MGTOW gives me freedom to choose what’s right for me.

July 31, 2012

Really quick post.

I felt depressed today. It’s been a while since i been with anyone, no need to put a number on it (and any woman who tells me they haven’t had it in X weeks and feels ‘frustrated’…


I don’t count the episode with my ex-busted-friendzone. Tho a bit of fooling around, it didn’t amount to shit nor ended up going where i wanted it to go. But it was for the best.

A coworker of mine picked up a hot polish yoga instructor over the weekend. Saw the pics.. damn. Just added to my frustration. I want to be able to do what he does.. what most of you apparently can do. Approach, open, jibberjab, neg, deflect, tease, etc.. without so much as batting an eyelash. I’ve read all your blogs. I’m reading ‘The Game’. I hear the advice…

Roosh, Heartiste, Rollo, Yohami, Badger, Dogsquat, Leap, Athol, Vox, FFY, Danny, Dange/Play, Dalrock, and on and on… and i’ve read so much i have no clue what it is i’m looking for any more or what can save me?

PUA bangs? Stable life with a partner? A wingman? Treat’m like sluts and go for the kill early.. we don’t marry sluts. But then i’ll never find one to bunker down with? How could i? If they give it up on date 1.. slut. If she holds out for several dates because she’s looking for something more, i’m a chump, i have to assume she would bang David Beckham in a ONS or it’s what she did early in life. If she’s chaste, then im a fool because she’ll expect me to be a utility/pack mule serving her female interests from a bygone dead era of chivalry. If she wants marriage, i’m fucked because marriage 2.0 dictates i’m an idiot for signing that paper again. All roads lead off a cliff.

But let’s not get ahead of myself..

I’m not anywhere close to being game ready yet. I don’t have the gift of gab or the patience to deal with the types of girls my coworker (or most of the PUA crowd) deals with. I’ve come to not trust hypergamous women, so even tho i understand the nature of the beast, i can’t respect it. It’s the 21st century. Biology can’t be used as a justification for stupid choices. If i can seduce you by being a douche, i cannot respect you enough to let you stay the night when we’re done. It’s my limbo. I still feel like i’m looking for something more.. tho that’s probably the latent beta in me talking. I envy Rollo after reading his post about his marriage. He says he lucked out in how it happened, but that’s so much of life.. pure luck. I don’t know whether gaming chicks and trying to go for 50 bangs in a year is going to fix my inner demons.. the ones that want me to make up for a good chunk of my prior incel life, to make up for what i missed out on OR look for one of those mystical unicorns that i know exist. (Girlwriteswhat is proof).

People tell me i look good. That’s great and all, but we all know it might only get one foot in the door, and im cursed with working in the downtown core, so i see nothing but chiseled Hollywood man-jaw American Dad types all around me that girls salivate over so whatever anyone thinks of me, my surroundings actually create self esteem issues. I’m surrounded by beautiful people.

It doesn’t help that i’m dull and quite introverted. I can talk and be social.. i’m sure there is video evidence of that somewhere. It just drains me. And it feels like a nightmare trying to be social with the group i want to be sexually attractive to, the 22-27 crowd.. the only crowd i’d give a chance to try for children with if they stuck around for a couple of years to earn my trust. As much as i can relate better to the 30’s crowd of women, i won’t entertain any idea of giving them the shot for their baby rabies. So again i’m in limbo.

I need the manosphere to give me a good kick in the ass. Go out to a bar, drop a shot to warm up, and use a couple of openers and get shot down and just let the warmth of rejection flow over me until it becomes just another opportunity to open. I need to get over my fear of women, stop treating them.. no revering them as the prize. I am the prize.. i just need to fucking feel it first. Wish i had a wingman or a mentor to guide me ala Mystery. Anyone in Toronto up for some sargin’?

As Cypher said.. everyone falls the first time. I need to fall. I need to own my own banner. I need to face my fear and let it pass through me, then i will not fear the mind killer.

But with all this running through my head, i did the one thing for myself that felt right.

I got on my bike, the bike i bought four years ago when i was out of shape. The one i bought with the purpose of getting into shape. The one i left to rust in my garage for four years throughout my marriage. The one i recently had my friend take in for a tune up along with his bike. Tonight i got on that bike, and we rode out into the night.. close to an hour of just riding and chatting with the wind at our backs. No one to answer to, but yourself.

