On Cheating
October 23, 2012Super quick post.
Here’s a Shine article called 12 Surprising Facts About Cheating [link]
I’m only going to address a few of these very quickly and let you guys ponder the rest. Let me say that i do not endorse cheating in any way shape or form, it’s for cowards. End it and move on.
Having said that.. let me tackle a few of these 12 points.
Fact #1: Most men are still in love with their wives when they cheat.
Who knew? Doug1 was right when he long made the contention on HUS that when a man seeks out another woman, he can still be in love with the wife/s.o. and is just having sex for the sake of sex (slaking lust), not for emotional bonding, partnership, intimacy or pair bonding of any kind. Women are unable to do so. When a woman cheats, she is firmly DONE with the husband, in her mind, heart and soul. Push casual sex while single aside for a moment, when a woman has sex outside of her committed relationship with a man, that poor shlep will NEVER be number #1 in her eyes ever again. She may even still have some feelings for him, but it is doomed from that moment onward.
My friend who consoled me after my marriage ended told me:
“Men have many rooms in their heart which can be occupied by many women at the same time, but only one gets to live in the penthouse with you. Women only have 1 room in their heart, and if they find someone else to occupy it, your shit is out in the streets and you are never getting back in.“
This corroborates all my anecdotal experiences.
Next we have a 3 part answer to one question really..
Fact #7: A wife often knows her husband’s cheating.
Fact #8: A couple will never work it out when the husband is in the midst of an affair.
Fact #9: Affairs can often fix a marriage.
This one should be self evident to anyone who lives in the sphere AND understand that this only applies to ALPHA men. Do you think any of these ‘facts’ would be raised if the man were a beta shmuck? Hell no. If poor lonely Beta getting sex only once a year accidentally found game or actually hit it off enough with someone to have an affair with, none of this would apply. He’d be served divorce papers faster than the Flash. A wife will only know of her husbands cheating (and tolerate it) if he is supremely alpha and she can accept the harem. They will never work it out whilst he is having the affair, but she is the one who will actively try and ‘make it work’. And an affair can ONLY fix a marriage if the man has options to leave and has used the affair as as the ultimate dread “look what i can do” tactic to keep a woman in line.
If he was beta, he’d be reading a notice on the front door with the locks changed to his house and a warrant out for his arrest for ‘abuse’.
Fact #12: The wife’s not to blame if her husband cheats on her.
Very true. As i said i don’t approve of cheating and would rather honesty prevail. Just terminate the relationship and move on. However, this one holds a key phrase in here that reminds me very much of what Dalrock has been musing about often as of late. Here’s the passage:
“Realize this: If your husband is unfaithful, it’s not your fault, no matter what people say. “When a man cheats, he’s making a conscious choice to do it,” says Dr. Brosh. “The idea of being pushed into the arms of another woman is an expression, not a reality.“
The next time i read about a poor Christian (or secular) woman being ‘driven’ into the arms of another man for him failing to live up to some romantasized unrealistic and unreachable romcom romance drama flaming heart-throb sweep her off her feet continual courtship dancing former carousel riding saved slut cum wife…
… shoot me.
M3 
[…] On Cheating; The Kentucky Derby; This shouldn’t really be news, but…; Feminist uproar over Objectification […]
Yeah, that seems broadly in line with what I’ve always heard about cheating, anecdotally. Luckily I’ve never, ever brushed with cheating in any form – nobody’s ever cheated on me and I’ve certainly never cheated on anyone. However, I wonder about Fact #12: “The wife’s not to blame if her husband cheats on her” – what if she shuts down the sex factory, I mean obviously if she does and refuses to compromise (or it’s a medical issue) he should leave rather than cheat, but if apart from this their marriage works for both of them except sex? Not saying I condone it myself, just wondering what your take on it is.
neither is to blame for the others cheating. only the cheater has self to blame for being a coward.
if married and the sex dries up, demand a change. accept that you may either divorce or negotiate an open relationship. cheating is always wrong. if you need you need fulfilled by someone else, at least have the courage to tell your partner the status quo is unacceptable and requires a fix. then it’s not cheating if you go out and get it. cheating implies doing it behind someones back. if you tell them ahead of time that you will fuck someone else if the person who promised to be a committed partner (which includes sharing of sex) is failing in that duty, then it’s not cheating.. it’s a statement of fact that their dereliction of duty will be the cause.
marriage works but sex is gone – figure out why sex is gone or negotiate for open marriage
marriage doesn’t work and one partner takes sex hostage – demand change, then either get a divorce if situation does not improve, or force divorce by going out and slaking your lust where your partner failed
not married and sex is gone – ask why. if answer is irrational – NEXT.
