Posts Tagged ‘suicide’

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I’m Not Dead

March 15, 2013
What it felt like around here for a while.

What it felt like around here for a while.

I will apologize for the lack of posting. I was amused by the comments of aloofness attributed to it. Sadly no.

This was entirely and purely me dealing with my mental health by myself. I don’t do therapists (unless they’re cute) and i don’t do drugs. No Zoloft for me fuck you very much. But i recognized within me when suicidal thoughts just start popping up in your head that it’s time to back away and deal with them first and foremost.

I will be back, i’m not shuttering the blog, and worst case scenario, the blog will always be up for the collective wisdom of the ages to accumulate.

On top of all that, my workload and responsibilities at work have increased, meaning that i have little if any time to do anything to the blog during that time, and with more focus on workouts and pet projects, i find myself with less time in front of the computer as well. Lastly, while i was in my funk, it would have been hypocritical for me to write anything to preach to you guys that i wasn’t able to practice myself.

I’ll be back to more regular posts, i promise. I’m just not sure exactly when. As i said, my first project is a video project for the blog with the new gear i bought to snap me out of my doldrums and put me on a productive path. I hope you all will enjoy it when i get it up.

In the meantime, stay frosty and thanks for all the written comments and supportive messages. They were appreciated. And a big high five to Anna who kept checking in to make sure i wasn’t planning any swan dives. Too cute :)

Sincerely,

M3

ps-and to that fuckwad shitface asshole cheeseeating surrendermonkey hateful imbecil person who emailed me regarding my incel post.. username ‘jim’.. don’t think i haven’t forgotten you. i’m going to be directly responding to you in that video like a tree-ent giving a curb stomp a troll like you deserves! :)

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Confessions of a Reformed InCel

November 17, 2012

[EDIT: with so much new traffic, i thought i’d give the Sphere some advertising. www.manosphere.com ]

 

[EDIT 2: For anyone new coming here from The Daily Dot, Reddit, Ask Men or anywhere else. Once you are finished reading this piece (due to the interest since the Elliot Rogers murders) and you get all your feathers ruffled about the ‘feelings’ section, please head over HERE for understanding the proper context lest you get your panties in a bunch. If you assume the language was written as intent rather than contextualizing what would be required to have women stripped of their natural biological advantage of being noticed solely for the fact they are female – then i can’t help you or you comprehension skills. peace the fuck out]

 

November 17, 2012. enough is enough. i warned y’all it might get depressing. here goes. don’t worry, it ends well. i think.

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In honor of my 10,000th view.. i’m going to publish what i consider the hardest post i’ve ever written. But it needs to be written, for i may be an extreme, i know i’m not alone. This isn’t written for the PUA or the Alpha or the Pussy Slayer™. This is written for you, the one without hope..  to know there is hope and you can get better.

Thanks for the hits guys! Snapshot taken 07/09/12 at 2:33 pm after 3 weeks on the interwebz.

[actually no.. i’ve crossed 50k. that’s how long i’ve been holding onto this draft, terrified of letting it go. but i saw a comment today that finally let me pull the trigger.]

It is so Very hard to hit that PUBLISH button.

Writing this post is a source of *shame* for me. It’s been sitting in my drafts for about 2 weeks [edit: 5+ months actually]

But at this point in my life having endured what i have, it does not trouble me putting it out in the sphere. I am sure i am not alone in this and that this post will actually help someone out there. Some of you may relate. Women hopefully may finally understand where my anger and cynicism stems from.

So i’ve decided to unleash it. [about time?]

Firstly, before you continue, please go read THIS POST. [Edit Apr.30,2014: Due to the explosion of traffic from AskMen, I have noticed this post is no longer available, so i will instead invite you to go read THIS POST instead ] No offense to the author, my past wasn’t her fault.. but it struck the usual nerve with me. You need to read posts like this to let the feeling of inequality fill you up.

Welcome back..