I plan to go on a lot more of these sojourns to clear my mind. I can, at any time, i’m bound to no one but myself.

That’s the freedom of MGTOW that i cherish.


Guess it wasn’t a really quick post afterall. Funny how that always happens.


  1. quick response, and for any introvert-type that gets “drained” by social interaction:

    you lack boundaries, you dont know how to set them

    you “merge” into the interaction, it takes a piece of you

    get this one:

    Dr Paul MindOS

    study it. then we talk

  2. Roosh, Heartiste, Rollo, Badger, Dogsquat, Leap, Athol, Vox, FFY, Danny, Dange/Play, Dalrock, and on and on… and i’ve read so much i have no clue what it is i’m looking for any more or what can save me?

    Two martial arts quotes that may help:

    “The best way to teach nothing, is to show everything.”

    You’re suffering information overload, and are probably spending valuable time ingesting even more information when you haven’t even internalized what you have already learned.

    “90% of everything is the basics; by focusing on just the basics, even a relative beginner can become a rather formidable fighter in just six months.”

    You’ve taken the red pill, so there is no way back. Reflect on yourself and talk with knowledgeable people whom you trust to figure out what you want (end goal) and what are the two or three most basic things currently holding you back, and then focus on improving those things over the next six months.

  3. yep. agreed

    one thing about the red pill indigestion

    you dont have to be a jerk / not be yourself to attract the girls

    that line about not respecting girls who would fall for “game”, is the same as a girl saying she cant respect guys who fall for “looks”

    reflect on that and see how dumb it is

    it’s just the collapse of thinking that you should be accepted by being “nice”. that’s your issue. but guess what. you’re not that nice.

    bring up the diamond

  4. Great post.

    Yours is one of my favorite blogs to read for one simple but supremely important reason:

    You remind me constantly you’re just a man, no more – no less, trying to get by in the world.

    And I can relate to that more than I have time to type at the moment.

    To me, all things considered, that’s what the manosphere should really be about – a sense of fraternity for men that really never had it in any sufficient quantity.

    That’s my 2¢, at any rate.

  5. “I want to be able to do what he does.. what most of you apparently can do. Approach, open, jibberjab, neg, deflect, tease, etc.. without so much as batting an eyelash. I’ve read all your blogs. I’m reading ‘The Game’. I hear the advice…”

    Keep in mind that practically every guy fails MOST of the time.

    I don’t mean fails hard, just the interest isn’t there etc.

    Even Roissy etc. fail most times, they just write about their successes which are maybe one in ten. But because they approach so much, that adds up to a lot of successes overall.

    There are different ways of playing the Game … I for one hate the jibberjab and so tend to be more aloof, but then quite harsh with the teasing (not genuinely hurtful, but I skate close to the line). It works sometimes. But I also admire the ability of those guys who can cold approach and spontaneously talk on and on until they’ve reframed it into her being interested in him.

    Also – you don’t have to be perfect at any of this. Some women will like you on sight and that makes it easier to pick them up even if your Game is only so good.

    tl;dr: chin up, you’re not so different to the rest of us.

  6. Its one thing to be an MRA and lead a celibate lifestyle while fighting for men’s rights. However I have no sympathy for MRA’s who sleep around and end up being infected with VD or end up paying thousands of dollars in child support for a child they didn’t want.

  7. I too am introverted and not into bars or making an ass of myself approaching strange women. I swear by internet dating. Put yourself out to 100s of women, and a few will be interested. Those are prequalified and your chances of being shot down while still existing are much less than a cold approach. Think of it as a tool to find women that you might otherwise never meet in a bar or in your neighborhood…

  8. Looks like i got more reading to do this weekend!

  9. Well said. I think i’ve tried to assimilate too much too soon. Now that i’m at the fork in the road, i need to decide which path will work for me. I just have to stop the pendulum shifts inside me from happy acceptance to rage/hate the world.

    My problem with the manosphere is a lot like the life of a cop. You know most of the world functions fairly normally, but your work surrounds you with the worst aspects of life on a constant basis, to the point where all you see is the negatives and attribute it to the whole.

    Anyways.. i’m off to ponder my end goal and then deal with the roadblocks that lie between.

  10. “reflect on that and see how dumb it is”

    i know it’s dumb. that’s the old me still struggling with, more an emotion really, for having been that white knight in the past and getting mad for girls leaving me to rot while they went off with the ‘fun’ guys. Was an excuse to feel better about my situation.

