Feeling a little dead inside

October 15, 2012

Sorry for the lack of posts.. i haven’t been feeling myself lately. Got a couple in the draft pipe. Some you may like, some you may not. As much as i like to be a jackass and mock stupid female behavior, i never set out to simply march to a specific drum to please everyone, just my own.

My next releases will be a little darker, and branch off into areas that might provide a little contention. But hey, that’s what good vigorous debate is for. If i’m just preaching to the choir..

And not all of it will be debate issues, but reflections of personal experiences i’ve gone through in my past, some of it i still can’t shake. Things that shaped me, define me and quite possibly keep me from moving forward. Hopefully ill pull the trigger on that post shortly as it relates heavily to the quick post i’m going to discuss briefly right now.

I just came across the story of Amanda Todd, a young teenager in British Columbia who just took her life. For real. Not a stunt like some other cunt played for an internet audience, but a real suicide.

Maybe it’s my age, i dunno. Maybe i’ve got paternal instincts kicking in. I don’t ever want to have children of my own, but watching my best friends daughter grow up the last 5 years has made me very protective of her. It’s like she’s the daughter i’ll never have.

And right now i’m feeling an awful lot of differing emotions when watching this video.

I feel actual pain and sympathy for this girl. I can relate heavily to being bullied. I was tormented for years in school. Pushed around. Picked on. Shoved up against lockers. The school joke. The have-it-all kids picking on the have-not. The cool girls laughing at me. The ugly girls rejecting me. The weight of the world coming down on me. Had i access to a firearm, i wouldn’t be writing this.

It pains me to say that i’m here not because i found some ray of hope to bring me back from the edge, i simply endured long enough for maturity to overtake stupidity and the slow progression of time to change circumstances. The only reason that happened is because i was too chicken to find a way to go through with it.

My life is now 180 from what highschool was, but some of those wounds don’t really close, they just stay buried. But i can relate to what this girl went through.

And i hate the reason why she went through it and paid the price for it and the reaction of the bullies as well.

I hate the reason. That she didn’t have great grandparents, and grandparents and parents who would teach her about boys, sexuality, hypergamy, and the nature of teenage hormones and brain chemistry confusing lust for love.

I hate that feminism has destroyed the family, taught young girls to explore their sexuality without consequence and trained a generation of self shooters to show the world their most private and intimate self being for the world to see without thought to consequence. In a digital age this can be catastrophic.

I hate that one stupid mistake set forth a chain of events from a pedophile blackmailing her with a picture, to a group of punks tormenting her at school forcing her to relocate numerous times, to no one teaching her about her hypergamy and following today’s “hookup” culture into having sex with a boy she liked thinking it was the way to procure a relationship, which only led the wonderful alpha to use her for sex and drop her and continue the cycle of torment even further when his main girlfriend in his harem decided to wail away on her instead of him.

And i hate that she felt totally alone, full well knowing now in the redpill world i live in, she would be the one to have ignored me and quite possibly been the one picking on me with her alpha boyfriend had thing worked out. I honestly know she was not alone, i know in my redpill wisdom that she chose to ignore everyone who could have treated her well and instead die in the fires of  Alpha rejection. She only felt alone because she didn’t fit into the crowd she wanted to be a part of.  It sort of angers me to know that were i the same person i was at her age, willing to give her a hand, comfort, solace and support from her tormentors.. to show her she wasn’t alone.. it wouldn’t count, because back then i was a loser.

And i hate the fact that reading over comments on her memorial pages i can see the bullies writing over her grave, calling her a slut who deserved it, shouldn’t have flashed her tits, etc.. and i recognize the language of the manosphere and i wonder, is this where i’m headed? Is this where the manosphere goes? She was a fucking kid who made a few mistakes in every sense of the word, but a kid who was brought into a feminist utopia where rules of past, of being prim and propriety were cast into the sea, where the old rules of courtship were jettisoned for quick hookups.

And i will get pissed off when feminism tries to do what it always does, and will put the blame of this onto the boys, legislating them for their wicked male ways. While i would completely agree with fully prosecuting the stalking piece of shit pedophile who got her to flash and then blackmailed her.. i cannot help but think if parents taught their girls to be more like ladies of old, and treating their sexuality with reverence like the gatekeepers of yesterday, this wouldn’t be an issue. There would not have been a photo, nor blackmail. There would be no crying over the alpha, because he would not have waited around while she sought out his quality, and the longer it would take, she would find out about his actual girlfriend. And she would still be alive today. Were the boys mean? Yeah. But just as girls do stupid things when they’re young, so do boys. And criminalizing their natural behavior while telling women that their natural hypergamous behavior is ok and valid reeks of typical feminist claptrap and ‘double standards’ that they would love to enjoy. Let’s not forget the girlfriend who had no problem with her cheating boyfriend, only the girl he cheated with.

