ConfidenceMay 6, 2013
This post is coming out of drafts, i started writing this just before Christmas holidays last year, and Rollo’s post here about having a Plan for what to do AFTER having secured initial interest reminded me about it so it’s a good starting point. Without further adoo.
Many years ago I had a conversation with the woman who had me in the friendzone.
The conversation led to what women really wanted because obviously what i had offered up until then was not enough. I had heard ‘you’re such great guy‘ too often without any results. Being friendzoned by her was proof positive.
You see feminism taught me how to be tolerant and respectful towards women but it did not teach me that these traits were devoid of attraction. Being nice and showing all your positive traits in the hopes it will be recognized by the very women claiming to be looking for those traits, which is now vilified by femcunts like Marcotte was how I (we) was(were) brought up assuming we would get women to want to have relationships with us. We were told women WANTED to be with men who don’t disrespect them, make them feel like crap, treat them like assholes. We are still told this to this very day. Guess who loses in the short term mating market?
It taught us that treating women as equals and human being was enough.
Now don’t get me wrong.. i get that there is a huge divide between being an asshole and simply being sure of yourself and confident. One takes a little time to become, through experience, patience and time. One is the shortcut way of attracting the emotionally broken and self esteem cripples of the world, women who can only be validated by thugs or have a rescue complex the size of NML Cygni. Problem is, many women don’t give guys a chance to develop the former, so they choose the path of least resistance and join the latter, mainly out of spite or sheer frustration.
If there’s anyone out there who knows exactly what i’m speaking about, it’s Deti and i invite him to repost most of his remarks below. He makes a shit ton of very good comments over at HUS on thread discussing hypergamy. Deti *groks* what most people don’t seem to understand.
You’re just not grokking what men of our generation were taught. Our own mothers either didn’t get it or, more likely, simply lied to us. Frankly I think it was that our own mothers didn’t want to admit the truth to themselves that they did the exact same things they saw the girls doing and that they themselves made some mistakes they regretted.
My mother didn’t lie to me, she just didn’t know any better. Or maybe she wanted me to avoid making the same mistake. After all, my dad was a boxer.. and looking at old pics of my mom, she was a looker in her day so she had SMV to spare. Who knows.. maybe she did lie. I just think becoming a mom destroys any sense of rationality women have and they need to justify to themselves that whatever naughty bad behaviors they did aren’t worth detailing because they want their kids to act, behave and be better than them and live in their ‘idealized’ world. It’s a theory. A shitty one but well, there it is.
So now you have this kid who’s grown up believing in irrational fairy tales of what girls who are made of sugar and spice want and should be like and what they should actually like.. and now dump a whole shit ton of feminist slut hookup culture into the mix. It’s like baking a cake. A diarrhea cake.
If you want to see just how far feminism fucked me over, go reread this post here. It so drilled into my head on how to be so respectful and subservient towards women, to always tiptoe around them and to NEVER be aggressive or sexually honest around them (Game allowed me to break this self perpetuating cycle of catastrophe ). So much so that i am pretty much now incapable of maintaining sexual arousal when a woman asks me to get ‘rough’ with her. It turns me off and makes me go limp. (Thankfully not an issue as my current paramour loves steamy, sensual and enthusiastically passionate sex, not Gorillas in the Mist sex any caveman can do. Monkey sex is not my forte, and i’m fucking proud of that fact)
Now, me and Deti may very well be a generation removed from what’s going on today, but my guess is that with an SMP that appears to be even more fucked up than ever before, the lessons of the past repeat themselves. But now I’m off track.. so back to the convo with my friend.
I asked her what with all my ‘great’ qualities why I was striking out? She said that I just needed to be more confident. I asked her how? She said ‘You just do. Confidence comes from within.’ I immediately balked an told her that wasn’t true. Confidence is not innate, its earned. She argued incessantly that it was something you could mystically conjure up from thin air, like listening to Tony Robbins speeches. This is female privilege, specifically the beauty privilege. When a beautiful woman tells you this, it’s because she doesn’t know what 50 rejections in a row feels like. Not a fucking clue.