    I just have to become comfortable becoming that ‘fun’ guy myself.

    and yeah, i’m not nice. i’m a shallow dirtbag who wants sex. like the scorpion said to the fox “it’s my nature”.

  11. Thanks A♠

    The blog allows me to do something i’ve stopped doing in real life. Through ‘relative’ anonymity i can actually just tell the story, vulnerability and all. I know there’s a lot of bravado out in the sphere.. i didn’t want to be another one of those. I wear the mask that i have to in real life.. i don’t wish to have to wear it online. It’s a place where i can take the mask off from time to time. And hopefully, others can relate. Some will, some won’t. Some will appreciate, some will call me a pussy. Is what is.

    But this is stuff i would dare not bring up in the real world, especially in the company of women. Tingle killer & all that. Hence the mask for real life.

    But i’m not Batman.

    And thanks again.. i appreciate the words and the sentiment!

  12. Thanks Mojo. Still trying to get my mojo back heh. Chins always up. Good posture!

    I too am aloof, but TOO aloof, as in will not compete with the quick talkers. As Cooper once said, it’s like waving a clenched hand tricking the dog to think you’re still holding the ball. The one who waves faster or makes more noise will attract the dog. Aloof only works if you solidified the mystery.. planted the idea. Inception if you will.

    Granted, i haven’t put myself out there enough to have a right to gripe and haven’t had the guts to cold approach anyone yet. I really need to study day game openers. I think nightlife bar skank hunting would burn me out fast.

    Fear is the mind killer.. i just need to do that first one and realize ‘Hey, the world didn’t end.. im still here!’.

  13. Being MRA is separate from a mans sexual lifestyle or choices. If he chooses celibacy.. great. If he’s involuntarily celibate.. tragedy. If he’s married.. never again for me but floats your boat then fine. If he’s a pump n dump cad.. not my cup of tea along with risks but die doing what you love.

    Point is Men’s rights are just that.. MENS RIGHTS. No matter what a man is doing… sexlife/occupation/education/lifestyle/orientation.. we are all still MEN first and foremost and the MRA’s should be fighting for the equality that feminism claimed it wanted. Men are not better than woman or vice versa. We are different and complimentary. Biologically we are worlds apart. Equality means that actions/choices that carry responsibilities/consequences are applied equally between the sexes in the eyes of the law.

    And as much as i feel it’s not in me to sleep around in a country wide BANG session or picking up flags.. as i’ve come to discover, men’s sexual imperative is not a ‘dirty’ or ‘bad’ thing, we’ve only been taught that the female form of promiscuity ‘serial monogamy’ is the correct method. Men withhold, women can do as they please. Have a guy for a year, dump him, ONS, FWB, get another BF for 6 mths, dump, ONS, and so on.. and this is OK. Considering guys most often have much harder time getting girls than girls getting men, spinning plates and running harems makes perfect sense. I won’t throw any guy under a bus for living that lifestyle. It is not ‘wrong’. Is what is, just not my cup of tea. At least that’s what i think. Who knows what tune ill be singing a year from now?

    Course to conclude your point.. any MRA who does sleep around and gets infected with VD, and pays child support for a bastard only has himself to blame and no one will come to the rescue. We’re not feminists.. we own our consequences when we knew the risks going in.

  14. I agree.

    Should i be practicing openers in a mirror?

  15. I was going to reply last night but it was late.

    Stop comparing yourself to others. You can never be a Roosh, Roissy etc. Accept it. You can’t be them because you have had a different life to them with different experiences.

    Develop your own style that is congruent to who you are. By all means extract whatever you can from them, then modify and adapt to you.

    Stop reading, start doing. You’re spending too much time reading too many blogs. You’re well on your way to becoming a keyboard cowboy. As much as I like reading all the reblogs you post, put yourself on a blog diet.

    I’m willing to bet that at least 50% of your depression is coming from reading about the achievements of others and comparing yourself to them. Take those hours you spend reading about their achievements and use them to extract bullet points for your own list of goals.

    Sure, you’re an introvert so you’re not going to be able to spend 6 hours in a club being a performing monkey for women. It will leave you totally wasted. Know your limits and place (as Yohami said) some boundaries on yourself.

