Feeling a little dead insideOctober 15, 2012
Sorry for the lack of posts.. i haven’t been feeling myself lately. Got a couple in the draft pipe. Some you may like, some you may not. As much as i like to be a jackass and mock stupid female behavior, i never set out to simply march to a specific drum to please everyone, just my own.
My next releases will be a little darker, and branch off into areas that might provide a little contention. But hey, that’s what good vigorous debate is for. If i’m just preaching to the choir..
And not all of it will be debate issues, but reflections of personal experiences i’ve gone through in my past, some of it i still can’t shake. Things that shaped me, define me and quite possibly keep me from moving forward. Hopefully ill pull the trigger on that post shortly as it relates heavily to the quick post i’m going to discuss briefly right now.
I just came across the story of Amanda Todd, a young teenager in British Columbia who just took her life. For real. Not a stunt like some other cunt played for an internet audience, but a real suicide.
Maybe it’s my age, i dunno. Maybe i’ve got paternal instincts kicking in. I don’t ever want to have children of my own, but watching my best friends daughter grow up the last 5 years has made me very protective of her. It’s like she’s the daughter i’ll never have.
And right now i’m feeling an awful lot of differing emotions when watching this video.
I feel actual pain and sympathy for this girl. I can relate heavily to being bullied. I was tormented for years in school. Pushed around. Picked on. Shoved up against lockers. The school joke. The have-it-all kids picking on the have-not. The cool girls laughing at me. The ugly girls rejecting me. The weight of the world coming down on me. Had i access to a firearm, i wouldn’t be writing this.
It pains me to say that i’m here not because i found some ray of hope to bring me back from the edge, i simply endured long enough for maturity to overtake stupidity and the slow progression of time to change circumstances. The only reason that happened is because i was too chicken to find a way to go through with it.
My life is now 180 from what highschool was, but some of those wounds don’t really close, they just stay buried. But i can relate to what this girl went through.
And i hate the reason why she went through it and paid the price for it and the reaction of the bullies as well.
I hate the reason. That she didn’t have great grandparents, and grandparents and parents who would teach her about boys, sexuality, hypergamy, and the nature of teenage hormones and brain chemistry confusing lust for love.
I hate that feminism has destroyed the family, taught young girls to explore their sexuality without consequence and trained a generation of self shooters to show the world their most private and intimate self being for the world to see without thought to consequence. In a digital age this can be catastrophic.
I hate that one stupid mistake set forth a chain of events from a pedophile blackmailing her with a picture, to a group of punks tormenting her at school forcing her to relocate numerous times, to no one teaching her about her hypergamy and following today’s “hookup” culture into having sex with a boy she liked thinking it was the way to procure a relationship, which only led the wonderful alpha to use her for sex and drop her and continue the cycle of torment even further when his main girlfriend in his harem decided to wail away on her instead of him.
And i hate that she felt totally alone, full well knowing now in the redpill world i live in, she would be the one to have ignored me and quite possibly been the one picking on me with her alpha boyfriend had thing worked out. I honestly know she was not alone, i know in my redpill wisdom that she chose to ignore everyone who could have treated her well and instead die in the fires of Alpha rejection. She only felt alone because she didn’t fit into the crowd she wanted to be a part of. It sort of angers me to know that were i the same person i was at her age, willing to give her a hand, comfort, solace and support from her tormentors.. to show her she wasn’t alone.. it wouldn’t count, because back then i was a loser.
And i hate the fact that reading over comments on her memorial pages i can see the bullies writing over her grave, calling her a slut who deserved it, shouldn’t have flashed her tits, etc.. and i recognize the language of the manosphere and i wonder, is this where i’m headed? Is this where the manosphere goes? She was a fucking kid who made a few mistakes in every sense of the word, but a kid who was brought into a feminist utopia where rules of past, of being prim and propriety were cast into the sea, where the old rules of courtship were jettisoned for quick hookups.
And i will get pissed off when feminism tries to do what it always does, and will put the blame of this onto the boys, legislating them for their wicked male ways. While i would completely agree with fully prosecuting the stalking piece of shit pedophile who got her to flash and then blackmailed her.. i cannot help but think if parents taught their girls to be more like ladies of old, and treating their sexuality with reverence like the gatekeepers of yesterday, this wouldn’t be an issue. There would not have been a photo, nor blackmail. There would be no crying over the alpha, because he would not have waited around while she sought out his quality, and the longer it would take, she would find out about his actual girlfriend. And she would still be alive today. Were the boys mean? Yeah. But just as girls do stupid things when they’re young, so do boys. And criminalizing their natural behavior while telling women that their natural hypergamous behavior is ok and valid reeks of typical feminist claptrap and ‘double standards’ that they would love to enjoy. Let’s not forget the girlfriend who had no problem with her cheating boyfriend, only the girl he cheated with.
I don’t know what i’m feeling anymore watching this. Anger, hurt, sorrow, rage, empathy, disgust, validation..
She was just 15 years old. My friends daughter will be there in 10 years.
I hope that with my knowledge, i can instill in her a self respect that goes beyond simply wanting to please the boys requests at a whim, to gatekeep properly and look for the quality traits in a man, not the superficial and outdated gina tingle triggers without substance behind them. She’ll need to understand her own hypergamy.
My feelings are all over the map, as i suspect this post also is. Oh well. I think ill end it here.
I’m sorry she found the courage to do what she couldn’t find the courage to do. Endure.
Of course as always, you are free to disagree with me or put up counterpoints, i’d be willing and glad to hear them. I always like hearing your take on it. Your insights are valuable to the discussion.
If i had a personal request from the sphere, it would be for all the female bloggers to come up with a book for teenage girls to understand their own nature and where it will lead them astray. It seems most mothers/fathers have serious dereliction of duty issues out there. In the old days, parents were involved in every aspect of their childrens lives, including who they crushed on or were dating, meeting them and vetting them and teaching and warning their children about the perils and pitfalls of ‘young love’. This isn’t the case any more it seems. Feminism told them to get out of the way and let them explore for themselves. Back in the old days, we gave rules, guidance and guidelines and thrust the young into a world of responsibility early with the proper tools. Today, we leave them immature and freely let them run out amongst the puddles of gasoline with lit sparklers. This has to change.
This post will also make a good segue into my next one regarding maturity, age of consent and charges of misandry a good friend of mine has had to face over on her site. My next post intends to give my own personal take.