I don’t know what i’m feeling anymore watching this. Anger, hurt, sorrow, rage, empathy, disgust, validation..

She was just 15 years old. My friends daughter will be there in 10 years.

I hope that with my knowledge, i can instill in her a self respect that goes beyond simply wanting to please the boys requests at a whim, to gatekeep properly and look for the quality traits in a man, not the superficial and outdated gina tingle triggers without substance behind them. She’ll need to understand her own hypergamy.

My feelings are all over the map, as i suspect this post also is. Oh well. I think ill end it here.

I’m sorry she found the courage to do what she couldn’t find the courage to do. Endure.

RIP Amanda.

Of course as always, you are free to disagree with me or put up counterpoints, i’d be willing and glad to hear them. I always like hearing your take on it. Your insights are valuable to the discussion.


If i had a personal request from the sphere, it would be for all the female bloggers to come up with a book for teenage girls to understand their own nature and where it will lead them astray. It seems most mothers/fathers have serious dereliction of duty issues out there. In the old days, parents were involved in every aspect of their childrens lives, including who they crushed on or were dating, meeting them and vetting them and teaching and warning their children about the perils and pitfalls of ‘young love’. This isn’t the case any more it seems. Feminism told them to get out of the way and let them explore for themselves. Back in the old days, we gave rules, guidance and guidelines and thrust the young into a world of responsibility early with the proper tools. Today, we leave them immature and freely let them run out amongst the puddles of gasoline with lit sparklers. This has to change.


This post will also make a good segue into my next one regarding maturity, age of consent and charges of misandry a good friend of mine has had to face over on her site. My next post intends to give my own personal take.


  1. I’ll skip the usual box-ticking, because we understand all of that, already.

    Honestly, no idea how this one bothered you, brother.


  2. I think its a sign of how much women lost in this, where guys like me just dont care. I’m in no way pleased that anyone would commit suicide, but lets face facts omegas self terminate all the time and narry a notice. Live in a sick rotting culture. Parents directing behavior, the state is talking over the role along with the culture industry. This train has a ways to go, right into civilization death. Enjoy the decline.

    Also i remember Heartiste writing about girls killing eat other for their ganster alpha love. Girl offering herself, raises his stock. Imagine what things will look like in another 20is years.

  3. This story is shameful. No one should have to feel hunted like that. To be honest, though, each kid takes the same information different ways. My sisters and I are the two sides of that coin.
    Girls are being groomed and encouraged to show sexual behavior at younger and younger ages. They are not informed, however, that these behaviors are sexual, just that they are “cool” and bring attention.
    How you can help:
    1) Give your friend’s daughter an appropriate male to model her future desires towards. Show behavior that she should respond to, and correct or ignore her if you see her respond to the wrong behaviors.
    2) Advise your friend to closely monitor his daughter’s online behavior. I’m not saying necessarily to restrict her access, which only makes the forbidden more appealing. If she runs across things that are inappropriate, he should use them as a teaching moment.

  4. Even pedophiles DESERVE a second chance, we all make mistakes I know I have and Im thankful I was given a second chance. I run a support group at Range Court its called “Second Chance” its for pedophiles who have been prosecuted and served jail time. And I would be happy to help anyone set up a simmilar support group, feel free to message me @ either of my facebook pages

  5. M3,

    How sad this story is…

    Poor girl.
    This is a true victim of the feministic world we live in…
    May she rest in perfect peace.

    And I hope her story pulls another girl from the brink.
    Hers is a cautionary tale.

    She was not totally blameless, but you are right – let’s not forget that she was just a child who got too much freedom. With freedom comes responsibility. No-one told her that…
    She was made to pay the price for her ignorance the hardest way possible.

  6. Yeah, i dunno myself. Maybe i feel 15 and suicide is way too stupid and too high a price to pay for one stupid mistake that should never have occurred if she had proper guidance like times of yesteryear. Maybe it’s my friends daughter. I look at her and wonder is this her fate? If left to her own nature without ‘patriarchal’ guidance, will she too just follow her instincts off a cliff. I think so given all the evidence. I don’t want that for her. And i feel this 15 year old wasn’t given the chance.

    And i can relate to the torment of bullying. Only in my case i was truly alone at the time. I only began to find support from those in my same predicament, those who weren’t high on the status totem. That’s how i endured. I’m sure this girl had friends or supporters. But that would mean hanging out with the not cool crowd. She would rather die than accept that status.