    I think my comments to you on this post are still relevant. https://whoism3.wordpress.com/2012/06/24/is-okc-fucking-with-my-mind/

    Here’s a couple of well-worn but relevant clichés for you:

    1. Rome wasn’t built in a day.
    2. A journey of 1000 miles begins with the first step.

    Start building, start walking.
    Expect to fall, be prepared to pick yourself up.

    Good luck

  16. Seems like my previous comment got lost. Reposting.

    I was going to reply last night but it was late.

    Stop comparing yourself to others. You can never be a Roosh, Roissy etc. Accept it. You can’t be them because you have had a different life to them with different experiences.

    Develop your own style that is congruent to who you are. By all means extract whatever you can from them, then modify and adapt to you.

    Stop reading, start doing. You’re spending too much time reading too many blogs. You’re well on your way to becoming a keyboard cowboy. As much as I like reading all the reblogs you post, put yourself on a blog diet.

    I’m willing to bet that at least 50% of your depression is coming from reading about the achievements of others and comparing yourself to them. Take those hours you spend reading about their achievements and use them to extract bullet points for your own list of goals.

    Sure, you’re an introvert so you’re not going to be able to spend 6 hours in a club being a performing monkey for women. It will leave you totally wasted. Know your limits and place (as Yohami said) some boundaries on yourself.

    I think my comments to you on this post are still relevant.
    June 24, 2012 Is OKC Fucking With My Mind

    Here’s a couple of well-worn but relevant clichés for you:

    1. Rome wasn’t built in a day.
    2. A journey of 1000 miles begins with the first step.

    Start building, start walking.
    Expect to fall, be prepared to pick yourself up.

    Good luck

  17. You’re right. Can’t argue a lick of it.

    I got a 5 day long weekend starting Thursday. No time like the present to start.

    Thanks for the head smack. Needed it.

  18. I think you’re a bit overwhelmed about all the choices presented to you and you’re worried about making the “right decision.” Take it day by day and do what feels right to you. And don’t care what anyone has to say about it.

  19. This is the same advice I give everyone. Dont do “PUA”. Dont do the approach set, get number, etc. Do this:


    Use a designed spare time to have fun with other people. Remove any kind of pressure from it. You dont know what’s going to happen – and that’s the beauty. If you go to bars, or a bike race, or the gym, or walk the streets, or hit some party, or host some party, or talk to new people, or whatever:

    Be social.

    That means be open to meet them, to ask questions, to know them.

    Be alpha

    That means the interaction has to come from a place you’re cocky funny self amused and you´re purchasing, more than selling, screening more than trying to be accepted.

    Be curious
    Be detached
    Be outcome independent – because what you’re doing there, the interaction, is the end in and out of itself.

    Yes you can approach groups of people if they interest you. But. Flirt and tease and game and dominance and amog and make jokes and turn the jokes and leave and come back and follow your own mood, follow what makes you happy with EVERYONE. The cashier, the people doing stuff nearby, the guys, the girls, be social. Be social from a higher step on the ladder. But dont force it.

    You´ll click naturally with some people and wont click naturally with some others. Some of the people you´ll click with will be girls. Follow the path of least resistance, and invest more on the girls that are more interested – you have more ease with.

    Then when you are on a high, leave. Dont ask for contacts. Learn to interact with people and not ask anything from them. Let them go. There’s more fish, and you’re just fish too.

    You´ll see that by being THAT high state and detached, some of these girls you talked too will be prompting their fb and phone themselves. You remember that song? “this is crazy but this is my number” – that’s how it is.

    Girls are wired to screen for the top guy and when they find you, they dont let you go. Use hypergamy on your favor. Dont chase. Be present and fun while you’re with them, but then be aloof enough to leave without attachments.

    That except she’s too giggly and is all around you – then take her.

    But see? dont chase, dont court: take. Take them.

    So be social, socialize, be alpha / high status / amused and fun while you’re at it, leave people on a high, let them come to you, and take.

  20. It all boils down to:

    Let go of your expectations and entertain yourself.

  21. I think you need to relax and enjoy yourself more.

    I personally rarely get any actual action. Most weeks I only go out once or twice and only get a few numbers. I’ve gotten maybe three or four bangs since the red pill, and some of those were downright luck.

    My thing is I’m always doing something I enjoy. I only go out because I enjoy loud music and bar environments. I only go to two places regularly, one much more than the other, and probably talk with the staff atleast half the time.

