One womans take on Mr. Grey

June 28, 2012

So on OKCupid there’s a section in the profile called..


which i filled in with the following blurb for shits n giggles:


50 shades of gray and why it’s so popular? oh wait.. i know why 😉




I pose the question firstly just to get their minds running if they already have read it and gotten moist over it. Then by coyfully saying that i understand it, i assume the position of Mr. Grey.


Well one woman actually sent me a message about it. She mistook or misunderstood that i am not at all confused over why it’s so popular (sarcasm obviously doesn’t translate well on teh internetz) and went into some detail to help me understand it.


These are all her own words, unedited and redacted.
I’m pretty sure from reading through your questions that I’m not really your type. [yes, a few extra pounds is not my type] But your “thinking about section”… well, I just thought I’d throw an answer out to you re: Fifty Shades of Grey. It’s terribly written. It’s embarrassing to admit that you’ve read them. But every woman I know has. And been so turned on. But… and this is the thing that makes it successful. There is this distracting top layer that everyone can talk safely about which is the hot sex scenes, the forbidden joys of BDSM. It’s scandalous and titillating to discuss bondage and nipple clamps and dominance and aggressive passionate sex. But…. hidden beneath the hot BDSM sex is the real female fantasy. And no self-respecting modern day woman wants to admit it. That’s why we all get a rush pretending, even to ourselves, that it’s really about the sex. It’s not. It’s about being taken care of. Mr. Grey is a domineering, overprotective, rich, capable, confident, strong, self-made man who actually does all of that because he wants to protect and cherish and take care of, and yes, control… his precious little thing. And it’s that desire, the WANTING to be someone’s precious little thing, that women are so getting off on. But, none of us have to actually admit it. It would make us pathetic, and weak, and girly girl to admit to having THOSE fantasies. Way easier to admit to fantasies about bondage and pain.

I have my own take on this view of her’s but i’d like to get some of your reactions before i jump in. Please discuss.


  1. Interesting……..

  2. I’m sure the “hot sex scenes” are so because Mr Grey is dominant and BDSM is a mere extension of the dominance displayed outside the bedroom. Not really hard to work out lady.

  3. “It would make us pathetic, and weak, and girly girl to admit to having THOSE fantasies.”

    Once again, we have women that constantly measure themselves from a male standard.

    That, I believe, is the root of innumerable problems today.

    I’d like to ask her:

    To whom would you appear “pathetic, weak and ‘girly girl’…”?

    My guess would be other women but why would their opinion matter insofar as you are (more likely than not) uninterested in making a life with them?

    And if you are so strong and independent, why are you afraid of what the hens around you are clucking?

    Finally, to M3 & others,

    “Way easier to admit to fantasies about bondage and pain.”

    Let the line directly above sink into your mind.

    I mean really sink into it.

    You’ll soon realize how frightening that is on many levels.

    None of which have to do with BDSM.

  4. So to this woman, on the surface it’s about sex, but deep down it’s about being taken care of. Can’t really draw generalizations but for her:

    1. She’s a child. She wants to be cared for as a child, and have the mentality of a child. She wants to never grow up.

    2. Sex is a casual, superficial experience for her. That’s pretty sad, considering how for a woman, sex penetrates her, literally and figuratively, all the way to the essence of her being and as such is not superficial at all.

    And the last thing: if M3’s correspondent’s statement is reflective of how women see relationships with men and other women, then it reflects that women still want men to “take care of” them — it’s just being expressed differently.

    The civilized, genteel nature has been stripped away, leaving only the base nature of raw hypergamy expressing itself as unrestrained female sexuality. The velvet glove of civility and femininity has been removed, leaving only the iron fist of raw female sexuality, seeking coupling with hypermasculine men. This is female power at its most primal.

    Men, being the rational creatures they are, simply become uber douchebags, and give this subset of women what they say they want.

    Sixty or so years ago, many women had no compunction about admitting they wanted a strong man to take care of them, and seeking that out for their lives. Now, women have no compunction about admitting they want hot stud alpha sex — but according to M3’s correspondent, it’s really just that they want to regress into the fetal position and be waited on hand and foot.

  5. It’s all about desire for both men and women. No one wants to be waited on hand and foot unless your the 1%. Lol

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