    I am reminded of the scene from SE7EN where the girl overdoses and dies because the killer lopped off her nose, glueing a phone to one hand and a bottle of pills to the other, letting her choose her own fate.

    William Somerset: Call for help and you’ll live. But you’ll be disfigured. Or you can put yourself out of your own misery.
    David Mills: Come on!
    Dr. O’Neill: He cut off her nose…
    William Somerset: …to spite her face.

  7. I agree man. Believe me. I was that omega. I very nearly was a statistic. I always freely admit if i had access to a cache of weapons, Columbine would have been old hat by a few years. Everyone who went to high school with me has no clue how lucky they are and i mean that with all sincerity. No one takes notice of an omega taking his swan dive unless he makes it news worthy. Then everyone attributes idiotic motivations like video games or music rather than the real culprit. It’s probably because of our hardwired nature to protect women that we as a society feel so moved when a girl makes a plea like this and then ends her life, but we think nothing of the disposable male who jumps off a bridge because of torment by women who take pleasure in destroying their lives. As i said, my emotions are all over the map.

    20 years from now? Mercifully i hope i’m not around for it. Enjoy the decline. I’m on the porch with beer in tow watching Rome burn.

  8. If this were some 24 year old clubhopper, I wouldn’t have batted an eye. But Amanda Todd was a child getting into the hookup culture. She believed the lie that a hookup is the way to a relationship. She believed the lie that full on P in V sex is the way to get a relationship. It’s not. And the lie eventually cost her her life.

    Once you turn 18, if you want to slut it up, go ahead. But dammit, we have to leave our children out of this.

  9. 1. I’m definitely going to let her know why she feels the way she does and reacts the way she does towards boys. Knowledge is power.

    2. The kid knows how to handle an iPad better than her parents… this will be a daunting task. But i’m gonna bring this girls incident to his and his wifes attention. They need to know there are monsters lurking out there.

  10. No clue whether this is spam or not. I checked the facebook page and there is no info on this support group.

    I am a fervent believer in granting second chances. Even pedophiles, providing:

    – they serve out their full sentence (justice is about rehabilitation, not vengeance)
    – they follow the terms of their release. pedophiles, like any other abhorrent behavior are illnesses of the mind. if diagnosed as such, under proper supervision and medication they should become ‘normalized’.
    – i’m not against chemical castration. if it’s the drive behind the desire, then it needs to be removed to show on the pedophiles part a willingness to tackle the problem to re-enter society.
    – while i’m not sure i would want any child to be given total unsupervised access with a former pedophile, one that has paid the penalty under the law, has been assigned and is following a course of treatment and/or castration, should not be subject to having the inability to work, live in society without being hounded and harassed and prevented from living. No one would do the same to a schizophrenic who stabbed her mother and is now medicated to treat the illness.

    The only people who deserve second chances are the ones who actively try to help themselves. Those who continue to repeatedly harm themselves or others without trying to stop don’t deserve shit.

  11. 100% agree with your summation.

    But i’m afraid the media and society at large will spin this 6 ways from Sunday away from addressing the real issues into one the absolves feminism, crucifies male sexual behavior and in the end helps no one and will not prevent another one of these incidents from happening.

  12. Exactly Deti. Thank you, this is exactly what i feel. The children are being led astray by a society and parents unwilling to speak truth to biological sex differences, that boys and girls don’t think the same way.

  13. Moreover, let them know that in this internet age it is not safe to “let kids grow up”. All children need to be proactively raised since there are so many landmines (for both genders, albeit of differing types) that can end things tragically.
    A♠ and I were talking last night about the common mistakes of our parents- specifically, how they imagined that “imparting their wisdom” and not doing anything to teach worked to our separate but similar detriment.

  14. It might be that I’m a good deal younger than you old folks, but all of this ‘victim’ bullshit is exactly that.

    I was fifteen not too long ago, and I know girls not much older than that now. Guidance is irrelevant in most cases. Most of them know exactly what they’re doing and do it because it’s what they want, because they can. They like it.

    Yes, this story has a sad ending. She made her own choices and has to live (or not) with the consequences. Would a strong father figure and more responsible culture have made a difference? We can’t say. I’ve seen girls make shitty choices with full knowledge that what they’re doing is stupid. You can’t tell me that this girl, anywhere along the line, didn’t know better.

    So, yes, it’s unfortunate that she was bullied, and lonely, and depressed, and abused substances and had no friends and tried to kill herself. Join the club. Most of us didn’t feel the need to make weepy youtube videos about it. We don’t want your sympathy, and anyone that does doesn’t deserve it.