    I could get more women. I’d have to spend a lot more money and sacrifice a lot of my time and opportunities. I refuse to do it. Women fit in my life when they do. If we can’t find a time that hanging out, drinks, a date, whatever can happen, then I just stop. I’ve dropped hotter women than I’ve slept with because of this

    You are a man. You’re your own king. Don’t worry if you don’t have women, but learn how to put yourself out there in a way you enjoy

  22. For me it is a matter of mind over matter. If I get my mind right, doesn’t matter what I say because I am cool, in control, and a high value male in my own mind. Of course that all goes out the window if I am enamoured by a certain chick. My solution was to temporarily lower my standards. If you are intimidated by the woman then don’t approach her. Approach somebody else who you feel absutely is beneath your SMV. Don’t look at it as beneath you, look at it as a temporary step with you working your way up. Once you have strange it makes you more confident that you can get better strange. I’m not saying approach fatties, just lower your standards a little untl you are confident that she would be lucky to have you.

  23. Damn. Good stuff. I needed this today. Thanks, M3 and commenters.

  24. Mike, I hardly think you’re “dull”. I’ve read your blog and your comments on other blogs. You come across like a man who is articulate, intelligent, confident, level-headed. As I’ve said before, you look good shirtless. A woman would be lucky to have you. Keep that in mind when you are out there.

    Too bad I can’t be your wingman. 🙂

  25. I appreciate your kind words.

    But i suppose thats the beauty of an internet persona. It allows/frees me to be more of who i really am and fire my opinions freely. In real life i still have a lot of damage from a past to overcome, a lost adolescence, a broken marriage, betatude and still trying to discover what path i ultimately want to take since time never stops winding down. I need to wear this internet persona ‘mask’ in real life to start overcoming these things.

    Hehe, as i’ve said.. looking good shirtless will get you one foot in the door, but most places require you to wear one, or they’ll boot you back out 🙂

  26. Sorry about your life. 😦

    I don’t see you as a Beta. Maybe you used to be, but no longer.
    If I were to meet you in real life, would be shy? Or would you be like you are in these interactions?

  27. That’s a good question. If we met right now knowing what we know about each other, i would have no issue being non shy and continue being this way.

    If we met and had no knowledge of you and i had no insight into how you think or operate? … It’s what i’m working to correct with the advice of others in allowing socialization to happen without expectation, worry of others opinions of me and knowing that others are wearing masks too. Everyone wears a mask, especially upon the initial first impression. Shyness comes from being cautious, playing it safe, not wanting to fuck up by saying something stupid and not being confident enough in believing what you are saying/owning your thoughts and ideas (especially in front of a gorgeous woman whom you’d really like to do the horizontal salsa with).

    I think i need to expand this into a post. Stay tuned.

  28. Everyone wears a mask, especially upon the initial first impression. Shyness comes from being cautious, playing it safe

    The same applies with the opposite. i.e. Arrogant people hide behind that mask to cover up their insecurities. I view arrogance as insecure confidence.

    M3 the only thing I know of that creates confidence is constant practice of something until you can do it without thinking. Think of learning to drive a car. When you first got behind the wheel you crapped your pants. Then you were edgy for a few months as you got the hang of driving and exploring your limits. After 6 months you sometimes you’d get in the car and arrive at your destination not remembering how you got there.

    Practice, practice, practice. Just like everything else in life – to get good at it you’ve got to do it until you’re good.

  29. Although I haven’t read a ton of your articles, what I have read is spot on- honesty without the keyboard posturing so prevalent in the ‘sphere. As our North American culture is so emasculated and beta-fied and continues on the downward spiral, the need for the red pill is greater than ever. True, it won’t go down easy and like it was said above, it will give you indigestion. But what is the alternative? I shudder to think. So many men are in a similar predicament. How does one navigate these turbulent waters? I can see the appeal of MGTOW and it is looking increasingly appealing as the celibacy term imposed on more and more men lengthens. You’re right, women complaining they haven’t had a tumble in the span of days or weeks would be almost funny if it wasn’t downright offensive. Not too long ago, I was going into a club and remember thinking (with disgust) as I was patted down by a female door attendant that it was the most action (touch from a woman outside friendzone hugging) I’d seen in ages (almost literal here). I see so many good men deserving of female companionship alone most of the time and it disturbs me. As for paying for it, never done it and never will. The buying and selling of flesh I find not only reprehensible on so many levels but it cheapens our humanity also.
    Stay positive M3. Like some others have said here, maybe a brief stepping back from the Red Pill Canon is in order, maybe not. Only you can decide the course you’ll follow.

