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But that was HER song…

January 24, 2013

Quick story from my past. The year is 2001. I’m in two concurrent friendzones, the two that would define my adolescence. Let’s call the first one J and the second one S. Well, in 2001 S was in a relationship, but J had just suddenly become single.

Being the beta that i was, and stupidly trying to win her heart by showing love, caring, support, emotional availability, time, etc instead of commiting myself to working on myself and making her want to ‘earn’ my love and qualify to me.. well you can see how this song sort of became my anthem for the first half of the new decade. It helped delude me even further that it was MY job as a man to prove my love to her through actions. I embraced this song.

I introduced J to this song, and the album (as i had become familiar with Napster at the time) and began to download tons of songs for her because that’s what NiceGuys like me did. This song became associated with her and I. Everyone with half a functioning brain cell could see the pain and frustration of my situation oozing out of me.

Even her.

Eventually, years later, on the eve of my engagement to S (whom i eventually broke the friend zone successfully with) J would admit she knew. Not enumerated, just her saying that she was sorry for what she did to me, thus acknowledging she knew she was pulling my heart strings six ways from Sunday.

Since i was getting engaged to my beloved, there was no anger upon hearing that admission. More closure than anything else.

Fast forward a few months and me and S are now purchasing dancing lessons for ‘the big day’ since i couldn’t dance to save my life. Our dance instructor was teaching us the four basic dance types and tempos to each. She said we would have to settle on 2 quickly and choose up to 4 songs to practice with until we finally knew which we would go with. So we had to start brainstorming.

First we thought about the group that unintentionally became a symbol of the trauma we were both enduring just before getting together. Three Days Grace and their album OneX and specifically the song Over and Over, symbolizing how often we spun in circles before we finally found each other as soul-mates (feel free to puke, remember, i was still total blue pill despite having Alpha’s up in other areas)

But none of those songs felt like something that should be played at a wedding celebration. So i figured why not use a song whose lyrics symbolize everything i’m feeling about her right now. I generously offer up the song “Hanging by a Moment” by Lifehouse thinking i just hit the jackpot. To be sure, i was caught a bit off guard by the reaction.

OH FUCKING HELL NO!

I iz perplexed…

But why honey?

That was J’s song. I remember you were playing that constantly around her. I remember how you always talked to me about her (imagine.. me asking another woman for advise.. and getting nowhere might i add). That was your song for her when you loved her. No way that song is going to be used for a celebration of ***OUR*** love!

We eventually settled on Nickleback.. and that may have been what actually doomed us, but i digress.

I want you to understand this very clearly. That song about true pure love… was no longer special enough to my wife because i had shared it with and connected it to my feelings for another woman.

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Can anyone tell me the true relevance of this story and why i brought it up?  Scroll way down for my answer..

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Imagine if we were talking about the penis’s she shared her vagina with.

Every man you let in takes you closer to being a song we don’t want to hear.

We want to feel special and that song to be about your connection to us, not RockabillyDrummerSixpack.

32 comments

  1. So, you’re saying you think everyone should be a virgin if they plan on getting married someday in the future? It’s a nice sentiment for those who want that in their life…but I’m not sure how realistic it is nowadays.

    Personally, I’ve not given much thought to that sort of arrangement, lol.


  2. Interesting. It made me think of a band from your neck of the woods, RUSH. I can’t find any of their songs that are lovey dovey. You know them, check it out. Neil Peart.


  3. Well stated. Every dick adds five pounds. Our song:


  4. Vicomte,

    I saw them open for Depeche Mode on the ‘Playing the Angel’ tour.

    Amazing bands; amazing show.


  5. I’m not usually a fan of concerts, but I’d hit up a SWR show in the proverbial heartbeat.

    As long as they don’t play too much from Valley Heart.


  6. Yes Anna, if you want to get married, be a virgin. Else, just fuck every man you see and never settle down as you’re just a waste anyway. Toodles


  7. Hmm, nah, there is a big grey area between virgin and fucking every man you see and never settling down. Some men might think this is unfair, and even low N non-virgin doesn’t deserve to get married to a nice man, but it happens all the time. Life is not supposed to be fair.


  8. Yep, sure, keep on keeping on.


  9. Am I the only one who doesn’t get this analogy? That proposal ring / song analogy. If a guy proposed to other women, but got rejected, I wouldn’t feel bad accepting that ring from him. On the other hand, if he kept proposing and dumping them, THAT would be pretty bad.