    I wasn’t born a cynic, but I stopped crying a long time ago. We all know what happens to the guy that tries to save the damaged girl.

    She doesn’t want your help.

  15. I also have been giving this case some thought. It is definitely tragic that this kid ended up taking her life although some of what you said about this rings true. It’s hard to rationalize the thinking and events that led to her to her death but some issues surrounding it give me pause. Where were her parents? Teachers? Whether true or not, after a major confrontation where she was beaten by some girls, it’s been said that some teachers in her school were aware of the incident but did nothing to discipline those responsible. Instead, it was a parent who was called to take her to a hospital. Was there no school counselor aware of the particulars? It seems that the very people who should have stepped up to help this girl out were a non-presence in her life.
    Sadly, the sexualization of girls starts from the get-go. Far before the onset of puberty, the images of overly sexualized females flood every corner of their attention span. They see and are made to accept the notion that women can have it all-sexually, lawfully, economically, etc. without consequences to themselves and others. Their role models are vacuous and hedonistic reality TV, film and music “stars” who slut it up with androgynous looking males or fashion models who reach their peak at 16 years of age. Yes, Amanda Todd made a mistake but she shouldn’t have been shamed to death for it. Just look at the countless other girls her age that exercise their exhibitionist streak each and every day without consequence or fanfare, instead, they’re encouraged and applauded when they do so. Young girls and women find it more than acceptable to be careless with their bodies, their sexuality, their morals and their commitment to those who least deserve it, or at least with those that will find it of little consequence. As was to be expected, the femosphere has picked up on this story and co-opted it to suit their perverted agenda, namely the blaming of this and every other similar incident on our evil patriarchal society. Sickening really. Would it not be more productive to focus on raising children to exercise respect and consideration for others? To instill self-confidence and kindness towards others? M3, I feel you on this one. One is hard pressed to think that given the opportunity to seek solace in the fellowship of anyone other than the in-group she sought to belong to, it would have been welcome.

  16. M3,

    I am linking to this page on my blog. You demonstrate something I don’t see often in The Manosphere…

  17. Slut shaming and bullying can be combined, but the two are separate phenomena.

    The motivations for slut shaming are intra-female competition and prevention of a general slutty society, which prevents hordes of men who lack charisma from being put in Amanda’s shoes. Slut-shaming is best prevented by educating women about the morality of their sexual actions. Don’t blame the proximate cause (the slut shamers), blame the structural cause (feminism).

    The motivations for bullying are that someone gets a benefit from unfairly pushing around someone else. Possible motivations are personal power, money, make-work, personal enjoyment, and defraying feelings of self-inadequacy. The way to deal with a bully is through violence. Make them stop either through the force of the law or physical pain. Up the cost of bullying so high that it becomes unrewarding, and the bully will stop.

  18. This is a terrible story! I haven’t checked her memorial page, but people are writing awful things on it? That should not be allowed.

    On a side note, I think photos of her dead body were the ones posted by Violentacruz. He’s the Reddit troll who was outed by Gawker for doing that and posting upskirt pics of underage girls among other disgusting things. He just got fired.

  19. I am probably too far removed from this age wise and can’t refute much of what you say. Things are probably much worse off today than when i was in that age bracket.. and it was bad enough back then, i can only shudder now.

    Having said that, i still do believe she was a victim. Some adult posing as a teen obviously utilized her own nature against her (the belief that teen girls mature earlier than guys is BS, and this case sorta shows it) and got her to expose herself by telling her all the things her teenage hamster wanted to hear. This was most certainly an abuse of power by an adult/stalker/pedophile who then blackmailed her and ultimately let the pic loose to family/friends/the world.

    As we often like to say, flip the script. You’re a dumb bloke hard up for a girls attention, some webcam slut grabs your attention and wants to cyber with you, says she’s 18 n legal and really wants to meet up with you, she just wants to see the goods. Next thing you know your family, friends, entire school, facebook, the internet got pictures of your dick and you find out it was old 40 year old meth addict. Every girl in school points and laughs at you, the jocks beat you up, everyone calls you an idiot, etc… you move to another city, and they still follow you and won’t leave you alone. Never ending harassment for your first major stupid mistake… in grade 7!

    This is the main point i absolve her for. The rest is classic hypergamy that she willingly walked into. She relocated twice to forget the past, yet texted with a boy she should have also left in the past, an obvious bad boy. She walked into the dark game alpha willingly. She slept with him willingly and got heart broken because he turned out not to care, used her, and let his girlfriend wail on her. Sad, but she bears all the responsibility for this. We both know this. If this were the sole reason for her offing herself, i wouldn’t bat an eyelash.