  30. And yes, you’re SO right in your aversion to being and emotional tampon for women. Fuck that shit. I still have lapses of beta-hood and white knight thinking but one thing I will never do again is help bolster the pussification of men by pedestalizing women and acting from that frame of reference.

  31. Become Happier By Avoiding Sex, Marriage, Fatherhood, And Parental Alienation Syndrome.
    My information is a combination of three stories. The first story describes one of the most important books that I have ever read (Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome by Amy Baker). The second story uses information from online articles to reveal events that are enormously influenced by family problems (like Parental Alienation Syndrome). Parental Alienation Syndrome is probably the worst family problem because it can last for decades after the relationship with the spouse or the lover has ended. The other family problems can be eliminated when the couples divorce or when the unmarried couples separate. The third story explains why parental alienation methods were used against me by an unexpected group of people.
    [Book Summary]
    Forty adult participants were interviewed for Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome (by Amy Baker). The book has a lot of long and informative quotes from those interviews. During childhood, each of the 40 adult participants had an alienating parent (usually the mother) that manipulated them into unjustly hating (or pretending to hate) the targeted parent. Many participants said that they were frequently forced to make hateful or belittling comments to the targeted parent even though they secretly loved the targeted parent. The book gives a detailed explanation of each method the alienating parent used to manipulate or brainwash their children. The United States would become a better country if every targeted parent made their children read and talk to them about this book.
    [Married Life With Children]
    Many alienating parents manipulated their children into hating the targeted parent even though the married couple lived in the same home. The targeted parents are usually unaware of this hatred because the alienating parents and their children decide to keep their hatred a secret as long as the targeted parents (usually the father) stay in the marriage. One child secretly wanted his father to die. The targeted parent thought that his spouse and child were at home in another part of town, but the child was watching him (probably through a window) because the alienating parent told her son to secretly spy on his father. As an adult, the child finally told his father about the childhood spying, the secret hatred, and the other secrets.
    In some marriages, the alienating parent made hateful or belittling comments to the targeted parent. In some of the openly hostile marriages, the children also made hateful or belittling comments to the targeted parent. During the marriage, children saw the alienating parent abuse the targeted parent (verbal abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, or a combination of abuses). The author believes that many of the alienating parents had a personality disorder like narcissism (other disorders were named in the book). Family problems (including Parental Alienation Syndrome) affected the children. “Nearly half of college-age adults [19-25 year old students and non-students] struggle with a mental health disorder, from alcohol dependency to depression and anxiety. But only a quarter seek” treatment (“Young Adults Hit By Mental Health Issues,” BaltimoreSun.com).
    One reason marriage rates are decreasing is because more people are witnessing the divorces and the unhappy marriages of numerous family and friends. People that were older than 20 and had divorced parents were 33 percent less likely to ever get married (“Research Suggests Children Of Divorce More Likely To End Their Own Marriages,” UNews.Utah.edu). The percentage of people older than 18 that were currently married was 72 percent in 1960 and 51 percent in 2010 (“Marriage Rate In America Drops Drastically,” HuffingtonPost.com). “According to U.S. Census Bureau statistics, in 1980 only 6 percent of men between 40 and 44 had never been married; in 2008 it was 16 percent (“The Stigma Of The Never-Married Man,” Details.com).” Fifty-six percent (56%) of all men and 65 percent of men with bachelor degrees remained in their first marriage for at least 20 years (“Only Half Of First Marriages Last 20 Years,” Today.com). “Two-thirds of all divorces are initiated by women (“Debunking 10 Divorce Myths,” Health.HowStuffWorks.com).”
    [Child Support And Child Visitation]
    Fifty percent (50%) of the children born to married parents will see their parents divorce before they reach the age of 18 (“Statistics on Children of Divorce in America,” About.com). Custodial parents (usually the mother) can ignore child visitation orders because there is usually no punishment (“Visitation Rights Must Be Enforced,” Cleveland.com). One father was divorced, he had child visitation problems after the divorce, and he remarried the alienating parent because he wanted adequate contact with his child. Some mothers will ask the family court for an increase in child support payments if the father’s income increases significantly. A few websites like LegalZoom.com answer the question: “Can I go after my ex-husband’s new wife’s income for more child support?” The answer is that in “limited circumstances” the ex-wife would get an increase in child support payments.
