be falling on his sword for her and if she can’t treat him with respect he should walk.
He comes from a similar incel situation that i did so i feel his pain. It’s hard to walk away when you know you have no power, you’re not spinning plates, you have no back up, and no prospects of coming up alpha anytime soon. I’m far from ‘alpha’.. but i put in the effort to bulk up, put on a harsher face, take no shit, push back attitude. Sure im not a suave charmer (until you get 4 or 5 drinks into me) but i can spit some game. He resigned himself to beta, he wants the world we used to live in, he wants back into the matrix like Cypher. He want’s blissful ignorance and i can’t say i blame him. He’s not a pump n dump personality and i’ve fed him nothing but western women suck for the last few months. Effectively, i think i boxed him in to a hopeless situation. I dunno. This really sucked.
And then yesterday sealed the deal for me.
I went drinking with another friend.. he’s been married for years. Before i go any further let me tell you.. BOTH of these guys are hard working SOB’s. They provided, they manned up, they are not misogynists. Dude i talked about earlier is fit, rides his bike, highly educated, makes decent coin, got a house, takes care of his kids, does reno’s to the house, and loves his wife EVEN after all her shit. Dude i’m about to talk about married his wife AFTER what i suspect was an ‘ooops the pill failed’ event… (i can still remember having a coffee with him years ago when he confided in me, and i told him to get a lawyer. he got a priest instead). So he was having a child with a woman who already had a kid from a prior, and he had one more, so there’s a family of 3 kids now, 2 of which are his blood. He’s busted his hump to provide. Stuck it out at his job and became top dog of the entertainment complex he manages. He worked long hours, traveled massive distances when he first moved to the city of Oshawa, about 45 minutes drive from Toronto. He did this trek for years, and sometimes he did it on his peddle bike when the car was in the shop. He worked hard to provide, loved his kids, even the step daughter.
His wife was always sick, to the point where it prevented her from working. I can’t fault illness and neither can he. But he get fed up with the money fights as she made them spend more than he could make. He’s damned if he spends because then they have no money. Hes damned if he tries to do something himself, like reno’s to his home to save money because then he’s not spending enough time with the kids. And on and on and….
Hearing these things just makes my blood boil.
And it just gets better.
Turns out things have been so bad, their marriage is a sham now too. He described it as they live there together and eat there together and thats about it. Oh, they now live back here having sold their home in Oshawa. He’s been working hard to repair his childhood home for his family.
Except now i learn his wife is now pretty much done and ready to move out west to British Columbia and take the kids with her. The primary reason is because she wants to look at treatments for her illness that they don’t do here. But my friend sees it for what it is, a separation that effectively ends the marriage.
Oh and the kicker.
His stepdaughter is pregnant. She’s 15. And it comes full circle.
See, he TRIED to lay down the law, but step daughter told him that she’d never accept him as her real dad, so he did what he could but expected mom to lay down the law. Mom didn’t. Mom was her best friend, not her mom. Mom comes from a family that breeds irresponsibility like it’s going out of style. There, there is no ‘shaming’ of unwed, teenage mothers. There it’s always ‘oh shes young, she made a mistake, we need to help her out now’. There is a lot of irresponsible behavior on her side of the family that he married into… he knew this going in. But now he’s had enough of it.
He set down the law. He told her to either abort, or move out. Harsh? I don’t think so. He laid it out by saying he told his wife he didn’t want any more kids, and this teen baby would become his defacto kid. What’s a 15 year old know about raising a kid? She’s gonna dump it on mommy and daddy to take care of like an irresponsible brat. And with mommy constantly out of action due to illness, guess who’s gonna get saddled? That’s right.
So, daughter is moving out with scummy boyfriend to explore the worst decision of her life. It’s on her. It’s on mom. It’s on her bio dad. It’s not on my friend. He did everything he could, he’s had enough.
What’s the whole point of this shitstorm im writing?
If you take one, JUST ONE piece of advice from me ever.. it’s this.
hopefully ill be back soon.