    A little anecdote… My boyfriend was in love with a girl for years, before meeting me. There was no one else to become attached to, so he kept her picture in a frame. When I visited him for the first time, it was still there (we were not in a relationship). Then, after my visit, he quickly replaced it with my picture, in the same frame (and we started a relationship). It didn’t make me feel bad, it seemed like the natural progression of things, even if a little fast. Maybe a song is a different matter, but the impression I got from both you and him is “It was her song/frame, now it’s yours!”.


  10. @Feminist Hater

    Yeah…I’ll do neither one of those.

    I’m not getting married, and won’t be getting my virginity back anytime soon, so that option is off the table.
    Having sex with every man I see, while sure to be an interesting experience, is rather revolting to me.
    I think I’ll just keep having sex with my lover, who is the only partner I’ve had yet in the 7 years I have been sexually active.
    I agree with Emma. There is a HUGE difference between being a virgin and being a slut…and I don’t like either extreme.


  11. “We eventually settled on Nickleback.. and that may have been what actually doomed us, but i digress.”

    Hahahaha. You may be right.

    How did you beat the friendzone with S?


  12. I’m surprised you didn’t go with http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5ZsR382Cwk probably the best Canadian song for a wedding lol


  13. The analogy is a wee bit strained, but basically M3 is pointing out a fundamental hypocrisy. Many women freak at the slightest reference to previous women because it makes them feel un-special. The proposed use of a song that was played for a previous flame is a fine example of this. Women decide to feel threatened by random and sometimes ridiculous references to previous women in their man’s lives.

    Meanwhile…

    Those same women likely refuse to be honest about the number of men they’ve had sex with. Worse, they try to placate their lover/husband by pretending those previous men meant nothing and they should not feel threatened/inadequate about it.

    I shall try to construct a better analogy.

    Lets suppose you have a guarded gate with fences and tripwires and alarms and all manner of armed humans and electronic security blocking a path. The purpose of all this security is to keep what is on the other side special to all but a few people in life. Now, only one person is allowed past security at a time to what lies beyond the gate. However, over the lifetime of the gate 25 men are allowed beyond the guard shack to the party beyond. Some of them just for a one-night pass, some of them for passes lasting months or years, but all of them left their mark on what lies beyond.

    One day the 26th man is given semi-permanent access to what lies beyond the gate. Things are going well, and it appears that the semi-permanent is going to become actual permanent access. However, just before this happens, the landowner of the gate becomes incensed that the 26th man once visited the outside of another locked gate.

    Now certainly, we can all agree that the gate owner has every right to refuse anyone access. But I think we can also agree that the gate owner is a f-ing lunatic for feeling insecure now. She should have her sanity called into question for having such lax security before while being so intolerant of the extra experience had by the person she vetted to allow past the gate permanently.


  14. @ Jeremey @ All

    Jeremey got it exactly. Yes it may have been strained but the fundamentals of the gatekeeping sex/gatekeeping commitment angle where there. Much as the analogy of proposing to a woman with an engagement ring you bought for the last woman you proposed to. You wouldn’t feel special knowing a man is offering you commitment with a ring that isn’t in the style you like or size of your finger because it was designed for someone else.

    And these are minor things. A song. I shiny piece of coal.

    They’re not a human being.

    Yet to share the former is unacceptable. But the latter being shared 43 times ala Stacy from Texas? Well now, that’s just your insecurity talking ain’t it.

    Yeah.. in today’s day and age.. the chances of finding a virgin are like finding a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. Just because the society i wish we were that valued virginity and traditional values ain’t going to happen doesn’t mean i have to smile about reality. After all, i AM enjoying the decline if you haven’t noticed.


  15. @ 3MM

    “How did you beat the friendzone with S?”

    Long story. I might make a post about how i broke the zone with S and married her and another post about how i broke the zone with J, almost became full-on FWB and the fallout of that one.

    I should also write about T, J’s prior bf before she dumped him and started messing around with me(he was the VP on the way out in my ZoneBuddy Inc post). Why? Because he’s back together with her. This guy has looks, charisma, a perfect smile, Aussie accent, great job, martial arts.. on every level, this guy puts me to shame. He’s Alpha (on paper) through and through.

    And he sank it all to get back together with a woman 2 yrs older than him who while she looks great, is deft. hitting the wall now. and has a disdain for men in general, daddy’s issues, smokes and has very little in common with him or his interests.

    If that’s not Beta.. i don’t know what it.


  16. @ ARoss

    hehehe.. while it was probably the greatest decade ever.. the 80′s should be left in the 80′s.


  17. From this date forward, I will only use songs by David Lee Roth to attach to how I feel about women ..

    “Just a gigolo”
    “Jamie’s Crying”
    “Aint talkin bout love!”