    “Our [1997] data show that 4.5 million [56% of non-poor] nonresident fathers who do not pay child support have no apparent financial reason to avoid this responsibility. None of these fathers are poor (“Poor Dads Who Don’t Pay Child Support,” Urban.org).” In 2008, nearly 25 percent of parents did not pay any court-ordered child support, and another 30 percent did not pay the full amount (“Most Child-Support Payers Stiff Their Kids,” CBSNews.com). Twenty-four percent (24%) of custodial mothers did not receive any court-ordered child support from fathers, and thirty-seven percent (37%) of custodial fathers did not receive any court-ordered child support from mothers (“Child Support for Custodial Mothers and Fathers: 1991,” page 6, Census.gov).
    The primary reason for child support delinquency is child visitation problems. Another reason is a “vindictive or unjust” divorce process (“The Family; Why Fathers Don’t Pay Child Support,” NYTimes.com). “Men Who Broke” (FathersForLife.org) has many stories of men that committed suicide because of enormous child support arrears or child visitation problems. Some fathers that are victims of Parental Alienation Syndrome pay the full amount of court-ordered child support, and some fathers that were treated well by their families do not pay the full amount of court-ordered child support. Father’s family court problems were explained extremely well in A Promise to Ourselves by Alec Baldwin (book) and Divorce Corp by Joseph Sorge (book and DVD).
    When the children became adults that no longer lived with either parent, many alienating parents (usually the mother) would continue to prevent their children from establishing a relationship with the targeted parent. Many adult alienated children eventually had a positive relationship with the targeted parent. Many children will be permanently alienated from their fathers. Single divorced men with permanently alienated children and never-married men that never had children will be in a SIMILAR situation in their old age.
    [Old Age]
    “In-Home Care For Frail Childless Adults” (Urban.org) reveals the percentage of frail older men (age 65 and older) living in the community that receive in-home care from paid help and unpaid help (family and friends). The information excludes men living in nursing homes and assisted living facilities. Frail unmarried older men with no children received help 50.4 percent of the time (37.9% unpaid help and 20.3% paid help). Frail older men (both married and unmarried) with two children received help 59.8 percent of the time (58.4% unpaid help and 9.3% paid help).
    Nursing homes and assisted living facilities are alternatives to in-home care. “Ohio nursing home and assisted living facility residents rated their overall satisfaction with the care they receive in the ‘B+’ range, according to a statewide survey by the Ohio Department of Aging (“Ohio Nursing Home Residents Rate Facilities Well In State Survey,” Cleveland.com). During old age, the entire Social Security payment of some fathers is confiscated by the government to pay child support (current and past-due). It does not matter if the child is an adult, if the debt was created decades ago, or if the father does not have another source of income (“Child Support vs. Social Security,” BankRate.com).
    [Share The Wealth]
    The emotional harassment that I experienced from an unexpected group of people (since 2001) is very similar to the parental alienation methods described in this book. Before I joined the Navy, I almost always worked minimum wage jobs (mostly in Atlanta, GA). My female Navy enlisted recruiter encouraged me to become a Navy Officer because she saw that I had a bachelor’s degree. I was too old to qualify for most officer job categories as a civilian. The age limits were higher for Navy enlisted personnel. I was interested in the officer program during my first several months of active duty, but I decided not to apply. For ten years (2001-2011), I was a Navy enlisted sailor on active duty in San Diego (CA). My significantly improved financial status caused women and society to change from not caring about my personal life to using emotional harassment to demand that I get a girlfriend and become a father.
    I live alone, I have never been married, and I do not have any children. I used to have sex with women before I began practicing sexual abstinence. “Effectiveness Of Family Planning Methods” (CDC.gov) and “Contraception” (CDC.gov) reveal that the “typical use failure rate” for condoms is 18 pregnancies per 100 women per year (18 percent). Some single condom users want to wear two condoms at the same time. A few women that want to get pregnant will lie and say that male contraceptives are not needed because they are sterile or because they are using female contraceptives. I am happy practicing sexual abstinence and avoiding having a girlfriend because both plans allow me to avoid marriage and fatherhood. The percentage of women at the end of their childbearing years (the 40-44 age group) that have never given birth was 10 percent in 1976 and 18 percent in 2008 (“Childlessness Up Among All Women,” PewSocialTrends.org).