I agree with all of them except #7, and I didn’t think beta men cheated. Isn’t that what makes them beta, they are kind and loyal?
Nice to see you sis!
You’re correct. Most beta men are so scarcity starved they become fiercely loyal (even when its undeserved). Plus a majority of men who aren’t dark trait alphas understand loyalty, honor, and upholding a promise (the handshake, my word is my bond) and will not cheat even when the opportunity knocks.
This article, as is most any mainstream article when written by a female (or feminine imperative perspective) will always focus on the problem from a hypergamy apex fallacy point of view. This article assumes most all men have the ability to cheat. Most don’t even know how lucky they were to find the love of their life, much less troll for chicks on the side. /snark
[…] – A Feminist World Abhors A Wild Child, On Cheating, Sorry CNN. . […]
“As i said i don’t approve of cheating and would rather honesty prevail. Just terminate the relationship and move on.”
It speaks volumes about the feminine imperative that the female form of promiscuity (serial monogamy) is considered ethical and moral while the male form of promiscuity (polygyny) is considered unethical and unmoral.
Perhaps.. although i look at it more from a mans ‘my word is my bond‘ point of view. If i look you in the eye and shake your hand on something, you can expect that i will see it through. I won’t just drop my word to you because someone came along with a better offer. And if the offer is so damn enticing, i will owe you at the very least a face to face and explain it honestly as it is the very least i can do if i can’t uphold my word.
The same thing applies to relationships. If the male form of promiscuity is what you desire, do not get into female form of promiscuity relationships. Yes/no? Cheating is not ethical. It is a breach of contract/breach of trust. I am not making a moral judgement about male promiscuity which can be had without having to lie and be dishonorable. Getting into a ONS does not involve cheating. Getting an FWB with rules set out of non commitment does not involve cheating. Spinning plates with no women bringing up exclusivity does not involve cheating. The male form of promiscuity does not involve cheating as a requisite ergo it is not unethical or immoral. It simply is.
I hope you’re not trying to make the argument that cheating should be respected?
Humans are actually leaning towards polygynandry, like most larger mammals that have some semblance of intelligence. (certain apes and whales come to mind). Pure polyandry is very rare. Human sexuality is incredibly malleable, however.
I don’t think women will tolerate cheating if their husband is alpha. More like if they’re doormats. Women in my family (generations back) tolerated cheating because divorce and single motherhood would bring more shame to the family, not to mention the fact that women could not have careers. Thankfully, women don’t have to rely on (potentially) unreliable men anymore. There’s also the mentality among some older Hispanic women that her husband might have mistresses, but SHE is the wife. Some women would see it as powerful revenge over the mistresses and husband by not granting them a divorce (or sex).
That said I’m pretty bad at monogamy. Mostly because I keep getting tempted by women when I’m in relationships, and I keep getting into relationships with extremely possessive guys. It’s like they’re normal at first but I just do something to them that makes them crazy. Also I want to eat my cake and have it too. 😦
Not sure what to say. I think this comment speaks for itself in it’s entirety. Thanks for offering it.
Yeah. I think another problem is the exposure people have to one another. WE move around a lot. We travel. If we don’t, our partners do. The result is a lot of opportunities for cheating.
When I’m in a relationship with a guy I don’t notice other guys, but it doesn’t stop me from noticing girls sometimes. Which is problematic. I don’t think this sort of dynamic existed, or was even common a couple of centuries ago. I know other women who are in similar situations, who have boyfriends who say “girls don’t count, but guys do.” I don’t know what most guy’s take on the situation is. If you had a younger gf, would you let her experiment with other women (on ocassion)? I’ve seen a few relationships with this dynamic, and one of them has lasted over five years…..