    It’s tragic for me because her not being brought up right and following feminism’s hookup script was the straw that broke the camels back because of what she endured from the stalker. Had that not happened im sure she’d just be another stupid teenage kid with her first slut notch, and you could hope she’d learn from that lesson and gatekeep better. Instead after everything she went through, this incident pushed her over the edge.

    I don’t have any answers here, i’m only trying to start a debate.. one that actually leads to some real soul searching for meaningful change and not BS lip service by politicians and feminists who will focus on the actions of the kid who dumped her and seek to criminalize sexual behavior of boys/men who pump and dump chicks as if the girls have no agency or smarts enough to say no.

    And at the end of the day, as much as i want to see the world burn, i want to believe there’s a better fate for my friends daughter than hookup culture and looking for validation through overt sexuality with no self respect.

  20. Parents stopped being parents and wanted to be best friends with their children. Instead of judging and laying down the law, they compromise and do things by committee and let them pretend to be adults when they are yet very immature and without a lifetime of wisdom to guide them.

    As much as feminism tries to paint sexualization of girls as a male induced problem, it all came with femcunts advocating for sexual liberation and zero tolerance to any questioning of a girls utilization of that sexuality. Allowing girls to go feral became the unquestionable new normal spurred on by feminism. Feminist role models idolized by young girls. Poptart groups like pussycat dolls, etc.. that dressed sluttier and behaved more brash are worshipped by young girls. Even toys like Bratz dolls which i guarantee you are NOT designed by men, are used to guide girls into embracing their sexual power over men as early as possible in the most wanton destructive ways without critical thought. Dalrock had a post on feral females starting earlier and earlier because of this.

    I never doubted that the Jizzabells would run with this as another example of teh Ebil Patriarchy killz grrrlz. I would expect no less. Feminism is all about causing shit and then finding a man to blame for the results.

  21. Thanks Spacy!

  22. Agree on both counts.

    I think bullies require either a public shaming or a royal beatdown by someone with far greater power than them.

    Turn what they do into something that hits them in the core of their ‘badass’ image. They need to be reminded incessantly that only a coward, loser, scared little sackless shit, fights a battle they know they can’t possibly lose. There is no challenge nor honor in the strong attacking the weak.

    If that’s not enough, take a bully and lock him into a room with a UFC fighter and tell them the only way they get out of the room is by knocking out the UFC guy. Not fair eh.. well too bad. There’s your lesson in unfairness.

    I’m going to pull out my nerd cred here and quote from Babylon 5, regarding the Minbari Warrior caste gloating over the ease of their impending victory over the pitiful humans:
    “The warrior caste loves to win and hates to lose. It is easier to fight a weaker opponent and be guaranteed victory than to oppose a far more dangerous enemy.” – Lenonn to Morann

    On a final note.. any student of asymmetric warfare will tell you that if your opponent has greater physical forces and resources, you don’t go toe to toe with them, but practice guerrilla warfare. And they wonder why school shootings are on the rise.

  23. I’m a fan of freedom of speech. While i find it revolting that people do write nasty things, i’d rather it be done in public for all to see. Further i would like it to be done without the luxury of anonymity. Let those comments follow someone for all time to show the class act they are. Let it follow them when they’re in a relationship, let it follow them to their employers, let it follow them to the end of time. Let them defend their words to everyone they interact with for all time.

    It’s only fair. That’s what they did to her. I want their own words to do for them what they did to her. Keep them from living a normal life.

  24. My comment appeared to be a prescient sign and portent of things to come.


  25. It’s a sad episode, I agree. I just don’t see why it became an international news event, rather than simply a local thing, but I guess that’s the ‘net for ya…

  26. it is spam and posted by an internet trawler who has stolen this poor mans id and posts tripe all over the place. It is disgusting. Please remove this post, nobody needs to read the garbage that this idiot posts.

  27. I wish a book for women would help, but do you really think in a free market where people follow the path of least resistance, anybody would read the book and curtail their behavior if they didn’t see any actual pressures to do so?

    It would be a book preaching to the choir, meanwhile everybody’s still reacting to market pressures.

  28. […] These creatures that thrive off the bullying of NiceGuys (funny how it wasn’t funny when Amanda Todd was driven to kill herself by being bullied) continually unload on these hapless guys who are simply venting their frustrations […]

  29. I know this sounds bad…but I’m glad. I honestly hate women quite alot and more suffering on their part is needed.

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