    For the first time in my life (starting in 2001, when I was 32 years old), there was an extreme and coordinated effort to emotionally harass me at work and near my home. The emotional harassment continued after I moved from Atlanta (GA) to San Diego (CA). When I was near my home, strangers that I saw only once would either emotionally harass me or spy on me (child spying is described in my third paragraph). A hacker could spy on my laptop or smartphone (“WiFi Snooping: Who’s Spying On Your Laptop?,” KMOV.com). Company employees can view customer information like my online email account, my bank account, and my brokerage account (“Employees Snoop On Customer Data,” ABCNews.Go.com). My harassers often have information (negative and positive) that I did not reveal to anyone.
    [Doctor’s Visit]
    I was VERY ANGRY at the beginning of the emotional harassment (in 2001), but I got used to it. In 2010, my Commanding Officer (O-6 rank) forced me to see a psychiatrist even though I felt fine. I learned that the Navy does not need a very good reason to make a service member see a psychiatrist. I took a psychological test, and I talked to the psychiatrist. At the beginning of the session, I put a tape recorder on the table. I told the psychiatrist that I will record the entire session. I did not tell her that if I received an unfair diagnosis, then I would have used the tapes to get a second opinion from a psychiatrist that I would have hired. One year after I left the Navy, I destroyed the tapes. The psychiatrist decided that I should live at a Navy mental hospital for three days for observation. The Navy mental hospital told me that I did not have any mental disorders.
    The psychiatrist said that information from my session would be revealed to my high-level supervisors (E-9 rank and above). Even if I was not warned, I would not have told the psychiatrist anything that I did not want the entire world to know. The harassers at my new job location and near my home knew specific things that I told the psychiatrist. The harassers were unable to get any damaging information. Before my 2005 re-enlistment, I knew that I would leave the Navy in 2011 (Honorable Discharge as an E-5). The emotional harassment will last for the rest of my life because I will not become an ATM machine (paying child support for my alienated children that I am rarely allowed to contact). “’In the 1950s, if you weren’t married, people thought you were mentally ill,’ said Andrew J. Cherlin, a Johns Hopkins University sociologist who studies families (“Married Couples At A Record Low,” WashingtonPost.com).”
    [The Boycott]
    The emotional harassment increased my desire to do research on marriage and fatherhood. The more research I did, the worse marriage and fatherhood looked. Marriage and fatherhood is much worse than the emotional harassment that I frequently deal with. I am used to the emotional harassment. The only major problem that I have is unemployment. Avoiding sex, marriage, and fatherhood means that I solved my future problems with family court and the unfair fatherhood laws BEFORE it was too late. If a large percentage of men boycotted family court and the unfair fatherhood laws for their entire life, then society would eventually be FORCED to create a better system. MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) in the United States and Herbivore Men in Japan are large groups of men that are avoiding sex, marriage, fatherhood, and Parental Alienation Syndrome.
    A Promise to Ourselves by Alec Baldwin (book) and Divorce Corp by Joseph Sorge (book and DVD) exposes a broken family court system that frequently does not care about “the best interests of the child.” Any solution to family court and the unfair fatherhood laws should have the goal of preventing unfair changes to the improved system after the children are born. One possible solution would be to pass laws that create “parental contracts” (similar to prenuptial agreements) that cover child custody, child visitation, and child support payments. The “parental contract” could require both parents to allow yearly “parental alienation awareness training” for their children.
    The “parental contract” laws would reduce the number of unfair negotiated contracts. The law would have mandatory minimum child support payments. The “parental contracts” would allow both parents to avoid paying child support if both parents have an equal amount of child custody. If the custodial parent refused a non-custodial parent’s child visitation, then there could be a two-part punishment in the “parental contract” (a “flow reversal” punishment). In the first part, the permanent non-custodial parent would get temporary custody of the children for at least one month. In the second part, the direction of the child support payments would reverse during the temporary custody period. The permanent custodial parent would have to pay child support. A fair system would mean that fewer non-custodial parents would have child support arrears. Allegations of child abuse would have to be proven in a CRIMINAL court. A conviction would authorize the criminal court (not the family court) to punish the defendant by canceling or by modifying their “parental contract.” Parents (married and unmarried) without a “parental contract” would be in another system. [Written by Michael Anthony Hill in Miami, FL (07-01-14)]

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