Dating Profile Catastrophe of the WeekSeptember 7, 2012
Following hot on the heels of my last post i thought i’d create a weekly feature, and will continue until i can no longer stomach it.
This weekly feature will bring to you and IMMORTALIZE for all time the very best of the best of the WORST that Dating 2.0 has to offer.
Let’s meet this weeks offender.
Now before i begin, let me clearly state that i am extremely sensitive to the nature of cancer, as my family had endured it through the loss of my brother. This is in NO WAY an attack upon the person having endured cancer and undergone treatment. More power to her to successfully beat the menace. I fully wish her the best in killing that dreaded disease.
With that prologue out of the way, i’d like you all to view this first and foremost as a form of Chemotherapy to kill another nasty scourge from her system. Chemo into the heart of her hamster. To kill it and stop it in it’s tracks, in the hopes that once her hamster dies.. she may actually find someone who might help be the chicken soup for her soul as she battles the physical battle. Her hamster needs to die. This post is the radiation. I only hope the dosage is sufficient!
What’s in a name?
Well in this case, everything. It gives up the goose and tells the whole story right on the cover of the book. To my gentle reader, let me introduce you to:
Tagline: U think u have it in u to sweep me off of my feet
[we haven’t even started reading the profile and already we can see princess mentality. it’s your job dear reader to set her hamster afire and win fair maidens heart in a Disneyesque fantasy. be prepared my fellow utility.. for it is SHE, not you that is the prize in question]
|About||Non-Smoker with Athletic body type||City||Owen Sound Ontario|
|Details||40 year old Woman, 5′ 2″ (157 cm), Non-Religious||Ethnicity||Caucasian Sagittarius with Brown hair|
|Intent||tired_of_the_games_39 is looking for a relationship.||Education||Some college|
The tale of the tape:
- She keeps fit and doesn’t smoke +2
- She lives in rural Ontario, not the cesspool megacity of Toronto +1
- She is 10 years over the wall -10
- Caucasian -irrelevant
- She is looking for a ‘relationship’ -meaningless
- Some college / probability of low debt load +1
Priliminary Score = -6
|I am Seeking a||Man||For||Long term|
|Needs Test||Not Completed||Chemistry||View her chemistry results|
|Do you drink?||Socially||Do you want children?||Prefer Not To Say|
|Marital Status||Single||Do you do drugs?||No|
|Profession||waitress||Do you have children?||Yes|
|Do you have a car?||Yes||Longest Relationship||Over 10 years|
Hi there, I guess I need to change some things on here and there is a reason to do so….june 7th i got the worst news that ppl dread to hear….I had breast cancer, on June 29th of this year I had a lumpectomy done and they removed all of my lymph nodes….and the bad luck keeps happening to me….today August 8th 2011 I started AGGRESSIVE chemo and Im not gonna lie…I am soooo scared….but I am a fighter and I have a very long fight ahead of me…at first i was looking to meet my soul mate but now things have changed with me and all I am looking for at this time is a friend…someone who will lend their shoulder for me to cry on….an ear to listen to me when Im down and someone who will go out of their way everyday to make me smile or laugh and tell me that everything is gonna be ok…for anyone who cares I am stage 3 and grade 3 so I dont think its fair to bring someone into all of this and put them through what im about to go threw…..i just cant do that to someone….but once I am done fighting this and beat this cancer im sure i will be an even stronger person than I already am and then I will be all for dating someone…..it does suck to fight this alone but I have always been independant and I know I can do this….
Im a single mother of three beautiful girls. I have used this site before and thought I would try it again. I am sooooo tired of the games that ppl play out there. I am looking for my soul mate, someone that I can grow old with and spend the rest of my life with…. I am a very easy person to get along with and I am fun, loving, honest and caring and I have alot to give someone...I did date someone from this site recently but things didnt work out so now I am back for another try.. Im only looking for serious ppl who want to meet, and someone who isnt just out for a game… ppl get hurt that way… I dont look my age and all I can say is send me an email I promise you, you will find that I am very easy to talk to..
Also if your just looking for sex, then please keep looking, Im done with one night stands and looking for more now…I truely am looking for my best friend, someone to spend time with and do things together… looking to meet someone outgoing and isnt afraid to speak up and say what is on their mind…I have alot to offer the right one…. is that you?