Looking back I can see why she thought like that. She was young hot cute (hence my attraction to her and subsequent years of living in her LJBF orbiting nightmare), never turned down, always able to get a guy. Its easy to be confident when you were born with a silver spoon in you mouth. I wish I could go back in time and have this talk with her now what with me having OD’d on crimson liqui-gel tablets.
It appears most all women want a finished man. A ReadyMadeMan™. (just add water) They don’t want you while your building confidence or lift a finger to help you.. only once you have it. Well it’s nice that everyone wants to drive a Bugatti Veyron EB 16.4 instead of a Ford Pinto, but if you don’t take the time to teach people all about math, science, engineering, physics, aerodynamics.. you know, things needed to bring a million dollar sports car to life, then what you end up with is a road full of these.
This doesn’t seem to follow in reverse. MOST men i know are willing to allow many of their women to not have ‘perfect’ bodies. If we use the old “game is for men what looks are for women” analogy, we can see that men aren’t fucking unreasonable with a woman having a little weight on her (i’m more shallow than most, but then again, i want a female body to match my own). Would we like you to be super fit young and tight? Hell yea. But we make for allowances because we know you can’t spend 3 hours a day in the gym and have other life shit to deal with. We get that. We go into dating with realistic expectations (well, most of us). All you really need is to be good enough looking and in a certain shape to get our dicks to rise.. boom. You’re datable. Just be smart enough not to put a jelly sandwich in the dvd player, don’t act like a man and avoid the urge to splurge on Multipenis™ (trademark owned by Abbott on HUS). Boom. You’re commitment worthy. Easy peasy.
But us men? We need to be able to turn on our instant douchebag awesomeness game spitting alpha level to a power level over 9000 cranking the mutherfucking dial to 11 and never stop the wild ride just to get noticed. (That’s a fist full of memes.) But of course, there are those greedy bitches that want their men to have perfect game AND look like Brad Pitt or some supernatural fucktard who sparkles in the sun too and make the money of an oil magnate to take you jetsetting on (and to take half of later when they’re tired of you but want to keep your offspring). It’s all about entertaining a woman by taking her for a journey in her mind.. followed by multiple expensive travel journeys to exotic locales as well…
As usual, i’m getting off track. It happens.
Back in the day (like 10,000 BC or Little House on the Prairie) women usually always gave men a chance. It was polite and common courtesy for a woman to accept a mans formal declaration of interest (which usually was directed towards her father first so daddy could judge if he was a player or honest man.. and instill fear like only a shotgun on the front porch could do). Even if she had no initial interest in the man, she may have been ignorant to a vast array of great qualities lying just beneath the surface that he either already had, or she could coax out of him with a little feminine persuasion and nurturing. No nuclear rejections, and taking a little time to see into a mans soul rather than make a snap decision. This gave men time to build up confidence by allowing them to interact with patient women. This is where the phrase ‘behind every great man stands a great woman’ came from. And even if everything went badly from a dating perspective, she would part from him graciously thanking him for his time, courtesy and provisions. And he would thank her for her time, allowance and graciousness towards him and be able to walk away with a little more knowledge and no expectation of ‘just being friends’.
But the benefits if it worked were immense. Most relationships were permanent. But others, if they did not work, lasted long enough for men to pick up on how to interact with women without being awkward or shy. In effect, women were building the men up because everyone had a fair shot and got to learn along the way. And the women reaped the rewards. Sure they may have had to endure some really green men, but so did all women at one point, thus when they did find an accomplished man, chances are another woman prepped him and she was rewarded off another woman’s sacrifice (if you want to call it that). So if a relationship didn’t work out, the next one they ended up in had a very good chance of success due to what was learned prior. The chance of ending up in a relationship was better because they had been given ample time to become ‘un-awkward’.
Today we have more socially awkward men than ever before. Because women hold an unequal and unfair advantage in terms of both attraction and being able to pick up where left off after kicking someone to the curb. Most women couldn’t fucking tell you what outcome dependence or abundance mentality are. Today only the alpha thrives. Today’s awkward men are awkward because none are ever given a chance to develop in an environment around women, and left to ramp up their awkward in solitude. Today men get rejected for the most trivial reasons and its hard to build up confidence when you lose more than you win. Only the most hardened and heartless can get through it with the will to keep going, but usually with the result of treating women like prey rather than people, like cows led to slaughter.