When i read it or stories like it, these are the THINGS I FEEL (and yes, i know ‘feelings’ are the domain of a woman)

  • When i hear a woman tell me that she’s gone through a dry spell and not had sex in over X weeks/ months.. i feel like putting my fist through her face.
  • When i hear a woman tell me that she feels ugly or unloved or unwanted because her partner hasn’t touched her in over 6 months, i feel like laughing loudly 3 inches from her face.
  • When i hear a woman tell me that she just picked up a random guy for a night of fun because she was lonely, i feel like i’m glad i don’t own a gun.
  • When i hear a woman tell me that i shouldn’t feel bad about having gone without for so long, after all it’s only just sex, i feel like disfiguring her face with a scalpel.

Nature’s cruel joke and cosmic irony in one. I as a man, biologically driven365 days a year to ejaculate and produce sperm as often as possible, and having the drive and desire to want it every waning moment, who is villified for this natural urge and made to feel ashamed of my sexuality, control it and subdue it to conform to the feminine imperative… have to listen to women, who in their solipsism cannot fathom the ordeal of what i’m about to write about, women who biologically ovulate and desire sex rather infrequently compared to men, talk about, no celebrate their sexuality, their urges and desires.. and lament their short dry spells as if the world were coming to an end. They can never understand what a power differential there is in these urges.

Women can say they love sex just as much as men. I would call BS. Until there is a glut of male prostitutes, male escorts, male rub n tugs for female patrons, a demand for male sex workers and strippers i’ll say nay. Unless they’re all having alpha sex on the side perhaps? Or will touching themselves to 50 shades suffice? At least mommy porn is culturally acceptable. Women DO NOT need sex like men do.. otherwise the sphere would not exist.

Anyways.. back to my pitiful former life.

I have no pictures of myself from a time period stretching from high school to my late 20’s, save for some randoms others might have taken of me. I have no memories or recollections of my time in high school. I have no stories of parties, girlfriends or wild flings. It’s a time period i wiped from my mind, much like PTSD. The only way i can recall it is if i sit down and think really hard about it. I rarely do because i don’t like feeling like shit for the hell of it.

I was that beta/omega/zeta. I let myself get LJBF‘ed on multiple occasions being that ‘nice guy’ that male hating cunt Amanda Marcotte despises. I  played by the rules as handed down to me by the feminine authorities on what women would look for and appreciate in a man. I was asked to believe what they said, not what they did. ‘Just be yourself‘ (your nice beta supplicating self) was the golden code.

So here it is… my Incel Hell.

This is where you will stay for the next 12 years. Enjoy your stay.

<deep breath>

Read the rest of this entry ?

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Feeling a little dead inside

October 15, 2012

Sorry for the lack of posts.. i haven’t been feeling myself lately. Got a couple in the draft pipe. Some you may like, some you may not. As much as i like to be a jackass and mock stupid female behavior, i never set out to simply march to a specific drum to please everyone, just my own.

My next releases will be a little darker, and branch off into areas that might provide a little contention. But hey, that’s what good vigorous debate is for. If i’m just preaching to the choir..

And not all of it will be debate issues, but reflections of personal experiences i’ve gone through in my past, some of it i still can’t shake. Things that shaped me, define me and quite possibly keep me from moving forward. Hopefully ill pull the trigger on that post shortly as it relates heavily to the quick post i’m going to discuss briefly right now.

I just came across the story of Amanda Todd, a young teenager in British Columbia who just took her life. For real. Not a stunt like some other cunt played for an internet audience, but a real suicide.

Maybe it’s my age, i dunno. Maybe i’ve got paternal instincts kicking in. I don’t ever want to have children of my own, but watching my best friends daughter grow up the last 5 years has made me very protective of her. It’s like she’s the daughter i’ll never have.

And right now i’m feeling an awful lot of differing emotions when watching this video.

I feel actual pain and sympathy for this girl. I can relate heavily to being bullied. I was tormented for years in school. Pushed around. Picked on. Shoved up against lockers. The school joke. The have-it-all kids picking on the have-not. The cool girls laughing at me. The ugly girls rejecting me. The weight of the world coming down on me. Had i access to a firearm, i wouldn’t be writing this.