Well November 29th/11 i just finished my last chemo treatment and feeling good. now i recover for a mth than onto the 2nd phaze of this battle
Jan 3rd 2012 I started my radiation treatments in London. Go down for the week for 6 weeks and come home on weekends. Cant wait till this is all over and I can put this behind me and get on with my life.
So now I finished my last treatment of radiation on Feb 15th 2012. I had one hell of a fight throughout everything and now Im healing and ready to get my life back. Also looking to see what might be able to happen on here. So excited
What I am looking for in a person is:
someone who works
someone who isnt a drunk and only drinks every so often [<—REALLY?]
someone who likes kids
someone who is caring/honest and fun
someone who likes to do things like camping, beach, hiking ect….
I love this song, almost makes me think the song was made for me
happy fishing everyone
OK.. step back.. breathe.. i know.. i felt that way too the first time i read it.
Here we have a woman who knows that she’s way over the hill in terms of starting ‘fresh’ and she comes with 3 wonderful bundles that may or may not have the same father? Her profile also does not stipulate that she is done having kids, preferring not to say. Double bag it boys, and guard that shit.. make sure you dispose of the domes yourself when you’re through, otherwise you might find yourself hauled off to court for regular ATM withdrawals.
And let’s not forget that you will never EVER come in first, second or even third place. Those are all occupied by her children already. You’ll be lucky if you make fourth place.. that is if she isn’t pining for her ‘5 minutes of Alpha‘ baby daddy(s). If you’re an Herb, you are definitely coming up lame in this horse race.
But you go right ahead and start sweeping underneath this princess’s feet now. 5th place will get your team an outing for ice cream!
Don’t let the fact that she’s already dated someone else from this site and have it fail come to stop you from attempting to reel in this catch. Just because some guy came to his senses and bolted doesn’t mean that she had way too many expectations for him to fulfill and to many criteria to meet before get you down. Man up and be that Herb that locks her down to provide for her and her children.
Look buddy, don’t play her looking just for sex. Don’t play games with her. She doesn’t want to get hurt. Didn’t you hear? Single moms are exempt from getting ‘hurt’ in dating. Getting hurt is reserved for men who don’t make their partners happy 24-7 and get dumped and frivolously divorced for being to boring or for someone hawt. Getting hurt is reserved for men who deserve to be rejected 100 times for every 1 response. Getting hurt is reserved for men who are strung along to fill the emotional void left by the alpha they’re fucking who won’t bend into being turned into a girlfriend or platonic plaything. Getting hurt is reserved for men who would be asked to be chivalrous and pay for meals on first dates as a source of income, not as actual mate prospects.
The poor things been through enough. She’s tired of the games of men trying to hit it and quit it. She played that game in the past, SHE’S DONE WITH THAT. She’s let men inside without restraint in the past. But you my good sir are the lucky man that now has to WORK to perform the herculean task of wowing this princess without any expectation of instant sex that she gave up to those other guys. They didn’t mean anything. But you WILL mean everything to her, so you’re just gonna have to wait it out sucker.. err… i mean soulmate. Put your dick on the backburner boy. She’s looking for the real deal, which means you’re gonna have to court this woman for all she’s worth!
So boy, are you ready to do your civic duty, MAN UP and do the heavy lifting to woo the lady, be her platonic shoulder to cry on and be her friend, wrap yourself in cotton and string as the stoic emotional tampon you were destined to be, put your dick on ice and wait to access her her well plundered treasure chest, waterlogged booty and stretched out swag. Remember kiddies.. she still has a lot to offer! She’s offering you the chance of a lifetime. A chance to help provide for another mans seed to flourish, and perhaps have your seed taken as well to add another source of fixed income if you displease her.
She’s ready to spend the rest of her life with you. As long as you’re not a drunk.
Dear readers, i don’t condone harassment and am not asking anyone to go troll bomb her POF account. The poor thing has been through enough. However, if any of you do feel like taking it upon yourself to send her a quick note and succinctly sum up her delusional thinking process and relay it back to her in a way she can understand and LEARN, INTROSPECT and GROW UP so that she can understand what she’s done, recognize she isn’t the great catch she envisions, own up to her past ridiculous actions and move forward accepting that her options are limited in the hopes she finds someone who can help her through her ordeal while she actively works to become a better human being who can add something of value to someones life. In essence i’m wondering if there is anyone out there with a gentler acumen than your dear host. I haven’t got it in me. Maybe not so Private Man?
Does anyone out there have it in them to kill her hamster without killing the patient?