  18. Allow me to construct an even better analogy:

    Suppose there is a castle. The castle is home to the royal family of the land: a kind, benevolent, just king; his graceful and loving queen; a brave and conscientious prince; and a beautiful and virtuous princess. Within this castle they rule their land to the very best of their ability, and are beloved by the people for the prosperous and peaceful kingdom they provide.

    Also within the castle lies the treasury of the realm, always in surplus. The crown jewels rest just so in their gallery, handed down from lauded father to lauded son for hundreds of years. The great library holds the collected knowledge and wisdom of generations of fine and perspicacious scholars. An elegant theater gives voice to the widely-famed minstrels of the land, their songs and poems without equal in anything before sung by man or nature.

    The castle is guarded vigilantly by the king’s finest men, trained from youth to excel in all manner of weapons and tactics. Their horses pure bred from the only the fastest, strongest, and most noble of their kind. The keep’s walls are thickly constructed from the hardiest materials by the most skilled masons of the land, and have stood for a thousand years, and will surely stand for a thousand more, and again.

    A great green hill holds the castle high above its adored nation, as the good people raise their adored children to the sun each morning, blissful in their fortunes and families.

    Also, your girl used to take it up the ass by the local small-time drug dealer and all his friends.

    The End.


  19. This song reminds me of what to do in marriage.


  20. LOL the 80′s should live on in infinity. in fact your incel post reminds me of this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DETUV4tCHMc


  21. Pop Punk goes red pill…
    My favorite line of this song “So take my advice, she’s no trophy wife, she’s just a girl with nothing left to lose”


  22. What happened to the reply buttons for each individual post? Is it just me?

    I’ve said this before, but MOST women aren’t hooking up just to have sex. They may say they are because they think that makes it sound like they are liberated. They truly believe when they have sex they are on the road to a romantic relationship, and they have bonded with the guy(s).

    Women don’t understand why “it” didn’t work out when they never hear from a guy again, or don’t understand why a certain guy only has sex with them. I know this because I get this question a lot from women: “Why do men only want to have sex with me?” My answer: “Because you let them.”

    Women don’t understand that when it comes to men and casual sex, there rarely is any potential for a relationship. The fact she is having sex so casually turns a man off to a meaningful relationship with her.


  23. @ Carolina

    Well said as always classy lady!

    As to the reply button, i removed nesting because people were grumbling. From now on it’s best to just use the @ sign and the persons name when responding, or link to the comment directly.


  24. People were grumbling? Why? Geez.


  25. Lol at being doomed by Nickleback.


  26. One of the very first moves to escape betadom for good is to avoid love songs. That´s over 90% of music. Why can´t musicians come up with interesting lyrics? Who wants to listen to another love song?
    One of the reasons I like progressive rock is that they kept mostly away from sentimental lyrics.


  27. Progressive Rock: early Genesis (Foxtrot Lp); King Crimson; Rush, etc.


  28. As 3rd Millennium man asked: How did you break the friendzone? Sounds kind of hard with that beta mentality you had.

    To Emma The Emmo: “If a guy proposed to other women, but got rejected, I wouldn’t feel bad accepting that ring from him.” + “Maybe a song is a different matter, but the impression I got from both you and him is “It was her song/frame, now it’s yours!” … and that’s why you are here reading about red pill things. M3′s former girl never will see the need for red pill through her lovey-dovey rose colored glasses.

    The problem as you stated was going to other women to try to fix your issue with J and telling other women about what you shared with J. But hey, we all have been there!


  29. I forgot to add: my last ex keeps every single gift from every single guy who had a crush on her and whom she misled and made them feel special. I guess those presents have since long lost the connection, after all, she lost the connection first.


  30. a perfect example of how women are incapable of appreciating art on the same level as men.

    for a man, a song can speak to him on an ethereal level in the same way it could speak to the whole human race. for a woman, the song is all about “meee meee meeeeeee where were you why aren’t you with me, cuz I need you to notice me me me me meeeeeeee”


  31. Sometimes this is true. Just as it is human nature to see meaningful shapes in clouds or faces in mountainsides, so too do we often equate a song to our lives and predicaments.

    However, I’ve listened to many songs that have made me truly think about issues that don’t affect me…or have made me turn into a better person. Others just make me feel really good, and in tune with others as a human being living in a modern civilization.

    Yet more have given me goosebumps, forced a laugh out of me, or moved me to tears. (Some of these instances may have been stronger than normal reactions due to my ASMR and synesthesia, though.)


  32. [...] ton of weight and is on her way to looking stunning again. Let’s call her “E”. In a previous post i mentioned my almost FWB who went by the label of “J” and my exwife “S”. [...]



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