It pains me to say that i’m here not because i found some ray of hope to bring me back from the edge, i simply endured long enough for maturity to overtake stupidity and the slow progression of time to change circumstances. The only reason that happened is because i was too chicken to find a way to go through with it.

My life is now 180 from what highschool was, but some of those wounds don’t really close, they just stay buried. But i can relate to what this girl went through.

And i hate the reason why she went through it and paid the price for it and the reaction of the bullies as well.

I hate the reason. That she didn’t have great grandparents, and grandparents and parents who would teach her about boys, sexuality, hypergamy, and the nature of teenage hormones and brain chemistry confusing lust for love.

I hate that feminism has destroyed the family, taught young girls to explore their sexuality without consequence and trained a generation of self shooters to show the world their most private and intimate self being for the world to see without thought to consequence. In a digital age this can be catastrophic.

I hate that one stupid mistake set forth a chain of events from a pedophile blackmailing her with a picture, to a group of punks tormenting her at school forcing her to relocate numerous times, to no one teaching her about her hypergamy and following today’s “hookup” culture into having sex with a boy she liked thinking it was the way to procure a relationship, which only led the wonderful alpha to use her for sex and drop her and continue the cycle of torment even further when his main girlfriend in his harem decided to wail away on her instead of him.

And i hate that she felt totally alone, full well knowing now in the redpill world i live in, she would be the one to have ignored me and quite possibly been the one picking on me with her alpha boyfriend had thing worked out. I honestly know she was not alone, i know in my redpill wisdom that she chose to ignore everyone who could have treated her well and instead die in the fires of  Alpha rejection. She only felt alone because she didn’t fit into the crowd she wanted to be a part of.  It sort of angers me to know that were i the same person i was at her age, willing to give her a hand, comfort, solace and support from her tormentors.. to show her she wasn’t alone.. it wouldn’t count, because back then i was a loser.

And i hate the fact that reading over comments on her memorial pages i can see the bullies writing over her grave, calling her a slut who deserved it, shouldn’t have flashed her tits, etc.. and i recognize the language of the manosphere and i wonder, is this where i’m headed? Is this where the manosphere goes? She was a fucking kid who made a few mistakes in every sense of the word, but a kid who was brought into a feminist utopia where rules of past, of being prim and propriety were cast into the sea, where the old rules of courtship were jettisoned for quick hookups.

And i will get pissed off when feminism tries to do what it always does, and will put the blame of this onto the boys, legislating them for their wicked male ways. While i would completely agree with fully prosecuting the stalking piece of shit pedophile who got her to flash and then blackmailed her.. i cannot help but think if parents taught their girls to be more like ladies of old, and treating their sexuality with reverence like the gatekeepers of yesterday, this wouldn’t be an issue. There would not have been a photo, nor blackmail. There would be no crying over the alpha, because he would not have waited around while she sought out his quality, and the longer it would take, she would find out about his actual girlfriend. And she would still be alive today. Were the boys mean? Yeah. But just as girls do stupid things when they’re young, so do boys. And criminalizing their natural behavior while telling women that their natural hypergamous behavior is ok and valid reeks of typical feminist claptrap and ‘double standards’ that they would love to enjoy. Let’s not forget the girlfriend who had no problem with her cheating boyfriend, only the girl he cheated with.

I don’t know what i’m feeling anymore watching this. Anger, hurt, sorrow, rage, empathy, disgust, validation..

She was just 15 years old. My friends daughter will be there in 10 years.

I hope that with my knowledge, i can instill in her a self respect that goes beyond simply wanting to please the boys requests at a whim, to gatekeep properly and look for the quality traits in a man, not the superficial and outdated gina tingle triggers without substance behind them. She’ll need to understand her own hypergamy.

My feelings are all over the map, as i suspect this post also is. Oh well. I think ill end it here.