Those without the stomach for it will find safety among their own kind, and have more fun playing World of Warcraft rather and support each other rather than deal with crushing criticisms and brutal denials from women they are attracted to in the SMP because they stutter trying to think of something funny to say on command like a court jester trying to stave off his own execution if the King no longer finds him funny.
Confidence is cumulative. You need to do it over and over again with success. Fake it till you make it is the creedo around these parts of the web. I had an argument with some people at work about confidence. They said you can have it even if you don’t succeed. You proceeding with confidence is all that matters, regardless of the outcome. I called that absurd. What every woman who says men should just be confident fails to realize is that if they’re rejecting men left, right and center then they are part if the problem. Expecting confidence to simply spring up from the ground or thin air is absurd. Here’s why.
I was great in math when i was in high school I scored a 92% in grade 12 basic math. Because i wanted to get an OAC, i was required to take grade 12 advanced math. I ended up with a 64%. You know what fucked me up? Logarithms. Try as i might, and as good as i was at all other forms of math, these fucking equations pwnd my ass. Same went for Functions.
To this day i will tell you with absolute certainty… I AM NOT CONFIDENT IN MY ABILITY TO SOLVE FOR F! Put an equation in front of me and i’m toast. You can’t just ‘will’ confidence out of thin air.
If I gave you a pistol and told you to score 10 centre shots at 100 yards, and you never held a gun in your life, how confident would you be in making a perfect score compared to the marksman who trains for years. Now, what if i told you that:
- You only have 1 chance to train each day, and each time you show up and start shooting, you have to hit the bullseye.
- If you miss the target, you’re session is done and you leave and can’t come back until tomorrow
- Oh, and these sessions cost $5 a day.
- So on your first day you show up, pay the five, step up, unload a round.. boom. You miss the target. Ok, you’re done, leave the premises. Sure, you got 10 rounds left in the clip and one in the chamber.. but your day is done.
- Go home.
How many times are you willing to repeat this process? If after 3 months and almost $300 later you were still only able to make about 5 out of 467 targets in a row (because the targets start to move, shift and never in the same place the next day)… how confident would you be that you could get through the entire course without instruction, tips, or practice time?
In fact, this point was driven home to me a by random chance of a conversation i had with my female work colleague today[edit:Dec,12.2012 was the day]. A few days earlier we had a conversation regarding confidence and i used the gun analogy on her and another co-worker Both gave the implausible response that they would be confident heading into it that they could master it (apparently excluding the conditions i set forth) and were unwilling to agree with my assessment. Fast forward to today, and me and female co-worker are talking about driving horror stories she had learning how to drive and how she’s terrified of driving on highways. She told me she’s the type that learns better by reading but sucks at application. (ie. she knows the rules of the road, but driving is intimidating in real life). It was the perfect opening for me to shoot her my patented shit eating smirk and say ‘Why don’t you just drive with *confidence* eh’ … she immediately got it, laughed and said ‘Well played.’
Game. Set. Match.
Men are going to learn about confidence one way or the other eventually. They’ll either develop it naturally due to being gifted with it, will have the support of good women around them to help nurture it, or discover Game on the internet, either by accident or because they were looking for answers to their problems. As a woman, which part of the equation do you want to be? The one who helped build good men up, or soured them to run into the arms of PUA schools to pump and dump your ass down the road?
Point is, if men are chasers and women are choosers, it follows that if women want more confident men, they need to be giving men a chance to build it up. And every time you reject a guy for his shoes, the shape of his nose, something minor he says, the way he chews.. or you just enjoy crushing men on first dates because you hate boys and throw rocks at them.. you’re the problem. Every time you make a snarl face or nuclear rejection, you’re part of the problem.
If you don’t think so.. I’d gladly tell yo to jump out of plane.
Without an instructor or any training.
But don’t worry.
You’ll be fine.
All you need is confidence.