I’m sorry she found the courage to do what she couldn’t find the courage to do. Endure.

RIP Amanda.

Of course as always, you are free to disagree with me or put up counterpoints, i’d be willing and glad to hear them. I always like hearing your take on it. Your insights are valuable to the discussion.

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If i had a personal request from the sphere, it would be for all the female bloggers to come up with a book for teenage girls to understand their own nature and where it will lead them astray. It seems most mothers/fathers have serious dereliction of duty issues out there. In the old days, parents were involved in every aspect of their childrens lives, including who they crushed on or were dating, meeting them and vetting them and teaching and warning their children about the perils and pitfalls of ‘young love’. This isn’t the case any more it seems. Feminism told them to get out of the way and let them explore for themselves. Back in the old days, we gave rules, guidance and guidelines and thrust the young into a world of responsibility early with the proper tools. Today, we leave them immature and freely let them run out amongst the puddles of gasoline with lit sparklers. This has to change.

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This post will also make a good segue into my next one regarding maturity, age of consent and charges of misandry a good friend of mine has had to face over on her site. My next post intends to give my own personal take.

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She’s not dead after all. What a shame.

July 31, 2012

Best of luck to you Femitheist you drama mama.

When you do die for real.. not one fuck shall be given or tear shed. You cried wolf. Now i’ll sit back and watch you get devoured when there are actually wolves.

Do yourself a favor.. get lobotomized. Until then, go fuck yourself and your twisted thoughts.

As Stephen Colbert would say (and by virtue of you virtual demise) you are Dead to Me.

Feel free to share this new meme.

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A quick thought on Krista Jane Heflin

July 26, 2012

I didn’t know her. I found her blog about 2 months ago (before i started bloggin) and spent a grand total of 1 hour on her site with my mouth agape reading what i thought was either the ramblings of a complete idiot and mentally deranged person (any RadFem fits this profile) OR reading what must have been OBVIOUS SATIRE of feminism to show just where it’s ultimate endgame of female supremacy goes.

I didn’t believe a human being could actually write that kind of shit, so obviously it must have been a parody.. and that’s what i always thought.

Until today. Matt Forney launched into a devastating screed on her today wishing her a happy stay in hell. This was where i first learned of her apparent suicide. A Voice for Men has also put up a story regarding her apparent suicide. For now i’m going to treat this as true, although i have a nagging feeling that there is not enough linkage to a real source to verify this is the case and would hate to see this turn into the biggest pity party stunt ever devised. At that point i really would wish her dead.

So for now this online obituary will have to suffice.

As i said.. before started blogging and had a wordpress account, i wanted to leave comments on her site telling her what a great job she was doing in the comedy business, but couldn’t be bothered to create an account so i didn’t.

But from everything i read, i knew it was 50/50 that either she meant every word of it and was a psychotic mentally ill and unstable female Satan incarnate or a clever girl. It appears to be the former.

I’m not one to piss or dance on someone’s grave, no matter how mad they made me. Her psychosis and mental issues are obviously instrumental to her raves and rants. You can blame a sane person for doing something stupid but you can’t blame a crazy person for being crazy. Yes you must still hold them accountable, just like the Batman Cinema shooter. But there’s no point in asking for the reasons why. Why doesn’t matter. There was no reason. Crazy is crazy. His shooting rampage was crazy, her written words were crazy.

In the end if she is dead, i hope she finds what she was looking for on the other side. If her “final” post is any indication, at least she understood that the problems of her life existed within her alone and that no one else was to blame for them. I feel pity for her, and i take this final farewell column as a refutation of all the RadFem garbage she wrote about.

Refuting her past and radical feminist ideology is the only way forward towards redemption.

RIP Krista.. NOT!

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UPDATE: yup, hoax. Little attention whore faked her suicide, and had help from willing accomplices or dupes. She’s beyond batshit crazy. I won’t shed one tear no matter what manner of death she succumbs to. She’s dead to me.

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